OT: Door-to-Door Religion

Discussion in 'Food and nutrition' started by Doug Kanter, Jan 20, 2006.

  1. Doug Kanter

    Doug Kanter Guest

    Next time that happens, drop the bath robe and invite them in. They'll
    vanish quickly.
     
    Tags:


  2. The Ranger

    The Ranger Guest

    I'm a secular man. I would like to think that my extended family
    has covered enough major religions to guarantee my safe passage
    into the great void by default. ("Ranger? Seating right this way,
    please.")

    So what greets me at 9:00 a.m. early one fine morning - after a
    truly enjoyable evening at a local pub the previous night? Three
    spiffily-dressed females - the matriarch, the daughter, and the
    daughter's daughter - all light-and-sunshine wishing to share with
    me "The Watch Tower for the Spanish speaking residents of my
    neighborhood."

    Three things occurred before, during, and after this greeting:
    1) I wasn't happy about being forced out of bed and looked it.
    (The multiple raps and two rounds of doorbell chimes assured
    that.)

    2) I don't think there are any large pockets of native
    Spanish-speakers for several miles, let alone behind my
    double-door entry. (I mentioned this hoping to close off any
    conversations that were expected from me.)

    And

    3) Why is it so difficult for this particular cult to understand
    "No thank you," especially during the holidays?

    Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
    help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
    needs at conversion?

    ObWarning: A banger and fries doesn't cover three pints of
    Guinness and two shots of Jameson's.

    The Ranger
     
  3. Nancy1

    Nancy1 Guest

    The Ranger wrote:
    > I'm a secular man. I would like to think that my extended family
    > has covered enough major religions to guarantee my safe passage
    > into the great void by default. ("Ranger? Seating right this way,
    > please.")
    >

    I feel for ya.

    I have a very small sign right by my doorbell. It says, "No
    soliciting; no sales, including charities; no surveys; no petitions."

    Since I put it up, the only person I wasn't expecting who has rung my
    doorbell was the mailman. I may miss my chance with the knight on the
    white horse, but it's worth it. Ah, peace.

    N.
     
  4. Ida Detroit

    Ida Detroit Guest

    The secret word when dealing with the witness' is "Disfellowshipped'.
    Open your door 1 inch and tell them you have been Disfellowshipped.
    They will flee and never return again. It is their equivilent of
    ex-communicated.
     
  5. Person

    Person Guest

    > 3) Why is it so difficult for this particular cult to understand
    > "No thank you," especially during the holidays?


    I hear you... I hate people that "make" me act rude. And that is what it
    takes sometimes.

    Larry T
     
  6. In article <[email protected]>,
    The Ranger <[email protected]> wrote:

    > Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
    > help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
    > needs at conversion?
    >
    > ObWarning: A banger and fries doesn't cover three pints of
    > Guinness and two shots of Jameson's.
    >
    > The Ranger


    Give them this next time:

    ~~ "We Are the Other People" ~~

    "Ding-dong!" goes the doorbell. Is it Avon calling? Or
    perhaps Ed McMahon with my three million dollars? No, it's
    Yahweh's Witnesses again, just wanting to have a nice little
    chat about the Bible... Boy, did they ever come to the wrong
    house!

    So we invite them in: "Enter freely and of your own will..."
    (Hey, it's Sunday morning, nothing much going on, why not
    have a little entertainment?) Diane and I amuse ourselves
    watching their expressions as they check out the living room:
    great horned owl on the back of my chair; ceremonial masks
    and medicine skulls of dragons and unicorns on the wall;
    crystals, wands, staffs, swords; lots of Goddess figures and
    several altars; boa constrictors draped in amorous embrace
    over the elkhorn; white doves sitting in the hanging planters;
    cats and weasels underfoot; iron dragon snorting steam
    atop the wood stove; posters and paintings of wizards
    and dinosaurs and witchy women, some proudly naked;
    sculptures of mythological beasties and lots more dinosaurs;
    warp six on the star-filled viewscreen of my computer; a
    five-foot model of the USS Enterprise and the skeleton of a
    plesiosaur hanging from the ceiling; very, very many books,
    most of them dealing with obviously weird subjects... To say
    nothing of the great horned owl perched on the back of my
    chair and the Unicorn grazing in the front yard. You know;
    early Adams Family decor.

    And then, of course, it being late in the morning, you can
    expect Morning Glory to come wandering out naked, looking
    for her wake-up cup of tea. Morning Glory naked is a truly
    impressive sight, and the Witnesses look as if she'd set titties
    on stun as they stand immobilized, hands clasped over their
    genitals. With the stage set and all the actors in place, the
    show is ready to begin.

    Their mission, of course, is to save our heathen souls by
    turning us on to "The Word of the Lord"- their Bible. I
    guess they figger some of us just haven't heard about it yet,
    and we're all eagerly awaiting their joyous tidings of personal
    salvation through giving our rational faculties to Jesus. Every
    time they come around, I look forward to trying out a new
    riposte. Sure, it may be cruel and sadistic of me, but hey, I
    didn't call them up and ask them to come over; they entered
    at their own risk! This time should be pretty good.

    After letting them run off their basic rap while lovely
    Morning Glory serves us all hot herb tea, I innocently
    remark: "But none of that applies to us. We have no need
    for salvation because we don't have original sin. We are the
    Other People."

    "Hunh? What?" they reply eloquently. It's clear they've never
    heard this one before. "Right," I say. "It's all in your Bible."
    And I proceed to tell them the story, using their own book for
    reference: (Genesis 1:26) The [Elohim] said, "Let us make
    humanity in our own image, in the likeness of ourselves, and
    let them be masters of the fish of the sea, the birds of heaven,
    the cattle, all the wild beasts and all the reptiles that crawl
    upon the earth." Elohim is a plural word, including male and
    female, and should properly be translated "Gods" or
    "Pantheon."

    (1: 27) The Gods created humanity in the image of
    themselves, In the image of the Gods they created them,
    Male and female they created them. (1:28) The Gods blessed
    them, saying to them, "Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and
    conquer it. Be masters of the fish of the sea, the birds of
    heaven and all living animals on the earth." Now clearly,
    here we are talking about the original creation of the human
    species: male and female. All the animals, plants, etc. have all
    been created in previous verses. This is before the Garden of
    Eden, and Yahweh is not mentioned as the creator of these
    people.

    The next chapter talks about how Yahweh, an individual
    member of the Pantheon, goes about assembling his own
    special little botanical and zoological Garden in Eden, and
    making his own little man to inhabit it: (Gen 2:7) Yahweh
    God fashioned a man of dust from the soil. Then he breathed
    into his nostrils a breath of life, and thus the man became a
    living being. (2:8) Yahweh God planted a garden in Eden
    which is in the east, and there he put the man he had
    fashioned. (2:9) Yahweh God caused to spring up from the
    soil every kind of tree, enticing to look at and good to eat,
    with the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and
    evil in the middle of the garden. (2:15) Yahweh God took the
    man and settled him in the garden of Eden to cultivate and
    take care of it.

    Now this next is crucial: note Yahweh's precise words: (2:16)
    Then Yahweh God gave the man this admonition, "You may
    eat indeed of all the trees in the garden. (2:17) Nevertheless
    of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you are not to
    eat, for on the day you eat of it you shall most surely die."
    Fateful words, those. We will refer back to this admonition
    later.

    Then Yahweh decides to make a woman to go with the man.
    Now, don't forget that the Pantheon had earlier created a
    whole population of people, "male and female," who are
    presumably doing just fine somewhere "outside the gates
    of Eden." But this set-up in Eden is Yahweh's own little
    experiment, and will unfold to its own separate destiny.
    (2:21) So Yahweh God made the man fall into a deep sleep.
    And while he slept, he took one of his ribs and enclosed it in
    flesh. (2:22) Yahweh God built the rib he had taken from the
    man into a woman, and brought her to the man. Right. Man
    gives birth to woman. Sure he does. But that's the way the
    story is told here. (2:25) Now both of them were naked, the
    man and his wife, but they felt no shame in front of each
    other. Well, of course not! Why should they? But take
    careful note of those words, as they also will prove to be
    significant...

    Now this next part is where it starts to get interesting. Enter
    the Serpent: (Gen. 3:1) The serpent was the most subtle of
    all the wild beasts that Yahweh God had made. It asked the
    woman, "Did God really say you were not to eat from any
    of the trees in the garden?" (3:2) The woman answered the
    serpent, "We may eat the fruit of the trees in the garden. (3:3)
    "But of the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden God
    said, 'You must not eat it, nor touch it, under pain of death."
    (3:4) Then the serpent said to the woman, "No! You will not
    die! (3:5) "God knows in fact that on the day you eat it your
    eyes will be opened and you will be like gods, knowing good
    and evil."

    What a remarkable statement! "Your eyes will be opened and
    you will be like gods, knowing good and evil." The Serpent
    directly contradicts Yahweh. Obviously, one of them has to
    be lying. Which one, do you suppose? And, if the serpent
    speaks true, wouldn't you wish to eat of the magic fruit?
    Wouldn't it be a good thing, to become "like gods, knowing
    good and evil"? Or is it preferable to remain in ignorance?

    (Gen. 3:6) The woman saw that the tree was good to eat
    and pleasing to the eye, and that it was desirable for the
    knowledge that it could give. So she took some of its fruit
    and ate it. She gave some also to her husband who was with
    her, and he ate it. (3:7) Then the eyes of both of them were
    opened and they realized that they were naked. So they sewed
    fig leaves together to make themselves loincloths. The author
    makes an interesting assumption here: that if you realize you
    are naked you will automatically want to cover yourself.
    Further implications will unfold shortly...

    (Gen. 3:8) The man and his wife heard the sound of Yahweh
    God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they
    hid from Yahweh God among the trees of the garden. (3:9)
    But Yahweh God called to the man. "Where are you?" he
    asked. (3:10) "I heard the sound of you in the garden," he
    replied. "I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid." (3:11)
    "Who told you that you were naked?" he asked. "Have you
    been eating of the tree I forbade you to eat?"

    And so the sign of the Fall becomes modesty. Take note of
    this. The descendants of Adam and Eve will be distinguished
    throughout history from virtually all other peoples by their
    obsessive modesty taboos, wherein they will feel ashamed of
    being naked. It follows that those who feel no shame in being
    naked are, by definition, not carriers of this spiritual disease
    of original sin!

    (Gen. 3:12) The man replied,"It was the woman you put with
    me; she gave me the fruit, and I ate it." Right. Blame the
    woman. What a turkey! (3:13) Then Yahweh God asked the
    woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman replied,
    "The serpent tempted me and I ate. "So of course she blames
    the serpent. But just what did the serpent do that was so evil?
    Why, he called Yahweh a liar! Was he wrong? Let's see...
    (3:21) Yahweh God made clothes out of skins for the man
    and his wife, and they put them on. Out of skins? This means
    that Yahweh had to kill some innocent animals to pander to
    Adam and Eve's new obsession with modesty!

    And now we come to the crux of the Fall. Yahweh had said
    back there in chapter (2:17), regarding the fruit of the tree
    of knowledge, that "on the day you eat of it you shall most
    surely die." The Serpent, on the other hand, had contradicted
    Yahweh in chapter (3:4-5): "No! You will not die! God
    knows in fact that on the day you eat it your eyes will be
    opened and you will be like gods, knowing good and evil."

    So what actually happened? Who lied and who told the truth
    about this remarkable fruit? The answer is given in the next
    verse: (3:22) Then Yahweh God said, "See, the man has
    become like one of us, with his knowledge of good and evil.
    He must not be allowed to stretch his hand out next and pick
    from the tree of life also, and eat some and live forever."

    Get that? Yahweh himself admits that he had lied! In fact, and
    in Yahweh's own words, the Serpent spoke the absolute truth!
    And moreover, Yahweh tells the rest of the Pantheon that
    he intends to evict Adam (and presumably Eve as well) to
    keep them from gaining immortality to go with their newly-
    acquired divine knowledge. To prevent them, in other words,
    from truly becoming gods! So who, in this story, comes off
    as a benefactor of humanity, and who comes off as a tyrant?
    THE SERPENT NEVER LIED!

    This story, to digress slightly, bears a remarkable resemblance
    to a contemporary tale from ancient Greece. In that version,
    the Serpent (later identified as Lucifer, the Light-Bearer) may
    be equated with the heroic titan Prometheus, who championed
    humanity against the tyranny of Zeus, who wished for people
    to be mere slaves of the gods.

    Prometheus, whose name means "forethought," gave people
    wisdom, intelligence, and fire stolen from Olympus. Moreover,
    he ordained the portions of animal sacrifice so that humans
    got the best parts (the meat and hides) while the portion that
    was burned to the gods was the bones and fat.

    In punishment for this defiance of his divine authority, Zeus
    condemned Prometheus to a terrible punishment for an
    immortal: to be chained to a mountain in the Caucasus, where
    Zeus' gryphon/eagle (actually a Lammergier) would devour
    his liver each day. It would grow back each night. Zeus
    promised to relent if Prometheus would reveal his great
    secret knowledge: Who would succeed Zeus as supreme
    god? Prometheus refused to tell, but history has revealed the
    answer...

    The interesting thing about all this is that the Greeks properly
    regarded Prometheus as a noble hero in his defiance of
    unjust tyranny. One may wonder why the Serpent is not so
    well regarded. On the contrary, snakes are loathed throughout
    Christendom. (3:23) So Yahweh God expelled him from the
    garden of Eden, to till the soil from which he had been taken.
    (3:24) He banished the man, and in front of the garden of
    Eden he posted the cherubs, and the flame of a flashing
    sword, to guard the way to the tree of life. So that's it for the
    Fall.

    But the story of Adam and Eve doesn't end there. (Gen 4:1)
    The man had intercourse with his wife Eve, and she
    conceived and gave birth to Cain... (4:2) She gave birth to a
    second child, Abel, the brother of Cain. Now Abel became
    a shepherd and kept flocks, while Cain tilled the soil. (4:3)
    Time passed and Cain brought some of the produce of the
    soil as an offering for Yahweh, (4:4) while Abel, for his part,
    brought the first-born of his flock and some of their fat as
    well.

    Yahweh looked with favor on Abel and his offering. But he
    did not look with favor on Cain and his offering, and Cain
    was very angry and downcast. Well, why shouldn't he be?
    Both brothers had brought forth their first fruits as offerings,
    but Yahweh rejected the vegetables and only accepted the
    blood sacrifice. This was to set a gruesome precedent: (4:8)
    Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let us go out;" and while
    they were in the open country, Cain set on his brother Abel
    and killed him. Accursed and marked for fratricide, (4:16)
    Cain left the presence of Yahweh and settled in the land of
    Nod, east of Eden. We can assume that the phrase "left the
    presence of Yahweh" implies that Yahweh is a local deity,
    and not omnipresent.

    Now Eden, according to (Gen. 2:14-15), was situated at the
    source of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, apparently right
    where Lake Van is now, in Turkey. "East of Eden," therefore,
    would probably be along the shores of the Caspian Sea, right
    in the Indo-European heartland.

    Cain settled in there, among the people of Nod, and married
    one of the women of that country. Here, for the first time, is
    specifically mentioned the "other people" who are not of the
    lineage of Adam and Eve. i.e: the Pagans. So let's look at this
    story from another viewpoint:

    There we were, around six thousand years ago, living in
    our little farming communities around the Caspian Sea, in
    the land of Nod, when this dude with a terrible scar comes
    stumbling in out of the sunset. He tells us this bizarre story,
    about how his mother and father had been created by some
    god named Yahweh, and put in charge of a beautiful garden
    somewhere out west, and how they had gotten thrown out for
    disobedience after eating some of the landlord's forbidden
    magic fruit of enlightenment. He tells us of murdering his
    brother, as the god of his parents would only accept blood
    sacrifice, and of receiving that scar as a mark so that all
    would know him as a fratricide.

    The poor guy is really a mess psychologically, obsessed with
    guilt. He is also obsessively modest, insisting on wearing
    clothes even in the hottest summer, and he has a hard time
    with our penchant for skinny-dipping in the warm inland
    sea. He seems to believe that he is tainted by the "sin" of his
    parent's disobedience; that it is in his blood, somehow, and
    will continue to contaminate his children and his children's
    children.

    One of our healing women takes pity on the poor sucker,
    and marries him... (4:17) Cain had intercourse with his wife,
    and she conceived and gave birth to Enoch. He became the
    builder of a town, and he gave the town the name of his son
    Enoch. With both of their first sons not turning out very
    well, Adam and Eve decided to try again: (4:25) Adam had
    intercourse with his wife, and she gave birth to a son whom
    she named Seth... (4:26) A son was also born to Seth, and he
    named him Enosh. This man was the first to invoke the name
    of Yahweh.

    Now it doesn't mention here where Seth's wife came from.
    Another woman from Nod, possibly, or maybe someone
    from another neolithic community downstream in the
    Tigris-Euphrates valley. But her folks also, cannot be of the
    lineage of Adam and Eve, and must also be counted among
    "the other people."

    But whatever happened to Adam? After all, way back there
    in chapter Gen. 2:17, warning Adam about the magic fruit of
    knowledge, Yahweh had told him that "on the day you eat of
    it you shall most surely die." So, when did Adam die? (Gen.
    5:4) Adam lived for eight hundred years after the birth of
    Seth and he became the father of sons and daughters. (5:5)
    In all, Adam lived for nine hundred and thirty years; then he
    died. Hey, that's pretty good! Nine hundred and some odd
    years isn't bad for a man who's been told he's gonna die the
    next day!

    Well, the story goes on, and maybe next time the Witlesses
    come to visit I'll tell more of it. But suffice it to say that those
    of us who are not of Semitic descent (i.e., not of the lineage
    of Adam and Eve) cannot share in the Original Sin that
    comes with that lineage. Being that the Bible is the story of
    that lineage, of Adam and Eve's descendants and their special
    relationship with their particular god, Yahweh, it follows that
    this is not the story of the rest of us. We may have been
    Cain's wife's people, or Seth's wife's people, or some other
    people over the hill and far away, but whichever people the
    rest of us are, as far as the Bible is concerned, we are the
    Other People, and so we are continually referred to
    throughout.

    Later books of the Bible are filled with admonitions to the
    followers of Yahweh to "learn not the ways of the Pagans..."
    (Jer 10:2) with detailed descriptions of exactly what it is we
    do, such as erect standing stones and sacred poles, worship
    in sacred groves and practice divination and magic. And
    worship the sun, moon, stars and the "Queen of Heaven."
    "You must not behave as they do in Egypt where once you
    lived; you must not behave as they do in Canaan where I am
    taking you. You must not follow their laws." (Lev 18:3) For
    Yahweh, as he so clearly emphasizes, is not the god of the
    Pagans.

    We have our own lineage and our own heritage, and our tale
    is not told in the Bible. We were not "made" like clay
    figurines by a male deity out of "dust from the soil." We
    were born of our Mother the Earth, and have evolved over
    aeons in Her nurturing embrace. All of us, in our many and
    diverse tribes, have creation myths and legends of our origins
    and history; some of these tales may even be actually true.

    Like the descendants of Adam and Eve, many of us also have
    stories of great floods, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and
    other cataclysms that wiped out whole communities of our
    people, wherein "I alone survived to tell the tale." Nearly all
    of our ancestral tribes (and especially those of us who today
    are reclaiming our own Pagan heritage) lack that peculiar
    obsessive body modesty that seems to be a hallmark of the
    original sin alluded to in the story of the Fall. We can be
    naked and unashamed! Why, our Goddess even tells us, "as a
    sign that you are truly free, you shall be naked in your rites."
    Not being born into sin, we have no need of salvation, and no
    need of a Messiah to redeem our sinful souls.

    Neither heaven nor hell is our destination in the afterlife; we
    have our own various arrangements with our own various
    deities. The Bible is not our story; we have our own stories
    to tell, and they are many and diverse. In a long life, you may
    get to hear many of them... May you live long and prosper!

    By Oberon (Otter) Zell
    --
    Om.

    "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson
     
  7. Nancy Young

    Nancy Young Guest

    "The Ranger" <[email protected]> wrote

    > Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
    > help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
    > needs at conversion?


    Grrrrr. Last set I had, it was a small family of three,
    beautifully dressed mom, dad and little girl. Mom was
    the leader, a very nice woman, I must say, but determined.
    Enough to come back TWICE MORE. Even being told
    by Ron wasn't enough to convince her I wasn't interested,
    so they came back again when he was gone.

    What I'm willing to bet, even though no way! am I interested
    in that religion more than most, is she didn't know her husband
    stood behind her glaring with a hard stare that would probably
    turn into murder if I'd said come in. He wanted to be there
    like I wanted them there.

    Funnier time was when two mormon girls came from utah,
    knocking on doors. Not interested. Well, my neighbor is
    no slouch in the blunt department, so being the second one
    on the block to all but close the door in their face, one looked
    dispairing down the block ... do you think other people in this
    neighborhood would be interested?

    Uh, if they were, don't you think they could find you in the
    phone book?? Get lost! Okay, I didn't say that, but that's
    what I think when people knock on my door, looking to convert
    me.

    nancy
     
  8. Nancy Young

    Nancy Young Guest

    "Ida Detroit" <[email protected]> wrote

    > The secret word when dealing with the witness' is "Disfellowshipped'.
    > Open your door 1 inch and tell them you have been Disfellowshipped.
    > They will flee and never return again. It is their equivilent of
    > ex-communicated.


    That's just hilarious. I might try it next time, perhaps the word will
    get out (no pun intended). Better than my usual avoidance mechanism,
    jumping into the shower or hiding in the back yard when I see them
    coming. I can't stand it, I hear the doorbell/phone, I have to answer
    it.

    nancy
     
  9. In article <[email protected]>,
    "Ida Detroit" <[email protected]> wrote:

    > The secret word when dealing with the witness' is "Disfellowshipped'.
    > Open your door 1 inch and tell them you have been Disfellowshipped.
    > They will flee and never return again. It is their equivilent of
    > ex-communicated.


    Handing them a Book of Mormon in exchange for their Watchtower works
    too. It's amazingly effective. Then you can save the Watchtower for
    the other ones.

    marcella
     
  10. Marie

    Marie Guest

    "OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    > Give them this next time:
    >
    > ~~ "We Are the Other People" ~~


    I saved this and printed it out a long time ago. It has personal meaning for
    me. It is really hard living in the bible belt sometimes!
    Marie
     
  11. Nancy Young

    Nancy Young Guest

    "Nancy1" <[email protected]> wrote

    > I have a very small sign right by my doorbell. It says, "No
    > soliciting; no sales, including charities; no surveys; no petitions."
    >
    > Since I put it up, the only person I wasn't expecting who has rung my
    > doorbell was the mailman. I may miss my chance with the knight on the
    > white horse, but it's worth it. Ah, peace.


    Perhaps you could add a sign, Mounties Welcome? Just sayin.

    More towns around here have been banning door to door sales,
    most recently it lead to the death of an elderly woman. They ship
    these people in from who knows where, put them up in some cheapo
    airport hotel and drop them off to sell magazine subscriptions door to
    door. Scary. Let's just say these aren't members of the high school
    honor society.

    And not Mounties, either.

    nancy
     
  12. In article <[email protected]>,
    "Marie" <[email protected]> wrote:

    > "OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]
    > > Give them this next time:
    > >
    > > ~~ "We Are the Other People" ~~

    >
    > I saved this and printed it out a long time ago. It has personal meaning for
    > me. It is really hard living in the bible belt sometimes!
    > Marie
    >
    >


    I'm there with you sister... ;-)

    B*B.
    --
    Om.

    "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson
     
  13. ~patches~

    ~patches~ Guest

    Nancy Young wrote:

    > "The Ranger" <[email protected]> wrote
    >
    >
    >>Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
    >>help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
    >>needs at conversion?

    >
    >
    > Grrrrr. Last set I had, it was a small family of three,
    > beautifully dressed mom, dad and little girl. Mom was
    > the leader, a very nice woman, I must say, but determined.
    > Enough to come back TWICE MORE. Even being told
    > by Ron wasn't enough to convince her I wasn't interested,
    > so they came back again when he was gone.


    Generally my stance on this issue is *no thank-you, I'm not interested*.
    It works 99% of the time. Normally you can see them coming a mile
    away and just avoid answering the door anyway and I have no problem
    letting them stand waving in the windows while I sit in the comforts of
    my home. Last spring a trio showed up while I was gardening, a
    particularly difficult task for me because of an injury. I was on my
    butt shuffling around - likely a very funny sight. Getting no answer at
    the door they proceeded into my garden, uninvited I might add. After
    they gave their little speech, I calmly asked the youngest one if they
    wouldn't mind running into fetch me a beer and that once done I would be
    happy to discuss religion with them. Well the older female looked
    shocked but I went on to explain that I was in so much pain and I would
    really appreciate if they would pick up a gardening tool and help me out
    all while with a smug look on my face when I said the *Lord sure does
    work in mysterious ways! I'm so glad you showed up when I needed help*.
    Humpf, all of a sudden they were'nt so interested in religion!
    >
    > What I'm willing to bet, even though no way! am I interested
    > in that religion more than most, is she didn't know her husband
    > stood behind her glaring with a hard stare that would probably
    > turn into murder if I'd said come in. He wanted to be there
    > like I wanted them there.
    >
    > Funnier time was when two mormon girls came from utah,
    > knocking on doors. Not interested. Well, my neighbor is
    > no slouch in the blunt department, so being the second one
    > on the block to all but close the door in their face, one looked
    > dispairing down the block ... do you think other people in this
    > neighborhood would be interested?
    >
    > Uh, if they were, don't you think they could find you in the
    > phone book?? Get lost! Okay, I didn't say that, but that's
    > what I think when people knock on my door, looking to convert
    > me.
    >
    > nancy
    >
    >
     
  14. ~patches~

    ~patches~ Guest

    Nancy Young wrote:

    > "Ida Detroit" <[email protected]> wrote
    >
    >
    >>The secret word when dealing with the witness' is "Disfellowshipped'.
    >>Open your door 1 inch and tell them you have been Disfellowshipped.
    >>They will flee and never return again. It is their equivilent of
    >>ex-communicated.

    >
    >
    > That's just hilarious. I might try it next time, perhaps the word will
    > get out (no pun intended). Better than my usual avoidance mechanism,
    > jumping into the shower or hiding in the back yard when I see them
    > coming. I can't stand it, I hear the doorbell/phone, I have to answer
    > it.
    >
    > nancy
    >
    >

    See, I take a different view. I figure we pay the house payments, taxes
    and phone bill therefore we dictate who can use them. I don't *hide*
    from them at all but if I don't feel like answering the door, oh well.
    I don't care if they can see me sitting inside the house or not. I also
    take the same view with the phone. I answer it if and when I choose, at
    my convenience. Any other calls go to the answering machine to be
    returned if we so desire.
     
  15. jmcquown

    jmcquown Guest

    The Ranger wrote:
    > I'm a secular man. I would like to think that my extended family
    > has covered enough major religions to guarantee my safe passage
    > into the great void by default. ("Ranger? Seating right this way,
    > please.")
    >
    > So what greets me at 9:00 a.m. early one fine morning - after a
    > truly enjoyable evening at a local pub the previous night? Three
    > spiffily-dressed females - the matriarch, the daughter, and the
    > daughter's daughter - all light-and-sunshine wishing to share with
    > me "The Watch Tower for the Spanish speaking residents of my
    > neighborhood."
    >
    > Three things occurred before, during, and after this greeting:
    > 1) I wasn't happy about being forced out of bed and looked it.
    > (The multiple raps and two rounds of doorbell chimes assured
    > that.)
    >
    > 2) I don't think there are any large pockets of native
    > Spanish-speakers for several miles, let alone behind my
    > double-door entry. (I mentioned this hoping to close off any
    > conversations that were expected from me.)
    >
    > And
    >
    > 3) Why is it so difficult for this particular cult to understand
    > "No thank you," especially during the holidays?
    >
    > Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
    > help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
    > needs at conversion?
    >
    > ObWarning: A banger and fries doesn't cover three pints of
    > Guinness and two shots of Jameson's.
    >
    > The Ranger


    Reminds me of the Father/Son Baptists who knocked on my door a few years
    ago. "We'd like to welcome you to our church!" I was trying to be polite
    so I said sorry, I already belong to a church. [Note: I don't] Then they
    started playing a guessing game, "Oh, which one? Bellevue? Forest Hill?"
    They *assumed* I was Baptist. There's there first mistake LOL I decided to
    spare them the agony and said (untruthfully), "Sorry, I'm CATHOLIC." [I'm
    not.] They literally backed away from my door. I wouldn't have been
    surprised if they'd forked the sign of the devil at me as they hastened
    away.

    I need to put up a sign like Nancy1 has. No solitications. Don't try to
    sell me magazines or religion, thank you very much. Ed McMahon or his
    equivalent bringing me a check for $1,000,000 USD will be welcomed ;)

    Jill
     
  16. Nancy1

    Nancy1 Guest

    Nancy Young wrote:
    > "Nancy1" <[email protected]> wrote
    >
    > > I have a very small sign right by my doorbell. It says, "No
    > > soliciting; no sales, including charities; no surveys; no petitions."
    > >
    > > Since I put it up, the only person I wasn't expecting who has rung my
    > > doorbell was the mailman. I may miss my chance with the knight on the
    > > white horse, but it's worth it. Ah, peace.

    >
    > Perhaps you could add a sign, Mounties Welcome? Just sayin.
    >
    > More towns around here have been banning door to door sales,
    > most recently it lead to the death of an elderly woman. They ship
    > these people in from who knows where, put them up in some cheapo
    > airport hotel and drop them off to sell magazine subscriptions door to
    > door. Scary. Let's just say these aren't members of the high school
    > honor society.
    >
    > And not Mounties, either.
    >
    > nancy


    LOL. We have lots and lots of charities going door to door, not to
    mention the school kids. Before I put my tasteful little sign up, I,
    too, would not answer if I wasn't expecting anyone ... but if I didn't
    answer the doorbell within a few seconds, whoever was there would open
    my storm door and pound on the inside door like they had some
    emergency.
    It just irritated the heck out of me. The door IS just like the phone
    - it's mine to use or not, as I see fit.

    N.
     
  17. Nancy1

    Nancy1 Guest

    jmcquown wrote:
    >
    > I need to put up a sign like Nancy1 has. No solitications. Don't try to
    > sell me magazines or religion, thank you very much. Ed McMahon or his
    > equivalent bringing me a check for $1,000,000 USD will be welcomed ;)
    >
    > Jill


    See, that's the beauty of my sign - it doesn't exclude the Prize
    Patrol. ;-)
    N.
     
  18. Lisa Ann

    Lisa Ann Guest

    "The Ranger" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:eek:[email protected]
    > I'm a secular man. I would like to think that my extended family
    > has covered enough major religions to guarantee my safe passage
    > into the great void by default. ("Ranger? Seating right this way,
    > please.")


    You have my sympathies. I used to get that trapped, deer-in-the-headlights
    look whenever they (Mormons or JWs, both equally irritating to me) showed
    up. I was too worried about being "rude" to simply state, "No, thank you."
    and close the door on their shining faces.

    I got over it.

    I like the idea of swapping the JWs "Watchtower" with "The Book of Mormon",
    but I'd like to add another suggestion...give them a copy of Dianetics!

    It's also my opinion that people who come onto my property uninvited are
    trespassing. They get one request to leave, and then if they persist in
    talking, I call the cops. (I answer the door with my phone in my hand these
    days - then again, I live in a bad neighborhood.) Of course, I don't tell
    the police I'm being persecuted by religious freaks, I tell them that
    someone is trying very hard to get into my house and could they send a squad
    over? It's not a lie - these people *are* trying to get into my house.
    Since they usually just mosey down a house or two before the cops show up, I
    can point them out. (Okay, I've only done this once - usually the people
    have left by the time I dial the 2nd '1' in 9-1-1.)

    I'm all for religious tolerance, but I don't think that requires me to be
    tolerant in my own home.

    Lisa Ann
     
  19. Ophelia

    Ophelia Guest

    "Nancy1" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]
    >
    > Nancy Young wrote:
    >> "Nancy1" <[email protected]> wrote
    >>
    >> > I have a very small sign right by my doorbell. It says, "No
    >> > soliciting; no sales, including charities; no surveys; no
    >> > petitions."
    >> >
    >> > Since I put it up, the only person I wasn't expecting who has rung
    >> > my
    >> > doorbell was the mailman. I may miss my chance with the knight on
    >> > the
    >> > white horse, but it's worth it. Ah, peace.

    >>
    >> Perhaps you could add a sign, Mounties Welcome? Just sayin.
    >>
    >> More towns around here have been banning door to door sales,
    >> most recently it lead to the death of an elderly woman. They ship
    >> these people in from who knows where, put them up in some cheapo
    >> airport hotel and drop them off to sell magazine subscriptions door
    >> to
    >> door. Scary. Let's just say these aren't members of the high school
    >> honor society.
    >>
    >> And not Mounties, either.
    >>
    >> nancy

    >
    > LOL. We have lots and lots of charities going door to door, not to
    > mention the school kids. Before I put my tasteful little sign up, I,
    > too, would not answer if I wasn't expecting anyone ... but if I didn't
    > answer the doorbell within a few seconds, whoever was there would open
    > my storm door and pound on the inside door like they had some
    > emergency.
    > It just irritated the heck out of me. The door IS just like the phone
    > - it's mine to use or not, as I see fit.


    I have a security camera on my front door. If I don't like the look of
    the caller I don't answer!
     
  20. The Ranger <[email protected]> looking for trouble wrote in
    news:eek:[email protected]:

    > I'm a secular man. I would like to think that my extended family
    > has covered enough major religions to guarantee my safe passage
    > into the great void by default. ("Ranger? Seating right this way,
    > please.")


    I am an Agnostic. For those of you that read this, being Agnostic is not
    being an Atheist. I'm not being a smart ass, some people just confuse the
    two terms. I believe in evolution but at the same time I am spiritual if
    that makes any sense.

    > So what greets me at 9:00 a.m. early one fine morning - after a
    > truly enjoyable evening at a local pub the previous night? Three
    > spiffily-dressed females - the matriarch, the daughter, and the
    > daughter's daughter - all light-and-sunshine wishing to share with
    > me "The Watch Tower for the Spanish speaking residents of my
    > neighborhood."


    Why didn't you grab the meat cleaver from the kitchen before going to the
    door? I'm sure arriving at the door in a shortie robe with cleaver in hand
    would have gotten the point across quite nicely ;)

    > Three things occurred before, during, and after this greeting:
    > 1) I wasn't happy about being forced out of bed and looked it.
    > (The multiple raps and two rounds of doorbell chimes assured
    > that.)


    B... B... But you were polite and the perfect gentleman, right <snicker>

    >
    > 2) I don't think there are any large pockets of native
    > Spanish-speakers for several miles, let alone behind my
    > double-door entry. (I mentioned this hoping to close off any
    > conversations that were expected from me.)


    In the old neighborhood we had doormen to cull out the zealots. Here we
    have specific and to the point signs expressly prohibiting solicitation of
    any kind.


    >
    > And
    >
    > 3) Why is it so difficult for this particular cult to understand
    > "No thank you," especially during the holidays?
    >
    > Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
    > help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
    > needs at conversion?


    If you answer the door, you're screwed. That is the basic explanation. As
    soon as one, or all, of them opens the mouth they close off all
    communication from the party they are trying to convey their 'message' to,
    or worse yet, glean a donation from.

    > ObWarning: A banger and fries doesn't cover three pints of
    > Guinness and two shots of Jameson's.
    >
    > The Ranger


    Ohhh... you were way hung over then. Oh mi ;)

    Michael

    --
    Pics aren't great but here are 2 of my 4 brats.
    Hoot about to snatch the snack out of my mouth:
    http://tinypic.com/jtrw3o.jpg

    Ramsey ever curious about electronics breaking into the TMobile bag:
    http://tinypic.com/jtrwgn.jpg
     
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