SEXY FOOD ISSUE
Gastronomic Desire
Foods that’ll make you hot.
by Brook Midgley
Some people put testicle trees in their salad. Some like a dollop of
smashed testicle trees on the their burritos. Some even fry up
testicle trees for a yummy treat. But you know what the best thing
about testicle trees is? They make you frisky.
This cheeky Aztec term for avocado derives from the way the fruits
hang from trees in pairs. Avocado, or ahuacuatl, was thought to be so
sexually powerful that Aztec maidens were locked away during harvest
time.
Nowadays avocados aren’t commonly known as aphrodisiacs. But it’s not
surprising they fall into this category. They have a firm, moist,
sensual texture, and they’re a tasty addition to your diet.
Diane Brown, author of The Seduction Cookbook who also teaches
aphrodisiac cooking classes, says a healthy sex diet—filled with
come-hither comestibles like avocado—is essential to a successful
romp. “Aphrodisiacs are definitely a state of mind and an element of
suggestion,” she says. “But a lot of aphrodisiacs are foods that make
you feel good.”
“Look at the Chinese,” she chuckles over the phone from L.A., where
she lives with her husband and 1-year-old daughter. Their diet is
loaded with rice and vegetables.
"The American take on a romantic dinner is to get a big steak, a baked
potato and a big bottle of red," she says. This meal loaded with
protein and carbohydrates—is more likely to make you want to sleep
than get it on.
Surprisingly, many of the foods we avoid because of their negative
connotations will actually help us when it comes to intimacy.
In The Perfumed Garden, an Arabian sex manual, it says a man who eats
garbanzo beans will have the strength to pleasure 1,000 women. Brown
attributes garbanzo-induced friskiness to the beans’ high levels of
protein, antioxidants and fiber.
“Beans have been believed to be libido inducers through the ages,” she
says. They’re a light food that gives you energy and digests easily.
This means all the blood isn’t going to your digestive system.
Garlic, which has been used to cure everything from the common cold to
heart ailments, is said to rev up sexual desire. And chili peppers
make your lips swell, says Amy Reiley in her book Fork Me, Spoon Me:
The Sensual Cookbook.
Sometimes images of food can be just as suggestive as a game of
footsie beneath the dinner table. In Bunny Crumpacker’s book The Sex
Life of Food, she writes, “Like carrots and mushrooms, asparagus are
genital-shaped vegetable perfection.” Which may also explain the
oyster’s reputation as an aphrodisiac.
According to the Australia Food and Grocery Council, “If you think
oysters work, chances are they will.” But the truth is that oysters
don’t contain any chemical elements that could affect sex drive. Yet
people do tend to think of sex when they’re eating oysters—and in a
situation like that, you’re more likely to get lucky at the end of the
night.
Chinese women hold nutmeg in high regard for its aphrodisiac
qualities. Nutmeg, like garlic, is said to spice things up, and in
large quantities it can induce hallucinations—or at least get you a
little high.
The Emergency Medical Journal reports a case of an 18-year-old who,
with her friends, drank a milkshake loaded with 50 grams of grated
nutmeg. She basically got sick, but her friends reported a feeling of
elation. Could make things interesting.
When people are hoping to snare a bedmate, they often look to the most
common social lubricant: alcohol. Booze is capable of so many tricks:
It dispatches inhibitions, lets you dance on the bar, gives you the
cajones to approach a table full of hot women and slaps on the beer
goggles.
But when you notice you’ve got eight bottle caps in your pocket, you
could be guaranteeing yourself a bad night. Since alcohol’s a
depressant, the more you drink, the more likely you are to pass out
and miss all the fun. And that postcoital cigarette? You should skip
that altogether if you’re looking for seconds. Tobacco, alcohol and
coffee all decrease sexual desire.
So get the morning sex out of the way before your coffee, cigarettes
and bloody mary, then grab a testicle tree lunch, followed by a garlic
and bean dinner, and top it all off with a nutmeg milkshake. And don’t
forget to wear protection.