PC RANT

Discussion in 'UK and Europe' started by Sandy Morton, Mar 29, 2005.

  1. David Hansen

    David Hansen Guest

    On Thu, 31 Mar 2005 18:49:20 +0100 someone who may be Ross Hamilton
    <[email protected]> wrote this:-

    >You can imagine what happened when he put a light to the barrel...
    >
    >Certainly instructive. ;-)


    Sometimes I re-read, "the finest account of war at sea ever
    written"; "Very Ordinary Seaman", by J P W Mallalieu. This is taken
    from that and will have happened in about 1940.

    "A week before they had expected to go on leave the course was
    extended for another two weeks to include training in land warfare.

    "The course was new. 'I don't know much about this thing,' said a
    Chief with a tommy-gun in his hand. 'But once you are used to
    handling weapons of any sort the others usually come easy. This 'ere
    is the magazine,' he said holding up a circular object and then
    fixing it with some difficulty to the gun. 'Now this will be the
    cocking handle. It ought to work like this,' and he pulled and
    pushed it, pointing the gun at the class, up in the air, or
    anywhere.

    "Suddenly, rat-a-tat-tat, and the gun fired. Three small holes
    appeared in the corrugated-iron roof.

    "'Now, boys, I'm sorry about that. Must 'ave touched the trigger
    when I was jerking the cocking handle. That's the worst of these
    American things. They're not made as safe as our own stuff. Now,
    don't you say anything about this or you'll get me in the rattle
    [1], proper. I'll just mention it to the office, but don't you say a
    word, will you?'

    "Next day they again marched to this drill shed and again were faced
    by an Instructor with a tommy-gun in his hand. But it was a
    different Instructor. So the other old boy had got in the rattle
    after all. Poor old boy! Still, it was his fault.

    "They settled themselves and the Instructor began.

    "'This,' said the new Instructor , 'is a tommy-gun. It's an American
    weapon. You'll 'ave seen it used on the films, I dare say. I don't
    know much about it myself, but I'll soon learn,' at which the class,
    as one man, threw themselves on the deck."



    [1] "the rattle", trouble of various sorts including being sent to
    the cells.


    --
    David Hansen, Edinburgh | PGP email preferred-key number F566DA0E
    I will always explain revoked keys, unless the UK government
    prevents me by using the RIP Act 2000.
     


  2. Simon Brooke

    Simon Brooke Guest

    in message <[email protected]>, Tim Hall
    ('[email protected]') wrote:

    > On 31 Mar 2005 11:59:06 +0100 (BST), [email protected] (Alan
    > Braggins) wrote:
    >
    >>Simon Brooke wrote:
    >>>James >Annan ('[email protected]') wrote:
    >>>> Richard wrote:
    >>>>> David Martin wrote:
    >>>>
    >>>>>> "Better drowned than duffers if not duffers won't drown"
    >>>>>
    >>>>> But what are "duffers if not duffers"?
    >>>>
    >>>> Someone didn't go to grammar school...
    >>>
    >>>He does, however, know his literature, and can quote accurately from
    >>>it.

    >>
    >>I was assuming that James was implying that Richard would have
    >>recognized the quote if he had been to grammar school, not that
    >>David's grammar was poor.
    >>
    >>It's been a while since I read it though - aren't telegrams normally
    >>all-caps? Or is the quote not the telegram itself directly but someone
    >>reading it?

    >
    > BETTER DROWNED THAN DUFFERS STOP IF NOT DUFFERS COMMA WONT DROWN STOP.


    And that's just wrong. Everyone knows that the original telegram did not
    have the STOPs or the COMMA.

    --
    [email protected] (Simon Brooke) http://www.jasmine.org.uk/~simon/

    ;; 'I think we should trust our president in every decision
    ;; that he makes and we should just support that'
    ;; Britney Spears of George W Bush, CNN 04:09:03
     
  3. David Martin

    David Martin Guest

    On 1/4/05 10:03 am, in article
    [email protected], "Simon Brooke"
    <[email protected]> wrote:

    > in message <[email protected]>, Keith Willoughby
    > ('[email protected]') wrote:
    >
    >> David Martin <[email protected]> writes:
    >>
    >>> On 30/3/05 8:24 pm, in article
    >>> [email protected], "John Hearns"
    >>> <[email protected]> wrote:
    >>>
    >>>> On Wed, 30 Mar 2005 19:05:46 +0100, Danny Colyer wrote:
    >>>>
    >>>>>
    >>>>> CBeebies is a channel, not a programme. Any idea which programme?
    >>>>
    >>>> What's the story, wouldn't you like to know?
    >>>
    >>> Not sure. I'll Mull it over for a while..
    >>>
    >>> and then get my coat.

    >>
    >> Before you're pelted with Eiggs?

    >
    > That would be a Rum[1] do.
    >
    > [1] I gather the 'h' is now deprecated.


    I wouldn't be advocaating that..

    ...d
     
  4. David Martin

    David Martin Guest

    On 1/4/05 10:22 am, in article [email protected], "Tony Raven"
    <[email protected]> wrote:

    > Simon Brooke wrote:
    >>
    >> And you missed the point too. Didn't /anybody/ read _Swallows and
    >> Amazons_ as a child (apart from Richard and David Martin, that is?
    >>

    >
    > And Famous Five and Secret Seven and Biggles and..... Do kids today
    > read them? Must get them out for ours to read


    When I was in Norway I helped with a Scout troop. On one memorable trip we
    went by canoe on one of the inland lakes to camp on a small Island. Dead
    ringer for Wild Cat Island with a campfire circle, small rocky harbour,
    wider beach etc. Unlike S & A it rained solidly for the whole weekend.

    And no savages in the hills to the SouthEast.

    ...d
     
  5. [email protected] (Richard Webb) writes:

    >>
    >>> Why does nobody remember any chemistry except what went bang?

    >>
    >>I would tell you, but I can't remember...

    >
    > Thanks... Memo to self
    >
    > More Bangs!
    >
    > Talking of bangs - Have a look at this
    > http://www.theodoregray.com/PeriodicTable/Stories/011.2/
    >
    > Unfeasably large ammounts of sodium being wetted.


    You need to see the Ribbands Explosives "Power and Precision" DVD.
    It's awesome, especially if you're not a Billy Bass fan.

    http://www.ribbands.co.uk/

    Chris
    --
    Chris Eilbeck
    MARS Flight Crew http://www.mars.org.uk/
    UKRA #1108 Level 2 UYB
    Tripoli UK Member #9527 LSMR
     
  6. Tony Raven

    Tony Raven Guest

    Chris Eilbeck wrote:
    >
    > You need to see the Ribbands Explosives "Power and Precision" DVD.
    > It's awesome, especially if you're not a Billy Bass fan.
    >


    Anyone remember Blaster Bates? Hilarious tales of this job as an
    explosives expert and a great after dinner speaker in the Fred Dibnah
    stylee. Used to live just down the road from where I went to school
    (note I'm careful not to say what type of school) and I spent many a
    tech drawing lesson watching him blasting the hole for the school
    swimming pool and praying for something to go spectacularly wrong like
    in his stories. He did come and talk to the sixth form and had stern
    warnings from the headmaster about his language - he was renown for the
    liberal use of expletives.

    Tony
     
  7. David Martin

    David Martin Guest

    On 1/4/05 5:19 pm, in article [email protected], "Tony Raven"
    <[email protected]> wrote:

    > Chris Eilbeck wrote:
    >>
    >> You need to see the Ribbands Explosives "Power and Precision" DVD.
    >> It's awesome, especially if you're not a Billy Bass fan.
    >>

    >
    > Anyone remember Blaster Bates? Hilarious tales of this job as an
    > explosives expert and a great after dinner speaker in the Fred Dibnah
    > stylee.


    I thought he was foreign.. bristolian?

    Probably wrong. My dad has one of his discourses on LP. 'Non-ferrous metal
    prodder' anyone?

    > Used to live just down the road from where I went to school
    > (note I'm careful not to say what type of school) and I spent many a
    > tech drawing lesson watching him blasting the hole for the school
    > swimming pool
    > and praying for something to go spectacularly wrong like
    > in his stories. He did come and talk to the sixth form and had stern
    > warnings from the headmaster about his language - he was renown for the
    > liberal use of expletives.


    Great stories..

    ...d
     
  8. Tony Raven

    Tony Raven Guest

    David Martin wrote:
    > On 1/4/05 5:19 pm, in article [email protected], "Tony Raven"
    > <[email protected]> wrote:
    >>
    >>Anyone remember Blaster Bates? Hilarious tales of this job as an
    >>explosives expert and a great after dinner speaker in the Fred Dibnah
    >>stylee.

    >
    >
    > I thought he was foreign.. bristolian?
    >


    No, Sandbach, Cheshire.

    Tony
     
  9. On Fri, 01 Apr 2005 21:36:53 +0100, Tony Raven <[email protected]>
    wrote in message <[email protected]>:

    [ob Derek "Blaster" Bates]
    >No, Sandbach, Cheshire.


    Hence the monologue which I remember as "the day there were a shower
    of shit over Cheshire".

    Very amusing ,Mr Bates, but a bit rood at times.


    Guy
    --
    http://www.chapmancentral.co.uk

    "To every complex problem there is a solution which is
    simple, neat and wrong" - HL Mencken
     
  10. On Thu, 31 Mar 2005 18:24:58 +0100, Helen Deborah Vecht
    <[email protected]> wrote in message
    <[email protected]>:

    >Down the road from my Infants' School, Evington Valley, which I attended
    >from 1964-5.


    Just as well it wasn't a grammar school or you'd have been accused of
    elitism.


    Guy
    --
    http://www.chapmancentral.co.uk

    "To every complex problem there is a solution which is
    simple, neat and wrong" - HL Mencken
     
  11. Tony Raven

    Tony Raven Guest

    Just zis Guy, you know? wrote:
    > On Fri, 01 Apr 2005 21:36:53 +0100, Tony Raven <[email protected]>
    > wrote in message <[email protected]>:
    >
    > [ob Derek "Blaster" Bates]
    >
    >>No, Sandbach, Cheshire.

    >
    >
    > Hence the monologue which I remember as "the day there were a shower
    > of shit over Cheshire".
    >


    "You can't run at 30mph is a pair of wellies"

    Ah I remember it well, and the Tale of Knickerbrook if you wanted to
    know the real reason a corner at Oulton Park has that name. And The Pub
    that changed Colour. I seem to remember he had a penchant for blowing
    out cess pits!

    Tony
     
  12. Tony Raven

    Tony Raven Guest

    Just zis Guy, you know? wrote:
    > On Thu, 31 Mar 2005 18:24:58 +0100, Helen Deborah Vecht
    > <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > <[email protected]>:
    >
    >
    >>Down the road from my Infants' School, Evington Valley, which I attended

    >
    >>from 1964-5.

    >
    > Just as well it wasn't a grammar school or you'd have been accused of
    > elitism.
    >


    But we can now infantilize Helen instead

    Tony ;-)
     
  13. David Martin wrote:
    > On 1/4/05 10:03 am, in article
    > [email protected], "Simon Brooke"
    > <[email protected]> wrote:
    >
    >> in message <[email protected]>, Keith Willoughby
    >> ('[email protected]') wrote:
    >>
    >>> David Martin <[email protected]> writes:
    >>>>
    >>>> Not sure. I'll Mull it over for a while..
    >>>>
    >>>> and then get my coat.
    >>>
    >>> Before you're pelted with Eiggs?

    >>
    >> That would be a Rum[1] do.
    >>
    >> [1] I gather the 'h' is now deprecated.

    >
    > I wouldn't be advocaating that..
    >


    That's in keeping with the urc spirit.

    A
     
  14. "Just zis Guy, you know?" <[email protected]>typed


    > On Thu, 31 Mar 2005 18:24:58 +0100, Helen Deborah Vecht
    > <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > <[email protected]>:


    > >Down the road from my Infants' School, Evington Valley, which I attended
    > >from 1964-5.


    > Just as well it wasn't a grammar school or you'd have been accused of
    > elitism.


    I confess to having been a _child_ 40 years ago, a very elitist thing to
    have been, which is why I attended an Infants' School ;^)

    Other, less privileged people are born adult, aren't they?

    --
    Helen D. Vecht: [email protected]
    Edgware.
     
  15. On Sun, 3 Apr 2005 23:49:55 +0100, Helen Deborah Vecht
    <[email protected]> wrote:

    >Other, less privileged people are born adult, aren't they?


    I think Leo McKern was born aged about 50.

    Guy
    --
    May contain traces of irony. Contents liable to settle after posting.
    http://www.chapmancentral.co.uk

    88% of helmet statistics are made up, 65% of them at CHS, Puget Sound
     
  16. John Hearns

    John Hearns Guest

    On Thu, 31 Mar 2005 10:38:40 +0100, Tony W wrote:

    >
    > A late '50's penny (1d) banger would have the H&S Nazis rushing for their
    > risk assessments and modern kids diving for cover. Yet we carried them
    > round in our pockets and threw them at each other, cats,

    <Ja
     
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