Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: The Day After Party

Discussion in 'Food and nutrition' started by Ubiquitous, Apr 13, 2006.

  1. Ubiquitous

    Ubiquitous Guest

    SLop tells us that she just had a slumber party, but apparently poor Miss
    Stephanie was the only one she could make attend. SLop decides she had
    such a great time they're going to spend the day in their "cute" PJs, which SLop
    shows us. PJs with "chicks rule" and "peas on earth" are so juvenile. SLop forgets
    her faux niece's name and calls her Sandy, then starts making out with her as
    we go to opening credits.

    SLop heats some oil to saute some onions and tells us about a new way to cut
    bell peppers; she cuts the top and bottom off, places it upright, and then
    slices the sides off. She claims the seeds are pretty hot n spicy so you don't
    want them in your hash. They're not what I would consider "hot 'n' spicy" by a
    long shot, idiot.

    She then adds a disguised can of beef broth to the pan (you can use chicken
    too) and a packet of meat marinade, but it's actually taco seasoning. She then
    takes the sliced corned beef and cubes it. She likes corned beef because it is
    marinaded, then salted and sugared. She then shows us how to cube it by cutting
    it, then turning it 90 degrees and cutting it again. Brilliant!

    As the hash cooks, she tells us her secret to poaching eggs; adding white wine
    vinegar to the water keeps them from spreading. Hmm, that's a lot of vinegar.
    Won't that add a weird taste to them? It's a Moot Pointâ„¢, however, because she
    puts some biscuit cutters into the pan and then puts an egg into each. She
    plates the hash and makes some depressions for the eggs. She retrieves the eggs
    with a slotted spoon and nestles them into the hash. We go to commercial and
    what the hell was that in those blue coffee mugs in the glamor shot?

    As we return from commercial, SLop tells us she has to make something delicious
    because they're going to be sitting around in their PJs all day. She crushes a
    bag of already-crushed corn bran cereal with a rolling pin and puts it into a
    pie pan. She then grabs an egg and buttermilk from the fridge and puts them
    into another pan. For good measure she adds the leftover taco mix into a bag
    with flour, admonishing us to thoroughly mix them together so we get an even
    coating on the chicken. She then tells us the chicken strips should really stay
    in the fridge until needed anyway and that she likes how they come in whatever
    size she wants. Amazing! SLop confides that MS thinks chicken strips are fun to
    eat. Where is she, anyway? She puts the strips into the egg mixture, then puts
    the strips into the bag of flour mixture and shakes it until coated. She then
    puts them back into the egg mixture (yikes!) then into the cereal before frying
    them in the oil. Slop washes off her tongs (but not hands) to keep everything
    really clean and healthy.

    SLop puts some tater tots onto a baking sheet with some Misses Dash so
    that her nieces and nephews eat less ketchup, whatever THAT means. SLop
    plates the chicken onto a serving plate covered with blue paper towels. As
    we goto commercial, she bites into one and tells us about her tangy assy
    dipping sauces.

    SLop blames MS's mom for the cheesy potato recipe which she claims taste like
    twice-baked potatoes and tells us you can use whatever type of frozen potato
    product you wish. She puts the 'tots into a casserole and tops it with
    pre-shredded cheese, crumbles bacon on top, and tells us how the cheese and
    bacon juice will bake into it and mix throughout. Well, it would if you had
    mixed it INTO the 'tots instead of putting it on top. SLop returns the
    casserole to the baking sheet but lines it with foil so the bottom doesn't get
    mucked up.

    She makes some dipping sauce by mixing 4 parts ketchup, 2 parts honey, and
    a dash of Worcestershire sauce in a large bowl, then pours it into a ramican.
    She also makes a honey mustard sauce in another large bowl and then pours
    it into a ramican. Why didnt she just put into them in the first place?

    She pulls out the potatoes and sprinkles them with sour cream and green onion.
    She then plates some for herself because she claims MS eats them all before she
    can get any. She tells us about a game MS invented (newsflash: it's called
    "backgammon"), pops a big piece of those fresh-from-the-oven-potatoes into her
    mouth, and then makes a quick exit, stage left. Third degree burns are a bitch,
    bitch!

    SLop tells us that presentation is important, which is why she got some ugly
    flower shaped dishes for the lemon ice from her mass merchandiser. Does this
    mean I can't make this without them? She mixes a can of frozen lemon aid and
    some lemon jello in blender (too much will make it too strong!), then adds ice
    and sugar before mixing it. While the blender is running she takes the lid off
    and takes a peek. I would have loved to her get a face full of lemon ice right
    then!

    We return to the room MS was imprisoned just in time to see SLop give her a
    lemon ice. MS gives a feeble "Yay!" and then, at SLop's prompting, offers her
    tip; a candy backgammon board. MS looks like she's been heavily sedated, or
    maybe SLop slipped her one of her cocktails by mistake. As MS explains how to
    make the board, the background music suddenly cuts out for a sec. SLop prompts
    MS if she can eat the green and yellow candies she uses for playing pieces when
    finished, to which MS weakly replies "If you like". SLop gives her closing line
    when we suddenly see a close up of MS's hand grabbing what looks like a small
    metal can of mace that was hidden behind her with an almost pyschotic-sounding
    "I got a surprise for you!" voice over, followed by a spraying noise and SLop
    screaming. OMG! MS has gone psycho! Alas, we cut to a medium shot of MS
    spraying her "aunt" with silly string. Oh well.

    --
    WARNING!!!
    Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
    standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
    assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
    "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
    where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
    Lee.
     
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