OT I hate pigeons.



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A

Andy Chequer

Guest
I just do.

Feathery stinking bastards.

I've always despised their pointless whoo whooing and that **** wheezy noise they make when they
fly. And their pointy beaks. And their feet. And their complete disregard for British queing
etiquette.

I seem to have one in my (er, Rob's) bike shed. I don't know how it got in there. It must have been
in there all night. And it's taken a giant **** on my bike. And that_makes_me_maD.

Andy Chequer

Disclaimer: The author acknowledges (on reflection) that it's actually deeply eccentric parenting,
excessive consumption of alcohol and herbal remedies, several nasty head traumas and prolonged
exposure to bureaucratic incompetent academic types that makes me mad. The pigeons are an annoyance
in comparison.

Mad. Mad I tell you. Baahahahahahaaaaaaa!

Ahahaahahhahahahhaahahahhahhaaaaaa!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
 
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
news:eek:%[email protected]...
> I just do.
>
> Feathery stinking bastards.
>
> I've always despised their pointless whoo whooing and that **** wheezy
noise
> they make when they fly. And their pointy beaks. And their feet. And their complete disregard for
> British queing etiquette.

Rats with wings they are, poxy little feckers..........

> I seem to have one in my (er, Rob's) bike shed. I don't know how it got in there. It must have
> been in there all night. And it's taken a giant ****
on
> my bike. And that_makes_me_maD.

You oughta **** on the pigeon - that'd learn it!

> Andy Chequer
>
> Disclaimer: The author acknowledges (on reflection) that it's actually deeply eccentric parenting,
> excessive consumption of alcohol and herbal remedies, several nasty head traumas and prolonged
> exposure to
bureaucratic
> incompetent academic types that makes me mad. The pigeons are an annoyance in comparison.
>
> Mad. Mad I tell you. Baahahahahahaaaaaaa!
>
> Ahahaahahhahahahhaahahahhahhaaaaaa!!
>
> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Here, this might cheer you up - Kath right, well, she likes to have a cruel giggle at times, and
when we were sat in the town centre one sunny shopping day, eating pies, she threw handful after
handful of crumbs at her feet for them there wing-ed rats, and we collected quite a host of 'em,
prolly about 50, right there, at us feet like.

'Ahhhh' says this little lad nearby us to his granddad, 'look at all them birds eatin' pie! Innit
great!?!'. Kath, well, she inflates this 'ere big bag she has with a gret big breath, and slaps it
real hard and fast between her hands. Biggest bag-bang I ever heard I tells ya!

Well (heheheheh), all them flying rodents 'exploded' like a leaky gas cooker outward and upward in a
very frightened flurry. The little kid, well, he **** himself and got blinded by all flying feathers
and dust and stuff, and the granddad, well, he fell off his bench in mad fits of laughter and
giggles! 'Thanks' says th'ewd fella, 'I needed that! heeeeehahahahah!'.

Shaun aRe 'buzzin'.
 
A

Andy Chequer

Guest
Kill the pigeons, kill yourself.

http://www.b3ta.com/mind-control/

More pigeon mischief:-

http://www.thomasscott.net/flash/pigeonstreet/

Andy Chequer "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...

> You oughta **** on the pigeon - that'd learn it!

I'd like to. I've just been out on the Orange (drop in a P45, such is the glamorous nature of my
days off) and it rained quite heavily, which has rinsed off the birdshit, but also the paint that
lay underneath. It must have had a curry last night. Binkie is also shat on, but the anodising
hasn't noticed.

> > HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
>

The voices told me to post it.

> Here, this might cheer you up - Kath right, well, she likes to have a
cruel
> giggle at times, and when we were sat in the town centre one sunny
shopping
> day, eating pies, she threw handful after handful of crumbs at her feet
for
> them there wing-ed rats, and we collected quite a host of 'em, prolly
about
> 50, right there, at us feet like.
>
> 'Ahhhh' says this little lad nearby us to his granddad, 'look at all them birds eatin' pie! Innit
> great!?!'. Kath, well, she inflates this 'ere big bag she has with a gret big breath, and slaps it
> real hard and fast
between
> her hands. Biggest bag-bang I ever heard I tells ya!
>
> Well (heheheheh), all them flying rodents 'exploded' like a leaky gas
cooker

Great simile :)

> outward and upward in a very frightened flurry. The little kid, well, he **** himself and got
> blinded by all flying feathers and dust and stuff,
and
> the granddad, well, he fell off his bench in mad fits of laughter and giggles! 'Thanks' says
> th'ewd fella, 'I needed that! heeeeehahahahah!'.

ROLTLMAO! Now that's pigeons put to good use!!!!!!!!!

> Shaun aRe 'buzzin'.
 
H

Huw Pritchard

Guest
On Fri, 02 May 2003 11:48:34 +0100, Andy Chequer did issue forth:

> I just do.
>
> Feathery stinking bastards.

I think pigeons quite like you, they seem to feel the urge to come and see you. After all, you
are possibly the only person in history to have used the sentence "The pigeons have **** on my
tape deck".

--
Huw Pritchard Replace bounce with huw to reply by mail
 
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Kill the pigeons, kill yourself.
>
> http://www.b3ta.com/mind-control/
>
> More pigeon mischief:-
>
> http://www.thomasscott.net/flash/pigeonstreet/

Heheheheh >',;~}~

I like your links. Your links don't stinks.

> Andy Chequer "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>
> > You oughta **** on the pigeon - that'd learn it!
>
> I'd like to. I've just been out on the Orange (drop in a P45, such is the glamorous nature of my
> days off) and it rained quite heavily, which has rinsed off the birdshit, but also the paint that
> lay underneath. It must have had a curry last night. Binkie is also shat on, but the anodising
> hasn't noticed.

Maybe the pigeon did indeed not ingest an Indian food product, but rather, got legless off a quarter
pint of brake fluid. Think about it............

> > > HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
> >

>
> The voices told me to post it.

Oh, the voices are always telling me to do stuff, but I ust shout at them in a loud voice and say
'Nooooo! I shall be conrtrolled no longer by you whims!' and they go away for a beer and a *** and
leave me alone a while......

> > Here, this might cheer you up - Kath right, well, she likes to have a
> cruel
> > giggle at times, and when we were sat in the town centre one sunny
> shopping
> > day, eating pies, she threw handful after handful of crumbs at her feet
> for
> > them there wing-ed rats, and we collected quite a host of 'em, prolly
> about
> > 50, right there, at us feet like.
> >
> > 'Ahhhh' says this little lad nearby us to his granddad, 'look at all
them
> > birds eatin' pie! Innit great!?!'. Kath, well, she inflates this 'ere
big
> > bag she has with a gret big breath, and slaps it real hard and fast
> between
> > her hands. Biggest bag-bang I ever heard I tells ya!
> >
> > Well (heheheheh), all them flying rodents 'exploded' like a leaky gas
> cooker
>
> Great simile :)

Happy to have helped old chap!

> > outward and upward in a very frightened flurry. The little kid, well, he **** himself and got
> > blinded by all flying feathers and dust and stuff,
> and
> > the granddad, well, he fell off his bench in mad fits of laughter and giggles! 'Thanks' says
> > th'ewd fella, 'I needed that! heeeeehahahahah!'.
>

>
> ROLTLMAO! Now that's pigeons put to good use!!!!!!!!!

Oh aye and yes indeedy! And, what's more, she thunked up this 'ere pigeon rusery all by herself -
you can see why I love her so ',;~}~

Shaun aRe - Life is good, especially considering the alternative............
 
B

Bomba

Guest
Andy Chequer wrote:
> Kill the pigeons, kill yourself.
>
> http://www.b3ta.com/mind-control/
>
> More pigeon mischief:-
>
> http://www.thomasscott.net/flash/pigeonstreet/

They'll be from the B3ta newsletter then...

> > You oughta **** on the pigeon - that'd learn it!
>
> I'd like to. I've just been out on the Orange (drop in a P45, such is the glamorous nature of my
> days off) and it rained quite heavily, which has rinsed off the birdshit, but also the paint that
> lay underneath. It must have had a curry last night. Binkie is also shat on, but the anodising
> hasn't noticed.

Doesn't birdshit have a high level of ammonia in it?

>>>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
>>

>
>
> The voices told me to post it.

You're lucky. Mine tell me to set fire to stuff...

> ROLTLMAO! Now that's pigeons put to good use!!!!!!!!!

Can't you make pigeons explode by feeding them bicarbonate of soda? IIRC, pigeons have no way of
egressing excess gas, so when bicarbonate of soda mixes with their stomach contents, well, you get
the idea. Of course, I've never tried it, so it could be one of them urban legends.

--
a.m-b FAQ: http://www.t-online.de/~jharris/ambfaq.htm

b.bmx FAQ: http://www.t-online.de/~jharris/bmx_faq.htm
 
A

Andy Chequer

Guest
> Can't you make pigeons explode by feeding them bicarbonate of soda? IIRC, pigeons have no way of
> egressing excess gas, so when bicarbonate of soda mixes with their stomach contents, well, you get
> the idea. Of course, I've never tried it, so it could be one of them urban legends.

I don't know about - I'd imaginge that if they can't they'd just cark it via internal hemorrhaging
from the pressure rather than going pop in an interesting way.

But if you need to defend yourself against swarms of pigeons who want to live in your house, I can
personally reccommend the humble water pistol as the right tool for the job.

Andy Chequer
 
T

Technician

Guest
In article <o%[email protected]>, "Andy Chequer"
<[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> says...
> I just do.
>
> Feathery stinking bastards.
>
> I've always despised their pointless whoo whooing and that **** wheezy noise they make when they
> fly. And their pointy beaks. And their feet. And their complete disregard for British queing
> etiquette.
>
> I seem to have one in my (er, Rob's) bike shed. I don't know how it got in there. It must have
> been in there all night. And it's taken a giant **** on my bike. And that_makes_me_maD.
>
> Andy Chequer
>
> Disclaimer: The author acknowledges (on reflection) that it's actually deeply eccentric parenting,
> excessive consumption of alcohol and herbal remedies, several nasty head traumas and prolonged
> exposure to bureaucratic incompetent academic types that makes me mad. The pigeons are an
> annoyance in comparison.
>
> Mad. Mad I tell you. Baahahahahahaaaaaaa!
>
> Ahahaahahhahahahhaahahahhahhaaaaaa!!
>
> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
>
>
>
>

Speaking of pigeons, there's one sitting outside my window now watching me and pecking at the glass.
hang on, i'll get a picture... Nope, saw me moving toward it, oh well.

My grand father usually removes the pigeon problem at his house with a small cylindrical piece of
lead that's pointed at one end.

He tried those twirling stick things that knock them down, but they just end up sitting on those and
going for a ride. it turned out to be all the rage for the pigeons in town as there were a few days
that poor little fiberglass stick would be sagging way down with 4 pigeons on each one. hence why
the lead solution took effect. course, then he decided he didn't like the red squirrels either.
Remember that old trick of adding lots of pepper to the birdseed to keep the squirrels from eating
it? well, it doesn't work. they eat a little seed, run over to the bird bath for a drink, and come
back for more seed.

~Travis
--
travis57 at megalink dot net

travis5765.homelinux.net, Primary Administrator TF Custom Electronics, Owner/Founder/Developer
(current project: Automotive exhaust flame-thrower)
 
A

Andy Chequer

Guest
"Huw Pritchard" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> On Fri, 02 May 2003 11:48:34 +0100, Andy Chequer did issue forth:
>
> > I just do.
> >
> > Feathery stinking bastards.
>
> I think pigeons quite like you, they seem to feel the urge to come and see you. After all, you
> are possibly the only person in history to have used the sentence "The pigeons have **** on my
> tape deck".

Andy Chequer
 
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> > Can't you make pigeons explode by feeding them bicarbonate of soda? IIRC, pigeons have no way of
> > egressing excess gas, so when bicarbonate of soda mixes with their stomach contents, well, you
> > get the idea. Of course, I've never tried it, so it could be one of them urban legends.
>
> I don't know about - I'd imaginge that if they can't they'd just cark it
via
> internal hemorrhaging from the pressure rather than going pop in an interesting way.
>
> But if you need to defend yourself against swarms of pigeons who want to live in your house, I can
> personally reccommend the humble water pistol as the right tool for the job.
>
> Andy Chequer

Yeah! Filled with a bicarb solution! Whoooooo!

Shaun aRe - Kill all vegans. But kill all pigeons first. Bicarb makes your teeth all slippy.
 
A

Andy Chequer

Guest
> Yeah! Filled with a bicarb solution! Whoooooo!

> Shaun aRe - Kill all vegans. But kill all pigeons first. Bicarb makes your teeth all slippy.

I find those Arm and Hammer toothpaste adverts rather unsettling. They say "It must be the baking
powder". Which kind of implies that they're not sure about it either.

Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.

Andy Chequer
 
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
news:p[email protected]...
>
> > Yeah! Filled with a bicarb solution! Whoooooo!
>
> > Shaun aRe - Kill all vegans. But kill all pigeons first. Bicarb makes
your
> > teeth all slippy.
>
> I find those Arm and Hammer toothpaste adverts rather unsettling. They say "It must be the baking
> powder". Which kind of implies that they're not
sure
> about it either.

Aye - they don't even say what 'it' is, so, they're obviosooly totally clueless about toothpaste.

> Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.

Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black pepper, fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest. Then
feed some to any remaining vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and doing the
same to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the world.

Shaun aRe
 
A

Andy Chequer

Guest
"Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
> news:p[email protected]...
> >
> > > Yeah! Filled with a bicarb solution! Whoooooo!
> >
> > > Shaun aRe - Kill all vegans. But kill all pigeons first. Bicarb makes
> your
> > > teeth all slippy.
> >
> > I find those Arm and Hammer toothpaste adverts rather unsettling. They
say
> > "It must be the baking powder". Which kind of implies that they're not
> sure
> > about it either.
>
> Aye - they don't even say what 'it' is, so, they're obviosooly totally clueless about toothpaste.
>
> > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.
>
> Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
> garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black pepper, fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest. Then
> feed some to any remaining vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and doing the
> same to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the world.

Do you want fries with that?

Andy Chequer
 
S

Spademan O----L

Guest
"Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...

>
> > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.
>
> Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
> garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black pepper, fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest. Then
> feed some to any remaining vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and doing the
> same to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the world.
>

Who ironically wouldn't be starving if more of the planets resources were put into growing grains
and crops for human consumption instead of feeding them to cattle and then butchering them.

Steve E.
 
T

Technician

Guest
In article <[email protected]>, "spademan o---[\) *"
<[email protected]> says...
>
> "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>
> >
> > > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.
> >
> > Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
> > garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black pepper, fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest.
> > Then feed some to any remaining vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and
> > doing the same to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the world.
> >
>
> Who ironically wouldn't be starving if more of the planets resources were put into growing grains
> and crops for human consumption instead of feeding them to cattle and then butchering them.
>
> Steve E.
>
>
>

How true, but i do like a good burger, or a nice piece of steak.

~Travis
--
travis57 at megalink dot net

travis5765.homelinux.net, Primary Administrator TF Custom Electronics, Owner/Founder/Developer
(current project: Automotive exhaust flame-thrower)
 
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> "Huw Pritchard" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
> > On Fri, 02 May 2003 11:48:34 +0100, Andy Chequer did issue forth:
> >
> > > I just do.
> > >
> > > Feathery stinking bastards.
> >
> > I think pigeons quite like you, they seem to feel the urge to come and
see
> > you. After all, you are possibly the only person in history to have
used
> > the sentence "The pigeons have **** on my tape deck".
>

So, someone's got 'em trained well then.............

Shaun aRe.........
 
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
> >
> > Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
> > news:p[email protected]...

> > > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.
> >
> > Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
> > garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black
pepper,
> > fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest. Then feed some to any
remaining
> > vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and doing the
same
> > to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the
world.
>
> Do you want fries with that?

Lambs fries?...........

Shaun aRe - it's all a load of bollocks..........
 
S

Shaun Rimmer

Guest
spademan o---[) * <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
>
> "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]...
>
> >
> > > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.
> >
> > Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
> > garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black
pepper,
> > fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest. Then feed some to any
remaining
> > vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and doing the
same
> > to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the
world.
> >
>
> Who ironically wouldn't be starving if more of the planets resources were put into growing grains
> and crops for human consumption instead of feeding them to cattle and then butchering them.

Yeah, but rare cooked bean burger steaks don't bleed when you bite 'em.

Shaun aRe
 
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