[font=Comic Sans MS]Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.[/font]
- [font=Comic Sans MS]If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.[/font]
- [font=Comic Sans MS]If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.[/font]
- [font=Comic Sans MS]If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.[/font]
- [font=Comic Sans MS]If you are paranoid-delusional, don't do anything. We know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.[/font]
- [font=Comic Sans MS]If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.[/font]
- [font=Comic Sans MS]If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will reply and nothing will really ever change anyway.[/font]
- [font=Comic Sans MS]If you have attention deficit disorder, we can't help you because you have probably already hung up by now.[/font]