Psychological stall

In article <[email hidden]>,

Roger Zoul said:

Seems like you were in a [censored] mood last night....maybe you just need to up
your carbs for a day or two. You have been working out, right? Is it the
dreaded TOM now?

It's the dreaded birthday blues, too many celebratory carbs yesterday, too
much free alcohol, a fruitless day of birthday shopping where everything
was too expensive or too small or just ugly, and sharing a table with two
guys who each said they were fine with being just friends but keep flirting
with me anyway, and feeling an uncomfortable competitive vibe between the
two of them, and trying not to hurt anyone's feelings, but just wishing we
could all be friends without any tension.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

Roger Zoul said:

Drink less and meet more guys.

Amen

Luna wrote:
|| In article <[email hidden]>,
|| "Roger Zoul" <[email hidden]> wrote:
||
|||
||| Seems like you were in a [censored] mood last night....maybe you just
||| need to up your carbs for a day or two. You have been working out,
||| right? Is it the dreaded TOM now?
|||
|||
||
|| It's the dreaded birthday blues, too many celebratory carbs
|| yesterday, too much free alcohol, a fruitless day of birthday
|| shopping where everything
|| was too expensive or too small or just ugly, and sharing a table
|| with two guys who each said they were fine with being just friends
|| but keep flirting with me anyway, and feeling an uncomfortable
|| competitive vibe between the
|| two of them, and trying not to hurt anyone's feelings, but just
|| wishing we could all be friends without any tension.

Well, lighten up a bit, kiddo! Like you said in another post, you're not a
kid and more and you have power to control your situation. Forge new
relationships and don't just take whatever happens by, make things happen
for you.

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

Penelope Baker said:

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,
"Roger Zoul" <[email hidden]> wrote:

> DG511 wrote:

> :: It's not that I'm not sympathetic, but I don't think you're being
> :: very realistic here.
>
> Well, what do you expect....she was slightly drunk when she wrote

that.

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

>
>

With a bit more sobriety and perspective this morning, I may have a

clue

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

as

Quoted message said:

to where this discomfort is coming from. It's highly possible that it

stems

Quoted message said:

from my childhood. I developed early and got sexual attention from

older

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

males before I was emotionally ready for it, before I could really
understand it.

<snip>

I hate to say this Luna, but you probably should seek some therapy to

help

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

you put those demons to rest.

Peace,
Pen

Hmm. Maybe. I'm hoping just recognizing it for what it is will help.

It

Quoted message said:

makes sense logically that my becoming more attractive from losing weight
would remind me of becoming more attractive from early puberty. I just
need to remind myself that I'm not a kid anymore, that I have more skills
and more power than I did then.

Yes, but your post about the eyeballs shows that you have no clue how to
exercise that power or skill...gut reaction takes over. I dunno
girlfriend...I wish you the very best of luck. Please keep us posted, and
if you need to see someone about it, by all means do so. It's very hard on
a girl to develop so early and there's no sense in remaining pained by that
for the rest of your life if you don't have to, you know?

*hugs*

--
Peace,
Pen
--
Pawbreakers - The Candy for Cats!
http://www.pawbreakers.com

Luna,

You had some points in your post in which, even though I've been married for
16 years now, I can relate to your state of mind. My husband compliments me
all the time (and even while I'm changing or getting dressed, :-0) and it
still makes me uncomfortable. I mean, geesh, why do I feel this way with
those words coming from a man with whom I've had children, shared a bed,
etc. for so long? And I have occasionally gotten compliments from other
men, although not as explicit as DH's, as well as compliments from my woman
colleagues. While the compliments from women might make me feel really
great, I get embarrassed by the compliments from the men.

Sorry I don't have any advice. But I just thought it might help to know
that you're not alone.

--
Linda
296/192/160
LC since Oct. 13, 2003
Now a happy member of the '100lbs. Gone Club'!
http://home.att.net/~lewis_linda/index.html
http://community.webshots.com/user/mslewtoo

"Are you telling me there are dead people in my living room watching
videos?"--Nina (Truly, Madly, Deeply)

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Warning: possibly incoherent rant

Maybe I've been hovering around the same weight for so long because deep
down, I really don't want to lose any more. Forgive me if this rant goes
on too long or makes no sense, I've just come home from a birthday
celebration and I am a bit inebriated.

Since I've lost some weight, and gotten down to a size 10-12 from a size
18-20, I've gotten a lot more male attention. In some ways it's great.
Well, it should be great. Everyone and everything around tells me it
should be great, I should be enjoying the attention, I should be happy

that

Quoted message said:

I'm seen as more attractive.

But to tell you the truth, I really don't think I am enjoying it. Maybe
there's something fundamentally wrong with me, but I am more interested in
an exchange of ideas than an exchange of bodily fluids. Why, for example,
why is this one particular guy interested in spending time with me when we
have absolutely nothing in common? He tells me I'm attractive and sexy,
but so what? So are lots of women, women who might actually be interested
in jazz or hiking or going to church, but I'm not that woman. And this
other guy, I enjoy talking to him, we have great conversations, but then

he

Quoted message said:

brings up these little jokey comments about how I won't date him, and I
feel uncomfortable, even though I know he's just joking around.

I feel . . . I feel like I'm 10 years old again, and I just want to hang
out and have fun and play board games or watch tv, without all this sex
stuff making everything so complicated. If a guy mentions a movie or a
book that I also enjoyed, I can get really excited about talking to him,
but if he says something about my physical level of attractiveness, I
squirm and get uncomfortable and I feel like the whole conversation was
ruined. I end up thinking "Hey, I'm still 20 or 30 pounds overweight, why
are you thinking of me that way?"

Sometimes I wish I could just stay at home and read all the time and just
not deal with people any more.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

"Cubit" <[email hidden]> wrote

Quoted message said:

Did you ever try the Atkins "Fat Fast?"

IIRC, the fat fast is designed for people who have trouble getting into
ketosis and also aren't losing weight. In this case, since Luna has
successfully lost quite a bit of weight and presumably been in ketosis, I'd
say that the answer is probably something to do with calories. Sadly, it
comes down to that for many of us as we approach our goal weight. She might
want to try calorie cycling, which can be pretty effective.

HG

Quoted message said:

You had some points in your post in which, even though I've been married for
16 years now, I can relate to your state of mind. My husband compliments me
all the time (and even while I'm changing or getting dressed, :-0) and it
still makes me uncomfortable. I mean, geesh, why do I feel this way with
those words coming from a man with whom I've had children, shared a bed,
etc. for so long?

It could be worse. I think my husband is missing the part of his brain that
processes compliments. Well, if I'm being critical of myself he'll say
something like "Do you remember what you looked like a year ago? You look fine"
or something romantic like that. I think the only spontaneous compliment he's
given me in the past year is when he was watching 'Silence of the Lambs' the
other night, and I came in to change my clothes. He looked away from the TV,
gave me a once-over and said "Honey, Buffalo Bob (or whatever the freak in the
movie's name is) wouldn't want to kill you for his fat suit anymore." Wow. Take
my freakin' breath away why don't ya? LOL!
LCing since 12/01/03-
Me- 5'7" 265/159/140
& hubby- 6' 310/188/180
http://f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/lcer09/my_photos

In article <[email hidden]>, [email hidden] says...

Quoted message said:

It could be worse. I think my husband is missing the part of his brain that
processes compliments. Well, if I'm being critical of myself he'll say
something like "Do you remember what you looked like a year ago? You look fine"
or something romantic like that. I think the only spontaneous compliment he's
given me in the past year is when he was watching 'Silence of the Lambs' the
other night, and I came in to change my clothes. He looked away from the TV,
gave me a once-over and said "Honey, Buffalo Bob (or whatever the freak in the
movie's name is) wouldn't want to kill you for his fat suit anymore." Wow. Take
my freakin' breath away why don't ya? LOL!

Wow, he's a real silver-tongued devil, isn't he? LOL!

--
Saffire
205/147/125 - 5'1.5"
Atkins since 6/14/03
Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333

In LCer09 said:

It could be worse. I think my husband is missing the part of his brain
that processes compliments. Well, if I'm being critical of myself
he'll say something like "Do you remember what you looked like a year
ago? You look fine" or something romantic like that. I think the only
spontaneous compliment he's given me in the past year is when he was
watching 'Silence of the Lambs' the other night, and I came in to
change my clothes. He looked away from the TV, gave me a once-over and
said "Honey, Buffalo Bob (or whatever the freak in the movie's name is)
wouldn't want to kill you for his fat suit anymore." Wow. Take my
freakin' breath away why don't ya? LOL! LCing since 12/01/03- Me- 5'7"
265/159/140 & hubby- 6' 310/188/180 http://f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/
lcer09/my_photos

rotf Your hubby is a romantic for sure. My hubby always compliments..
whether I'm twice my normal size or not. I honestly don't think he
notices...which I find a little disturbing.

I think both of your look wonderful tho!!!! Very attractive couple.

Kristine

Quoted message said:

"Honey, Buffalo Bob (or whatever the freak in the

Quoted message said:

movie's name is) wouldn't want to kill you for his fat suit anymore." Wow.

Take

Quoted message said:

my freakin' breath away why don't ya? LOL!

Wow, he's a real silver-tongued devil, isn't he? LOL!

Yeah, I must have married him for his money. Both dollars! ;-P Seriously
though, he's the best friend I've ever had, and while he doesn't say much, I
never have to worry if what he does say isn't 100% genuine.
LCing since 12/01/03-
Me- 5'7" 265/159/140
& hubby- 6' 310/188/180
http://f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/lcer09/my_photos

In article <[email hidden]>,
[email hidden] says...

Quoted message said:

Warning: possibly incoherent rant

Maybe I've been hovering around the same weight for so long because deep
down, I really don't want to lose any more. Forgive me if this rant goes
on too long or makes no sense, I've just come home from a birthday
celebration and I am a bit inebriated.

I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday, but I guess I'm kind of afraid to :-)

Quoted message said:

But to tell you the truth, I really don't think I am enjoying it. Maybe
there's something fundamentally wrong with me, but I am more interested in
an exchange of ideas than an exchange of bodily fluids. Why, for example,
why is this one particular guy interested in spending time with me when we
have absolutely nothing in common? He tells me I'm attractive and sexy,
but so what? So are lots of women, women who might actually be interested
in jazz or hiking or going to church, but I'm not that woman. And this
other guy, I enjoy talking to him, we have great conversations, but then he
brings up these little jokey comments about how I won't date him, and I
feel uncomfortable, even though I know he's just joking around.

I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this subject since I made a
conscious decision about 10 years ago to just take myself out of the dating game.
It was also a big part of my gaining weight, I think (I SUB-consciously made THAT
decision after making the first one). As I've lost weight, I'm getting more
looks now (at least until they get close enough to realize I'm too old for them)
and that feels good, but I still don't want to date anyone. I'm not saying
that's permanent, but I have deep-seated issues of trust and that's all there is
to it. It can be confusing to them and ME, because I LIKE men and am a natural-
born flirt -- I just don't want to get hurt, emotionally or physically. I guess
I have to work on the kind of signals I put out now that I AM feeling better
about my self-image.

I was pondering your message and some of the responses. I've been taking in some
fall/winter clothes, so I've been modeling/assessing clothes and how I look more
often lately and realized today that I REALLY enjoy and appreciate the changes in
my body -- the key word there is ****I**** really enjoy it. In the past,
getting/keeping slim has probably been at least 80% geared toward getting/keeping
a man. Now I really AM realizing (as opposed to just TELLING MYSELF) that I can
do it just for ME and that's a good enough reason in and of itself :-)

--
Saffire
205/147/125 - 5'1.5"
Atkins since 6/14/03
Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333

"Luna" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

(The Queen of Cans and Jars) said:

Penelope Baker said:

I hate to say this Luna, but you probably should seek some therapy to
help
you put those demons to rest.

hee!

I'm glad my body issues and discomfort give you such amusement.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.\

remember that qocaj is one of those people who think cryptic posts
are"helpful" okkkkkkk. whateverrr. there are a few of us here that
understand what you're saying (i thinK) that just because your physical body
has changed........ your basic personality etc is still the same.
good luck and my entirely best wishes to you michelle. I have followed your
progress probably better than I've followed my own because I think you truly
deserve Peace Of MInd.
take care
Lori

"Roger Zoul" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Luna wrote:
:: In article <[email hidden]>,
:: "Roger Zoul" <[email hidden]> wrote:
::
::: DG511 wrote:
::
::::: It's not that I'm not sympathetic, but I don't think you're being
::::: very realistic here.
:::
::: Well, what do you expect....she was slightly drunk when she wrote
::: that.
:::
:::
::
:: With a bit more sobriety and perspective this morning, I may have a
:: clue as to where this discomfort is coming from. It's highly
:: possible that it stems from my childhood. I developed early and got
:: sexual attention from older males before I was emotionally ready for
:: it, before I could really understand it. At the time, I thought
:: getting my period so early and getting breasts and hips was a
:: punishment for thinking about sex, and I used to pray and bargain
:: with god that I'd stop thinking about it if he would just take it
:: away and make me look normal, like the other girls in my class. I
:: wore baggy clothes and hunched over to look shorter, I crossed my
:: arms in front of my chest a lot, I dreaded family gatherings because
:: my relatives would comment on how I was growing so fast and
:: "becoming a woman" when I didn't want to be a woman, I wanted to be
:: a kid. I still often feel more like a girl than a woman, like I'm
:: just pretending to be a grown up, and when men express a normal,
:: healthy, sexual interest in me, even when they're not being jerks,
:: they're just being charming and flirtatious, I get my back up and
:: feel like I'm being hunted or something. I say silly, stupid things
:: to try to distract them. Like last night a really nice guy, someone
:: I've known for a while and consider a friend, told me I had
:: beautiful eyes and I asked him "Would you still think they were
:: beautiful if they popped out of the sockets?" At the time I didn't
:: know why I said it, but now I think maybe it was to try to send a
:: message: I am not a sexual being, I do not want to be thought of as
:: attractive, I do not have what you want, don't look at me "that
:: way."

please, please, please, don't take this wrong.. please, please,
but or you sure that a male partner is what you want? I really mean no
disrespect. remember that males are more sexual beings than we are. we are
more about feelings. I don't care what the "studies" show. we are aboout
getting men and they are about accumulating women.
Michelle, I've followed your progess for many months.Hang on Girl. You are
almost there. don't punish yourself by not obtaining your goals. take
CHARGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hth
lorio

remember, the goddesss resides in us.... embrace and control that god-given
power. Michelle. please give yourself a break!!! I've never encountered
someone so self-deprecating as myself. (((it's not a good crown to wear)))
"Roger Zoul" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Luna wrote:
|| In article <[email hidden]>,
|| "Roger Zoul" <[email hidden]> wrote:
||
|||
||| Seems like you were in a [censored] mood last night....maybe you just
||| need to up your carbs for a day or two. You have been working out,
||| right? Is it the dreaded TOM now?
|||
|||
||
|| It's the dreaded birthday blues, too many celebratory carbs
|| yesterday, too much free alcohol, a fruitless day of birthday
|| shopping where everything
|| was too expensive or too small or just ugly, and sharing a table
|| with two guys who each said they were fine with being just friends
|| but keep flirting with me anyway, and feeling an uncomfortable
|| competitive vibe between the
|| two of them, and trying not to hurt anyone's feelings, but just
|| wishing we could all be friends without any tension.

Well, lighten up a bit, kiddo! Like you said in another post, you're not
a
kid and more and you have power to control your situation. Forge new
relationships and don't just take whatever happens by, make things happen
for you.

girlfriend!!! he may think of your success as a threat to your relationship.
remind him that you guys are (I wish) are in this together.

"LCer09" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

Quoted message said:

You had some points in your post in which, even though I've been married
for
16 years now, I can relate to your state of mind. My husband compliments
me
all the time (and even while I'm changing or getting dressed, :-0) and it
still makes me uncomfortable. I mean, geesh, why do I feel this way with
those words coming from a man with whom I've had children, shared a bed,
etc. for so long?

It could be worse. I think my husband is missing the part of his brain
that
processes compliments. Well, if I'm being critical of myself he'll say
something like "Do you remember what you looked like a year ago? You look
fine"
or something romantic like that. I think the only spontaneous compliment
he's
given me in the past year is when he was watching 'Silence of the Lambs'
the
other night, and I came in to change my clothes. He looked away from the
TV,
gave me a once-over and said "Honey, Buffalo Bob (or whatever the freak in
the
movie's name is) wouldn't want to kill you for his fat suit anymore." Wow.
Take
my freakin' breath away why don't ya? LOL!
LCing since 12/01/03-
Me- 5'7" 265/159/140
& hubby- 6' 310/188/180
http://f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/lcer09/my_photos

"Saffire" <[email hidden]> wrote in message
news:[email hidden]...

Quoted message said:

In article <[email hidden]>,
[email hidden] says...

Quoted message said:

Warning: possibly incoherent rant

Maybe I've been hovering around the same weight for so long because deep
down, I really don't want to lose any more. Forgive me if this rant goes
on too long or makes no sense, I've just come home from a birthday
celebration and I am a bit inebriated.

I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday, but I guess I'm kind of afraid to
:-)

Quoted message said:

But to tell you the truth, I really don't think I am enjoying it. Maybe
there's something fundamentally wrong with me, but I am more interested
in
an exchange of ideas than an exchange of bodily fluids. Why, for
example,
why is this one particular guy interested in spending time with me when
we
have absolutely nothing in common? He tells me I'm attractive and sexy,
but so what? So are lots of women, women who might actually be
interested
in jazz or hiking or going to church, but I'm not that woman. And this
other guy, I enjoy talking to him, we have great conversations, but then
he
brings up these little jokey comments about how I won't date him, and I
feel uncomfortable, even though I know he's just joking around.

I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this subject since I
made a
conscious decision about 10 years ago to just take myself out of the
dating game.
It was also a big part of my gaining weight, I think (I SUB-consciously
made THAT
decision after making the first one). As I've lost weight, I'm getting
more
looks now (at least until they get close enough to realize I'm too old for
them)
and that feels good, but I still don't want to date anyone. I'm not
saying
that's permanent, but I have deep-seated issues of trust and that's all
there is
to it. It can be confusing to them and ME, because I LIKE men and am a
natural-
born flirt -- I just don't want to get hurt, emotionally or physically. I
guess
I have to work on the kind of signals I put out now that I AM feeling
better
about my self-image.

I was pondering your message and some of the responses. I've been taking
in some
fall/winter clothes, so I've been modeling/assessing clothes and how I
look more
often lately and realized today that I REALLY enjoy and appreciate the
changes in
my body -- the key word there is ****I**** really enjoy it. In the past,
getting/keeping slim has probably been at least 80% geared toward
getting/keeping
a man. Now I really AM realizing (as opposed to just TELLING MYSELF) that
I can
do it just for ME and that's a good enough reason in and of itself :-)

--
Saffire
205/147/125 - 5'1.5"
Atkins since 6/14/03
Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333

glad to see you get more assertive. you deserve to be

Luna said:

It's the dreaded birthday blues, too many celebratory carbs yesterday, too
much free alcohol, a fruitless day of birthday shopping where everything
was too expensive or too small or just ugly, and sharing a table with two
guys who each said they were fine with being just friends but keep flirting
with me anyway, and feeling an uncomfortable competitive vibe between the
two of them, and trying not to hurt anyone's feelings, but just wishing we
could all be friends without any tension.

Some people flirt regardless of whether there is any attraction. Just
go with the flow. Don't worry about hurting people's feelings. Plus,
they are men. Men fight, it's the kind of competition they enjoy. As
long as they're not physically fighting, let them. However if they
start punching each other, call in the bouncers and police. ;-)

Luna said:

In article <[email hidden]>,

(The Queen of Cans and Jars) said:

Penelope Baker said:

I hate to say this Luna, but you probably should seek some therapy to help
you put those demons to rest.

hee!

I'm glad my body issues and discomfort give you such amusement.

that's not what i think is funny.

Luna said:

Maybe I've been hovering around the same weight for so long because deep
down, I really don't want to lose any more.

If you no longer wish to lose, then you are *successfull*. You have
acheived *victory*. Sure, maybe at some point you'll want to lose
more, but whatever. Think about it - How many dieters hit a point
where they lose interest in further loss? Only the succesfull ones!

Quoted message said:

Forgive me if this rant goes
on too long or makes no sense, I've just come home from a birthday
celebration and I am a bit inebriated.

Nah, quite coherent enough. Booze may have loosened your typing
but it didn't blur it any.

Quoted message said:

Since I've lost some weight, and gotten down to a size 10-12 from a size
18-20, I've gotten a lot more male attention. In some ways it's great.
Well, it should be great. Everyone and everything around tells me it
should be great, I should be enjoying the attention, I should be happy that
I'm seen as more attractive.

Men do take looks into account. Unavoidable fact of life. As
long as some guy didn't used to be unpleasant to you before, you
can not judge sudden interest as a negative. Men are instinctively
attracted to healthy women and you've just increased your health
level by your own actions. More male attention is *very*
different from a switch from negative to posivite attention. Any
man that happens with, shun him like the [censored] he is, because he
will eventually treat you negatively no matter your looks.

Quoted message said:

But to tell you the truth, I really don't think I am enjoying it.

Above I mentinoed that you're successfull. Now I'll mention that
you are normal. If your attitudes changed as fast as your weight,
you'd be qualified to make a living in acting or politics perhaps
but you wouldn't have the usual pattern of reactions. You *do*
have the usual pattern of reactions. You're adjusting slowly.

Quoted message said:

Maybe there's something fundamentally wrong with me, but I am
more interested in an exchange of ideas than an exchange of
bodily fluids.

So you're interested in marriage more than one night stands
then. I do *not* see a problem here. Even after I read your
later posting that discussed real body image problems that suggest
considering therapy, the statement you wrote above seems
perfectly normal to me. I'm also more interested in marriage
than in one night stands, and in my case I've been happily
married for years. Don't be in any hurry in getting married just
because of your statement above! Be picky.

Quoted message said:

Why, for example, why is this one particular guy interested in
spending time with me when we have absolutely nothing in common?
He tells me I'm attractive and sexy, but so what?

Maybe he's trying for a one night stnad, maybe he's just trying
to be pleasant. How can he know he pushed one of your buttons?

Quoted message said:

I feel . . . I feel like I'm 10 years old again, and I just want to hang
out and have fun and play board games or watch tv, without all this sex
stuff making everything so complicated.

Then only hang out with straight women, preferably married ones
who have an evening each week away from their husbands. Zero
risk in that arena.

But is that what you really want, or is that what would easy
your fears? There's more to life than avoiding our fears. "A
hero dies but once, a coward dies a thousand deaths." Where are
you in that spectrum right now? Where are you in that spectrum
most of the time?

Quoted message said:

I end up thinking "Hey, I'm still 20 or 30 pounds overweight, why
are you thinking of me that way?"

Tastes vary. Some like skinny women, some like meaty women. On
the average men like healthy women but what does that mean without
a basis in current culture? Yet fashions about size change year
to year. Give me Delta Burke over Twiggy any day, so you would
absolutely ask that question about *me*. I'd shrug and smile in
response.

Quoted message said:

Sometimes I wish I could just stay at home and read all the time
and just not deal with people any more.

Glad it's only "sometimes'. Feel free to do exactly that "sometimes".

Oh no! You're basically normal! Can't have that! Must have a
birthday party or something to fix it. Ah, already done that. Good
job.

Doug Freyburger wrote:
|| Luna wrote:
|||
||| Maybe I've been hovering around the same weight for so long because
||| deep down, I really don't want to lose any more.
||
|| If you no longer wish to lose, then you are *successfull*. You have
|| acheived *victory*. Sure, maybe at some point you'll want to lose
|| more, but whatever. Think about it - How many dieters hit a point
|| where they lose interest in further loss? Only the succesfull ones!

That's a good point, Doug. I think many here have come to think that they
are only successful if/when they become truly skinny. I would strongly
disagree with such a notion.

||
||| Forgive me if this rant goes
||| on too long or makes no sense, I've just come home from a birthday
||| celebration and I am a bit inebriated.
||
|| Nah, quite coherent enough. Booze may have loosened your typing
|| but it didn't blur it any.
||
||| Since I've lost some weight, and gotten down to a size 10-12 from a
||| size 18-20, I've gotten a lot more male attention. In some ways
||| it's great. Well, it should be great. Everyone and everything
||| around tells me it should be great, I should be enjoying the
||| attention, I should be happy that I'm seen as more attractive.
||
|| Men do take looks into account. Unavoidable fact of life. As
|| long as some guy didn't used to be unpleasant to you before, you
|| can not judge sudden interest as a negative. Men are instinctively
|| attracted to healthy women and you've just increased your health
|| level by your own actions. More male attention is *very*
|| different from a switch from negative to posivite attention. Any
|| man that happens with, shun him like the [censored] he is, because he
|| will eventually treat you negatively no matter your looks.
||
||| But to tell you the truth, I really don't think I am enjoying it.
||
|| Above I mentinoed that you're successfull. Now I'll mention that
|| you are normal. If your attitudes changed as fast as your weight,
|| you'd be qualified to make a living in acting or politics perhaps
|| but you wouldn't have the usual pattern of reactions. You *do*
|| have the usual pattern of reactions. You're adjusting slowly.
||
||| Maybe there's something fundamentally wrong with me, but I am
||| more interested in an exchange of ideas than an exchange of
||| bodily fluids.
||
|| So you're interested in marriage more than one night stands
|| then. I do *not* see a problem here. Even after I read your
|| later posting that discussed real body image problems that suggest
|| considering therapy, the statement you wrote above seems
|| perfectly normal to me. I'm also more interested in marriage
|| than in one night stands, and in my case I've been happily
|| married for years. Don't be in any hurry in getting married just
|| because of your statement above! Be picky.
||
||| Why, for example, why is this one particular guy interested in
||| spending time with me when we have absolutely nothing in common?
||| He tells me I'm attractive and sexy, but so what?
||
|| Maybe he's trying for a one night stnad, maybe he's just trying
|| to be pleasant. How can he know he pushed one of your buttons?
||
||| I feel . . . I feel like I'm 10 years old again, and I just want to
||| hang out and have fun and play board games or watch tv, without all
||| this sex stuff making everything so complicated.
||
|| Then only hang out with straight women, preferably married ones
|| who have an evening each week away from their husbands. Zero
|| risk in that arena.
||
|| But is that what you really want, or is that what would easy
|| your fears? There's more to life than avoiding our fears. "A
|| hero dies but once, a coward dies a thousand deaths." Where are
|| you in that spectrum right now? Where are you in that spectrum
|| most of the time?
||
||| I end up thinking "Hey, I'm still 20 or 30 pounds overweight, why
||| are you thinking of me that way?"
||
|| Tastes vary. Some like skinny women, some like meaty women. On
|| the average men like healthy women but what does that mean without
|| a basis in current culture? Yet fashions about size change year
|| to year. Give me Delta Burke over Twiggy any day, so you would
|| absolutely ask that question about *me*. I'd shrug and smile in
|| response.
||
||| Sometimes I wish I could just stay at home and read all the time
||| and just not deal with people any more.
||
|| Glad it's only "sometimes'. Feel free to do exactly that
|| "sometimes".
||
|| Oh no! You're basically normal! Can't have that! Must have a
|| birthday party or something to fix it. Ah, already done that. Good
|| job.

🙂