I appears that the time has come to revisit the Rick Denney cycling food chain and I quote:
"After conducting detailed research, I have created the definitive list for all cycling snobs to
provide much-need guidance on Who To Snub Without Remorse. I provide this service to all of you free
of charge.
By the way, I don't care if mountain bikes are 60% of the market. If your knobbies have never been
off the pavement, then you are The Rest of the World.
Here's the Modified Comprehensive Cycling Food Chain:
-Roadies--Pros -MTBers--Pros -Roadies--Cat I/II -Trackies--All, but they must own their own track
bike -MTBers--Expert -Triathletes--Elites -Roadies--Cat III/IV -MTBers--Sport -Roadies--Cat V
-MTBers--Novice -Triathletes--Age Groupers wearing Speedos in a group ride (plus all of below)
-Triathletes--Age Groupers with forward position, 650 wheels, aerobars and normal cycling
clothing -Triathletes--Age Groupers on normal road bikes with aerobars -Tourists--Loaded,
cross-country, self-guided tours -Tourists--Loaded, cross-country, guided tours
-Tourists--Loaded, organized vacation group -Tourists--Non-loaded, organized vacation group in
mountains (e.g. Pedal the Peaks -Tourists--Non-loaded, organized vacation group in mere hills
(e.g. Texas Hill Country Tour) -Tourists--Weekend century riders -Club riders with Fancy Road
Bikes -Club riders with Normal Road Bikes -Club riders with Aerobars -Recreational MTBers
(off-road only) -Commuters with fenders, panniers, and lights -Commuters with panniers and lights
-Commuters on racing bikes -The Rest of the World
Messengers are orthogonal to this ranking.
If you are riding in a group, you gain Obnoxiousness Points for acting as if you are higher on the
list, and Humility Points for acting as if you are lower on the list. Both points are Bonus Points,
depending on who you are trying to impress.
Now, you must adjust your position based on the following Unspoken Rules (never read these aloud):
If your bike is Italian, you may move up one notch. If your bike is British, and you are a tourist,
you may move up one notch; otherwise, you must move down two notches. If your bike is aero, and you
are a triathlete, you may move up one notch.
Move up a notch this year only if you have nine-speed. Move down a notch for each cog short of eight
(nine starting next year).
Move down a notch if you have a triple up front, unless your are a tourist. If you are tourist and
have only two chainrings, then move down to the Tourists--Weekend Century Rider rank even if you
have panniers.
The Uniqueness Limit allows only two bikes of the same make and model in any one group. If the
limit is exceeded, then all riders of the offending make and model must move down a notch for each
excess bike.
If you have visible scars, you may move up two notches, unless you are a mountain biker. If you are
a mountain biker and have no visible scars, you must move down one notch. If you have scars in an
area that is not displayable in public, and you can persuade a member of the
in combination with below.
getting any, and you are male, then move up four notches. Add two more notches if your partner
is in the riding group. Add another notch still if everyone else is flirting with her. This
factor does not
If you ride a team jersey for any team you have never joined, then you must move down two notches.
If your jerseys are tattered from use, then you may move up a notch. If you are a roadie, and wear
sleeveless jerseys, then move down a notch. Drop a notch if your jersey advertises a brand better
than the one you own. Drop four notches if you are wearing a T-shirt. Drop four notches if you are
wearing non-cycling shorts (unless they are speedos).
If you do not shave your legs, move down three notches.
If you ride Campagnolo, move up a notch, unless it's Record, in which case move up two notches. If
you ride Shimano, move down a notch, unless it's Dura Ace, which is neutral.
If your bike is titanium, move up two notches. If it is high-end carbon, move up one notch. If it
is aluminum, move down a notch, unless it's a Felt, in which case you can move up a notch. QR's are
neutral, but only for triathletes. If you are a tourist, and your bike is not steel, move down
three notches.
If you have aero wheels, move up a notch, unless you are a tourist, in which case move down a notch.
If you ride tubulars, move up a notch.
If you ride with toe clips, then move to the bottom of the list.
Move up a notch if you train on a fixed gear in the early season. Move up another notch if you train
on a real track bike.
Move down a notch for each stupid question.
Move down four notches if you use the phrase "I'm a triathlete" in any group of Roadies, Trackies,
and/or Club Riders.
Move down a notch for each 15 pounds excess weight,unless you are wearing a Speedo, in which case
move down two notches. Pronounced cycling-short tan lines move you up a notch, but only in the
Summer. In the Winter, such tan lines move you up two notches.
If, during the application of the above Unspoken Rules, you ever dip into the The Rest of the World
Category, then you must stay there. Subsequent Bonus Points become null and void.
Note that non-roadies may choose not to participate in the above ranking system. Roadie
participation, however, is required.
I hope this detailed approach to this serious problem will assist all of you in determining
who to snub."
"Nick Burns" <
[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<
[email protected]>...
> I am sorry to offend you but I could not think of any other language to describe the situation. If
> you have any alternatives to offer please let me know. Simply ignoring something is not an option.
> Not that has any kind of earth shattering importance, but I have given some thought to this over
> the years and that is the best I have come up with.
>
> Who do think I am giving a hard time to? The fact is, I am not giving anyone a hard time. Almost
> by definition anyone that is reading here is serious enough to not be concerned about it.
> Americans in general have a lot more money to spend before they even know if they will get serious
> about something. The same is true for other sports. This says more about the economic situation in
> the US than anything else.
>
> You are just being insecure. There is nothing I wrote that should have offended anyone. I set no
> standards, I was describing something from the point of view of the aggressors, not me.
>
> "Tim Lambert" <timlambert @ mindspring . com> wrote in message
>
newsUhOa.27894$Ix2.11426@rwcrnsc54...
> > "Nick Burns" <
[email protected]> wrote in message
> >
news:[email protected]...
> > >It is also generally true that you don't see a lot of "pretenders" or people that get expensive
> race
> > > bikes with matching apparel unless they race or at least ride in clubs
> and
> > > organized events
> >
> > I'm trying to figure out which is worse...
> >
> > Half-brained motorists that take pleasure in giving cyclists a hard time. -or- Arrogant cyclists
> > that take pleasure in giving other cyclists a hard time.
> >
> > I am more offended by the latter. The motorists are just
> ignorant/stupid -
> > they just don't get it. But I fail to understand why cyclists feel the
> need
> > to degrade other cyclists with terms like "pretender" and "fred".
> >
> > Do I formally race? No. Do I ride with a club? Not very often. Do I
> ride
> > 15000 miles a year? No.
> >
> > Do I have fun cycling? Yes. Does cycling help me stay fit? Yes. Do I appreciate good
> > equipment? Yes.
> >
> > Sure Nick you might be an ok rider as compared to someone new to the
> sport,
> > Nick - you arrogant asshole. Everything is relative, next to a *real* cyclist (i.e. pro), *you*
> > are the "fred pretender".
> >
> > (Sorry to the rest of RBR that actually helps and encourages people of lessor abilities and/or
> > experience. I just couldn't let another post like that one go by.)
> >
> > - Tim (rather be a fred than an arrogant **** head) Lambert
> >