Short and funny one-liners



swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
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Let's share some humorous one-liners. Here's one:

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
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48
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".
 

Acheno84

Member
Mar 7, 2016
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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
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48
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
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48
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
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48
"She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy."

The women always manage to get their way!!!
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
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Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
 

OursIsTheFury

Member
Apr 21, 2016
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I think it’s pretty cool how 
the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Badum tss! Tip your waiters, everyone!
 

cycle93

Member
Oct 10, 2015
145
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Nice one! I also really like one-liner jokes and those really long and boring ones that everyone hates to listen to.

My humor is quite unique and like to enjoy the faces I get while telling a really long joke. You don't even need a punchline, because the joke is on them for listening too long.

Hah, no one gets my humor.
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
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48
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
13
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48
“The policemen said if I didn't pay my library fine he would have to book me.”
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
13
18
48
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depress I cut myself... a piece of cake.
 

swalia

Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
13
18
48
The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".