over reaction??

[Elisa Francesca]

Sojourner wrote:

> I know who my son's friends are. I have ALWAYS known who my son's friends are. It is EMINENTLY
> practical and is even required if you intend to raise a child. Properly, that is.
>

Although I consider that very commendable overall, I know from my experience as a _daughter_ just
how far it can backfire. I had a mother who was always sticking her nose into my frequentations. As
soon as I was materially able, I cut her so far out of my life that she never knew another thing
about me or any of my friends. It's a fine line between responsible surveillance and disrespect for
another person's privacy, and it can get explosive as a young person grows up and away.

Elisa Roselli, Paris, France

 

[Sojourner]

Elisa Francesca Roselli wrote:
>
> Sojourner wrote:
>
>
>>I know who my son's friends are. I have ALWAYS known who my son's friends are. It is EMINENTLY
>>practical and is even required if you intend to raise a child. Properly, that is.
>>
>
>
> Although I consider that very commendable overall, I know from my experience as a _daughter_
> just how far it can backfire. I had a mother who was always sticking her nose into my
> frequentations. As soon as I was materially able, I cut her so far out of my life that she never
> knew another thing about me or any of my friends. It's a fine line between responsible
> surveillance and disrespect for another person's privacy, and it can get explosive as a young
> person grows up and away.

Perhaps. However, my son - at 18 and off to college this coming fall - is still speaking to me, so I
have no worries in that regard. In fact, if he had wanted to, he could, at any time in the last 8
years or so, have blown me totally off and gone to live with his wealthy father in his five bedroom
three car garage three big screen TV having yuppie urban manse. Consider that for the past five
years we have been living in a 14' x 7 ' - yes, you read that right, FOURTEEN FOOT BY SEVEN FOOT -
travel trailer, and see what that adds up to, emotional support and parenting-wise.

I do not feel it is a "fine line". The line, in fact, is rather broad. My own mother crossed so far
over that line that you couldn't even see her anymore.

Nevertheless, it is no excuse - none whatsoever - for failing to provide proper guidance and just
plain BEING WITH one's own child.

I'm very sorry, but PROPER guidance is NOWHERE NEAR the same as invading, controlling, and
snooping. I shudder every time I see one of those god damned ads urging parents to search through
their kid's sock drawers looking for "evidence" of drugs or what-not, because (according to the
ads) YOU ARE DOING THEM A FAVOR. ********. If you actually LISTEN TO your kids instead of (a)
stocking their rooms with phones, tvs, computers, stereos, game systems, and private phone lines so
that you never actually have to interact with them and/or (b) constantly lecturing them (as my ex
did and does, hence my son's total non-desire to spend a second more time with him than is
ABSOLUTELY required by law)
- if you LISTEN TO THEM and INTERACT WITH them (not react TO or AT them) you won't NEED to snoop,
spy, sneak, and lie to find out what they are doing. They'll tell you as naturally as - well, as a
child OUGHT to speak to one's parent who can be trusted to care and listen.

 

[Elisa Francesca]

I think your son is very lucky to have a parent like you.

Elisa Roselli Paris, France

Sojourner wrote:

Nevertheless, it is no excuse - none whatsoever - for failing to provide

> proper guidance and just plain BEING WITH one's own child.