Short and funny one-liners



People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MichaelDasher
Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!
 
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
 
Marriage is like coffee. First it's really hot. Then it's just right. Then it helps you to get off your ass and do things.
 
In one of my old resumes I've added this in experiences : 'Extensive experience in dealing with a variety of stupid people.':)
 
Hey this trick works ...'if you want to slap someone, just do it and loudly say Mosquito.' haha
 
My Dad keeps on telling me 'to always follow my dreams' when I was a kid 'i keep on going back to bed so I can follow it.'
 
Jack, Jhonnie and Jim went to an American Whiskey Bar.

They presented their ID's at the door for inspection. One by one their names where called...

'Daniels your in', 'Beam your in'

'Now, Walker your out, we don't serve Scotch !'
 
I keep falling off my mountain bike while waiting for you to call. I can’t handle the suspension.
 
“AN INTELLIGENT MAN IS SOMETIMES FORCED TO BE DRUNK TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS FOOLS.”
~ ERNEST HEMINGWAY
 
Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
 

Similar threads

P
Replies
11
Views
627
R