OT: Foot-in-mouth:



Status
Not open for further replies.
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
-----------------------------------------------------

Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you

could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and

asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo

and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and

never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds

of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had

been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was

approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen

who works at the store. He asked if he could help

me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I

think I like playing with men's balls."

Nuts about You

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a

store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display

case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,

"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh

hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To

this day, my sister has never let me forget.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler

decided to release some pent-up energy and ran

amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her

after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from

other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right

now," she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me

in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me

go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing

Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence

was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up

the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter

in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were

screams of laughter.

A lady picked up several items at a discount store.

When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that

one of her items had no price

tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got

on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK

ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but

somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word

"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed

back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH

YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

Have you ever asked your child a question too many

times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty

training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at

Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.It was very busy,

with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled

something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old

daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny

had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked

him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking,

"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have

any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,

are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he

replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,

because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you

have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked

down his pants, bent over and spread his

cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their

tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants

and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by

thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for

2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor

who will, in the future, likely think

before she speaks. What happens when you predict

snow but don't get any....a true story...We had a female

news anchor who, the day after it

was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to

the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches

you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the

set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

-------------------------------------------

Shaun aRe
 
J

Jimbo

Guest
Shaun Rimmer wrote:

> -----------------------------------------------------
>
> Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
>
> could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....

> they were laughing so hard!
>
> -------------------------------------------
>
> Shaun aRe

ROTFL!

Jimbo(san)
 
M

Michael Dart

Guest
"Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
<snip funny stuff>

Did the new Readers Digest come out today?

Here's another:

My two riding buddies were celebrating a combined bachelors party at a local Hooters restaurant.
Part of the 'celebration' is for the waitresses to make them stand on a table where one of the girls
announced "Hey everybody! This is Brian and Richard and they're getting married next weekend!"

Brians wedding was on Friday and Richards was on Sunday.

Mike
 
B

Bomba

Guest
Shaun Rimmer wrote:
> -----------------------------------------------------
>
> Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
>
> could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....

Excellent.

Some similar ones that happened to my mates.

Couple of mates go down to Boots during lunch to pick up Vaseline for rugby after school. They ask
the assistant, who shouts to her colleague across the crowded store that 'These two young gentlemen
are looking for some vaseline for this evening. Can you help them out?' Although that was probably
just malevolent....

An African-born friend of mine was drunkenly chatting to a German in a bar in Dusseldorf. In an
attempt to explain his Swaziland origins, he said; "I was actually born in Swastika"

First night at work in the bike department for Mike, who comes back from the tills complaining to
his supervisor and asst supervisor that the 'birds on the till are a bit ropey'. You'll never guess
who the two girls were going out with...

Joe's trying to chat up this Scandinavian girl at a bar. Joe: So where are you from? SG: Guess. Joe:
Sweden? SG: No. Joe: Finland? SG: No. Joe: Iceland? SG: Yes! Joe: Killed many seals lately? ...I'll
get me coat.

--
a.m-b FAQ: http://www.t-online.de/~jharris/ambfaq.htm

b.bmx FAQ: http://www.t-online.de/~jharris/bmx_faq.htm
 
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
Michael Dart <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
>
> "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
> >
> <snip funny stuff>
>
> Did the new Readers Digest come out today?

Heh - nope! Got it fwd from Bro's Fiancée.

> Here's another:
>
> My two riding buddies were celebrating a combined bachelors party at a
local
> Hooters restaurant. Part of the 'celebration' is for the waitresses to
make
> them stand on a table where one of the girls announced "Hey everybody!
This
> is Brian and Richard and they're getting married next weekend!"
>
> Brians wedding was on Friday and Richards was on Sunday.
>
> Mike

Heheheheh!

Shaun aRe
 
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
bomba <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> Shaun Rimmer wrote:
> > -----------------------------------------------------
> >
> > Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
> >
> > could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
>
> Excellent.

I enjoyed um!

> Some similar ones that happened to my mates.
>
> Couple of mates go down to Boots during lunch to pick up Vaseline for rugby after school. They ask
> the assistant, who shouts to her colleague across the crowded store that 'These two young
> gentlemen are looking for some vaseline for this evening. Can you help them out?' Although that
> was probably just malevolent....

Oooo, bet that stung........

> An African-born friend of mine was drunkenly chatting to a German in a bar in Dusseldorf. In an
> attempt to explain his Swaziland origins, he said; "I was actually born in Swastika"

Heheheheh........

> First night at work in the bike department for Mike, who comes back from the tills complaining to
> his supervisor and asst supervisor that the 'birds on the till are a bit ropey'. You'll never
> guess who the two girls were going out with...

Oh feck..........heheheheh.......

> Joe's trying to chat up this Scandinavian girl at a bar. Joe: So where are you from? SG: Guess.
> Joe: Sweden? SG: No. Joe: Finland? SG: No. Joe: Iceland? SG: Yes! Joe: Killed many seals lately?
> ...I'll get me coat.

Stupid ******* ',;~}~

Shaun aRe
 
P

Penny S.

Guest
Shaun Rimmer wrote:
> bomba <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
>> Shaun Rimmer wrote:
>>> -----------------------------------------------------
>>>
>>> Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
>>>
>>> could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
>>
>> Excellent.
>
>
> I enjoyed um!
>

So am I the only one that saw this stuff in an email years ago?

still funny tho.

penny
 
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
Penny S. <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> Shaun Rimmer wrote:
> > bomba <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> >> Shaun Rimmer wrote:
> >>> -----------------------------------------------------
> >>>
> >>> Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
> >>>
> >>> could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
> >>
> >> Excellent.
> >
> >
> > I enjoyed um!
> >
>
> So am I the only one that saw this stuff in an email years ago?
>
> still funny tho.
>
> penny

Oh, go **** on somebody else's bonfire Penny ',;~P~

Shaun aRe - Oh, and FFS, don't miss the smilie!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads