Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Uncomforting food 2

Discussion in 'Food and nutrition' started by Dylan Cole, Apr 13, 2006.

  1. Dylan Cole

    Dylan Cole Guest

    Um... I've been wondering that for months and months now and have been
    afraid to ask. I guess she makes pig slop (???). I'm tired of WCPO
    (channel 9 in Cincinnati) shilling her and the HGTV (Home & Garden
    Television)/Food Network/SAH (Shop At Home)/GAC (Great American
    Country/DIY (Do It Yourself)/Fine Living stuff.

    DonEagles wrote:

    > What exactly does SLop stand for? Sandra Lee _ _....???
    >
    >
    >
    > "Ubiquitous" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]
    >
    >>SLop is in her dinning room and tells us she brought in trelaces from her
    >>yard to decorate her dining room and bought some more quilts for her
    >>table from a mail-order catalog. She announces the menu, ending with a
    >>cinnamon roll cocktail that "tastes just like an authentic cinnamon roll
    >>right from your local mall" (as opposed to those counterfeit ones?)
    >>
    >>SLop walks into the kitchen holding a loaf of french bread in one hand
    >>and a can with a cute Rachel Ray-esque red with a horizontal white stripe
    >>label. I guess the endorsement check from Campbell's bounced.
    >>
    >>She pours a can of cheddar cheese soup into a pot and then adds a can of
    >>tomato soup. So far, all the soup cans are disguised. She then adds three
    >>small cans of a spicy tomato juice, but bloody mary mix will work too.
    >>These cans are disguised too. She then adds two teaspoons of Tabasco, but
    >>not a drop more because it's already hot. As it cooks and "melds
    >>together" she cuts a french bread loaf into half inch slices. The great
    >>thing about using a french bread load is that it make nice individual
    >>dipping sandwiches. She makes three sandwiches and tells us she can't
    >>wait to show us what goes in them. She puts a can of southwest pepper
    >>jack soup into a bowl and then adds an entire package of Mexican style
    >>cheese because it has a lot of favour and they did all the work for you.
    >>She adds that there's already spices in it which makes it delicious. She
    >>explains that she uses soup because it holds the cheese together so she
    >>can spread it on the bread and it helps keeps cheese from oozing out. I
    >>don't know about you, but I find using slices of cheese solves that
    >>little problem. She picks up one of the bread slices and tells us to
    >>butter the bread. Oddly enough, she scooped this big glob of butter but
    >>suddenly the bread is thinly covered. While still holding the piece of
    >>bread, she "fills it" with some of the cheese mixture. She tops it with
    >>another piece of bread, butters it, then puts it in a pan. She tells us
    >>you don't need to grease into the pan. She makes another sandwich but
    >>puts the filling on first, butters one side, puts it in the pan and then
    >>globbers butter onto the top side while explaining that the butter adds
    >>favour and makes it brown and crisp. As she makes a third sandwich, she
    >>tells us this is a variation of ordinary grilled cheese sandwiches that
    >>she enjoys. This time she puts on the filling and butters both sides
    >>before putting it in the pan. It appears the stove is not on because all
    >>three sandwiches are silently sitting there. She rinses her hands as the
    >>camera lingers on the languishing sandwiches. We see a hand stirring the
    >>soup as she announces the sandwiches are ready to be flipped and we
    >>suddenly jump to a shot of her flipping the brown and sizzling
    >>sandwiches. She tells us they will be done in literally one second as she
    >>puts the soup into bowls, but they're margarita glasses, not bowls.
    >>Before we go to commercial break, she tells us she's going to make
    >>chicken and dumplings with something right out of your own refrigerator
    >>(better than the trash can I sppse), then grabs the last sandwich from
    >>the frying pan and runs off to wolf it down.
    >>
    >>We return from commercial break to see SLop emptying the last of six cans
    >>of chicken stock into a big pitcher, which she then dumps into a big pot.
    >>Why the hell didn't she just dump the cans directly into the pot? At the
    >>same time, she sautes some onions with a little oil until they are soft.
    >>She then opens some packages of carrot and celery sticks, telling us that
    >>this saves you about 2/3 of the work yet allows you to take credit for
    >>making something that tastes homemade. SLop then proceeds to clumsily
    >>dice them (huh?).
    >>
    >>She sets them aside and opens a tube of buttermilk biscuits, then
    >>quarters them. SLop then tells us she got the idea for this from a fancy
    >>dancy restaurant in Little Rock, AR where she had the best chicken and
    >>dumplings she ever had, which inspired her for this recipe. Something
    >>does NOT add up here...
    >>
    >>She sets that aside, then takes a "pre-roasted" chicken and peels off the
    >>skin. Hmmm, looks like she tore off some big chucks of meat with the
    >>skin. Suddenly, we cut to her giddily mumbling something and then washing
    >>her greasy hands because she was touching fresh chicken. Wow! She even
    >>used soap! Too bad she totally missed the point of why one washes his
    >>hands...
    >>
    >>She stirs the onion with a whoot and adds it to stockpot, then chops up
    >>the chicken, adding "if you find any gristle or other parts of the
    >>chicken you don't want, make sure you take that out". She mushes the
    >>chicken with her knife, then washes her hands AGAIN before adding the
    >>veggies and bright red poultry seasoning. She stirs in the chicken and
    >>says she's going to let it heat for a couple minutes before adding the
    >>secret ingredient (in another disguised can) and the dumplings.
    >>
    >>While it cooks, she starts on the pear tarts by fetching some prepackaged
    >>pastry dough from the fridge and slicing some canned pears can (add one
    >>to the disguised can count) strained from the juice and putting them into
    >>a dish.
    >>
    >>She takes off the pan lid with a whoot and adds a can of chicken gravy to
    >>make it thick, rich, delicious, and creamy. Wow, some secret! She
    >>announces it's time to add the dumplings to the boiling mixture, but it's
    >>just barely has steam coming off the surface. SL tells us the dumplings
    >>cook quickly, so one should add them just before you serve them.
    >>Shouldn't they be put in earlier, so they cook thoroughly?
    >>
    >>She gets the puff pastry dough back from the fridge because it has to be
    >>nice and solid. Is that a bottle of booze on the table next to the dough?
    >>She asks "what else do I need as I take this apart?" Oh, I know! Booze!
    >>No, flour. "Just take your dough right out of the package and of course
    >>it should be pre-thawed out..." she flours her working surface and
    >>unrolls the folded-up dough. She sets the extra aside and flours the top
    >>before smoothing it out with a rolling pin. She makes an egg wash and
    >>applies it with a pastry brush.
    >>
    >>She returns to the chicken and dumplings and puts it into a bowl to cool
    >>off, then puts the pot onto the counter. She puts the puff pastry dough
    >>onto a baking sheet and sets it atop the stove where she was just
    >>cooking. She tells us we don't need to grease the baking sheet because of
    >>all the butter in the dough. She then folds up the edges of the dough to
    >>form a rim and I suddenly realize AB did this on an ep of Good Eats once.
    >>She then perforates the center so it doesn't puff up when it bakes and
    >>refers to this as "docking', then covers the bottom of the pastry with
    >>the pear slices. With a trembling hand, she drizzles some pear liquor and
    >>then sprinkles sugar so it crystallizes on top (isn't sugar already a
    >>crystal?). She tops it with butter and pops it into the oven. She then
    >>produces a finished tart and adds a little surprise: peach preserves and
    >>peach nectar mixed up and microwaved for 15 seconds. Using a pastry brush
    >>(a new one, she adds), she brushes it over the pears and dusts it with
    >>powdered sugar. Before we cut out to commercial, SL breathlessly
    >>announces that she cannot wait to show us her latest tablescape and
    >>gushes over her latest cocktail concoction before snatching up the tart
    >>and exiting stage left.
    >>
    >>When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen
    >>that it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". She announces her latest
    >>cocktail concoction, the "cinnamon roll cocktail", which tastes just like
    >>the
    >>ones from the mall and airports that you can smell from a mile away.
    >>Excuse, me, but drinking something that tastes like something from
    >>Cinnabon is just all kinds of wrong, and for that matter, why didn't she
    >>name them specifically like she did in her "mall foods" episode? She
    >>starts off by filling a plastic bag with a labelless tub of Cool Whip T
    >>when a loud whistling noise suddenly starts to drown out her talking. At
    >>first I thought her tits were leaking, but it turns out it was only
    >>coming from a nearby kettle of boiling water. She pours the water into a
    >>measuring cup of Biblical proportions (but says a bowl is OK) and adds
    >>some instant cinnamon Capuchin. To this she adds about 2 shots o caramel
    >>liquor, 2 shots of van rum, 2 cups of cinnamon schnapps, and 2 shots dark
    >>rum. I said "about" because she really just eyeballs it. She stirs it and
    >>the camera cuts away just a it sloshes over the edge, then pours it into
    >>a mug and squeezes out some cool whip on top, followed by some fresh
    >>cinnamon from a jar and garnishes it with a cinnamon stick. SLop takes
    >>the drink and retreats to her tablescape.
    >>
    >>SL enters from stage left and babbles something about remembering that
    >>with comfort food you should bring in things from outside like the
    >>trelace to make the house look like spring outdoors all year. Yeah, I
    >>have no clue what she was babbling about and I spent five minutes
    >>rewinding and playing this. With this in mind, she put a wheel barrel
    >>from her garden filled with silk flowers in the center of her table.
    >>While she was at it, she added the bird bath for good measure. I sure
    >>hope she cleaned it first... She then tells us that favours are something
    >>she loves to give (ahem), so she gives everyone eclectic sets of tea
    >>mugs. Hmm, they look like tea cups to me, but let's not nit-pick. Taking
    >>her crazy imaginary Aunt Peggy's idea, she uses a quilt for a tablecloth
    >>and adds that everyone is going to think "great" when they see them (heh
    >>heh heh) and think they're "special" (like the Olympics, I reckon). SLop
    >>plugs the Food Network site and gives her closing lines.
    >>
    >>--
    >>WARNING!!!
    >>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
    >>standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
    >>assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
    >>"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
    >>where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss

    >
    > Lee.
    >
    >>
    >>
    >>

    >
    >
     
    Tags:


  2. Ubiquitous

    Ubiquitous Guest

    [email protected] wrote:

    >Um... I've been wondering that for months and months now and have been
    >afraid to ask.


    Sandra Lee, ol' pudding-cups.

    >I guess she makes pig slop (???).


    Yeah, funny how it just happens to spell that out as well, heh heh.

    --
    WARNING!!!
    Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget, standing
    in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We assume no
    liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the "food" or
    being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure where she grew
    up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.
     
Loading...