Ot: Cats and gift wrapping... (humor)

Discussion in 'Food and nutrition' started by Katra, Dec 22, 2003.

  1. Katra

    Katra Guest

    I'm finally nearly ready for Christmas, and since I have to work all next week except for Christmas
    day, I spent a good part of the evening doing my gift wrapping.

    Serena is a precocious, long haired calico and she decided it was her job to "help" me do my
    wrapping tonight.

    At one point I threatened to bat HER across the room if she batted one more bow across the room!
    LOL! I'd never hit her of course, but verbal threats are acceptable.... <G>

    I'm nearly done, ran out of labels so just have a few small packs of cordials to wrap as stocking
    stuffers...

    Meanwhile, wanted to share this from my "cat humor" archives:

    Merry Christmas!
    K.

    Gift wrapping when you own a cat (or several)...

    1.  Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
    2.  Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
    3.  Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
    4.  Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
    5.  Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
    6.  Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
    7.  Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
    8.  Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and
    collect string.
    9.  Remove present from bag.
    10.  Remove cat from bag.
    11.  Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
    12.  Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
    13.  Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
    14.  Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
    15.  Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
    16.  Place present on cut-to-size paper.
    17.  Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat
    between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
    18.  Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.
    19.  Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of
    nail scissors.
    20.  Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
    21.  Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
    22.  Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
    23.  Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing
    ribbon end.
    24.  Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
    25.  Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper.
    Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
    26.  Put present in box, and tie down with string.
    27.  Remove string, open box and remove cat.
    28.  Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
    29.  Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
    30.  Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
    31.  Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but
    try your best!)
    32.  Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with
    transparent sticky tape.  Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst
    affected areas.
    33.  Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of
    a bad job.
    34.  Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
    35.  Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
    36.  Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
    37.  Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last
    attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
    38.  At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their
    contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.
    39.  Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.

    --
    >^,,^< Cats-haven Hobby Farm >^,,^< [email protected] >^,,^<

    "There are millions of intelligent species in the universe, and they are all owned by
    cats" -- Asimov

    Custom handcrafts, Sterling silver beaded jewelry
    http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=Katra
     
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  2. John Gaughan

    John Gaughan Guest

    Katra wrote:
    > Serena is a precocious, long haired calico and she decided it was her job to "help" me do my
    > wrapping tonight.

    My cat watched me wrap the one present that my wide didn't wrap for me. It took some newspaper,
    tape, and about thirty seconds. It looks like a deranged third grader wrapped it. But if that's the
    level of my wrapping skill, so be it. I'm a man, that's my excuse :)

    My cat learned not to bug me too much when I'm working on something. I don't *try* to hurt him, but
    I am a bit clumsy and he gets behind me or under something where I can't see him.

    It's amazing his tail isn't broken yet.

    --
    John Gaughan
    http://www.johngaughan.net/
    [email protected]
     
  3. Rmiller

    Rmiller Guest

    >Subject: Ot: Cats and gift wrapping... (humor)
    >From: Katra [email protected]
    >Date: 12/22/2003 1:25 AM Mountain Standard Time
    >Message-id: <[email protected]>
    >
    >I'm finally nearly ready for Christmas, and since I have to work all next week except for Christmas
    >day, I spent a good part of the evening doing my gift wrapping.
    >
    >Serena is a precocious, long haired calico and she decided it was her job to "help" me do my
    >wrapping tonight.
    >
    >At one point I threatened to bat HER across the room if she batted one more bow across the room!
    >LOL! I'd never hit her of course, but verbal threats are acceptable.... <G>

    Cats at Christmas are wild, mine do all the thngs with wrapping paper that is possible... and then
    some.They are sooo entertaining !! Rosie
     
  4. Penmart01

    Penmart01 Guest

    John Gaughan writes:

    >Katra wrote:
    >> Serena is a precocious, long haired calico and she decided it was her job to "help" me do my
    >> wrapping tonight.
    >
    >My cat learned not to bug me too much when I'm working on something. I don't *try* to hurt him, but
    >I am a bit clumsy and he gets behind me or under something where I can't see him.

    Cats do not respond positively to negative reinforcement... it's much easier to create a positive
    diversion; cats can't resist empty cartons and brown paper bags... the trick of course is to use
    ones freshly brought in from the outdoors, new smells are a cat magnet... certainly you possess more
    intellect than the average cat. I have six; Mooch, Jack, Jilly, Peachie, Blackie, Sarah... each with
    very different capabilities... Jack is is definitely "slow" on the uptake, only because he is
    practically blind, but once he's mastered something he doesn't forget. Jilly on the other hand is a
    Mensa cat, her IQ is superiour to that of any cat and 95% of all humans on planet Earth. Mooch (the
    real Queen of Mean) is no slouch either, she possesses a doctorate in mousing. Ever a rodent enters
    her domain it's a gonner within that day; I know of no other cat that has topped her record, 13
    documented kills in one short night. There they be, laid out neatly in a perfectly aligned row on
    the kitchen table, all with their little necks nearly severed.

    Blackie: http://www.twotuxcats.com/tuxgallery/gallery23.php Mensa Jill:
    http://www.twotuxcats.com/tuxgallery/gallery22.php

    ---= BOYCOTT FRENCH--GERMAN (belgium) =--- ---= Move UNITED NATIONS To Paris =--- Sheldon
    ```````````` "Life would be devoid of all meaning were it without tribulation."
     
  5. John Gaughan

    John Gaughan Guest

    PENMART01 wrote:
    > Cats do not respond positively to negative reinforcement... it's much easier to create a positive
    > diversion; cats can't resist empty cartons and brown paper bags...

    Speedy has a few boxes scatters around the house, integrated with the furniture (like on the bottom
    shelf of a bookshelf) so he will leave *my* boxes alone. Of course every time I get a package and I
    remove its contents he has it on the floor, packing material everywhere, before I can throw it out.

    We used to cut holes in the bottom of paper bags and he would run into them and push himself with
    his back paws, looking through the front (bottom) window. Then that got old. Now he just follows me
    around and gets into stuff whenever I most need him not to.

    > There they be, laid out neatly in a perfectly aligned row on the kitchen table, all with their
    > little necks nearly severed.

    My wife's old cat just died after 20 years, it was about as old as George Burns in cat years.
    Anyway, he would kill mice and other rodents and show them off to her family at the funniest times,
    like leaving presents outside the shower, or at the dinner table, or at someone's feet while sitting
    on the couch.

    --
    John Gaughan
    http://www.johngaughan.net/
    [email protected]
     
  6. Katra

    Katra Guest

    John Gaughan wrote:
    >
    > Katra wrote:
    > > Serena is a precocious, long haired calico and she decided it was her job to "help" me do my
    > > wrapping tonight.
    >
    > My cat watched me wrap the one present that my wide didn't wrap for me. It took some newspaper,
    > tape, and about thirty seconds. It looks like a deranged third grader wrapped it. But if that's
    > the level of my wrapping skill, so be it. I'm a man, that's my excuse :)
    >
    > My cat learned not to bug me too much when I'm working on something. I don't *try* to hurt him,
    > but I am a bit clumsy and he gets behind me or under something where I can't see him.
    >
    > It's amazing his tail isn't broken yet.
    >
    > --
    > John Gaughan

    I know what you mean... What is it with some of them that they insist on being underfoot? Or is it
    that they know I'll pick them up to apologize and cuddle if I do step on them..... <g>

    K.

    --
    >^,,^< Cats-haven Hobby Farm >^,,^< [email protected] >^,,^<

    "There are millions of intelligent species in the universe, and they are all owned by
    cats" -- Asimov

    Custom handcrafts, Sterling silver beaded jewelry
    http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=Katra
     
  7. Katra

    Katra Guest

    RMiller wrote:
    >
    > >Subject: Ot: Cats and gift wrapping... (humor) From: Katra [email protected] Date: 12/22/2003
    > >1:25 AM Mountain Standard Time Message-id: <[email protected]>
    > >
    > >I'm finally nearly ready for Christmas, and since I have to work all next week except for
    > >Christmas day, I spent a good part of the evening doing my gift wrapping.
    > >
    > >Serena is a precocious, long haired calico and she decided it was her job to "help" me do my
    > >wrapping tonight.
    > >
    > >At one point I threatened to bat HER across the room if she batted one more bow across the room!
    > >LOL! I'd never hit her of course, but verbal threats are acceptable.... <G>
    >
    > Cats at Christmas are wild, mine do all the thngs with wrapping paper that is possible... and then
    > some.They are sooo entertaining !! Rosie

    <lol> I understand... Sometimes I just toss them a scrap of wasted paper to keep them
    entertained. :)

    They are pretty much leaving the tree alone this year, but I've switched from a live one to one of
    those scintillating fiber optic artificial trees..... They are not as interested in it.

    K.

    --
    >^,,^< Cats-haven Hobby Farm >^,,^< [email protected] >^,,^<

    "There are millions of intelligent species in the universe, and they are all owned by
    cats" -- Asimov

    Custom handcrafts, Sterling silver beaded jewelry
    http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=Katra
     
  8. Katra

    Katra Guest

    PENMART01 wrote:
    >
    > John Gaughan writes:
    >
    > >Katra wrote:
    > >> Serena is a precocious, long haired calico and she decided it was her job to "help" me do my
    > >> wrapping tonight.
    > >
    > >My cat learned not to bug me too much when I'm working on something. I don't *try* to hurt him,
    > >but I am a bit clumsy and he gets behind me or under something where I can't see him.
    >
    > Cats do not respond positively to negative reinforcement... it's much easier to create a positive
    > diversion; cats can't resist empty cartons and brown paper bags... the trick of course is to use
    > ones freshly brought in from the outdoors, new smells are a cat magnet... certainly you possess
    > more intellect than the average cat. I have six; Mooch, Jack, Jilly, Peachie, Blackie, Sarah...
    > each with very different capabilities... Jack is is definitely "slow" on the uptake, only because
    > he is practically blind, but once he's mastered something he doesn't forget. Jilly on the other
    > hand is a Mensa cat, her IQ is superiour to that of any cat and 95% of all humans on planet Earth.
    > Mooch (the real Queen of Mean) is no slouch either, she possesses a doctorate in mousing. Ever a
    > rodent enters her domain it's a gonner within that day; I know of no other cat that has topped her
    > record, 13 documented kills in one short night. There they be, laid out neatly in a perfectly
    > aligned row on the kitchen table, all with their little necks nearly severed.
    >
    > Blackie: http://www.twotuxcats.com/tuxgallery/gallery23.php Mensa Jill:
    > http://www.twotuxcats.com/tuxgallery/gallery22.php
    >
    > Sheldon ````````````

    That's another reason I like you Shel'. :) You are a fellow cat lover...

    Soon's I get my digicam, I'll share pics of my kids...

    Thanks for sharing yours! They are adorable.

    I doubt that he steps on them on purpose, neither do I! I finally distracted Serena last night with
    a lightly crumpled piece of wasted wrapping paper. I guess she liked the noise it made when she laid
    on it, and the paper had been stored out in the shed all year so smelled like the outdoors I guess.

    The cat I have the most trouble with getting tripped over is Taz'. He is brain damaged. I was
    driving to work one day and saw the car ahead of me hit a little white kitten. :-( Really bummed me
    out as I thought I'd just seen a little kitty go to heaven... But, when I got to the next stoplight,
    something kept telling me to GO BACK!!!, so I did. It was a busy highway so by the time I got back
    and blocked traffic with my car, he had been run over several more times but was dead center in the
    lane so nobody else had actually hit him.

    He was still breathing.

    So, I carefully picked him up and laid him on the floorboards, he was stunned, unconcious and
    "posturing" which indicated a severe head injury. Toes strait out, head way back and tongued
    clenched between his teeth.

    When I got to work, I found a box and padded it with a towel and brought him inside. I then called
    my dad to come and get him and take him to my vet. Two hours later, he was still out of it, but dad
    said when they got to the vet he was starting to come around.

    He was at the vets for 10 days and she syringe fed him initially after giving him a shot of
    dexamethazone.

    He has some mild nuerological problems now after 2 years, but does well. He grooms himself, eats,
    drinks, and uses the litter box, but is just not the sharpest knife in the drawer. ;-) He tends to
    sprawl in the hallway to get his belly rubbed so if he does that in the dark, even tho' he is solid
    white, he sometimes gets tripped over. :p

    K.
    --
    >^,,^< Cats-haven Hobby Farm >^,,^< [email protected] >^,,^<

    "There are millions of intelligent species in the universe, and they are all owned by
    cats" -- Asimov

    Custom handcrafts, Sterling silver beaded jewelry
    http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=Katra
     
  9. "RMiller" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > >Subject: Ot: Cats and gift wrapping... (humor) From: Katra [email protected]
    <snip>
    > >
    > >At one point I threatened to bat HER across the room if she batted one more bow across the room!
    > >LOL! I'd never hit her of course, but verbal threats are acceptable.... <G>
    >
    >
    > Cats at Christmas are wild, mine do all the thngs with wrapping paper
    that is
    > possible... and then some.They are sooo entertaining !! Rosie

    I'm not sure this link would work but after that story, I think you would appreciate this card my
    niece sent me :).

    http://tinyurl.com/22vvu

    rona
    --
    ***For e-mail, replace .com with .ca Sorry for the inconvenience!***
     
  10. Katra

    Katra Guest

    John Gaughan wrote:
    >
    > PENMART01 wrote:
    > > Cats do not respond positively to negative reinforcement... it's much easier to create a
    > > positive diversion; cats can't resist empty cartons and brown paper bags...
    >
    > Speedy has a few boxes scatters around the house, integrated with the furniture (like on the
    > bottom shelf of a bookshelf) so he will leave *my* boxes alone. Of course every time I get a
    > package and I remove its contents he has it on the floor, packing material everywhere, before I
    > can throw it out.
    >
    > We used to cut holes in the bottom of paper bags and he would run into them and push himself with
    > his back paws, looking through the front (bottom) window. Then that got old. Now he just follows
    > me around and gets into stuff whenever I most need him not to.
    >
    > > There they be, laid out neatly in a perfectly aligned row on the kitchen table, all with their
    > > little necks nearly severed.
    >
    > My wife's old cat just died after 20 years, it was about as old as George Burns in cat years.
    > Anyway, he would kill mice and other rodents and show them off to her family at the funniest
    > times, like leaving presents outside the shower, or at the dinner table, or at someone's feet
    > while sitting on the couch.
    >
    > --
    > John Gaughan

    Condolences... Sounds like a wonderful cat!

    K.

    --
    >^,,^< Cats-haven Hobby Farm >^,,^< [email protected] >^,,^<

    "There are millions of intelligent species in the universe, and they are all owned by
    cats" -- Asimov

    Custom handcrafts, Sterling silver beaded jewelry
    http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=Katra
     
  11. Katra

    Katra Guest

    Rona Yuthasastrakosol wrote:
    >
    > "RMiller" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]
    > m07.aol.com...
    > > >Subject: Ot: Cats and gift wrapping... (humor) From: Katra [email protected]
    > <snip>
    > > >
    > > >At one point I threatened to bat HER across the room if she batted one more bow across the
    > > >room! LOL! I'd never hit her of course, but verbal threats are acceptable.... <G>
    > >
    > >
    > > Cats at Christmas are wild, mine do all the thngs with wrapping paper
    > that is
    > > possible... and then some.They are sooo entertaining !! Rosie
    >
    > I'm not sure this link would work but after that story, I think you would appreciate this card my
    > niece sent me :).
    >
    > http://tinyurl.com/22vvu
    >
    > rona
    > --

    Oh lordy! ROFL! Yes the link worked... ;-D

    Thanks for sharing that.....

    K.

    --
    >^,,^< Cats-haven Hobby Farm >^,,^< [email protected] >^,,^<

    "There are millions of intelligent species in the universe, and they are all owned by
    cats" -- Asimov

    Custom handcrafts, Sterling silver beaded jewelry
    http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=Katra
     
  12. Katra

    Katra Guest

    RMiller wrote:
    >
    > >
    > ><lol> I understand... Sometimes I just toss them a scrap of wasted paper to keep them
    > >entertained. :)
    > >
    > >They are pretty much leaving the tree alone this year, but I've switched from a live one to one
    > >of those scintillating fiber optic artificial trees..... They are not as interested in it.
    > >
    > >K.
    > >
    >
    > Mine do like the tree, enought to actually climb up into it. Funny ? But not funny too, this year
    > as we are moving ( back to Texas ) I do not have a tree but there will be plenty of boxes and
    > paper to play with. Rosie

    That'll make them happy. :)

    What part of Texas are you moving to? I live in the Austin area.

    K.
     
  13. The Cook

    The Cook Guest

    [email protected] (PENMART01) wrote:

    >John Gaughan writes:
    >
    >>Katra wrote:
    >>> Serena is a precocious, long haired calico and she decided it was her job to "help" me do my
    >>> wrapping tonight.
    >>
    >>My cat learned not to bug me too much when I'm working on something. I don't *try* to hurt him,
    >>but I am a bit clumsy and he gets behind me or under something where I can't see him.
    >
    >Cats do not respond positively to negative reinforcement... it's much easier to create a positive
    >diversion; cats can't resist empty cartons and brown paper bags... the trick of course is to use
    >ones freshly brought in from the outdoors, new smells are a cat magnet... certainly you possess
    >more intellect than the average cat. I have six; Mooch, Jack, Jilly, Peachie, Blackie, Sarah...
    >each with very different capabilities... Jack is is definitely "slow" on the uptake, only because
    >he is practically blind, but once he's mastered something he doesn't forget. Jilly on the other
    >hand is a Mensa cat, her IQ is superiour to that of any cat and 95% of all humans on planet Earth.
    >Mooch (the real Queen of Mean) is no slouch either, she possesses a doctorate in mousing. Ever a
    >rodent enters her domain it's a gonner within that day; I know of no other cat that has topped her
    >record, 13 documented kills in one short night. There they be, laid out neatly in a perfectly
    >aligned row on the kitchen table, all with their little necks nearly severed.
    >
    >Blackie: http://www.twotuxcats.com/tuxgallery/gallery23.php Mensa Jill:
    >http://www.twotuxcats.com/tuxgallery/gallery22.php
    >
    >
    >---= BOYCOTT FRENCH--GERMAN (belgium) =--- ---= Move UNITED NATIONS To Paris =--- Sheldon
    >```````````` "Life would be devoid of all meaning were it without tribulation."
    >

    Jill looks so much better than the last time I saw a picture of her. Glad she is getting
    along so well.

    --
    Susan N.

    There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who do not.
     
  14. John Gaughan

    John Gaughan Guest

    Katra wrote:
    > I doubt that he steps on them on purpose, neither do I!

    Not on purpose, unless he lays his tail out on purpose ;-)

    > He has some mild nuerological problems now after 2 years, but does well.

    I don't get how some people can be cruel to animals. Not everyone has to love cats and kittens, but
    people shouldn't hurt or maim them just because they think they're smelly or ugly. I hate to see any
    animal (including humans) suffer.

    Anyway, here's Speedy in case you're interested:

    http://www.johngaughan.net/pics/pets.php

    I like the one of him laying on his back on the blue chair, paws up in the air :)

    --
    John Gaughan
    http://www.johngaughan.net/
    [email protected]
     
  15. Katra

    Katra Guest

    RMiller wrote:
    >
    > >
    > >The cat I have the most trouble with getting tripped over is Taz'. He is brain damaged. I was
    > >driving to work one day and saw the car ahead of me hit a little white kitten. :-( Really bummed
    > >me out as I thought I'd just seen a little kitty go to heaven...
    >
    > This sounds like a special cat, hang on to this one. Rosie

    He is a special needs kitty, but a real treasure. :) Such a sweet boy..... He is in a "forever
    home" with me.

    He sleeps at my feet.

    K.

    --
    >^,,^< Cats-haven Hobby Farm >^,,^< [email protected] >^,,^<

    "There are millions of intelligent species in the universe, and they are all owned by
    cats" -- Asimov

    Custom handcrafts, Sterling silver beaded jewelry
    http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=Katra
     
  16. Katra

    Katra Guest

    John Gaughan wrote:
    >
    > Katra wrote:
    > > I doubt that he steps on them on purpose, neither do I!
    >
    > Not on purpose, unless he lays his tail out on purpose ;-)

    I sometimes wonder about that... <G> Since they always get cuddled after you accidently hurt them,
    maybe it's a Pavlovian thing???

    >
    > > He has some mild nuerological problems now after 2 years, but does well.
    >
    > I don't get how some people can be cruel to animals. Not everyone has to love cats and kittens,
    > but people shouldn't hurt or maim them just because they think they're smelly or ugly. I hate to
    > see any animal (including humans) suffer.

    Some people are just sick.... and need to be removed from the gene pool. :p

    Nobody was cruel to Taz' per se', somebody was just an idiot for letting a young cat like that run
    loose in an area with heavy traffic! The car ahead of me did brake, (I saw the brake lights) but
    sometimes you just cannot miss an animal that runs under your car. :-(

    I've only hit a cat once, and it quite literally ran UNDER my car and I was not going fast since it
    was a residential area.

    Ruined my life for days..... <sigh> Yes, I killed it. :-( I can still see it flopping around before
    it died in my mind. Horrible memory. It was an adult siamese.

    I don't let my cats run loose outside.

    >
    > Anyway, here's Speedy in case you're interested:
    >
    > http://www.johngaughan.net/pics/pets.php
    >
    > I like the one of him laying on his back on the blue chair, paws up in the air :)

    OOh cute boy! Looks like a happy cat. :) I like the shot that you got of him yawning! LOL!

    >
    > --
    > John Gaughan http://www.johngaughan.net/ [email protected]

    K. (always a sucker for cat pictures)

    --
    >^,,^< Cats-haven Hobby Farm >^,,^< [email protected] >^,,^<

    "There are millions of intelligent species in the universe, and they are all owned by
    cats" -- Asimov

    Custom handcrafts, Sterling silver beaded jewelry
    http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=Katra
     
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