Oh well hehe

Discussion in 'Mountain Bikes' started by Darsh, Apr 18, 2003.

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  1. Darsh

    Darsh Guest

    It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within time,
    or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to have two
    surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem... the root is
    hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues, and my (other)
    doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it is very
    complicated in surgical repair.

    I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I have
    begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some sort of
    shape. Maybe if I did not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor never
    gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor was ignorant. I am not going
    back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the one I will see agian on Monday.

    I have a cyst, some sort of hidden, unknown, attachment to something up high. On the first surgery,
    we relieved pressure... what I understand was a small grapefruit size "pressure"... No wonder I was
    sick. Happily, it was not connected to my rectum (ewwww I know). I was so pleased. It was skin
    related, probably from a foreign matter, or ingrown hair system, or something trite like that. Then,
    there was the second surgery...

    We removed the "offending" areas.. with no conclusive results. The cultures came in and "it" was
    resistant, but not that resistant. A simple change of antibiotics. I can not really explain the
    healing process as it seems alot harder to do now. It is very involved, and very unpleasant. After
    two times of maintenance filled, surgery induced healing, I am not ready for a third, and longer
    healing time. My mouth fills with bile even considering the healing I might have to deal with. The
    healing I am going to HAVE to deal with.

    He says it will be about 5 days in the hospital, then weeks of healing. This entails daily visits to
    the hospital, for 4-6 weeks. The last surgery, I went to work before the 3 WEEKS that my old doctor
    wanted. I was (not) ready. I am not sure this time what the time will be. It will be long.

    It is sort of troublesome when you don't have a way out. Usually there is a way out, even if you
    don't like it, you can get out. Anything, you can get out. I can't get out. I see a horrible spiral
    downhill from the stories I have read. It seems surgery creates more problems sometimes. I wonder
    where to go sometimes. I wonder how, or who to talk to. I usually don't need that, but it is getting
    tough. There is nothing good coming out of my doctor visits.

    My mom told me today: "Just be sure to be really frank with the doctor."

    I wondered what the hell she was talking about. It left me feeling that she assumes something from
    my condition, but won't or can't say it. I am not married. Maybe she thinks I am gay? Maybe she
    assumes some sort of coorelation with my condition and gayness. My uncle is gay, he is the youngest
    child (as am I). He has had a bunch of his rectum removed. Maybe I am the youngest, gay, troubled
    kid she had? I can't think of anything else she might think. She does not know me very well, and she
    certainly is not keen to my condition. It sort of bothers me as to what she meant. Either way, I am
    not gay, and from what I have read, gayness has nothing to do with my issue. I don't have an asshole
    problem, I have a semi-close asshole issue. I almost wish it was associated with my starbright, then
    it would be easy.

    Still, in my polyanna view of ultimate optimism, I can think it is nothing. I can think I am lucky.
    I can think that it might not be something to beat, but something to live with. I think I can do
    that, but I don't know. Every surgery gets tougher. The healing is real tough. I do my best and get
    through it, but now... I am not having a good time. I really don't want a third go around. It is
    going to be very hardcore. This time the incision will be larger, the depth will be another 4 inches
    like before. 4 inches into my body, with no return but a slow heal... then problems, only to cut
    again to more healing. It makes me sad and literally sick.

    If only I could have broken my back on the mountainbike. At least that could be tangible. At least
    there would be some kind of reason. I thought about how much money it would take to put me through
    this process. I don't have a lot of money (like hundreds), and 1 million dollars would not do it. It
    would take 1 million dollars, and then I would have to really think about
    it. That is a lot of money, and it is a lot of mental and physical pain. I am not sure I would take
    1 million, but I might. I would certainly not take less.

    Maybe I am just a weakling. Maybe I just need to get tougher. At one point, I can see it getting me
    to nowhere. Who wants to hear about it all the time? A dead horse is a dead horse... let it go.

    BUT! I said polyanna, and I am going to stick with it. No matter how unreasonable my optimism is, I
    am going to try and stick to it... I am especially going to remember this when it is really bad.
    When the healing is bad, when the bleeding is scary, I am going to remember my optimism, and I will
    remember how small I am in the world. I will concentrate on my importance of simply being. The
    privilage of living on this planet.

    I can't live long with a "drain" in my butt cheek for months, and the prognosis is gray. I hate
    gray. I would hate the results of a realized gray even more.

    I suppose I should change newsgroups. I am sure there is an alt.whiner.medical.wimp-death group
    out there.

    Cheers for AWMWD! hehe

    What I can't really get a grasp on... is selling all my bikes.. having no mountainbike... Why have a
    bike, if you can't even sit on it without having a near death experience? I am really good for
    nothing else but health.

    It is all too simple, and then again way confusing. Again, it is the feeling of no direction to
    take, no way out.

    How do those familiar with this thought, handle it all? I am so stupid, my brain does not know what
    to do or how to think.

    darsh

    (Thanks for reading my wimpy, self-induced, selfish post about my pathetic health problems...
    problems that are nothing compared to others.... Others ((people)) that are way tougher than I am. I
    feel pathetic and sad considering how tough people are out there... embarrassed. I am sorry for
    offending anyone who has really dealt with serious health issues, or has family that makes a daily
    reality of life. I applaud you.)
     
    Tags:


  2. Tj

    Tj Guest

    "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    > time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If
    it
    > becomes more of a problem, I will have to have two surgeries. One to
    reduce
    > inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem... the root is hard to find it seems
    > in my case. It has to do with anterior and
    posterior
    > issues, and my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle,
    > but it is very complicated in surgical repair.
    >
    > I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I have
    > begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some sort
    > of shape. Maybe if I
    did
    > not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor never gave me an inclination
    > of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor
    was
    > ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the
    one
    > I will see agian on Monday.
    >
    > I have a cyst, some sort of hidden, unknown, attachment to something up high. On the first
    > surgery, we relieved pressure... what I understand was
    a
    > small grapefruit size "pressure"... No wonder I was sick. Happily, it
    was
    > not connected to my rectum (ewwww I know). I was so pleased. It was skin related, probably from a
    > foreign matter, or ingrown hair system, or something trite like that. Then, there was the second
    > surgery...
    >
    > We removed the "offending" areas.. with no conclusive results. The
    cultures
    > came in and "it" was resistant, but not that resistant. A simple change
    of
    > antibiotics. I can not really explain the healing process as it seems
    alot
    > harder to do now. It is very involved, and very unpleasant. After two times of maintenance filled,
    > surgery induced healing, I am not ready for a third, and longer healing time. My mouth fills with
    > bile even considering the healing I might have to deal with. The healing I am going to HAVE to
    > deal with.
    >
    > He says it will be about 5 days in the hospital, then weeks of healing. This entails daily visits
    > to the hospital, for 4-6 weeks. The last
    surgery,
    > I went to work before the 3 WEEKS that my old doctor wanted. I was (not) ready. I am not sure this
    > time what the time will be. It will be long.
    >
    > It is sort of troublesome when you don't have a way out. Usually there is
    a
    > way out, even if you don't like it, you can get out. Anything, you can
    get
    > out. I can't get out. I see a horrible spiral downhill from the stories
    I
    > have read. It seems surgery creates more problems sometimes. I wonder where to go sometimes. I
    > wonder how, or who to talk to. I usually don't need that, but it is getting tough. There is
    > nothing good coming out of
    my
    > doctor visits.
    >
    > My mom told me today: "Just be sure to be really frank with the doctor."
    >
    > I wondered what the hell she was talking about. It left me feeling that
    she
    > assumes something from my condition, but won't or can't say it. I am not married. Maybe she thinks
    > I am gay? Maybe she assumes some sort of coorelation with my condition and gayness. My uncle is
    > gay, he is the youngest child (as am I). He has had a bunch of his rectum removed.
    Maybe
    > I am the youngest, gay, troubled kid she had? I can't think of anything else she might think. She
    > does not know me very well, and she certainly
    is
    > not keen to my condition. It sort of bothers me as to what she meant. Either way, I am not gay,
    > and from what I have read, gayness has nothing
    to
    > do with my issue. I don't have an asshole problem, I have a semi-close asshole issue. I almost
    > wish it was associated with my starbright, then
    it
    > would be easy.
    >
    > Still, in my polyanna view of ultimate optimism, I can think it is
    nothing.
    > I can think I am lucky. I can think that it might not be something to
    beat,
    > but something to live with. I think I can do that, but I don't know.
    Every
    > surgery gets tougher. The healing is real tough. I do my best and get through it, but now... I am
    > not having a good time. I really don't want a third go around. It is going to be very hardcore.
    > This time the incision will be larger, the depth will be another 4 inches like before. 4 inches
    > into my body, with no return but a slow heal... then problems, only to cut again to more healing.
    > It makes me sad and literally sick.
    >
    > If only I could have broken my back on the mountainbike. At least that could be tangible. At least
    > there would be some kind of reason. I
    thought
    > about how much money it would take to put me through this process. I
    don't
    > have a lot of money (like hundreds), and 1 million dollars would not do
    it.
    > It would take 1 million dollars, and then I would have to really think
    about
    > it. That is a lot of money, and it is a lot of mental and physical pain.
    I
    > am not sure I would take 1 million, but I might. I would certainly not take less.
    >
    > Maybe I am just a weakling. Maybe I just need to get tougher. At one point, I can see it getting
    > me to nowhere. Who wants to hear about it all the time? A dead horse is a dead horse... let it go.
    >
    > BUT! I said polyanna, and I am going to stick with it. No matter how unreasonable my optimism is,
    > I am going to try and stick to it... I am especially going to remember this when it is really bad.
    > When the healing is bad, when the bleeding is scary, I am going to remember my optimism,
    and
    > I will remember how small I am in the world. I will concentrate on my importance of simply being.
    > The privilage of living on this planet.
    >
    > I can't live long with a "drain" in my butt cheek for months, and the prognosis is gray. I hate
    > gray. I would hate the results of a realized gray even more.
    >
    > I suppose I should change newsgroups. I am sure there is an alt.whiner.medical.wimp-death group
    > out there.
    >
    > Cheers for AWMWD! hehe
    >
    > What I can't really get a grasp on... is selling all my bikes.. having no mountainbike... Why have
    > a bike, if you can't even sit on it without
    having
    > a near death experience? I am really good for nothing else but health.
    >
    > It is all too simple, and then again way confusing. Again, it is the feeling of no direction to
    > take, no way out.
    >
    > How do those familiar with this thought, handle it all? I am so stupid,
    my
    > brain does not know what to do or how to think.
    >
    > darsh
    >
    > (Thanks for reading my wimpy, self-induced, selfish post about my pathetic health problems...
    > problems that are nothing compared to others....
    Others
    > ((people)) that are way tougher than I am. I feel pathetic and sad considering how tough people
    > are out there... embarrassed. I am sorry for offending anyone who has really dealt with serious
    > health issues, or has family that makes a daily reality of life. I applaud you.)
    >
    >
    >
    In a certain youth I had the pleasure of learning one phrase that made the difference. It goes: "
    The only easy day was yesterday" Everything has an end. You will reach the end of this miserable
    experience. My unsolicited advice is to stay positive, and not sell your bikes. Get into them even
    more without riding them. I would be willing to bet that you will be riding again. Just take care of
    your self and the rest will follow.

    TJ
     
  3. ..::Tbf::..

    ..::Tbf::.. Guest

    --
    http://members.rogers.com/theblackfoxx/ "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    > time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If
    it
    > becomes more of a problem, I will have to have two surgeries. One to
    reduce
    > inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem... the root is hard to find it seems
    > in my case. It has to do with anterior and
    posterior
    > issues, and my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle,
    > but it is very complicated in surgical repair.
    >
    > I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I have
    > begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some sort
    > of shape. Maybe if I
    did
    > not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor never gave me an inclination
    > of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor
    was
    > ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the
    one
    > I will see agian on Monday.
    >
    > I have a cyst, some sort of hidden, unknown, attachment to something up high. On the first
    > surgery, we relieved pressure... what I understand was
    a
    > small grapefruit size "pressure"... No wonder I was sick. Happily, it
    was
    > not connected to my rectum (ewwww I know). I was so pleased. It was skin related, probably from a
    > foreign matter, or ingrown hair system, or something trite like that. Then, there was the second
    > surgery...
    >
    > We removed the "offending" areas.. with no conclusive results. The
    cultures
    > came in and "it" was resistant, but not that resistant. A simple change
    of
    > antibiotics. I can not really explain the healing process as it seems
    alot
    > harder to do now. It is very involved, and very unpleasant. After two times of maintenance filled,
    > surgery induced healing, I am not ready for a third, and longer healing time. My mouth fills with
    > bile even considering the healing I might have to deal with. The healing I am going to HAVE to
    > deal with.
    >
    > He says it will be about 5 days in the hospital, then weeks of healing. This entails daily visits
    > to the hospital, for 4-6 weeks. The last
    surgery,
    > I went to work before the 3 WEEKS that my old doctor wanted. I was (not) ready. I am not sure this
    > time what the time will be. It will be long.
    >
    > It is sort of troublesome when you don't have a way out. Usually there is
    a
    > way out, even if you don't like it, you can get out. Anything, you can
    get
    > out. I can't get out. I see a horrible spiral downhill from the stories
    I
    > have read. It seems surgery creates more problems sometimes. I wonder where to go sometimes. I
    > wonder how, or who to talk to. I usually don't need that, but it is getting tough. There is
    > nothing good coming out of
    my
    > doctor visits.
    >
    > My mom told me today: "Just be sure to be really frank with the doctor."
    >
    > I wondered what the hell she was talking about. It left me feeling that
    she
    > assumes something from my condition, but won't or can't say it. I am not married. Maybe she thinks
    > I am gay? Maybe she assumes some sort of coorelation with my condition and gayness. My uncle is
    > gay, he is the youngest child (as am I). He has had a bunch of his rectum removed.
    Maybe
    > I am the youngest, gay, troubled kid she had? I can't think of anything else she might think. She
    > does not know me very well, and she certainly
    is
    > not keen to my condition. It sort of bothers me as to what she meant. Either way, I am not gay,
    > and from what I have read, gayness has nothing
    to
    > do with my issue. I don't have an asshole problem, I have a semi-close asshole issue. I almost
    > wish it was associated with my starbright, then
    it
    > would be easy.
    >
    > Still, in my polyanna view of ultimate optimism, I can think it is
    nothing.
    > I can think I am lucky. I can think that it might not be something to
    beat,
    > but something to live with. I think I can do that, but I don't know.
    Every
    > surgery gets tougher. The healing is real tough. I do my best and get through it, but now... I am
    > not having a good time. I really don't want a third go around. It is going to be very hardcore.
    > This time the incision will be larger, the depth will be another 4 inches like before. 4 inches
    > into my body, with no return but a slow heal... then problems, only to cut again to more healing.
    > It makes me sad and literally sick.
    >
    > If only I could have broken my back on the mountainbike. At least that could be tangible. At least
    > there would be some kind of reason. I
    thought
    > about how much money it would take to put me through this process. I
    don't
    > have a lot of money (like hundreds), and 1 million dollars would not do
    it.
    > It would take 1 million dollars, and then I would have to really think
    about
    > it. That is a lot of money, and it is a lot of mental and physical pain.
    I
    > am not sure I would take 1 million, but I might. I would certainly not take less.
    >
    > Maybe I am just a weakling. Maybe I just need to get tougher. At one point, I can see it getting
    > me to nowhere. Who wants to hear about it all the time? A dead horse is a dead horse... let it go.
    >
    > BUT! I said polyanna, and I am going to stick with it. No matter how unreasonable my optimism is,
    > I am going to try and stick to it... I am especially going to remember this when it is really bad.
    > When the healing is bad, when the bleeding is scary, I am going to remember my optimism,
    and
    > I will remember how small I am in the world. I will concentrate on my importance of simply being.
    > The privilage of living on this planet.
    >
    > I can't live long with a "drain" in my butt cheek for months, and the prognosis is gray. I hate
    > gray. I would hate the results of a realized gray even more.
    >
    > I suppose I should change newsgroups. I am sure there is an alt.whiner.medical.wimp-death group
    > out there.
    >
    > Cheers for AWMWD! hehe
    >
    > What I can't really get a grasp on... is selling all my bikes.. having no mountainbike... Why have
    > a bike, if you can't even sit on it without
    having
    > a near death experience? I am really good for nothing else but health.
    >
    > It is all too simple, and then again way confusing. Again, it is the feeling of no direction to
    > take, no way out.
    >
    > How do those familiar with this thought, handle it all? I am so stupid,
    my
    > brain does not know what to do or how to think.
    >
    > darsh
    >
    > (Thanks for reading my wimpy, self-induced, selfish post about my pathetic health problems...
    > problems that are nothing compared to others....
    Others
    > ((people)) that are way tougher than I am. I feel pathetic and sad considering how tough people
    > are out there... embarrassed. I am sorry for offending anyone who has really dealt with serious
    > health issues, or has family that makes a daily reality of life. I applaud you.)
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >

    geez, sorry to hear that dude, feel better!
     
  4. Slacker

    Slacker Guest

    "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    > time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to
    > have two surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem...
    > the root is hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues, and
    > my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it is
    > very complicated in surgical repair.
    >
    > I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I have
    > begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some sort
    > of shape. Maybe if I did not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor
    > never gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor was ignorant. I am
    > not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the one I will see agian on Monday.
    <snip>
    > darsh

    SOB Darsh! This really sucks!

    Unfortunately, you can't rely on getting good advice from any doctor these days. And IMO, any HMO
    doctor is about as low on the food chain as they come. I've had 4 different docs in as many years
    and they were all uneducated dumb asses; They really piss me off!

    Cysts are a bitch though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my left
    wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having a HMO
    doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with it. I know your case is totally
    different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.

    Whatever happens don't stop posting you knucklehead!
    --
    Slacker
     
  5. Darsh

    Darsh Guest

    TBF wrote:

    > geez, sorry to hear that dude, feel better!

    I certainly appreciate it, but I feel sort of bad (I feel great physically.. for the most part). I
    am really whining about my condition, and I am sorry to put the group through it. I might never ride
    bicycles again, but I still have the Hayabusa. I can ride it even today. Maybe now I will sell the
    mountainbikes, and get back to the streetbike.

    I am sure the regulars at alt.motorcycle.sportbike miss my ride reports at least a bit.. hehe.

    I would never whine like I did in my post to anyone anywhere else, my family included. I do have to
    say though, I felt a lot better after posting my troubles here (AGAIN). I can only thank you people
    for putting up with it, and not flaming me to no end.

    I am happy to be able to post here, sort of hidden from "real" peoples agendas for me. I just hope I
    don't fall out of topic so much as I feel uncomfortable. Of course, this post might seem OT, but it
    is really, or could be, a result of mountainbiking. Either way, it is certainly about my ability to
    mountainbike... and hell, when did a post being OT stop me before?

    Now that I think about it, from here on out, any motorcycle report or post I make, will be entirely
    due to me NOT being able to ride a mountainbike. This makes all posts from me that have no
    mountainbikeing content what-so-ever, toatally ON topic! What a joy. I can't go wrong there.

    Thanks TBF, it will all be OK, even if I can never ride mountainbikes again.

    darsh

    "..::TBF::.." <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    >
    >
    > --
    > http://members.rogers.com/theblackfoxx/ "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    > > It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on
    Monday.
    > > I hope it is within time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If
    > it
    > > becomes more of a problem, I will have to have two surgeries. One to
    > reduce
    > > inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem... the root
    is
    > > hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and
    > posterior
    > > issues, and my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in
    > > principle, but it is very complicated in surgical repair.
    > >
    > > I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years.
    I
    > > can just feel it. I have begun to realize that it could be over..
    youth,
    > > riding, general athletics, and being in some sort of shape. Maybe if I
    > did
    > > not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor
    never
    > > gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor
    > was
    > > ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the
    > one
    > > I will see agian on Monday.
    > >
    > > I have a cyst, some sort of hidden, unknown, attachment to something up high. On the first
    > > surgery, we relieved pressure... what I understand
    was
    > a
    > > small grapefruit size "pressure"... No wonder I was sick. Happily, it
    > was
    > > not connected to my rectum (ewwww I know). I was so pleased. It was
    skin
    > > related, probably from a foreign matter, or ingrown hair system, or something trite like that.
    > > Then, there was the second surgery...
    > >
    > > We removed the "offending" areas.. with no conclusive results. The
    > cultures
    > > came in and "it" was resistant, but not that resistant. A simple change
    > of
    > > antibiotics. I can not really explain the healing process as it seems
    > alot
    > > harder to do now. It is very involved, and very unpleasant. After two times of maintenance
    > > filled, surgery induced healing, I am not ready for
    a
    > > third, and longer healing time. My mouth fills with bile even
    considering
    > > the healing I might have to deal with. The healing I am going to HAVE
    to
    > > deal with.
    > >
    > > He says it will be about 5 days in the hospital, then weeks of healing. This entails daily
    > > visits to the hospital, for 4-6 weeks. The last
    > surgery,
    > > I went to work before the 3 WEEKS that my old doctor wanted. I was
    (not)
    > > ready. I am not sure this time what the time will be. It will be long.
    > >
    > > It is sort of troublesome when you don't have a way out. Usually there
    is
    > a
    > > way out, even if you don't like it, you can get out. Anything, you can
    > get
    > > out. I can't get out. I see a horrible spiral downhill from the
    stories
    > I
    > > have read. It seems surgery creates more problems sometimes. I wonder where to go sometimes. I
    > > wonder how, or who to talk to. I usually
    don't
    > > need that, but it is getting tough. There is nothing good coming out of
    > my
    > > doctor visits.
    > >
    > > My mom told me today: "Just be sure to be really frank with the
    doctor."
    > >
    > > I wondered what the hell she was talking about. It left me feeling that
    > she
    > > assumes something from my condition, but won't or can't say it. I am
    not
    > > married. Maybe she thinks I am gay? Maybe she assumes some sort of coorelation with my condition
    > > and gayness. My uncle is gay, he is the youngest child (as am I). He has had a bunch of his
    > > rectum removed.
    > Maybe
    > > I am the youngest, gay, troubled kid she had? I can't think of anything else she might think.
    > > She does not know me very well, and she certainly
    > is
    > > not keen to my condition. It sort of bothers me as to what she meant. Either way, I am not gay,
    > > and from what I have read, gayness has nothing
    > to
    > > do with my issue. I don't have an asshole problem, I have a semi-close asshole issue. I almost
    > > wish it was associated with my starbright, then
    > it
    > > would be easy.
    > >
    > > Still, in my polyanna view of ultimate optimism, I can think it is
    > nothing.
    > > I can think I am lucky. I can think that it might not be something to
    > beat,
    > > but something to live with. I think I can do that, but I don't know.
    > Every
    > > surgery gets tougher. The healing is real tough. I do my best and get through it, but now... I
    > > am not having a good time. I really don't want
    a
    > > third go around. It is going to be very hardcore. This time the
    incision
    > > will be larger, the depth will be another 4 inches like before. 4
    inches
    > > into my body, with no return but a slow heal... then problems, only to
    cut
    > > again to more healing. It makes me sad and literally sick.
    > >
    > > If only I could have broken my back on the mountainbike. At least that could be tangible. At
    > > least there would be some kind of reason. I
    > thought
    > > about how much money it would take to put me through this process. I
    > don't
    > > have a lot of money (like hundreds), and 1 million dollars would not do
    > it.
    > > It would take 1 million dollars, and then I would have to really think
    > about
    > > it. That is a lot of money, and it is a lot of mental and physical
    pain.
    > I
    > > am not sure I would take 1 million, but I might. I would certainly not take less.
    > >
    > > Maybe I am just a weakling. Maybe I just need to get tougher. At one point, I can see it getting
    > > me to nowhere. Who wants to hear about it
    all
    > > the time? A dead horse is a dead horse... let it go.
    > >
    > > BUT! I said polyanna, and I am going to stick with it. No matter how unreasonable my optimism
    > > is, I am going to try and stick to it... I am especially going to remember this when it is
    > > really bad. When the
    healing
    > > is bad, when the bleeding is scary, I am going to remember my optimism,
    > and
    > > I will remember how small I am in the world. I will concentrate on my importance of simply
    > > being. The privilage of living on this planet.
    > >
    > > I can't live long with a "drain" in my butt cheek for months, and the prognosis is gray. I hate
    > > gray. I would hate the results of a realized gray even more.
    > >
    > > I suppose I should change newsgroups. I am sure there is an alt.whiner.medical.wimp-death group
    > > out there.
    > >
    > > Cheers for AWMWD! hehe
    > >
    > > What I can't really get a grasp on... is selling all my bikes.. having
    no
    > > mountainbike... Why have a bike, if you can't even sit on it without
    > having
    > > a near death experience? I am really good for nothing else but health.
    > >
    > > It is all too simple, and then again way confusing. Again, it is the feeling of no direction to
    > > take, no way out.
    > >
    > > How do those familiar with this thought, handle it all? I am so stupid,
    > my
    > > brain does not know what to do or how to think.
    > >
    > > darsh
    > >
    > > (Thanks for reading my wimpy, self-induced, selfish post about my
    pathetic
    > > health problems... problems that are nothing compared to others....
    > Others
    > > ((people)) that are way tougher than I am. I feel pathetic and sad considering how tough people
    > > are out there... embarrassed. I am sorry
    for
    > > offending anyone who has really dealt with serious health issues, or has family that makes a
    > > daily reality of life. I applaud you.)
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    >
    > geez, sorry to hear that dude, feel better!
     
  6. ..::Tbf::..

    ..::Tbf::.. Guest

    --
    http://members.rogers.com/theblackfoxx/ "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > TBF wrote:
    >
    > > geez, sorry to hear that dude, feel better!
    >
    > I certainly appreciate it, but I feel sort of bad (I feel great
    physically..
    > for the most part). I am really whining about my condition, and I am
    sorry
    > to put the group through it. I might never ride bicycles again, but I
    still
    > have the Hayabusa. I can ride it even today. Maybe now I will sell the mountainbikes, and get back
    > to the streetbike.
    >
    > I am sure the regulars at alt.motorcycle.sportbike miss my ride reports at least a bit.. hehe.
    >
    > I would never whine like I did in my post to anyone anywhere else, my
    family
    > included. I do have to say though, I felt a lot better after posting my troubles here (AGAIN). I
    > can only thank you people for putting up with
    it,
    > and not flaming me to no end.
    >
    > I am happy to be able to post here, sort of hidden from "real" peoples agendas for me. I just hope
    > I don't fall out of topic so much as I feel uncomfortable. Of course, this post might seem OT, but
    > it is really, or could be, a result of mountainbiking. Either way, it is certainly about
    my
    > ability to mountainbike... and hell, when did a post being OT stop me before?
    >
    > Now that I think about it, from here on out, any motorcycle report or post
    I
    > make, will be entirely due to me NOT being able to ride a mountainbike. This makes all posts from
    > me that have no mountainbikeing content what-so-ever, toatally ON topic! What a joy. I can't go
    > wrong there.
    >
    > Thanks TBF, it will all be OK, even if I can never ride mountainbikes
    again.
    >
    > darsh

    No worries man, look me up if your in cold-a*s Toronto. I've been dying to get my Suzuki out of the
    garage. All my riding buddies either crashed their bikes or go them repossessed!
     
  7. Mattb

    Mattb Guest

    "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > It seems I must have surgery again.

    Damn. That sucks, but don't lose hope. I've had a number of surgeries (abdominal and structural) and
    I know it sucks, but all things pass in time. Sounds like this is a big unknown or at least there's
    differences of opinion, so don't assume the worst. Sounds like you're in for a tough recovery but if
    you can hike and ride a 14er I know you have some determination. Use that. It works.

    Focus on the good and the rest is just peripheral.

    Take care, Matt
     
  8. John Harlow

    John Harlow Guest

    > It seems I must have surgery again.

    Very sorry to hear this. Just keep in mind all us kooks out here in a.m-b are thinking of you and
    hoping for the best, and want to keep updated.

    I think you should make sure your mom knows you aren't gay - that will at least give you both one
    less thing to worry about.
     
  9. Gregr

    Gregr Guest

    On Sat, 19 Apr 2003 03:15:54 GMT, "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote:

    >It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within time,
    >or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to have two
    >surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem... the root is
    >hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues, and my (other)
    >doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it is very
    >complicated in surgical repair.

    Is this a pilonidal thing? Been there! it sucks, had several surgeries, been to bad doctors.

    Finiding the right doctor is KEY.

    Your not getting the flap surgery thing are you?

    G
     
  10. Penny S.

    Penny S. Guest

    Darsh wrote:
    > It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    > time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to
    > have two surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem...
    > the root is hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues, and
    > my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it is
    > very complicated in surgical repair.
    > >
    > I have a cyst, some sort of hidden, unknown, attachment to something up high. On the first
    > surgery, we relieved pressure... what I understand was a small grapefruit size "pressure"... No
    > wonder I was sick. Happily, it was not connected to my rectum (ewwww I know). I was so pleased. It
    > was skin related, probably from a foreign matter, or ingrown hair system, or something trite like
    > that. Then, there was the second surgery...
    >

    Heh, I guess I've had more experience than I thought with weird cysts...you are describing a dermoid
    cyst I think, one that forms around a misplaced piece of the wrong tissue sort. My son had one on
    his eye that they weren't sure whether it was brain tissue leaking through his skull or a cyst until
    they did the surgery.,

    anyway Darsh....take a deep breath and go one day at a time. Ask around for who the best docs are
    and get two or three opinions. Don't sell the bike just yet. And if you have to miss a season,
    well... that' happend to the best of us.

    so sez mom to amb...

    Penny
     
  11. Penny S.

    Penny S. Guest

    Slacker wrote:
    > "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    >> It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    >> time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to
    >> have two surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem...
    >> the root is hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues,
    >> and my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it
    >> is very complicated in surgical repair.
    >>
    >> I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I
    >> have begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some
    >> sort of shape. Maybe if I did not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my
    >> doctor never gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor was
    >> ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the one I will see agian on
    >> Monday.
    > <snip>
    >> darsh
    >
    >
    > SOB Darsh! This really sucks!
    >
    > Unfortunately, you can't rely on getting good advice from any doctor these days. And IMO, any HMO
    > doctor is about as low on the food chain as they come. I've had 4 different docs in as many years
    > and they were all uneducated dumb asses; They really piss me off!
    >
    > Cysts are a bitch though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my
    > left wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having a
    > HMO doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with
    > it. I know your case is totally different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.
    >

    slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    alone by my doc.

    penny
     
  12. Bloocow

    Bloocow Guest

    I don't think you come across as a whiner Darsh, so in this case, I'd take it that you'd just like
    to get this off your chest (or whichever other body part as yet undetermined ;p). I think thats a
    good thing, cus talking about it can be therapeutic so who knows, maybe you're already on the road
    to a good recovery! Anyway there's plenty else to do besides biking, no one here really likes the
    sport either, we're just here for the company. ;-pp

    bloocow - take it easy, and everything will be easy.
     
  13. Chris Snell

    Chris Snell Guest

    "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on
    Monday.
    > I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few
    years. I
    > can just feel it. I have begun to realize that it could be over..
    youth,
    > riding, general athletics, and being in some sort of shape. Maybe
    if I did
    > not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my doctor
    never
    > gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My
    doctor was
    > ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist;
    the one
    > I will see agian on Monday. It is all too simple, and then again way confusing. Again, it is
    the
    > feeling of no direction to take, no way out.

    > How do those familiar with this thought, handle it all? I am so
    stupid, my
    > brain does not know what to do or how to think.
    >
    > darsh
    >
    darsh:

    I hear your pain about losing biking, and if there is anything I can do, write me.

    Your situation sounds worse than mine, at least when I try to ride again I don't require surgery.
    Just a couple of days of pain, due to a spinal injury. I'm mostly off the bike now, working up to 45
    minute rides, twice a week. Maybe that's all I'll get to. Prior to my injury, biking was a huge part
    of my life, snow, rain, 6 hour epics, 24 hour team events, triathlons, and was training to become
    competitive in trials.

    It's been a year now, and just two days ago, while walking alone in the woods (something I couldn't
    do last year, right leg was too weak, had to stick to smooth paths) and jumping from stone to log to
    stone, I realized this: if biking worsens my problem, and takes away all the other simple things
    that make life a joy, then to hell with biking.

    Let it go.

    But don't sell those bikes just yet. I thought about doing that last year, a few times, but bikes
    are like old friends, and shouldn't be discarded when times are tough (unless you need the money,
    then don't let the parting be bitter, think how they have helped you, and are helping you right to
    the end). Use them to remember better times, and know that better times will come again. Talk to
    people, talk to your old bike buddies, because they will help you get through the bad times. One
    of mine certainly saved my sanity, kept me thinking about recovery, that what was ahead was worth
    fighting for (thanks Ed, I owe you more than I can repay). He never talked about recovery, just
    about all the good times we had, which reminded me that there will be good times again. Hold on
    for those.

    And I hope you don't have to give up all physical activity. When things are a little better, you'll
    get more imaginative about staying active. Biking isn't the only thing out there. It may be the
    best, but there are others almost as good.

    Like just being strong, walking.

    I've lurked on this NG for a while, and I know you have a sense of humour and friends that will help
    you get through this. Best of luck, best regards,

    - Chris.
     
  14. Slacker

    Slacker Guest

    > > SOB Darsh! This really sucks!
    > >
    > > Unfortunately, you can't rely on getting good advice from any doctor these days. And IMO, any
    > > HMO doctor is about as low on the food chain as they come. I've had 4 different docs in as many
    > > years and they were all uneducated dumb asses; They really piss me off!
    > >
    > > Cysts are a bitch though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my
    > > left wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having
    > > a HMO doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with
    > > it. I know your case is totally different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.
    > >
    >
    > slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    > alone by my doc.
    >
    > penny

    Yeah, it is. My doc said the same thing after he tried jabbing it (several times) with a hypodermic
    needle without any success.

    I had one big crash at the end of 2001 and I thought I broke that same wrist, but the x-rays were
    negative. I hit the ground so hard I guess it dislodged the cyst, but it reappeared a couple weeks
    later a about an inch from where it originally was.

    Then this past Oct. on the way home from my last DH sesh of the year my frig'n hand went into
    convulsions and got all contorted for a few minutes. Hurt like a SOB and scared the piss out of me.
    --
    Slacker
     
  15. Bb

    Bb Guest

    On Sat, 19 Apr 2003 03:43:18 GMT, Darsh wrote:

    > I would never whine like I did in my post to anyone anywhere else, my family included. I do have
    > to say though, I felt a lot better after posting my troubles here (AGAIN). I can only thank you
    > people for putting up with it, and not flaming me to no end.

    You've posted enough ride reports - some of more intersting ones - over the years, that "you deserve
    a break today". I still haven't forgotten that snow-ride where you went off the ski jump and landed
    on your back, with everyone staring in shock at the massive amount of fluid around you (his Camelbak
    burst, for those who weren't around back then)! Maybe a good flashback there for you.

    Good health is so important for mountain biking that its probably in the back of all of our
    minds..certainly mine. Many of us have had health problems that have kept us of the bike (usually
    for a much shorter period), so we can relate a bit to what you're feeling emotionally. Just hang in
    there and keep hoping for the best. A positive attitude can have a significant impact on the
    healing process.

    --
    -BB- To reply to me, drop the attitude (from my e-mail address, at least)
     
  16. Mark Hickey

    Mark Hickey Guest

    "Penny S." <[email protected]> wrote:

    >Slacker wrote:

    >> Cysts are a bitch though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my
    >> left wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having a
    >> HMO doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with
    >> it. I know your case is totally different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.
    >
    >slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    >alone by my doc.

    I dunno, Penny... lions are pretty dangerous, and one with a gang orientation must be pretty scary.
    Do they wear colors other than just orange?

    Mark Hickey Habanero Cycles http://www.habcycles.com Home of the $695 ti frame
     
  17. Kathleen

    Kathleen Guest

    Penny S. wrote:
    > Slacker wrote:
    >
    >>"Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    >>news:[email protected]...
    >>
    >>>It seems I must have surgery again. I see the specialist again on Monday. I hope it is within
    >>>time, or I might have to hit the emergency room. If it becomes more of a problem, I will have to
    >>>have two surgeries. One to reduce inflammation, and another to get to the root of the problem...
    >>>the root is hard to find it seems in my case. It has to do with anterior and posterior issues,
    >>>and my (other) doctor has been there before. It is not all that complicated in principle, but it
    >>>is very complicated in surgical repair.
    >>>
    >>>I think I will have to stop riding either entirely, or for a few years. I can just feel it. I
    >>>have begun to realize that it could be over.. youth, riding, general athletics, and being in some
    >>>sort of shape. Maybe if I did not ride those two days, it might not have re-occured, but my
    >>>doctor never gave me an inclination of anything as to when it would be OK. My doctor was
    >>>ignorant. I am not going back to her, I have gone to a specialist; the one I will see agian on
    >>>Monday.
    >>
    >> <snip>
    >>
    >>>darsh
    >>
    >>
    >>SOB Darsh! This really sucks!
    >>
    >>Unfortunately, you can't rely on getting good advice from any doctor these days. And IMO, any HMO
    >>doctor is about as low on the food chain as they come. I've had 4 different docs in as many years
    >>and they were all uneducated dumb asses; They really piss me off!
    >>
    >>Cysts are a bitch though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my
    >>left wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having a
    >>HMO doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with
    >>it. I know your case is totally different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.
    >>
    >
    >
    > slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    > alone by my doc.

    I had a ganglion or baker's cyst on my wrist for years. The folk remedy is to lay a silver
    dollar on it, then have somebody hit it with a bible. Never quite had the nerve to try that
    one, although my sister was eager to help me out. It would flare and subside, flare and
    subside. Finally I hit it against a brick wall during a fall, which evidently ruptured it,
    and it never reformed. Can't say I recommend that, though.

    Kathleen
     
  18. Martees

    Martees Guest

    "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:Kb3oa.541181$sf5.859294[email protected]...

    Damn Darsh. There are any number of phrases and sayings that can be passed along at a time like
    this. Not having read what everyone else has passed along I am sure there is nothing I can say that
    would be unique.

    Just understand that my thoughts are with you.

    Hope everything works out well. They usually do.

    Marty
     
  19. Penny S.

    Penny S. Guest

    Mark Hickey wrote:
    > "Penny S." <[email protected]> wrote:
    >
    >> Slacker wrote:
    >
    >>> Cysts are a bitch though. Nobody really knows how some of them development. I've had one on my
    >>> left wrist for the past few years and DH'ing has not been kind to it. But the thought of having
    >>> a HMO doctor hacking into me is far more repulsive than just dealing with
    >>> it. I know your case is totally different and you don't have a choice, but to remove it.
    >>
    >> slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    >> alone by my doc.
    >
    > I dunno, Penny... lions are pretty dangerous, and one with a gang orientation must be pretty
    > scary. Do they wear colors other than just orange?
    >

    hey a ganglion cyst is a real thing, google it if you don't beleive me

    penny
     
  20. Penny S.

    Penny S. Guest

    Kathleen wrote:
    >> slacker is that a "ganglion" I've got one on my wrist also and I was recommended to just leave it
    >> alone by my doc.
    >
    >
    > I had a ganglion or baker's cyst on my wrist for years. The folk remedy is to lay a silver dollar
    > on it, then have somebody hit it with a bible. Never quite had the nerve to try that one, although
    > my sister was eager to help me out. It would flare and subside, flare and subside. Finally I hit
    > it against a brick wall during a fall, which evidently ruptured it, and it never reformed. Can't
    > say I recommend that, though.
    >
    > Kathleen

    that's what my doc told me too!

    Penny
     
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