Mommy, that man made me feel dirty...

Discussion in 'General Fitness' started by np426z, Sep 23, 2004.

  1. np426z

    np426z Guest

    "Which man, child?"

    "That man who makes Nike shoes, mummy"

    "And what did he do to you, child?"

    "Well, mommy, I went to the running store yesterday to buy some new
    lightweight running shoes. I'm finding them surprisingly good at keeping
    my ITB problems at bay, PLUS they make my feet feel so light all the girlies
    faint as I go speeding by."

    "That's nice, son, but try to remember the idea is to *catch* girlies, not
    run past them with a moronic grin on your face."

    "OK, mommy, I'll try my best. But what do I do with one when I've caught
    one, mommy?"

    "Now don't you worry your pretty little head about that, son. Uncle Wobbot
    is being released from his 'holiday home ' next week. I'm sure he'll get
    you up to speed on how to treat girlies and the like. Anyway, why do new
    running shoes make you feel dirty?"

    "Y'see Uncle Wobbot - and some of his friends - have always said that the
    man who made Nikes was a bad, bad, man. He does unspeakable things to your
    feet, your ankles, your knees, your thighs.......you see where I'm going
    with this, don't you, mommy?"

    "Yes son, I get the picture. This Mr Nike sounds a dreadful fellow."

    "Indeed he is, mommy, indeed he is. Which is why I feel dirty."

    "Oh no, son, you've not..."

    "I'm afraid I have mommy. I let myself be seduced by the fit, comfort and
    minimal yet appropriate support provided by the Nike Pegasus TC's. I even
    went a quick seven-miler in the Jezebels, and found a level of running
    ecstasy I find hard to describe."

    "Ecstasy??? Ecstasy??? Wash your mouth out, you filthy little child!"

    *SLAP!*

    "That Mr Nike has corrupted your young mind already!"

    *SLAP!* *SLAP!*

    "Stop it mummy, you're hurting"

    "I'll do more that hurt you, you young deviant, I'll leave you in a dark
    room with Uncle Wobbot for half an hour if you don't bin those shoes
    immediately."

    "But, mommy, they seem *sooooo* nice. Can't I keep them for a few weeks?
    Maybe Uncle Wobbot is right, and my legs - and other places - will start to
    suffer. Wouldn't that be the best way to teach me the error of my ways?"

    "I suppose so, son. I've only got your best interests a heart. I don't
    want to see you going down that painful ITB route again this winter.
    Still, if you think these are the answer I'm willing to let you try."

    "Oh, mummy, you're the bestest, bestest, mommy in the whole wide world!"

    "I know, son."

    "I know you know, mommy."

    They embrace...
     
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  2. Tim Downie

    Tim Downie Guest

    "np426z" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    > "Which man, child?"


    <snip>

    Truly nauseating. Still, now that you've 'fessed up I feel I can admit that
    I too was a n*ke wearer. ;-) Got me up to and through my first marathon.
    Nice comfy shoe.

    Tim
     
  3. Barf Bag

    Barf Bag Guest

    >"That man who makes Nike shoes, mummy"
    >


    Give it a few weeks, and then maybe I'll allow you to apologize while you are
    recuperating from your injuries.
     
  4. Barf Bag

    Barf Bag Guest

    >Nice comfy shoe.

    Until you got injured, right Tim?
     
  5. On 2004-09-23, np426z <[email protected]> wrote:
    > "Which man, child?"
    >
    > "That man who makes Nike shoes, mummy"


    Wobbot, I tried to keep him from the dark side, and point him towards
    the light waves, so that he would become a "wave rider", a Mizuno man --
    a breed who needn't chase the girlies, as he is invariably chased by
    them, and needn't work out what to do when he catches them, but merely
    slow down until the right one catches him.

    I saw him, the Nike man, standing on the street corner peddling his
    wares, a disreputable and despicable man. And he said to Rog,
    "hey little boy, come 'ere". And the two of them disappeared into a dark
    alleyway, and 5 minutes later, Roger came out with a new pair of shoes,
    wearing an idiot grin, and before long, he was happily speeding past the
    girlies.

    Cheers,
    --
    Donovan Rebbechi
    http://pegasus.rutgers.edu/~elflord/
     
  6. Folks, this is what they call in the substance abuse rehab industry, a
    cry for help.
     
  7. Etherized

    Etherized Guest

    << They embrace... >>

    see a shrink. oh, nevermind.

    _______
    Blog, or dog? Who knows. But if you see my lost pup, please ping me!
    <A
    HREF="http://journals.aol.com/virginiaz/DreamingofLeonardo">http://journal
    s.aol.com/virginiaz/DreamingofLeonardo</A>
     
  8. Etherized

    Etherized Guest

    body board, or that new Hawaian sleek thing that my x surfer boy rides?
    _______
    Blog, or dog? Who knows. But if you see my lost pup, please ping me!
    <A
    HREF="http://journals.aol.com/virginiaz/DreamingofLeonardo">http://journal
    s.aol.com/virginiaz/DreamingofLeonardo</A>
     
  9. Etherized

    Etherized Guest

    I fly in Nimbae, just like Harry.
    _______
    Blog, or dog? Who knows. But if you see my lost pup, please ping me!
    <A
    HREF="http://journals.aol.com/virginiaz/DreamingofLeonardo">http://journal
    s.aol.com/virginiaz/DreamingofLeonardo</A>
     
  10. Etherized

    Etherized Guest

    << a cry for help. >>

    too late. no one heard the first time.

    _______
    Blog, or dog? Who knows. But if you see my lost pup, please ping me!
    <A
    HREF="http://journals.aol.com/virginiaz/DreamingofLeonardo">http://journal
    s.aol.com/virginiaz/DreamingofLeonardo</A>
     
  11. np426z

    np426z Guest

    "Donovan Rebbechi" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]

    > Wobbot, I tried to keep him from the dark side, and point him towards
    > the light waves, so that he would become a "wave rider", a Mizuno man --


    Donny, I tried EVERY lightweight trainer/racer stocked by 'Run & Become' in
    Egalitarian Edinburgh - some thirteen types in all - and NONE were as
    wonderful as the TC's. Hey, maybe they're my worst running purchase in
    years. If it turns out that way, I'll happily eat humble pie here - as
    you'll remember I've tasted that particular dish before.

    On another, but related, subject, I also bought a pair of below-the-knee
    tights (yup, Nike again - once you fall you just can't stop). My wife says
    I look totally, TOTALLY gay in the things, but I find they're a damn fine
    item of clothing to run in on a slightly chilly day. Had two runs in them
    so far. No offers of sex from young men, but two comfortable runs in the
    cold and blustery weather we're enduring at the mo'.

    All in all, I'm beginning to wonder (wander?) if this is a
    mid-running-life-crisis. Could this be the case? And if so, what the
    hell can I expect to happen next?
     
  12. Etherized

    Etherized Guest

    << Could this be the case? And if so, what the hell can I expect to happen
    next? >>

    ask Wobbit about the Saul Steinberg drawing.

    _______
    Blog, or dog? Who knows. But if you see my lost pup, please ping me!
    <A
    HREF="http://journals.aol.com/virginiaz/DreamingofLeonardo">http://journal
    s.aol.com/virginiaz/DreamingofLeonardo</A>
     
  13. Oh so disturbing on so may levels. The lost labor costs associated with
    perversion and Nikes in Britain must be staggering.

    Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Well done.

    Thankfully I can't be tempted my Mr. Nike ... 'have rather wide feet you
    see. Built in stability, good for waterskiing without skis.

    Surf <feeling a little dirty just for having read your post, butt that's
    natural being Canadian. Bloody good thing I'm not Catholic>
     
  14. Barf Bag

    Barf Bag Guest

    >Wobbot, I tried to keep him from the dark side, and point him towards
    >the light waves, so that he would become a "wave rider", a Mizuno man --
    >a breed who needn't chase the girlies, as he is invariably chased by
    >them, and needn't work out what to do when he catches them, but merely
    >slow down until the right one catches him.
    >
    >I saw him, the Nike man, standing on the street corner peddling his
    >wares, a disreputable and despicable man. And he said to Rog,
    >"hey little boy, come 'ere". And the two of them disappeared into a dark
    >alleyway, and 5 minutes later, Roger came out with a new pair of shoes,
    >wearing an idiot grin, and before long, he was happily speeding past the
    >girlies.
    >
    >Cheers,
    >--
    >Donovan Rebbechi
    >

    Shit Rog, he was watching us the whole time...
     
  15. Barf Bag

    Barf Bag Guest

    >On another, but related, subject, I also bought a pair of below-the-knee
    >tights (yup, Nike again


    And he claims to be straight? HA!
     
  16. Barf Bag

    Barf Bag Guest

    >ask Wobbit about the Saul Steinberg drawing.
    >


    Are those the ones they kept showing me and asking what they looked like? They
    all looked like penises to me...except for one vagina, and a puupy dog taking a
    poop. Anyone want to attempt that one?
     
  17. Barf Bag

    Barf Bag Guest

    >I fly in Nimbae, just like Harry.

    I think you're flying on something alright, but I suspect it's more like
    Sinsemilla or hydro.
     
  18. On 2004-09-23, np426z <[email protected]> wrote:
    > "Donovan Rebbechi" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]
    >
    >> Wobbot, I tried to keep him from the dark side, and point him towards
    >> the light waves, so that he would become a "wave rider", a Mizuno man --

    >
    > Donny, I tried EVERY lightweight trainer/racer stocked by 'Run & Become' in
    > Egalitarian Edinburgh - some thirteen types in all - and NONE were as
    > wonderful as the TC's.


    Yep, finding the right shoe is a bit of a search. I find I need to put about
    200 miles or so on a shoe before I've really made up my mind about it (and
    in my case, "the right shoe" has changed as I've progressed)

    Good luck with your Nikes.

    > On another, but related, subject, I also bought a pair of below-the-knee
    > tights (yup, Nike again - once you fall you just can't stop). My wife says
    > I look totally, TOTALLY gay in the things,


    Just don't go running near Wobbot's place, or if you do, make sure he can't
    catch you.

    > All in all, I'm beginning to wonder (wander?) if this is a
    > mid-running-life-crisis. Could this be the case? And if so, what the
    > hell can I expect to happen next?


    What, a scrawny guy in his 50s running around in tights ?

    Perhaps your aging body has stopped producing testosterone ?

    Cheers,
    --
    Donovan Rebbechi
    http://pegasus.rutgers.edu/~elflord/
     
  19. Barf Bag

    Barf Bag Guest

    >Just don't go running near Wobbot's place, or if you do, make sure he can't
    >catch you.


    If i was gay, i could do better.

    >What, a scrawny guy in his 50s running around in tights ?


    Yeah but he's in england, half those sissys prance around anyway. The average
    is one out of three men is gay, in england it's 4 out of 5.

    >Perhaps your aging body has stopped producing testosterone ?
    >


    That would explain his C cup boobs.
     
  20. On 2004-09-23, Barf Bag <[email protected]> wrote:

    > Shit Rog, he was watching us the whole time...


    What I want to know is, why did you dress him up in those tights ? Was
    it just a cruel joke, or did you derive further enjoyment from it ?

    Cheers,
    --
    Donovan Rebbechi
    http://pegasus.rutgers.edu/~elflord/
     
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