OFF TOPIC - Brickies

Discussion in 'UK and Europe' started by James Hodson, Jun 19, 2003.

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  1. James Hodson

    James Hodson Guest

    Here's something I was sent recently.

    ====================================================

    This is a bricklayers accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian
    equivalent of the workers' compensation board. This is a true story.......

    Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for more information in Block 3 of the accident
    report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation
    and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

    I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six
    storey building.

    When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were
    found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to
    lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the
    sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and
    loaded the bricks into
    it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

    You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at
    being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the
    rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of
    the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.
    This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section
    3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
    the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had
    regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to
    experience some pain.

    At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out
    of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I
    refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the
    building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two
    fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations to my legs and lower body.

    Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to
    lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were
    cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to
    move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching
    the empty barrel begin its journey back down to me. This explains the two broken legs.

    I hope this answers your enquiry.

    ====================================================

    James

    --
    http://homepage.ntlworld.com/c.butty/Dscf0632.jpg
     
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  2. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest

    "James Hodson" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > This is a bricklayers accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian
    > equivalent of the workers' compensation board. This is a true story.......

    etc

    Hoffnung did this one very well...

    cheers, clive
     
  3. Jim Price

    Jim Price Guest

    James Hodson wrote: [snipped very funny but not very new joke]

    James, I love this story, but did you know that it is as told by Gerard Hoffnung at the Oxford
    Union, December 4th, 1958!

    --
    Jim Price

    http://www.jimprice.dsl.pipex.com

    Conscientious objection is hard work in an economic war.

    Aye!.
     
  4. On Thu, 19 Jun 2003 21:54:35 +0100, Jim Price <[email protected]> wrote:

    >James Hodson wrote: [snipped very funny but not very new joke]
    >
    >James, I love this story, but did you know that it is as told by Gerard Hoffnung at the Oxford
    >Union, December 4th, 1958!

    Whom, IIRC, adapted it from a letter in a newspaper.
    --
    DG

    Bah!
     
  5. Just Zis Guy

    Just Zis Guy Guest

    On Thu, 19 Jun 2003 22:28:58 +0100, Disgruntled Goat <[email protected]> wrote:

    >>I love this story, but did you know that it is as told by Gerard Hoffnung at the Oxford Union,
    >>December 4th, 1958!

    >Whom, IIRC, adapted it from a letter in a newspaper.

    I think that was just the spiel - I believe Hoffnung wrote it. ICBW.

    Guy
    ===
    ** WARNING ** This posting may contain traces of irony. http://www.chapmancentral.com Advance
    notice: ADSL service in process of transfer to a new ISP. Obviously there will be a week of downtime
    between the engineer removing the BT service and the same engineer connecting the same equipment on
    the same line in the same exchange and billing it to the new ISP.
     
  6. "Just zis Guy, you know?" <[email protected]> wrote:
    > I think that was just the spiel - I believe Hoffnung wrote it. ICBW.

    YA. There are documented sightings of it at least as far back as the Great War.
     
  7. Geraint Jones wrote:
    >
    > "Just zis Guy, you know?" <[email protected]> wrote:
    > > I think that was just the spiel - I believe Hoffnung wrote it. ICBW.
    >
    > YA. There are documented sightings of it at least as far back as the Great War.

    Yes, according to a recent BBC Radio 4 documentary on Hoffnung [*] (and I've heard other programmes
    with the attribution given) GH lifted it from newspaper sources (as he did with his material on
    correspondence with Austrian hotel owners, etc), but, of course, it's not the material, it's the
    delivery that makes it.

    [*] All the right notes, not necessarily in the right order [humour in music]. Pres Rainer Hirsch.
    BBC R4 :03.09.02, rpt 16.04.03
    --

    ===========================================================
    Alex Noel-Tod University of East Anglia Library Norwich NR4 7TJ UK email [email protected] phone
    01603-592428 fax 01603-259490 www.lib.uea.ac.uk
     
  8. James Hodson

    James Hodson Guest

    On Fri, 20 Jun 2003 09:19:30 +0100, Alex Noel-Tod
    <[email protected]> wrote:

    >Geraint Jones wrote:
    >>
    >> "Just zis Guy, you know?" <[email protected]> wrote:
    >> > I think that was just the spiel - I believe Hoffnung wrote it. ICBW.
    >>
    >> YA. There are documented sightings of it at least as far back as the Great War.
    >
    >Yes, according to a recent BBC Radio 4 documentary on Hoffnung [*] (and I've heard other programmes
    >with the attribution given) GH lifted it from newspaper sources (as he did with his material on
    >correspondence with Austrian hotel owners, etc), but, of course, it's not the material, it's the
    >delivery that makes it.
    >
    >[*] All the right notes, not necessarily in the right order [humour in music]. Pres Rainer Hirsch.
    >BBC R4 :03.09.02, rpt 16.04.03

    Whatever. It's new to me.

    James

    --
    http://homepage.ntlworld.com/c.butty/Dscf0632.jpg
     
  9. On Sat, 21 Jun 2003 13:34:23 +0100, James Hodson <[email protected]> wrote:

    >On Fri, 20 Jun 2003 09:19:30 +0100, Alex Noel-Tod
    ><[email protected]> wrote:

    >>
    >>[*] All the right notes, not necessarily in the right order [humour in music]. Pres Rainer Hirsch.
    >>BBC R4 :03.09.02, rpt 16.04.03
    >
    >Whatever. It's new to me.

    And still, even after many re-tellings, very funny.

    --
    DG

    Bah!
     
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