Short and funny one-liners



swalia

Active Member
Jan 27, 2016
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Let's share some humorous one-liners. Here's one:

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
 
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".
 
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
 
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
 
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
 
"She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy."

The women always manage to get their way!!!
 
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got ****ed to achieve it.
 
I think it’s pretty cool how 
the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Badum tss! Tip your waiters, everyone!
 
Nice one! I also really like one-liner jokes and those really long and boring ones that everyone hates to listen to.

My humor is quite unique and like to enjoy the faces I get while telling a really long joke. You don't even need a punchline, because the joke is on them for listening too long.

Hah, no one gets my humor.
 
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
 
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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
 
“The policemen said if I didn't pay my library fine he would have to book me.”
 
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depress I cut myself... a piece of cake.
 
The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".
 

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