OT: Foot-in-mouth:

Discussion in 'Mountain Bikes' started by Shaun Rimmer, Apr 30, 2003.

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  1. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you

    could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....

    I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and

    asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo

    and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and

    never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

    I was at the golf store comparing different kinds

    of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had

    been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was

    approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen

    who works at the store. He asked if he could help

    me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I

    think I like playing with men's balls."

    Nuts about You

    My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a

    store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display

    case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,

    "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh

    hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To

    this day, my sister has never let me forget.

    While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler

    decided to release some pent-up energy and ran

    amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her

    after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from

    other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right

    now," she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me

    in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me

    go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing

    Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence

    was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

    Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up

    the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter

    in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were

    screams of laughter.

    A lady picked up several items at a discount store.

    When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that

    one of her items had no price

    tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got

    on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK

    ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but

    somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word

    "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed

    back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH

    YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

    Have you ever asked your child a question too many

    times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty

    training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at

    Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.It was very busy,

    with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled

    something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old

    daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny

    had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked

    him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking,

    "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have

    any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,

    are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he

    replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,

    because the smell was getting worse.

    Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you

    have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked

    down his pants, bent over and spread his

    cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

    While 30 people nearly choked to death on their

    tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants

    and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by

    thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

    This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for

    2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor

    who will, in the future, likely think

    before she speaks. What happens when you predict

    snow but don't get any....a true story...We had a female

    news anchor who, the day after it

    was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to

    the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches

    you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the

    set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

    -------------------------------------------

    Shaun aRe
     
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  2. Jimbo

    Jimbo Guest

    Shaun Rimmer wrote:

    > -----------------------------------------------------
    >
    > Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
    >
    > could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....

    > they were laughing so hard!
    >
    > -------------------------------------------
    >
    > Shaun aRe

    ROTFL!

    Jimbo(san)
     
  3. Michael Dart

    Michael Dart Guest

    "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    >
    <snip funny stuff>

    Did the new Readers Digest come out today?

    Here's another:

    My two riding buddies were celebrating a combined bachelors party at a local Hooters restaurant.
    Part of the 'celebration' is for the waitresses to make them stand on a table where one of the girls
    announced "Hey everybody! This is Brian and Richard and they're getting married next weekend!"

    Brians wedding was on Friday and Richards was on Sunday.

    Mike
     
  4. Bomba

    Bomba Guest

    Shaun Rimmer wrote:
    > -----------------------------------------------------
    >
    > Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
    >
    > could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....

    Excellent.

    Some similar ones that happened to my mates.

    Couple of mates go down to Boots during lunch to pick up Vaseline for rugby after school. They ask
    the assistant, who shouts to her colleague across the crowded store that 'These two young gentlemen
    are looking for some vaseline for this evening. Can you help them out?' Although that was probably
    just malevolent....

    An African-born friend of mine was drunkenly chatting to a German in a bar in Dusseldorf. In an
    attempt to explain his Swaziland origins, he said; "I was actually born in Swastika"

    First night at work in the bike department for Mike, who comes back from the tills complaining to
    his supervisor and asst supervisor that the 'birds on the till are a bit ropey'. You'll never guess
    who the two girls were going out with...

    Joe's trying to chat up this Scandinavian girl at a bar. Joe: So where are you from? SG: Guess. Joe:
    Sweden? SG: No. Joe: Finland? SG: No. Joe: Iceland? SG: Yes! Joe: Killed many seals lately? ...I'll
    get me coat.

    --
    a.m-b FAQ: http://www.t-online.de/~jharris/ambfaq.htm

    b.bmx FAQ: http://www.t-online.de/~jharris/bmx_faq.htm
     
  5. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Michael Dart <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    >
    > "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    > >
    > <snip funny stuff>
    >
    > Did the new Readers Digest come out today?

    Heh - nope! Got it fwd from Bro's Fiancée.

    > Here's another:
    >
    > My two riding buddies were celebrating a combined bachelors party at a
    local
    > Hooters restaurant. Part of the 'celebration' is for the waitresses to
    make
    > them stand on a table where one of the girls announced "Hey everybody!
    This
    > is Brian and Richard and they're getting married next weekend!"
    >
    > Brians wedding was on Friday and Richards was on Sunday.
    >
    > Mike

    Heheheheh!

    Shaun aRe
     
  6. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    bomba <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Shaun Rimmer wrote:
    > > -----------------------------------------------------
    > >
    > > Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
    > >
    > > could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
    >
    > Excellent.

    I enjoyed um!

    > Some similar ones that happened to my mates.
    >
    > Couple of mates go down to Boots during lunch to pick up Vaseline for rugby after school. They ask
    > the assistant, who shouts to her colleague across the crowded store that 'These two young
    > gentlemen are looking for some vaseline for this evening. Can you help them out?' Although that
    > was probably just malevolent....

    Oooo, bet that stung........

    > An African-born friend of mine was drunkenly chatting to a German in a bar in Dusseldorf. In an
    > attempt to explain his Swaziland origins, he said; "I was actually born in Swastika"

    Heheheheh........

    > First night at work in the bike department for Mike, who comes back from the tills complaining to
    > his supervisor and asst supervisor that the 'birds on the till are a bit ropey'. You'll never
    > guess who the two girls were going out with...

    Oh feck..........heheheheh.......

    > Joe's trying to chat up this Scandinavian girl at a bar. Joe: So where are you from? SG: Guess.
    > Joe: Sweden? SG: No. Joe: Finland? SG: No. Joe: Iceland? SG: Yes! Joe: Killed many seals lately?
    > ...I'll get me coat.

    Stupid bastard ',;~}~

    Shaun aRe
     
  7. Penny S.

    Penny S. Guest

    Shaun Rimmer wrote:
    > bomba <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    >> Shaun Rimmer wrote:
    >>> -----------------------------------------------------
    >>>
    >>> Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
    >>>
    >>> could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
    >>
    >> Excellent.
    >
    >
    > I enjoyed um!
    >

    So am I the only one that saw this stuff in an email years ago?

    still funny tho.

    penny
     
  8. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Penny S. <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Shaun Rimmer wrote:
    > > bomba <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > >> Shaun Rimmer wrote:
    > >>> -----------------------------------------------------
    > >>>
    > >>> Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
    > >>>
    > >>> could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
    > >>
    > >> Excellent.
    > >
    > >
    > > I enjoyed um!
    > >
    >
    > So am I the only one that saw this stuff in an email years ago?
    >
    > still funny tho.
    >
    > penny

    Oh, go piss on somebody else's bonfire Penny ',;~P~

    Shaun aRe - Oh, and FFS, don't miss the smilie!
     
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