Riding with lascivious men

Discussion in 'Women's Cycling' started by Corzhens, May 30, 2016.

  1. Corzhens

    Corzhens Well-Known Member

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    Pardon me if I have used the wrong term lascivious. This is not my experience but it happened to a long time friend. She is more athletic than me and probably good looking too. Like me, she also rides with a group sometimes but always with her husband. When her husband got sick, she continued riding but this time, she was alone. She rides with different groups all the time and she is familiar with the faces so a casual chat or banter is just that, casual.

    However, on her second ride with a group, she was sandwiched by a bunch of men who kept on talking to her while riding. There were insinuations of sexual advances and some of the men even said an indecent proposal. All the while, my friend was not saying anything. She would just try to smile not to encourage the guys but to avoid a conflict. That was the reason why she quit riding with a group although not all riding groups are like that.

    Have you experienced something like that?
     


  2. Lakeisha Brown

    Lakeisha Brown New Member

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    Oh wow, I definitely hate that a group of losers ruined her chances of riding in groups. I never been in that situation but I would have voiced my concerns and if the men got out of line I would have pepper sprayed them lol.
     
  3. Keyan

    Keyan Member

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    I understand why kept silent about the advances but it did not work for her in my honest opinion. I think she could have done something about it like talk to these riders. Some people may think that silence means you consent to their advances
     
  4. Veater

    Veater New Member

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    It's such a shame that this kind of thing still happens these days. I think its offensive that they waited until her husband left to begin behaving inappropriately towards her - like they respected the authority of her husband as her keeper, but when he was absent they didn't respect her individual authority over herself. I can understand her reaction entirely and imagine it would put me off riding groups too. Men don't realise sometimes that what they think is a bit of harmless flirtation can be quite intimidating and distressing when you're on your own.
     
  5. sharkantropo

    sharkantropo Member

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    Maybe they were a pair of arrogant jocks than think all women fall beneath their feet. Just show them the middle finger and pedal faster.
     
  6. bykster

    bykster Member

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    I'm embarrassed by reading this. I've never been in a situation like this, so my advice may not be the best, but excluding yourself from trouble-making group worked for me during my teen years. I grew up with a lot of gangs and stupid stuff like that around so maybe I learned quickly how to recognize potential bad situations. If you can't continue your hobby because of this than that's a more serious problem.
     
  7. Corzhens

    Corzhens Well-Known Member

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    Maybe you are right in that thinking that silence means okay especially when she smiled in trying to ignore the advances. But my friend is a decent lady and she looks decent all the time so I wonder why those guys seemed to have the hots for her. Maybe they have been seeing my friend riding with her husband and when the husband was away, the boys had wanted to play. Unfortunately, that incident sent some trauma to her veins so now she wouldn't dare ride with a group she doesn't know very well.
     
  8. lisasian86

    lisasian86 New Member

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    It's such a pity that this happened to your friend and shame on the men that did this. It makes me angry that they feel they can speak to someone like this and not realise how threatening they are being surrounding a woman and saying these things to her, how would they feel if this happened to their mothers/sisters/wives/daughters?
     
  9. judyd1

    judyd1 New Member

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    That is just discouraging. People should be respected no matter who or where they are. Unfortunately, in this world we live in, there are a lot of people who were raised without being taught how to respect others. If you have a son or a daughter, this might be a good way to get into a conversation with them about respecting others. If you have a niece, nephew, or grandchild, don't just assume they have been taught this lesson. And yes, there are ways of talking to children (and others) that don't include "preaching". You just have to look for the right moment.
     
  10. pwarbi

    pwarbi Well-Known Member

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    Cycling like anything attracts its fair share of morons, and it's a shame that your friend have up group riding because if a bunch of losers like this.

    While more and more females are taking up cycling, it's still a male orientated sport and until that changes then stories like this will continue.
     
  11. cycle93

    cycle93 Member

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    I have experienced things shouted at me, while riding a bike, especially in the spring or summer when you have less clothes on. But happily I did not have any rude people around me while riding in a group.

    My mother on the other hand went on a cycling tip wit a group of "friends" and one woman was keep teasing her about her weight. I was furious when I heard about it.
     
  12. briannagodess

    briannagodess Member

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    Thankfully, I've never experienced anything like this. I feel pity for your friend though. I imagine that she felt scared and helpless at that time. If I were in her place, I would have pedalled faster and got away from that group. I can understand her silence though. I've been harassed in public places and it's not always a good idea to say something. Especially when they're in a group, because you can end up in more trouble that way.

    It's such a harsh reality though, this world we live in. It's not even a safe place anymore, especially for women and children. We can be targets for such acts, like what happened to your friend. Having a weapon at hand is always important. But when we're biking, how can we even defend ourselves? I guess being able to excel in biking can be a benefit. If you can out-pedal those men, then you can save yourself.

    If I were the husband though, I'd beat those men up. They aren't worthy to be his friends or even cycling friend at all.
     
  13. Bigbananabike

    Bigbananabike Member

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    These two comments are way worse than the original issue;
    "Having a weapon at hand is always important. " and
    "If I were the husband though, I'd beat those men up." This is violence and violence with a deadly weapon you're suggesting ;-(

    BBB
     
  14. Veater

    Veater New Member

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    I don't think saying that defending yourself with a weapon is a suggestion that we should be violent. And I don't think she was saying that when the men were making comments, the woman should have pulled out a gun on them or anything. I think she was saying that women as a whole are vulnerable to men in general, and weapons can help us feel safer.

    I personally don't carry a weapon. But I know that if I was carrying one, it wouldn't be to ever use it. It would be to pull it out and threaten to use it so that someone advancing towards me would leave me alone.
     
  15. Bigbananabike

    Bigbananabike Member

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    No one should or should have to carry a weapon in daylight in a civilized country.
    A weapon can fairly easily be taken off someone and used against them.
    First and formost we (female or male) should use our words to defend ourselves.

    My comments stand;
    These two comments are way worse than the original issue;
    "Having a weapon at hand is always important. " and
    "If I were the husband though, I'd beat those men up." This is violence and violence with a deadly weapon you're suggesting ;-(

    BBB
     
  16. briannagodess

    briannagodess Member

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    Hmmm... To each their own, I guess. But I live in a third world country and everyday, women are harassed and raped. So to have at least some kind of protection is necessary. I always have a pepper spray and pocket knife with me. Just in case I would need to defend myself. I also enrolled in a Muay Thai class to be able to learn self-defense. Yes, these are violent ways but I'd rather be able to protect myself than let an attacker win easily.

    And just using words won't be enough when you're in that situation already. My sister has been harassed while she was in the bathroom. A man followed her and started taking a video of her from another stall. Out of fear, she run away and up to now, she's still scared to go into public bathrooms by herself. What I'm saying is, it's always better to have some kind of protection, whether it be a weapon or a martial arts. She has also started learning Muay Thai.

    I guess if violence is the only way to protect myself, then so be it. Women are attacked because they think we're weak and won't defend ourselves. So for me, it's a must to know how to protect myself because I'm not always with my husband all the time.

    And with regards to the other statement, well, if you won't punish these men, there bound to repeat these actions to other women. So either you file a case against them or beat them up. And sadly, most cases against these situations don't always win, especially in my country.
     
  17. Acheno84

    Acheno84 Member

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    This is really unfortunate to hear that this happened. Nobody should ever feel victimized by someone else. Riding groups are to keep each other motivated; not to freak other riders out. Hopefully she was able to find another group to tag a long in. So sorry to hear, but I'm glad to hear that it was only words and that it hadn't gone further than that.

    Be safe, ladies!
     
  18. Novelangel

    Novelangel Member

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    Some riders can be real jerks at times. I've seen a few of these things happening from time to time, and it can't be a comfortable situation for the woman who is receiving all this unwanted attention. When I was younger I used to get catcalls and comments myself, and trust me, they felt really weird, kind of like being a fish in a bowl or something. I have always hated being under scrutiny like that, so my first instinct is always to run the other way... or in this case, ride the other way. If this sort of thing happened once, it was one time too many and I would just find another group to ride with, or ride with a close friend or something. Now that I'm married, I ride only with my husband, and we get to have a lot of enjoyable rides together without worrying about the weirdness of a large group.
     
  19. Bonzer

    Bonzer New Member

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    I've been a member of this forum for more than a year now. I thought that this question has been in the offing for a pretty long time but just not seeing the light of the day. It's a typical male chauvinism and entitlement mentality. I don't know what the fix is neither would I want to suggest one. It's totally unfortunate and derogatory to women.

    It still underlines the need for women protection and the need for a male bodyguard all the time even in the most advanced societies.
     
  20. glreese

    glreese New Member

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    I have never road in a group with guys except for when my boyfriend is with me. And when he is with me, no one ever would say anything like that. I think the best thing to do would be to bring someone to the group that she trusted that could stick up for her. Also, I always carry pepper spray for a just in case kind of thing.
     
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