OT: Door-to-Door Religion



In article <[email protected]>,
[email protected] says...
>
> Michael "Dog3" Lonergan wrote:
>
> > Why didn't you grab the meat cleaver from the kitchen before going to the
> > door? I'm sure arriving at the door in a shortie robe with cleaver in
> hand
> > would have gotten the point across quite nicely ;)
>
>
> When bothered by the ocassional door - to - door solicitor I find that
> giving them a bg smile and loudly saying "Would you blow me?" makes them
> skedaddle...

Unless of course one day you happen to catcth the one that also happens
to be gay. Then you're in for a surprise. Statistically speaking you've
got about a 1:10 chance of that happening.
 
modom wrote:

> As I was about to turn to St. Anselm's ontological proof (the very
> definition of infinite greatness requires its existence), they
> suddenly had to go to the dentist. Or something. And I was left
> alone.
>

I usually say "where's Brigette" which makes my huge dog unexpectantly
burst into deafening volleys of hostile barking (Brigette was a neighbor
dog, now dead over 6 years, who used to come from 3 acres over just to
**** outside the window where my dog was sleeping, etc. etc.).

In college, my only indulgence was a Friday night art movie on campus
(for a buck)...you know Dersu Uzala or Kings of the Road...and a late
night gab session I walked miles home from because it was after the
buses stopped running. I was young and could still pass the pencil test,
so I slept in the "all together". Door knocking 8 am Saturday, I stumble
out there wrapped in a blanket, and find two old ladies and 12 year old
boy offering me salvation. I decline. They return next week, sensing a
nightowl who looked hung over (I wasn't). I decline. The third week, I
let that blanket slip, giving the boy the full treatment. They never
came back, but I suspect I made him a true believer.
 
In article <[email protected]>, [email protected] says...
>
> If you answer the door, you're screwed. That is the basic explanation. As
> soon as one, or all, of them opens the mouth they close off all
> communication from the party they are trying to convey their 'message' to,
> or worse yet, glean a donation from.
>

Never screwed. Hey, they are so insecure in their faith they need to double
team so they can hang on to each other. I agree with you about the 'shutting
off the ears', but I don't let them get that far. I go: "Didn't you look in the
book?" "I expressly asked thrice that it'd be put in the book that I do not
wish to be visited - AND HERE YOU ARE - why didn't you look in the book?"
At this point they go beet red, stammer and wander off looking dazed.

Apparently the JWs have a book in their local temple, into which you can asked
to be entered, and supposedly never visited again. I got this from a friend
whose brother in law is a JW. Maybe practices vary between places, JWs here
never, ever turn up with children for example.

Back in Germany 35 years ago JWs didn't go soliciting, they'd put up little
tables in shopping malls and on street corners. I'd go and try to convert them
to atheism, for sport. I soon discovered that it wasn't sporting and that it
would be more fun bashing my head against a streetlight...

-P.

--
=========================================
firstname dot lastname at gmail fullstop com
 
In article <[email protected]>, [email protected]
says...
>
> Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
> help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
> needs at conversion?
>

I have come to the conclusion that ritual humiliation as a group experience is
the social glue that holds them together; also it is bound to give them a high.
Wouldn't surprise me if they were like bunnies in heat after they get home, but
I am just guessing there.

-P.

--
=========================================
firstname dot lastname at gmail fullstop com
 
On 2006-01-20, Ida Detroit <[email protected]> wrote:
> The secret word when dealing with the witness' is "Disfellowshipped'.
> Open your door 1 inch and tell them you have been Disfellowshipped.
> They will flee and never return again. It is their equivilent of
> ex-communicated.

Orrrrr...tell them you belong to the Church of Worldly Persons. That's
what they call infidels.

nb
 
On 2006-01-20, Ophelia <[email protected]> wrote:

> I have a security camera on my front door. If I don't like the look of
> the caller I don't answer!

If the caller is not expected, I don't answer.

nb
 
On 2006-01-20, OmManiPadmeOmelet <[email protected]> wrote:

> Give them this next time:
>
> ~~ "We Are the Other People" ~~

[snip tons o' ****]

Christonacrutch!... do you put out a magazine, too? I hope you're not
going door to door. ;)

nb
 
"OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> In article <[email protected]>,
> The Ranger <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>> Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
>> help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
>> needs at conversion?
>>
>> ObWarning: A banger and fries doesn't cover three pints of
>> Guinness and two shots of Jameson's.
>>
>> The Ranger
>
> Give them this next time:
>
> ~~ "We Are the Other People" ~~
>
> "Ding-dong!" goes the doorbell. Is it Avon calling? Or
> perhaps Ed McMahon with my three million dollars? No, it's
> Yahweh's Witnesses again, just wanting to have a nice little
> chat about the Bible... Boy, did they ever come to the wrong
> house!

> By Oberon (Otter) Zell
> --
> Om.

They caught hubby one time and he told them "I'm an atheist and the two
women I live with are witches" (my girlfriend was staying with us) After
that they actually crossed the street when they came to our house. <cackle>

Ms P
 
Tony and all:

Re: item (c), go to the link below for the great parable of "Kissing
Hank's @$$". At the bottom of the page is a downloadable .pdf with
which one may print trifold pamphlets for edification and enlightenment
(and usually anger-ment, if that's a word) of one's non-secular
visitors.

http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php

Regards -- Terry
 
On Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:18:22 -0800, The Ranger
<[email protected]> wrote:

>I'm a secular man. I would like to think that my extended family
>has covered enough major religions to guarantee my safe passage
>into the great void by default. ("Ranger? Seating right this way,
>please.")
>
>Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
>help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
>needs at conversion?

They know the truth. With certainty.
>
>ObWarning: A banger and fries doesn't cover three pints of
>Guinness and two shots of Jameson's.
>
Word.

When I first moved to Cow Hill, I knew nobody. It was a seriously
lonely fist few weeks. After more than a month of very limited social
contact, a nice group of Seventh Day Adventists knocked on the door,
wanting to share their beliefs with heathen me. I was starved for
conversations that went beyond "You find everything okay?" and "Have a
nice day." So I asked them in, and we talked. They said something
about living in a garden and deducing the workings of a gardener.

"That sounds like Aquinas' argument from design," sez modom. And I
shared my philosophy of religion (Phil 355) course with them happily.

I went on for quite some time about the argument of the prime mover
and the arguments from efficient cause, necessity, etc.

As I was about to turn to St. Anselm's ontological proof (the very
definition of infinite greatness requires its existence), they
suddenly had to go to the dentist. Or something. And I was left
alone.

OBFood: I made demi glace this week. It's really thick. Might be
glace, no demi. You can bounce quarters off it.

modom
 
In article <[email protected]>,
Tony P. <[email protected]> wrote:

> In article <[email protected]>,
> [email protected] says...
> > In article <[email protected]>,
> > The Ranger <[email protected]> wrote:
> >
> > > Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
> > > help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
> > > needs at conversion?
> > >
> > > ObWarning: A banger and fries doesn't cover three pints of
> > > Guinness and two shots of Jameson's.
> > >
> > > The Ranger
> >
> > Give them this next time:
> >
> > ~~ "We Are the Other People" ~~
>
> Thank you for reminding me of all this. Part of my being rabidly anti-
> relgion is twelve years of Catholic schools. Now don't get me wrong, I
> don't think Catholic schools are bad, I highly recommend them. But they
> do induce a strong streak of cynicism in youngsters if they do it right.
>
> Luckily I had a cynical former monk with whom we disected the Bible in
> my junior year of high school. All the points you make were made then,
> I'd since forgotten most of it.
>
> This one got saved for future reference.
>

Glad you enjoyed that! :)
It was written by someone who called himself "Otter" and it was posted
to one of the pagan discussion groups ages ago.

It is a beautifully written essay isn't it?

My mother was raised catholic. I think that is why she "converted" so
easily over to paganism later in life.....
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****." -Jack Nicholson
 
In article <[email protected]>,
Peter Huebner <[email protected]> wrote:

> In article <[email protected]>, [email protected]
> says...
> >
> > If you answer the door, you're screwed. That is the basic explanation. As
> > soon as one, or all, of them opens the mouth they close off all
> > communication from the party they are trying to convey their 'message' to,
> > or worse yet, glean a donation from.
> >
>
> Never screwed. Hey, they are so insecure in their faith they need to double
> team so they can hang on to each other. I agree with you about the 'shutting
> off the ears', but I don't let them get that far. I go: "Didn't you look in
> the
> book?" "I expressly asked thrice that it'd be put in the book that I do not
> wish to be visited - AND HERE YOU ARE - why didn't you look in the book?"
> At this point they go beet red, stammer and wander off looking dazed.
>
> Apparently the JWs have a book in their local temple, into which you can
> asked
> to be entered, and supposedly never visited again. I got this from a friend
> whose brother in law is a JW. Maybe practices vary between places, JWs here
> never, ever turn up with children for example.
>
> Back in Germany 35 years ago JWs didn't go soliciting, they'd put up little
> tables in shopping malls and on street corners. I'd go and try to convert
> them
> to atheism, for sport. I soon discovered that it wasn't sporting and that it
> would be more fun bashing my head against a streetlight...
>
> -P.


<lol!>
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****." -Jack Nicholson
 
In article <[email protected]>,
notbob <[email protected]> wrote:

> On 2006-01-20, OmManiPadmeOmelet <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> > Give them this next time:
> >
> > ~~ "We Are the Other People" ~~
>
> [snip tons o' ****]
>
> Christonacrutch!... do you put out a magazine, too? I hope you're not
> going door to door. ;)
>
> nb

<lol>
I did not write that actually.
I snagged it off of one of the pagan lists a few years ago.
It was so beautifully written, I kept it and share it from
time to time...

Glad you liked it! <smooch>
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****." -Jack Nicholson
 
In article <[email protected]>,
"ms_peacock" <[email protected]> wrote:

> "OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
> > In article <[email protected]>,
> > The Ranger <[email protected]> wrote:
> >
> >> Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
> >> help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
> >> needs at conversion?
> >>
> >> ObWarning: A banger and fries doesn't cover three pints of
> >> Guinness and two shots of Jameson's.
> >>
> >> The Ranger
> >
> > Give them this next time:
> >
> > ~~ "We Are the Other People" ~~
> >
> > "Ding-dong!" goes the doorbell. Is it Avon calling? Or
> > perhaps Ed McMahon with my three million dollars? No, it's
> > Yahweh's Witnesses again, just wanting to have a nice little
> > chat about the Bible... Boy, did they ever come to the wrong
> > house!
>
> > By Oberon (Otter) Zell
> > --
> > Om.
>
> They caught hubby one time and he told them "I'm an atheist and the two
> women I live with are witches" (my girlfriend was staying with us) After
> that they actually crossed the street when they came to our house. <cackle>
>
> Ms P
>
>

Beautiful... ;-)
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****." -Jack Nicholson
 
"modom" <[email protected]> wrote

> As I was about to turn to St. Anselm's ontological proof (the very
> definition of infinite greatness requires its existence), they
> suddenly had to go to the dentist. Or something. And I was left
> alone.
>

:)


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>
> 3) Why is it so difficult for this particular cult to understand
> "No thank you," especially during the holidays?
>
> Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
> help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
> needs at conversion?
>
> ObWarning: A banger and fries doesn't cover three pints of
> Guinness and two shots of Jameson's.
>
> The Ranger

I had that happen once...I told the mother & daughter that I believed God
was a woman. They left my door immediately.

Harriet & critters
 
Ranger; I just slam the door in their faces & lock it. Probably rude
but anyone whoe wakes me up deserves it! Carol

Our life may not always be the party we would have chosen, but while we
are here, we may as well dance!
 
On Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:28:03 -0600, OmManiPadmeOmelet
<[email protected]> connected the dots and wrote:

~In article <[email protected]>,
~ The Ranger <[email protected]> wrote:
~
~> Perhaps the more enlightened of this esteemed group would care to
~> help this heathen understand this particular group's sociopathic
~> needs at conversion?
~>
~> ObWarning: A banger and fries doesn't cover three pints of
~> Guinness and two shots of Jameson's.
~>
~> The Ranger
~
~Give them this next time:
~
~~~ "We Are the Other People" ~~
~
~By Oberon (Otter) Zell

Where did you find this? I have a ton of old Green Eggs, and never
saw this particular bit.

maxine in ri
 
On Fri, 20 Jan 2006 19:47:07 -0600, notbob <[email protected]>
connected the dots and wrote:

~On 2006-01-20, OmManiPadmeOmelet <[email protected]> wrote:
~
~> Give them this next time:
~>
~> ~~ "We Are the Other People" ~~
~
~[snip tons o' ****]
~
~Christonacrutch!... do you put out a magazine, too? I hope you're
not
~going door to door. ;)
~
~nb

Do't know about our little Om, but MG and Otter Zell used to put out
Green Egg together with the rest of their family. When it turned into
a dogmatic pounding of polyamory and ferrets, I lost interest.

maxine in ri
 
In article <[email protected]>,
[email protected] says...
> Tony and all:
>
> Re: item (c), go to the link below for the great parable of "Kissing
> Hank's @$$". At the bottom of the page is a downloadable .pdf with
> which one may print trifold pamphlets for edification and enlightenment
> (and usually anger-ment, if that's a word) of one's non-secular
> visitors.
>
> http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php
>
> Regards -- Terry
>
>

Praise Hank!

Thanks for the link. I love forwarding stuff like this to my fundie
father.
 
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