Redneck Jokes

[Guest]

Alright, let's keep all the redneck jokes in here. I'll start.

Q: What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?
A: "Hey y'all, watch this!"


Two rednecks decide to get married. After the wedding, they drive to a motel, where the bride puts on a negligee and says "Be gentle with me, I'm a virgin".

At this point the groom bursts into tears. He runs out of the motel, jumps in his ute and goes home.

Upon hearing the story, the groom's father pats him on the back and says "Don't worry, son. You did good. If she aint good enough for her own family, she aint good enough for ours!"

 

[Guest]

;D ;D ;D very good C_L

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play, ‘Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee’".
"How do you play that?" asked the redneck.

"It's easy'' said the Spanish boy, "we can play it next recess."

So when recess time came, the three boys went outside. "Alright," said the Spanish boy, "Lets play."

The Asian boy explained that all you have to do is pull down your pants and whoever has the biggest pee pee is the winner. And so the Asian boy pulled down his pants and the other two boys were impressed. Then the Spanish boy pulled down his pants. His pee pee was about the same size as the Asian boy's. As the redneck boy pulled his pants down, the other two boys stared in awe.

"You win for sure," they both said.

Later that day the redneck boy went home and his mother asked him, "So did you make any new friends today?"

"Yup. I played this game called ‘Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee’ and the other boys said I won because I'm a redneck."

His mother laughed and replied, "No sweetie, you won because you're 23."
;D ;D ;D

 

[Guest]

That was hilarious. I has some more now:

You know you're a redneck when....

1. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. Bikies back down from your mum.

3. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

4. You've been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws.

5. Jim Beam and Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired
People."

6. You've ever had to scratch out your sister's name in a message that begins "For a good time call...."

7. You've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

8. If every day someone comes to your door mistakingly thinking you're having a garage sale.

9. You have a working television that sits on top of a non-working television.

10. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high
dive.

11. Your dog was neutured by court order.

12. Your mum walks out of the bathroom and says, "Come look at this before I flush it!"

13. Your 13 year old daughter and her husband wanted belly button piercings and you said no and got them matching tattoos instead.

14. You mow your lawn and find a car.

15. Your tyres are worth more than your car.

16. If you ever had to take out a loan to get a tattoo.

17. You go to family reunions to get a date

18. Your richest relative just bought a new house and you have to help him take the wheels off.

 

[Guest]

You know you are a redneck when:

The resale value of your pickup goes up when you fill up with fuel

The front porch of your house colapses and 5 hounds get crushed to death!




Whats the similarity between a tornado in Misouri and a redneck divorce?

Someones gonna lose a trailer home!

 

[Guest]

What's the hardest five years of a redneck's life?
sixth grade.

What does a redneck call his wife?
"Sis"

 

[JSWin]

Lol! Oh no these jokes.
Why do they call them rednecks?
Because they eat too much corn.