OT I hate pigeons.

Discussion in 'Mountain Bikes' started by Andy Chequer, May 2, 2003.

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  1. Andy Chequer

    Andy Chequer Guest

    I just do.

    Feathery stinking bastards.

    I've always despised their pointless whoo whooing and that crap wheezy noise they make when they
    fly. And their pointy beaks. And their feet. And their complete disregard for British queing
    etiquette.

    I seem to have one in my (er, Rob's) bike shed. I don't know how it got in there. It must have been
    in there all night. And it's taken a giant shit on my bike. And that_makes_me_maD.

    Andy Chequer

    Disclaimer: The author acknowledges (on reflection) that it's actually deeply eccentric parenting,
    excessive consumption of alcohol and herbal remedies, several nasty head traumas and prolonged
    exposure to bureaucratic incompetent academic types that makes me mad. The pigeons are an annoyance
    in comparison.

    Mad. Mad I tell you. Baahahahahahaaaaaaa!

    Ahahaahahhahahahhaahahahhahhaaaaaa!!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
     
    Tags:


  2. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
    news:eek:%[email protected]...
    > I just do.
    >
    > Feathery stinking bastards.
    >
    > I've always despised their pointless whoo whooing and that crap wheezy
    noise
    > they make when they fly. And their pointy beaks. And their feet. And their complete disregard for
    > British queing etiquette.

    Rats with wings they are, poxy little feckers..........

    > I seem to have one in my (er, Rob's) bike shed. I don't know how it got in there. It must have
    > been in there all night. And it's taken a giant shit
    on
    > my bike. And that_makes_me_maD.

    You oughta shit on the pigeon - that'd learn it!

    > Andy Chequer
    >
    > Disclaimer: The author acknowledges (on reflection) that it's actually deeply eccentric parenting,
    > excessive consumption of alcohol and herbal remedies, several nasty head traumas and prolonged
    > exposure to
    bureaucratic
    > incompetent academic types that makes me mad. The pigeons are an annoyance in comparison.
    >
    > Mad. Mad I tell you. Baahahahahahaaaaaaa!
    >
    > Ahahaahahhahahahhaahahahhahhaaaaaa!!
    >
    > HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

    Here, this might cheer you up - Kath right, well, she likes to have a cruel giggle at times, and
    when we were sat in the town centre one sunny shopping day, eating pies, she threw handful after
    handful of crumbs at her feet for them there wing-ed rats, and we collected quite a host of 'em,
    prolly about 50, right there, at us feet like.

    'Ahhhh' says this little lad nearby us to his granddad, 'look at all them birds eatin' pie! Innit
    great!?!'. Kath, well, she inflates this 'ere big bag she has with a gret big breath, and slaps it
    real hard and fast between her hands. Biggest bag-bang I ever heard I tells ya!

    Well (heheheheh), all them flying rodents 'exploded' like a leaky gas cooker outward and upward in a
    very frightened flurry. The little kid, well, he shit himself and got blinded by all flying feathers
    and dust and stuff, and the granddad, well, he fell off his bench in mad fits of laughter and
    giggles! 'Thanks' says th'ewd fella, 'I needed that! heeeeehahahahah!'.

    Shaun aRe 'buzzin'.
     
  3. Andy Chequer

    Andy Chequer Guest

    Kill the pigeons, kill yourself.

    http://www.b3ta.com/mind-control/

    More pigeon mischief:-

    http://www.thomasscott.net/flash/pigeonstreet/

    Andy Chequer "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...

    > You oughta shit on the pigeon - that'd learn it!

    I'd like to. I've just been out on the Orange (drop in a P45, such is the glamorous nature of my
    days off) and it rained quite heavily, which has rinsed off the birdshit, but also the paint that
    lay underneath. It must have had a curry last night. Binkie is also shat on, but the anodising
    hasn't noticed.

    > > HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
    >

    The voices told me to post it.

    > Here, this might cheer you up - Kath right, well, she likes to have a
    cruel
    > giggle at times, and when we were sat in the town centre one sunny
    shopping
    > day, eating pies, she threw handful after handful of crumbs at her feet
    for
    > them there wing-ed rats, and we collected quite a host of 'em, prolly
    about
    > 50, right there, at us feet like.
    >
    > 'Ahhhh' says this little lad nearby us to his granddad, 'look at all them birds eatin' pie! Innit
    > great!?!'. Kath, well, she inflates this 'ere big bag she has with a gret big breath, and slaps it
    > real hard and fast
    between
    > her hands. Biggest bag-bang I ever heard I tells ya!
    >
    > Well (heheheheh), all them flying rodents 'exploded' like a leaky gas
    cooker

    Great simile :)

    > outward and upward in a very frightened flurry. The little kid, well, he shit himself and got
    > blinded by all flying feathers and dust and stuff,
    and
    > the granddad, well, he fell off his bench in mad fits of laughter and giggles! 'Thanks' says
    > th'ewd fella, 'I needed that! heeeeehahahahah!'.

    ROLTLMAO! Now that's pigeons put to good use!!!!!!!!!

    > Shaun aRe 'buzzin'.
     
  4. On Fri, 02 May 2003 11:48:34 +0100, Andy Chequer did issue forth:

    > I just do.
    >
    > Feathery stinking bastards.

    I think pigeons quite like you, they seem to feel the urge to come and see you. After all, you
    are possibly the only person in history to have used the sentence "The pigeons have shit on my
    tape deck".

    --
    Huw Pritchard Replace bounce with huw to reply by mail
     
  5. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > Kill the pigeons, kill yourself.
    >
    > http://www.b3ta.com/mind-control/
    >
    > More pigeon mischief:-
    >
    > http://www.thomasscott.net/flash/pigeonstreet/

    Heheheheh >',;~}~

    I like your links. Your links don't stinks.

    > Andy Chequer "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    >
    > > You oughta shit on the pigeon - that'd learn it!
    >
    > I'd like to. I've just been out on the Orange (drop in a P45, such is the glamorous nature of my
    > days off) and it rained quite heavily, which has rinsed off the birdshit, but also the paint that
    > lay underneath. It must have had a curry last night. Binkie is also shat on, but the anodising
    > hasn't noticed.

    Maybe the pigeon did indeed not ingest an Indian food product, but rather, got legless off a quarter
    pint of brake fluid. Think about it............

    > > > HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
    > >

    >
    > The voices told me to post it.

    Oh, the voices are always telling me to do stuff, but I ust shout at them in a loud voice and say
    'Nooooo! I shall be conrtrolled no longer by you whims!' and they go away for a beer and a fag and
    leave me alone a while......

    > > Here, this might cheer you up - Kath right, well, she likes to have a
    > cruel
    > > giggle at times, and when we were sat in the town centre one sunny
    > shopping
    > > day, eating pies, she threw handful after handful of crumbs at her feet
    > for
    > > them there wing-ed rats, and we collected quite a host of 'em, prolly
    > about
    > > 50, right there, at us feet like.
    > >
    > > 'Ahhhh' says this little lad nearby us to his granddad, 'look at all
    them
    > > birds eatin' pie! Innit great!?!'. Kath, well, she inflates this 'ere
    big
    > > bag she has with a gret big breath, and slaps it real hard and fast
    > between
    > > her hands. Biggest bag-bang I ever heard I tells ya!
    > >
    > > Well (heheheheh), all them flying rodents 'exploded' like a leaky gas
    > cooker
    >
    > Great simile :)

    Happy to have helped old chap!

    > > outward and upward in a very frightened flurry. The little kid, well, he shit himself and got
    > > blinded by all flying feathers and dust and stuff,
    > and
    > > the granddad, well, he fell off his bench in mad fits of laughter and giggles! 'Thanks' says
    > > th'ewd fella, 'I needed that! heeeeehahahahah!'.
    >

    >
    > ROLTLMAO! Now that's pigeons put to good use!!!!!!!!!

    Oh aye and yes indeedy! And, what's more, she thunked up this 'ere pigeon rusery all by herself -
    you can see why I love her so ',;~}~

    Shaun aRe - Life is good, especially considering the alternative............
     
  6. Bomba

    Bomba Guest

    Andy Chequer wrote:
    > Kill the pigeons, kill yourself.
    >
    > http://www.b3ta.com/mind-control/
    >
    > More pigeon mischief:-
    >
    > http://www.thomasscott.net/flash/pigeonstreet/

    They'll be from the B3ta newsletter then...

    > > You oughta shit on the pigeon - that'd learn it!
    >
    > I'd like to. I've just been out on the Orange (drop in a P45, such is the glamorous nature of my
    > days off) and it rained quite heavily, which has rinsed off the birdshit, but also the paint that
    > lay underneath. It must have had a curry last night. Binkie is also shat on, but the anodising
    > hasn't noticed.

    Doesn't birdshit have a high level of ammonia in it?

    >>>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
    >>

    >
    >
    > The voices told me to post it.

    You're lucky. Mine tell me to set fire to stuff...

    > ROLTLMAO! Now that's pigeons put to good use!!!!!!!!!

    Can't you make pigeons explode by feeding them bicarbonate of soda? IIRC, pigeons have no way of
    egressing excess gas, so when bicarbonate of soda mixes with their stomach contents, well, you get
    the idea. Of course, I've never tried it, so it could be one of them urban legends.

    --
    a.m-b FAQ: http://www.t-online.de/~jharris/ambfaq.htm

    b.bmx FAQ: http://www.t-online.de/~jharris/bmx_faq.htm
     
  7. Andy Chequer

    Andy Chequer Guest

    > Can't you make pigeons explode by feeding them bicarbonate of soda? IIRC, pigeons have no way of
    > egressing excess gas, so when bicarbonate of soda mixes with their stomach contents, well, you get
    > the idea. Of course, I've never tried it, so it could be one of them urban legends.

    I don't know about - I'd imaginge that if they can't they'd just cark it via internal hemorrhaging
    from the pressure rather than going pop in an interesting way.

    But if you need to defend yourself against swarms of pigeons who want to live in your house, I can
    personally reccommend the humble water pistol as the right tool for the job.

    Andy Chequer
     
  8. Technician

    Technician Guest

    In article <o%[email protected]>, "Andy Chequer"
    <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> says...
    > I just do.
    >
    > Feathery stinking bastards.
    >
    > I've always despised their pointless whoo whooing and that crap wheezy noise they make when they
    > fly. And their pointy beaks. And their feet. And their complete disregard for British queing
    > etiquette.
    >
    > I seem to have one in my (er, Rob's) bike shed. I don't know how it got in there. It must have
    > been in there all night. And it's taken a giant shit on my bike. And that_makes_me_maD.
    >
    > Andy Chequer
    >
    > Disclaimer: The author acknowledges (on reflection) that it's actually deeply eccentric parenting,
    > excessive consumption of alcohol and herbal remedies, several nasty head traumas and prolonged
    > exposure to bureaucratic incompetent academic types that makes me mad. The pigeons are an
    > annoyance in comparison.
    >
    > Mad. Mad I tell you. Baahahahahahaaaaaaa!
    >
    > Ahahaahahhahahahhaahahahhahhaaaaaa!!
    >
    > HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
    >
    >
    >
    >

    Speaking of pigeons, there's one sitting outside my window now watching me and pecking at the glass.
    hang on, i'll get a picture... Nope, saw me moving toward it, oh well.

    My grand father usually removes the pigeon problem at his house with a small cylindrical piece of
    lead that's pointed at one end.

    He tried those twirling stick things that knock them down, but they just end up sitting on those and
    going for a ride. it turned out to be all the rage for the pigeons in town as there were a few days
    that poor little fiberglass stick would be sagging way down with 4 pigeons on each one. hence why
    the lead solution took effect. course, then he decided he didn't like the red squirrels either.
    Remember that old trick of adding lots of pepper to the birdseed to keep the squirrels from eating
    it? well, it doesn't work. they eat a little seed, run over to the bird bath for a drink, and come
    back for more seed.

    ~Travis
    --
    travis57 at megalink dot net

    travis5765.homelinux.net, Primary Administrator TF Custom Electronics, Owner/Founder/Developer
    (current project: Automotive exhaust flame-thrower)
     
  9. Andy Chequer

    Andy Chequer Guest

    "Huw Pritchard" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > On Fri, 02 May 2003 11:48:34 +0100, Andy Chequer did issue forth:
    >
    > > I just do.
    > >
    > > Feathery stinking bastards.
    >
    > I think pigeons quite like you, they seem to feel the urge to come and see you. After all, you
    > are possibly the only person in history to have used the sentence "The pigeons have shit on my
    > tape deck".

    Andy Chequer
     
  10. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    >
    > > Can't you make pigeons explode by feeding them bicarbonate of soda? IIRC, pigeons have no way of
    > > egressing excess gas, so when bicarbonate of soda mixes with their stomach contents, well, you
    > > get the idea. Of course, I've never tried it, so it could be one of them urban legends.
    >
    > I don't know about - I'd imaginge that if they can't they'd just cark it
    via
    > internal hemorrhaging from the pressure rather than going pop in an interesting way.
    >
    > But if you need to defend yourself against swarms of pigeons who want to live in your house, I can
    > personally reccommend the humble water pistol as the right tool for the job.
    >
    > Andy Chequer

    Yeah! Filled with a bicarb solution! Whoooooo!

    Shaun aRe - Kill all vegans. But kill all pigeons first. Bicarb makes your teeth all slippy.
     
  11. Andy Chequer

    Andy Chequer Guest

    > Yeah! Filled with a bicarb solution! Whoooooo!

    > Shaun aRe - Kill all vegans. But kill all pigeons first. Bicarb makes your teeth all slippy.

    I find those Arm and Hammer toothpaste adverts rather unsettling. They say "It must be the baking
    powder". Which kind of implies that they're not sure about it either.

    Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.

    Andy Chequer
     
  12. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
    news:p[email protected]...
    >
    > > Yeah! Filled with a bicarb solution! Whoooooo!
    >
    > > Shaun aRe - Kill all vegans. But kill all pigeons first. Bicarb makes
    your
    > > teeth all slippy.
    >
    > I find those Arm and Hammer toothpaste adverts rather unsettling. They say "It must be the baking
    > powder". Which kind of implies that they're not
    sure
    > about it either.

    Aye - they don't even say what 'it' is, so, they're obviosooly totally clueless about toothpaste.

    > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.

    Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
    garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black pepper, fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest. Then
    feed some to any remaining vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and doing the
    same to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the world.

    Shaun aRe
     
  13. Andy Chequer

    Andy Chequer Guest

    "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    >
    > Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
    > news:p[email protected]...
    > >
    > > > Yeah! Filled with a bicarb solution! Whoooooo!
    > >
    > > > Shaun aRe - Kill all vegans. But kill all pigeons first. Bicarb makes
    > your
    > > > teeth all slippy.
    > >
    > > I find those Arm and Hammer toothpaste adverts rather unsettling. They
    say
    > > "It must be the baking powder". Which kind of implies that they're not
    > sure
    > > about it either.
    >
    > Aye - they don't even say what 'it' is, so, they're obviosooly totally clueless about toothpaste.
    >
    > > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.
    >
    > Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
    > garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black pepper, fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest. Then
    > feed some to any remaining vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and doing the
    > same to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the world.

    Do you want fries with that?

    Andy Chequer
     
  14. "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]ic.co.uk> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...

    >
    > > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.
    >
    > Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
    > garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black pepper, fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest. Then
    > feed some to any remaining vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and doing the
    > same to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the world.
    >

    Who ironically wouldn't be starving if more of the planets resources were put into growing grains
    and crops for human consumption instead of feeding them to cattle and then butchering them.

    Steve E.
     
  15. Technician

    Technician Guest

    In article <[email protected]>, "spademan o---[\) *"
    <[email protected]> says...
    >
    > "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    >
    > >
    > > > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.
    > >
    > > Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
    > > garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black pepper, fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest.
    > > Then feed some to any remaining vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and
    > > doing the same to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the world.
    > >
    >
    > Who ironically wouldn't be starving if more of the planets resources were put into growing grains
    > and crops for human consumption instead of feeding them to cattle and then butchering them.
    >
    > Steve E.
    >
    >
    >

    How true, but i do like a good burger, or a nice piece of steak.

    ~Travis
    --
    travis57 at megalink dot net

    travis5765.homelinux.net, Primary Administrator TF Custom Electronics, Owner/Founder/Developer
    (current project: Automotive exhaust flame-thrower)
     
  16. Kouros

    Kouros Guest

    "Andy Chequer" <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in
    news:eek:%[email protected]:

    > I just do.

    That's as maybe, but they don't half taste nice.

    --
    How To Handle A Troll www.angelfire.com/space/usenet
     
  17. Sorni

    Sorni Guest

  18. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    >
    > "Huw Pritchard" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    > > On Fri, 02 May 2003 11:48:34 +0100, Andy Chequer did issue forth:
    > >
    > > > I just do.
    > > >
    > > > Feathery stinking bastards.
    > >
    > > I think pigeons quite like you, they seem to feel the urge to come and
    see
    > > you. After all, you are possibly the only person in history to have
    used
    > > the sentence "The pigeons have shit on my tape deck".
    >

    So, someone's got 'em trained well then.............

    Shaun aRe.........
     
  19. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    >
    > "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    > >
    > > Andy Chequer <[email protected](youdontwantthisbitinit)thisisasparagus.com> wrote in message
    > > news:p[email protected]...

    > > > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.
    > >
    > > Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
    > > garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black
    pepper,
    > > fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest. Then feed some to any
    remaining
    > > vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and doing the
    same
    > > to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the
    world.
    >
    > Do you want fries with that?

    Lambs fries?...........

    Shaun aRe - it's all a load of bollocks..........
     
  20. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    spademan o---[) * <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    >
    > "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    >
    > >
    > > > Either way, kill the vegans, as you said.
    > >
    > > Yes, and then barbecue their flesh, after marinating it in sliced Scotch Bonnet chiles, crushed
    > > garlic, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, black
    pepper,
    > > fresh grated ginger, lime juice and zest. Then feed some to any
    remaining
    > > vegans still alive you can find before killing them too and doing the
    same
    > > to their flesh. Feed the rest to the starving Africans all over the
    world.
    > >
    >
    > Who ironically wouldn't be starving if more of the planets resources were put into growing grains
    > and crops for human consumption instead of feeding them to cattle and then butchering them.

    Yeah, but rare cooked bean burger steaks don't bleed when you bite 'em.

    Shaun aRe
     
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