(OT) Pre-nup "Lesson" for Shaun

Discussion in 'Mountain Bikes' started by Sorni, Jun 13, 2003.

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  1. Sorni

    Sorni Guest

    With apologies to those I sent this to privately. (*AND* I hear it's old now, but it was new to me.)

    Very heart-warming story:

    I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
    My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
    There was only one thing bothering me, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman,

    which made me feel uncomfortable.

    One day she called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. So I went. She was
    alone when I arrived. She whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and
    desires for me that she couldn't overcome. So before I got married and committed to life with her
    daughter, she wanted to make love to me just once.

    What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

    So, she said, "I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me." I watched
    her delicious behind as she went up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned
    around and went to the front door, opened it, and stepped out of the house. Her father was
    standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, "We are very happy and pleased,
    you have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter.
    Welcome to the family.

    Moral of the story?

    "Always keep your condoms in the car."

    {ba-da-BING}
     
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  2. Bomba

    Bomba Guest

  3. Westie

    Westie Guest

    "Sorni" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > With apologies to those I sent this to privately. (*AND* I hear it's old now, but it was
    > new to me.)
    >
    > Very heart-warming story:
    >
    > I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so
    we <snip>

    I can't remember who posted this some time ago. It wasn't you was it Shaun? But I liked it, and
    kept a copy:

    PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT FOR THE BIKER

    This agreement acknowledges that the forthcoming marriage is an arrangement that accepts the
    perpetual continuity of pre-existing relationship between the first two parties and that a three-way
    coexistence shall be created consisting of the following participants: Spouse A (the non-biking
    loved one) hereafter referred to as NBLO; Spouse B (biking loved one) hereafter referred to as BLO,
    and; The Bike (the glorious one) hereafter referred to as TB.

    Condition I: Acknowledgment NBLO shall henceforth recognize that BLO and TB have forged a long
    standing and unbreakable relationship and shall never attempt to permanently divide, or otherwise
    separate the two.

    Condition II: Cohabitation NBLO and BLO shall agree upon comfortable and equal living quarters for
    TB, its related service equipment and riding gear. TB shall only be exposed to the elements of
    nature during rides.

    All other times TB shall have access to warm, dry, low traffic living space. If at any time there
    should be conflict w/ NBLO, BLO or furniture, TB shall have preference as to where it stays. In
    NBLO’s absence TB shall be permitted bedroom space (if not already arranged).

    Condition III: Exclusivity and Infidelity At no time shall NBLO, BLO, or TB be loaned out to be
    ridden by anyone outside the three-way relationship. NBLO must request from BLO permission to ride,
    fondle or otherwise physically contact TB and only do so in the presence of BLO.

    Condition IV: Equal Time NBLO shall be guaranteed quality time equivalent to TB unless it conflicts
    with TB in which case TB gets preference. Service time shall be guaranteed and considered a separate
    requirement. In the event of emergency, ie NBLO stranded, child sets hair on fire etc, BLO shall
    complete whatever TB related activity as soon as possible and attend said emergency.

    In the event of an in-law visit or should for any reason, BLO become depressed, or otherwise in need
    of stress relief, BLO shall be permitted as much time w/TB or TB related activities, magazines,
    books, events etc as needed until such time BLO feels better.

    Condition V: Parts NBLO and BLO will agree that BLO be permitted and encouraged to purchase any and
    all TB related equipment at any and all times, whether they be repairs, replacements, upgrades, or
    just plain Chi-Chi.

    Any replaced parts shall be considered cherished spares and provided appropriate storage space
    equivalent to that provided for TB, preferably under the bed, favourite closet or on coffee table as
    a conversation item. New Items immediately installed shall require TB to be put on prominent display
    (ie in front of TV).

    Newly purchased items not immediately installed shall be put on display as a centrepiece during
    the day and they shall be kept under the pillow of BLO at bed time, unless it is potentially
    dangerous to said part. This shall be for no less than 5 days or until they are installed
    whichever comes first.

    Condition VI: Finance All household finance shall be considered separate from TB finance. If
    conflict should arise then TB gets preference.

    Condition VII: Disposition In the event NBLO has a compatible bike BLO can offer spare parts to be
    temporarily installed for use by NBLO until such time BLO requires their use on TB. No prior notice
    is required.

    All equipment and The Bike they are installed upon or intended for, shall remain the property of BLO
    come hell or high water, and shall not be relinquished under any circumstance including death, in
    which case the surviving party will be obligated to complete the upgrades (expressed, implied or
    dreamed of)and bury the bike with the departed, unless TB or BLO requests a separate grave in which
    case they shall be buried side by side and NBLO shall not be buried between them.

    Condition VIII: Protected Communications All TB related communications intended for BLO, be they
    voice (phone messages, visitors); print (mail-order catalogues, etc.); or electronic (e-mail,
    buddies calling to ride, etc.) shall be forwarded and delivered to BLO as expediently as possible.
    Furthermore, no censorship of said communications shall occur, and NBLO agrees to refrain from
    making disparaging comments about the content of these communications and/or their source(s).

    Extended Conditions: TB shall never be the focus of an argument nor brought up as part of one. TB
    shall never be discussed w/ in-laws unless said discussion is in praise or defense of TB. No
    retaliation shall ever be taken against TB.

    All of the above is to be considered iron-clad and in stone and non negotiable, unless of course,
    the nonbiker says so. Bicycle proliferation TB must be permitted to be fruitful and multiply. After
    all, there can never be too many bicycles.

    Each and every bicycle, whether it be TB1, TB2 ... TB5 ... TB9 etc, must be permitted comfortable
    and equal living quarters as per Condition II above. NBLO shall not be permitted to complain
    about the number of TB’s or how much of the precious housing square-footage they consume! The
    more the merrier!

    --
    Westie
     
  4. Penny S.

    Penny S. Guest

    Westie thoughtfully penned:
    > "Sorni" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    >> With apologies to those I sent this to privately. (*AND* I hear it's old now, but it was new
    >> to me.)
    >>
    >> Very heart-warming story:
    >>
    >> I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so
    > we <snip>
    >
    > I can't remember who posted this some time ago. It wasn't you was it Shaun? But I liked it, and
    > kept a copy:
    >

    Might have been me (?) Doesn't' matter, I've seen it on one of my women-only no boys allowed
    cycle forums.

    penny
     
  5. Westie

    Westie Guest

    "Penny S." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Westie thoughtfully penned:
    > > "Sorni" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > > news:[email protected]...
    > >> With apologies to those I sent this to privately. (*AND* I hear it's old now, but it was new
    > >> to me.)
    > >>
    > >> Very heart-warming story:
    > >>
    > >> I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so
    > > we <snip>
    > >
    > > I can't remember who posted this some time ago. It wasn't you was it Shaun? But I liked it, and
    > > kept a copy:
    > >
    >
    > Might have been me (?) Doesn't' matter, I've seen it on one of my women-only no boys allowed
    > cycle forums.
    >
    > penny
    >
    >
    It could well have been you, Penny. It made me laugh so much at the time that I can't remember who
    to give credit.
    --
    Westie
     
  6. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Sorni <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > With apologies to those I sent this to privately. (*AND* I hear it's old now, but it was
    > new to me.)
    >
    > Very heart-warming story:
    >
    > I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so
    we
    > decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my
    > girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one
    thing
    > bothering me, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman,

    > which made me feel uncomfortable.
    >
    > One day she called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. So I went. She was
    > alone when I arrived. She whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and
    > desires for me
    that
    > she couldn't overcome. So before I got married and committed to life with her daughter, she wanted
    > to make love to me just once.
    >
    > What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
    >
    > So, she said, "I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me." I watched
    > her delicious behind as she went up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned around
    > and went to the front
    door,
    > opened it, and stepped out of the house. Her father was standing outside, and with tears in his
    > eyes, hugged me and said, "We are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. We
    couldn't
    > have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
    >
    > Moral of the story?
    >
    > "Always keep your condoms in the car."
    >
    > {ba-da-BING}

    Hey, thanks for thinking of me, but that's one lesson I don't need. I'd likely have slapped her on
    the spot, I think, heheheh..............

    Shaun aRe - passionately monogamous.
     
  7. Bomba

    Bomba Guest

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