Short and funny one-liners

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by swalia, Mar 7, 2016.

  1. swalia

    swalia Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Messages:
    300
    Likes Received:
    13
    Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
     


  2. swalia

    swalia Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Messages:
    300
    Likes Received:
    13
    People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.
     
    MichaelDasher likes this.
  3. swalia

    swalia Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Messages:
    300
    Likes Received:
    13
    Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!
     
  4. swalia

    swalia Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Messages:
    300
    Likes Received:
    13
    A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
     
  5. swalia

    swalia Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Messages:
    300
    Likes Received:
    13
    My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
     
    MichaelDasher likes this.
  6. swalia

    swalia Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2016
    Messages:
    300
    Likes Received:
    13
    Marriage is like coffee. First it's really hot. Then it's just right. Then it helps you to get off your ass and do things.
     
  7. lisaleet

    lisaleet New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2017
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
     
    MichaelDasher likes this.
  8. onepolar

    onepolar New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2017
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1
    Lol. let me add for you...

    A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
     
  9. MichaelDasher

    MichaelDasher New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2017
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    2
    Oh man! That last part was unexpected. Lol!
     
  10. MichaelDasher

    MichaelDasher New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2017
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    2
    Hahaha! I strongly agree with this, swalia. I strongly agree. :D
     
  11. MichaelDasher

    MichaelDasher New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2017
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    2
    And we all definitely need cash. :D
     
  12. Kakashi

    Kakashi Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2018
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    39
    In one of my old resumes I've added this in experiences : 'Extensive experience in dealing with a variety of stupid people.':)
     
  13. Kakashi

    Kakashi Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2018
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    39
    'Home is where I can feel ugly and enjoy it'
     
  14. Kakashi

    Kakashi Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2018
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    39
    Hey this trick works ...'if you want to slap someone, just do it and loudly say Mosquito.' haha
     
  15. Kakashi

    Kakashi Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2018
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    39
    My Dad keeps on telling me 'to always follow my dreams' when I was a kid 'i keep on going back to bed so I can follow it.'
     
  16. treecko142

    treecko142 Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2018
    Messages:
    419
    Likes Received:
    26
    Don't you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.
     
  17. Kakashi

    Kakashi Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2018
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    39
    Jack, Jhonnie and Jim went to an American Whiskey Bar.

    They presented their ID's at the door for inspection. One by one their names where called...

    'Daniels your in', 'Beam your in'

    'Now, Walker your out, we don't serve Scotch !'
     
  18. Kakashi

    Kakashi Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2018
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    39
    I keep falling off my mountain bike while waiting for you to call. I can’t handle the suspension.
     
  19. Kakashi

    Kakashi Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2018
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    39
    “AN INTELLIGENT MAN IS SOMETIMES FORCED TO BE DRUNK TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS FOOLS.”
    ~ ERNEST HEMINGWAY
     
  20. Kakashi

    Kakashi Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2018
    Messages:
    634
    Likes Received:
    39
    Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
     
Loading...
Loading...