S
Shaun Rimmer
Guest
-----------------------------------------------------
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo
and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and
never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had
been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was
approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help
me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I
think I like playing with men's balls."
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To
this day, my sister has never let me forget.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided to release some pent-up energy and ran
amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from
other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right
now," she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me
in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me
go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing
Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence
was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up
the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter
in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were
screams of laughter.
A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that
one of her items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got
on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK
ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but
somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word
"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed
back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH
YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty
training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at
Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.It was very busy,
with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked
him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking,
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have
any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,
are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you
have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his
cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants
and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for
2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor
who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict
snow but don't get any....a true story...We had a female
news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to
the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches
you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the
set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
-------------------------------------------
Shaun aRe
Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo
and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and
never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had
been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was
approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help
me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I
think I like playing with men's balls."
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,
"No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To
this day, my sister has never let me forget.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided to release some pent-up energy and ran
amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from
other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right
now," she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me
in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me
go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing
Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence
was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up
the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter
in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were
screams of laughter.
A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that
one of her items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got
on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK
ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but
somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word
"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed
back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH
YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty
training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at
Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.It was very busy,
with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked
him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking,
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have
any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,
are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you
have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his
cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their
tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants
and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for
2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor
who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict
snow but don't get any....a true story...We had a female
news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to
the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches
you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the
set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
-------------------------------------------
Shaun aRe