Oh Henry!

[roadhouse]

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster, one that would service all of his many hens.
When he told this to the market vendor the vendor replied, "I have the perfect rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"
So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before letting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. "Henry", he said, " I'm counting on you to do your stuff.", and without a word Henry strutted into the hen house.
Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, 'till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there, he went into the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same.
The farmer watching all of this in disbelief cried out, "Stop Henry, you'll kill yourself!"
But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well, the next morning the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back and his tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry.
The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look at what you've gone and done to yourself, you've killed yourself. I warned you big buddy."
"Shhhhh, " Henry whispered, "The buzzard is getting closer."

 

[kdelong]

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called “pullets”, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was “performing”. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?