Short and funny one-liners



swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
 

swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
"Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"

"So you can all be really sad when I die."
 

swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not: Mark Twain
 

swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
-
Bob Monkhouse
 

swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
There are people who are a living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death.
 

swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
All my life I thought air was for free. That was until I bought a bag of crisps.
 

sharkantropo

Active Member
Apr 11, 2016
305
40
18
32
When you cut out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you're only telling the world that you fear what he might say.
 

swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
 

swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
 

swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking **** from some asshole.
 

swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
Any of us has the capacity to light up a room. Some when they enter, others when they leave it.
 

swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
300
26
18
48
It is what’s inside that matters - the fridge is a perfect example.