PUNS

[Guest]

here are some funny puns

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality
comes from morons?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

 

[Guest]

I wanted to be a prostitute but I screwed up.

I wanted to work for Kelloggs but they didn't like my past as a serial killer.

 

[Guest]

;D ;D ;D did you make those up? they are good. heres some i just made up.

I wanted to open a bakery but i did not have enough dough
She could not become a nunn because she had dirty habits
The washing machine went on its third cycle for the day.

well thats it for now

 

[Guest]

The other day I went to the letterbox and found a snail eating one of my letters. I decided that I didn't want to be too hard on this snail, so I gently picked it up and said "No, no, stupid. lettuce, not letters!"

Bwahahahahahahaha!

 

[Guest]

Jane just got back from holidays and was looking foward to see her young son again. When she got back her little boy told her "it was thundering the other day and i was scared so me and father slept in your bed" the young nurse quickly corrected the little boys gramer . "Father and I" the nurse corrected. No the little boy said that was on thursay,friday and saturday. ;D

 

[Guest]

I wanted to be a window cleaner but I found it a PANEful experience.

I wanted to be a writer, but the thought made me PENsive

;D

 

[Guest]

I decided to become a White House intern for the "hands on" experience.