Oncoming traffic

Discussion in 'UK and Europe' started by Simon Mason, Jul 11, 2003.

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  1. Simon Mason

    Simon Mason Guest

    Cycling up our narrowish lane today there was a bus parked on the opposite side of the road facing
    me. Several cars were coming towards me with the bus in their way. None of them was able to see me
    as the bus was obscuring their view.

    Needless to say BMW man and Mrs 4x4 weren't going to wait the extra 10 seconds for the one bus
    passenger to alight on the bus and they all overtook it in convoy. Just before they did, I moved
    out slightly so I was now about a metre from the kerb.

    BMW man was now heading straight into my path leaving me with about 1/2 a metre of road to my left
    to bail out into. I now had the perfect opportunity to stick my bar end into the side of his car
    which was now occupying nearly all my lane. I could have left him with an expensive paint job,
    leaving me 100% blameless.

    Unfortunately, this would have been too tricky and dangerous so I had to console myself with
    shouting "how much road do you want" into Mrs 4 x 4's open window.

    --
    Simon Mason Anlaby East Yorkshire. 53°44'N 0°26'W http://www.simonmason.karoo.net
     
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  2. James Hodson

    James Hodson Guest

    On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 13:11:23 +0100, "Simon Mason" <[email protected]> wrote:

    [SNIP]

    >BMW man was now heading straight into my path leaving me with about 1/2 a metre of road to my left
    >to bail out into. I now had the perfect opportunity to stick my bar end into the side of his car
    >which was now occupying nearly all my lane. I could have left him with an expensive paint job,
    >leaving me 100% blameless.
    >
    > Unfortunately, this would have been too tricky and dangerous so I had to console myself with
    > shouting "how much road do you want" into Mrs 4 x 4's open window.
    >

    Simon

    For goodness sake, how much room do you want? You surely, as an experienced trundler, should know
    that you are merely a misiscule mote of mankyness and worth less than nothing, whereas BMW drivers
    are the rulers of all they survey.

    I suggest you use my new favourite word: "Twunt!"

    James

    --
    http://homepage.ntlworld.com/c.butty/Dscf0632.jpg
     
  3. Mark South

    Mark South Guest

    "Simon Mason" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]... snip
    > BMW man was now heading straight into my path leaving me with about
    1/2 a
    > metre of road to my left to bail out into. I now had the perfect
    opportunity
    > to stick my bar end into the side of his car which was now occupying
    nearly
    > all my lane. I could have left him with an expensive paint job,
    leaving me
    > 100% blameless.

    If the car is close enough for you to swipe off its driver-side mirror with a well-aimed blow from
    your mighty right arm, it's too damn close.

    "I didn't mean to hit your mirror, I was gesticulating for you to give me a safe amount of room. In
    fact, I'm amazed they are that fragile, I would never have thought a quality car like that would be
    so flimsy!"

    --
    Mark South: Citizen of the World, Denizen of the Net "I wonder why so many Finnish traditions are
    related with booze?"
    - Juha Sakkinen
     
  4. Simon Mason

    Simon Mason Guest

    "Mark South" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > "Simon Mason" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]... snip
    > > BMW man was now heading straight into my path leaving me with about
    > 1/2 a
    > > metre of road to my left to bail out into. I now had the perfect
    > opportunity
    > > to stick my bar end into the side of his car which was now occupying
    > nearly
    > > all my lane. I could have left him with an expensive paint job,
    > leaving me
    > > 100% blameless.
    >
    > If the car is close enough for you to swipe off its driver-side mirror with a well-aimed blow from
    > your mighty right arm, it's too damn close.
    >
    > "I didn't mean to hit your mirror, I was gesticulating for you to give me a safe amount of room.
    > In fact, I'm amazed they are that fragile, I would never have thought a quality car like that
    > would be so flimsy!"

    That would have been a hostile act (not that aiming his half tonne car directly at me wasn't
    hostile as well) whereas scraping my bar end along his car would have been 100% his fault as he was
    occupying 95% of my lane and could have had no complaints. Trouble was, there were too many
    variables to get away with it.

    --
    Simon Mason Anlaby East Yorkshire. 53°44'N 0°26'W http://www.simonmason.karoo.net
     
  5. Ngarn75125

    Ngarn75125 Guest

    In article <[email protected]>, "Simon Mason" <[email protected]> writes:

    >Needless to say BMW man and Mrs 4x4 weren't going to wait the extra 10 seconds for the one bus
    >passenger to alight on the bus and they all overtook it in convoy. Just before they did, I moved
    >out slightly so I was now about a metre from the kerb.

    It's a well known fact that BMW dealerships have a lobotomy clinic out the back, it's a requirement
    that prior to driving one, the purchaser's brain is removed. Have you noticed too that indicators
    are an optional extra on the more expensive models? Nick: to reply remove 'goaway'
     
  6. Andymorris

    Andymorris Guest

    Simon Mason wrote:
    >
    > That would have been a hostile act (not that aiming his half tonne car directly at me wasn't
    > hostile as well) whereas scraping my bar end along his car would have been 100% his fault as he
    > was occupying 95% of my lane and could have had no complaints. Trouble was, there were too many
    > variables to get away with it.

    You know how some motorcyclists have titanium studs on their knee pads so they can make preety
    trails of sparks as they go round blind bends to fast?

    I wonder if you could do a similiar thing with track mitts?
    --
    Andy Morris

    AndyAtJinkasDotFreeserve.Co.UK

    Love this: Put an end to Outlook Express's messy quotes
    http://home.in.tum.de/~jain/software/oe-quotefix/
     
  7. Tony Raven

    Tony Raven Guest

    In news:[email protected], AndyMorris <[email protected]> typed:
    >
    > You know how some motorcyclists have titanium studs on their knee pads so they can make preety
    > trails of sparks as they go round blind bends to fast?
    >
    > I wonder if you could do a similiar thing with track mitts?

    I think you'd need prehensile length arms to drag track mitts on the road. ;-)

    Tony

    --
    http://www.raven-family.com

    "All truth goes through three steps: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed.
    Finally, it is accepted as self-evident." Arthur Schopenhauer
     
  8. Dave

    Dave Guest

    "Simon Mason" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]... <snip>

    > Unfortunately, this would have been too tricky and dangerous so I had to console myself with
    > shouting "how much road do you want" into Mrs 4 x 4's open window.
    >
    > --
    > Simon Mason Anlaby East Yorkshire. 53°44'N 0°26'W http://www.simonmason.karoo.net
    >
    Bet she was suprised to find out that she was actually on a road!!...the advertising glossy only
    showed pictures of it up mountains, in forests, crossing rivers.....ah, in the simple mind.... Dave.
     
  9. James Hodson

    James Hodson Guest

    On Sun, 13 Jul 2003 15:20:02 +0100, "Dave" <[email protected]> wrote:

    >Bet she was suprised to find out that she was actually on a road!!...the advertising glossy only
    >showed pictures of it up mountains, in forests, crossing rivers.....ah, in the simple mind....
    >

    Dave

    I have ... erm ... four words to say to you: Industrial Light and Magic.

    Next thing you know you'll be telling me it's possible for people to pedal their bicycles all the
    way up to skiing resorts without the tyres popping.

    James

    --
    http://homepage.ntlworld.com/c.butty/Dscf0632.jpg
     
  10. Mark South

    Mark South Guest

    "James Hodson" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > On Sun, 13 Jul 2003 15:20:02 +0100, "Dave" <[email protected]> wrote:
    >
    > >Bet she was suprised to find out that she was actually on a
    road!!...the
    > >advertising glossy only showed pictures of it up mountains, in
    forests,
    > >crossing rivers.....ah, in the simple mind....
    > >
    > I have ... erm ... four words to say to you: Industrial Light and Magic.

    "It's a squirrel-squashin' deer-smackin' drivin' machine. Canyonero, Canyoneeeroooooooooo...."

    > Next thing you know you'll be telling me it's possible for people to pedal their bicycles all the
    > way up to skiing resorts without the tyres popping.

    Although it may burst a blood vessel or two.

    BTW, that means you should have included TdF SPOILER in the subject line
    :)

    --
    Mark South: Citizen of the World, Denizen of the Net "I wonder why so many Finnish traditions are
    related with booze?"
    - Juha Sakkinen
     
  11. James Hodson

    James Hodson Guest

    On Sun, 13 Jul 2003 18:45:25 +0100, "Mark South" <[email protected]> wrote:

    [SNIP]

    Too little information.

    ==================================

    Can you name the truck with four wheel drive, smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..

    Canyonero! Canyonero!

    Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down, It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!

    Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero! [Krusty:] Hey Hey

    The Federal Highway comission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.

    Canyonero!

    12 yards long, 2 lanes wide, 65 tons of American Pride!

    Canyonero! Canyonero!

    Top of the line in utility sports, Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!

    Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!)

    She blinds everybody with her super high beams, She's a squirrel crushing, deer smacking,
    driving machine!

    Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero! (Yah!)

    Drive Canyonero!

    Woah Canyonero!

    Woah!

    ==================================

    James

    --
    http://homepage.ntlworld.com/c.butty/Dscf0632.jpg
     
  12. Mark South

    Mark South Guest

    "James Hodson" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > On Sun, 13 Jul 2003 18:45:25 +0100, "Mark South" <[email protected]> wrote:
    >
    > [SNIP]
    >
    > Too little information.

    I clearly don't pay enough attention to The Simpsons....

    > ==================================
    >
    > Can you name the truck with four wheel drive, smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..
    >
    > Canyonero! Canyonero!
    >
    > Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down, It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!
    >
    > Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero! [Krusty:] Hey Hey
    >
    > The Federal Highway comission has ruled the Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.
    >
    > Canyonero!
    >
    > 12 yards long, 2 lanes wide, 65 tons of American Pride!
    >
    > Canyonero! Canyonero!
    >
    > Top of the line in utility sports, Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
    >
    > Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!)
    >
    > She blinds everybody with her super high beams, She's a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving
    > machine!
    >
    > Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero! (Yah!)
    >
    > Drive Canyonero!
    >
    > Woah Canyonero!
    >
    > Woah!

    Oh dear lord that's wonderful, thank you for recalling it for us.

    I have this sudden urge to buy a Hummer.

    --
    Mark South: Citizen of the World, Denizen of the Net "I wonder why so many Finnish traditions are
    related with booze?"
    - Juha Sakkinen
     
  13. AndyMorris wrote:

    > You know how some motorcyclists have titanium studs on their knee pads so they can make preety
    > trails of sparks as they go round blind bends to fast?
    >
    > I wonder if you could do a similiar thing with track mitts?

    Short answer: Yes.

    Longer answer: I knew a bloke called Andy Harrington many years ago, who had a pair of leather track
    mitts. The backs of these were liberally decorated[1] with pyramidal metal studs of the sort that a
    Certain Sort of Punk or Heavy Metal Type might use to embellish the appearance of leather jackets,
    wristbands, belts etc. This was a man who complained about the lack of an ashtray on a Trice, so his
    demeanour can probably be guessed at.

    1 - as well as the word "Hawkwind", in neat embroidery

    Dave Larrington - http://www.legslarry.beerdrinkers.co.uk/
    ===========================================================
    Editor - British Human Power Club Newsletter
    http://www.bhpc.org.uk/
    ===========================================================
     
  14. Andymorris

    Andymorris Guest

    Tony Raven wrote:
    > In news:[email protected], AndyMorris <[email protected]> typed:
    >>
    >> You know how some motorcyclists have titanium studs on their knee pads so they can make preety
    >> trails of sparks as they go round blind bends to fast?
    >>
    >> I wonder if you could do a similiar thing with track mitts?
    >
    > I think you'd need prehensile length arms to drag track mitts on the road. ;-)
    >

    But wouldn't they make a loverly pattern of a nice new BMW?

    --
    Andy Morris

    AndyAtJinkasDotFreeserve.Co.UK

    Love this: Put an end to Outlook Express's messy quotes
    http://home.in.tum.de/~jain/software/oe-quotefix/
     
  15. James Hodson

    James Hodson Guest

    On Sun, 13 Jul 2003 23:04:48 +0100, "Mark South" <[email protected]> wrote:

    >I clearly don't pay enough attention to The Simpsons....
    >

    It's scary what I come across in my \My Documents\Text Documents directory every now and again.

    I understand that someone's Mastermind Specialist Subject was/will be The Simpsons. Who said the
    programme was being dumbed down?

    James

    --
    http://homepage.ntlworld.com/c.butty/Dscf0632.jpg
     
  16. James Hodson

    James Hodson Guest

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