it makes me act, hwo it makes me treat other people. I hate how it fills my head 90% of my waking time. My wife is getting old and no in teh first place. She's a good woman and I love her and I hate that I don't appreciate her as much as I should because all I can think think about is how disappointing is it. She feels bad for disappointing me. I feel bad for making her feel bad. I feel like crap all the time. I'm distracted at work and it is starting to affect how much work I get done. I just want the whole stupid thing to go away. Self-mutilation is against my religion. I'm hoping for some sort of medication. If I print out this post and take it to my doctor, what is he likely to say?