Sorry for the delay

Discussion in 'Mountain Bikes' started by Darsh, May 10, 2003.

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  1. Darsh

    Darsh Guest

    I have been away from my computer.

    I must thank everyone for thinking about me, and posting replies to my posts. It has been awhile,
    and to tell you the truth I have not looked back.

    I think my last post was made in a drug-induced state of post-surgery. People who have surgery
    should not be posting to alt.mountain-bike 6 hours after surgery. In alt.tasteless-dumbass, this
    might be appropriate.......

    After my last surgery, I drove home from Grand Junction to Aspen (2.5 hours). I am certain I barely
    made the drive. I can barely remember the night. I had surgery, had my ride pick me up, then
    immediately got in my car.

    "I am OK. Hell yea I am going to get home. Thanks for being here to pick me up. Ohhh, no problem. I
    am good to go."

    I made it home, but it was about the most irresponsible decision I have ever made in my life.

    After that, I think I immediately sat in this chair and posted. This was probably another bad
    decision. Shortly after that sitting, the sittings were not really viable.

    Either way.... I am still alive. I have spent some time in the remote hills of Redstone, Co. The
    hills are tight and the light is short. I have concentrated on being slow and mellow. The tight
    valley is theraputic. I have read a lot, and studied a lot. I have grown fat in my eyes, and
    followed the life of the sloth... understanding my plight.

    I have consulted many doctors. There is not one doctor that tells me riding is even remotely close
    to a good idea. I use riding as my last question. I understand more everyday about my problem.

    I have a deep fistula:

    "A PERMANANT abnormal opening into soft parts with a consistant discharge; a deep, narrow, chronic
    abscess; an abnormal opening between an internal cavity and another cavity or the surface; as, a
    salvitory fistula; an anal fistula; a recto-vaginal fistula." (permanant is the key word)

    Yep, that is what I have. It could be peri-rectal, it could be perianeal. Mine is of the anterior
    type....the spot where you sit on a bike seat. The anterior type is very hard to treat and heal.

    The problem that faces me is that it is non-connective. The last doctor cut me pretty hard. He went
    very deep. He pushed hydrogen peroxide through the fistula expecting to see a connection with my
    rectum. He expected to see bubbles.

    He did not. He said he tried over and over again to find a connection, and in the end... he could
    not. He layed as much of the fistula open as he could.

    ______________

    I woke up after surgery in my own house. I knew I had driven home, but I really did not remember
    much... except trying to stay awake.

    I had a deep internal pain. I could control my bowels, but I was not sure what would happen when I
    actually had to do the number 2 duty. I thought I would encounter a lot of pain.

    It was morning. I was alone. I got a phone call from a close friend (Randy). I told him that I must
    hang up and call the doctor. Afterall, it was close to being 9AM. The office opened at 9AM. I needed
    to get an idea of what was going on and what we did.

    I hung up the phone with Randy at 8:50AM. There was nothing stopping my feeling. I put the phone
    down. I began looking for recent, and trite reading material. Nope. I needed to get there....

    I was worried as I ran to the toilet. The pain was going to be unbearable. I wondered if I should
    have the phone near me, to call 911. I figured it would be bad. I wondered if the doctor would do
    this to me, without telling me I would have a huge pain issue....

    I was relieved for the standard reasons before I really settled in. I had no external pain. That was
    the pain I was worried about. I had mild internal pain considering, but I had that same pain since
    the surgery the night before. I can't really explain the pain. It was not really pain, as much as it
    was a horrible pain inside... a feeling of pain without real pain, but certain pain.

    Needless to say, I was relieved. I had not even purchased the Milk of Magnesia. It was supposed to
    entice my bowel from pain-med induced constipation. I was not eating the pills, so I needed nothing
    to entice I guessed. I could not believe my willingness to a number 2 so soon after surgery.

    Well, after that huge relief, I called the doctor. My surgery was late, and my recovery was later.
    The doc had no real reason to stick around the hopital to talk to a patient that would not remember
    a thing anyway.

    The doctor was not very happy. Nothing went the way he wanted it to. He was not happy with anything
    for that matter. He was obviously frustrated at not getting to the solution, but he said it really
    meant nothing. He was pretty happy I had no external pain after my first bowel movement.

    He said that he had done all that was possible. There was no way to the end. We would have to wait
    and see. He said he did a lot of work on the existing free area. He took out a huge amount of
    tissue, and he opened up a lot of tissue.

    He had to cut, at least partially, the ring of muscle that controls the rectum. It was needed
    to follow the fistula tract; to get it opened up. This is what accounts for the pain I have
    to this day.

    So that is what I am healing from to this day. Two things actually: 1) The cutting of the circle of
    muscle, and 2) The substantial external opening that is a real pain... blah.. in the ass. (BAH! shut
    up, it is not on my asshole... but damn close, and closer every surgery!)

    I have been told I could ride again after 6 months. This is of course if I am willing a
    re-occurance. A re-occurance is treatable, and really no worse than what I have had. In fact, it
    would probably be identical to what I have had, but treatable in one, and maybe two surgeries....
    but it could be 5 or 10 or 20.. the same situation I am dealing with now. I am constantly being
    reminded that this is a permanant situation, and it needs to be cared for as such.

    So!!!

    All is good. This Summer I don't need to ride. I am going to concentrate on golf as a worst case,
    and climbing as a first case. I already have about 6 14ers under my belt, so I think I am going to
    try to pick up a bunch more. I already have the gear for winter climbing, so I might as well attempt
    to get in all the 14ers I can this year.

    If the doctor gives me the go on Monday the 12th, I will have my first 14er planned by work morning
    Wednesday the 14th. I am thinking Crestone Peak for the 24-25th. (This is a darsh pipedream date, an
    irrational pipedream date)

    So all is well. I have been caught up in my illness as I should have been, responsibly, and now I am
    ready to move on. It feels pretty good. Even though I have treated this right, I still have felt a
    bit guilty about being sedate, but this being the third surgery, I have a new feeling about what it
    means to "let it heal".

    I know it is not my fault, and I know I have done the right thing by being a big, fat nothing, but
    it is sure good (or will be after Monday) to be able to move again with an open mind. I can't wait.

    I feel like protesting... like quitting my job and carrying a sign to free myself. It is the feeling
    of freedom really. It is like I could run into the redwood forests of California and just
    dissappear. (another pipedream)

    I can only cross my fingers. It has only been 5 months of surgery/recovery now. If this could be put
    down without ever having to deal with 6 months, I would be very happy. Then I can start my 6 months
    of "secondary" healing.

    I think I am over this part. I think the specialist took it over. I think I can power it away...
    power it off of me... power it better. Pray it better in some way. I think I can make it better, and
    I will... even if it gets 10X worse.

    I am fortunate. I am more fortunate than anyone will ever know until the day I die... and even then,
    my fortune will never be known.

    I know I am getting better. I just sneezed. I almost enjoyed the feeling of the sneeze as much as I
    hated the pain involved in the contraction. WOOHOO!

    Thanks everyone,

    darsh






    Today
     
    Tags:


  2. Mattb

    Mattb Guest

    "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > I have been away from my computer.
    <snerp>
    > Thanks everyone,

    >
    > darsh
    >

    Good to hear about some light at then end of the tunnel. Take care and happy climbing!

    Matt
     
  3. Jd

    Jd Guest

    "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:<[email protected]>... <snip pain in the ass>
    > I know I am getting better. I just sneezed. I almost enjoyed the feeling of the sneeze as much as
    > I hated the pain involved in the contraction. WOOHOO!
    >
    > Thanks everyone,

    Good to see you're still in one piece and 6 feet up. A 14er this month? Bring your ice axe
    and crampons.

    JD
     
  4. "MattB" <[email protected]> wrote
    >
    > Good to hear about some light at then end of the tunnel.

    Except in Darsh's case, it's an endoscope...

    Good to hear you're staying positive, Darsh. Make sure you get off those peaks before afternoon.

    CC
     
  5. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    Darsh <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > I have been away from my computer.
    >
    > I must thank everyone for thinking about me, and posting replies to my posts

    And you are who again?!?!?!?

    ',;~P

    > Thanks everyone,

    >
    > darsh

    I would do, but I gotz this huge-big-huge zit-thing-beast on my (not quite)

    because I am completely unable to 'straddle a saddle'. Not only is it (the zit-it) painful in and
    of itself, but it is right on top of a nerve bundle, as I found out on the 7 1/2 mile ride home
    from Ribchester yesterday afternoon, which saw me perched precariously and ridiculously with only
    one butt cheek on the saddle. The roadies I passed/that passed me heaped scorn upon me as if I was
    a scorn storage heap clearly marked 'heap scorn here'. I felt I should have been violent, but it
    isn't my way.

    I was ridiculously upset, being the weak and small human that I am, that I was unable to ride the 5
    1/2 miles over the tops to work, in the howling wind and driving rain, this morning. I thought of
    you, and my anger first calmed, then turned to mirthful laughter at my utter stupidity and
    weakness. You are most certainly allowed to have a laugh at my expense over the zit thing. In fact,
    I command it. In fact-in fact, _I'm_ going to have a laugh at my expense right now.
    Hahahahaheheheheheheh ahem.

    Enjoy your climbing Darsh - may you elevate excellently.

    Shaun aRe - *(actually on the flesh that runs between the anal sphincter and the ol' love juice
    sack, but you didn't wanna know that).
     
  6. Carla A-G

    Carla A-G Guest

    "Darsh" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]... <snip>
    > Thanks everyone,

    Thanks for the update and the good news. Good luck with your new endeavors
    :)

    - CA-G

    Can-Am Girls Kick Ass!
     
  7. Supabonbon

    Supabonbon Guest

    "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:<[email protected]>...
    > Darsh <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    > > I have been away from my computer.
    > >
    > > I must thank everyone for thinking about me, and posting replies to my posts
    >
    > And you are who again?!?!?!?
    >
    > ',;~P
    >
    > > Thanks everyone,

    > >
    > > darsh
    >
    > I would do, but I gotz this huge-big-huge zit-thing-beast on my (not quite)

    > because I am completely unable to 'straddle a saddle'. Not only is it (the zit-it) painful in and
    > of itself, but it is right on top of a nerve bundle, as I found out on the 7 1/2 mile ride home
    > from Ribchester yesterday afternoon, which saw me perched precariously and ridiculously with only
    > one butt cheek on the saddle. The roadies I passed/that passed me heaped scorn upon me as if I was
    > a scorn storage heap clearly marked 'heap scorn here'. I felt I should have been violent, but it
    > isn't my way.
    >
    >
    > I was ridiculously upset, being the weak and small human that I am, that I was unable to ride the
    > 5 1/2 miles over the tops to work, in the howling wind and driving rain, this morning. I thought
    > of you, and my anger first calmed, then turned to mirthful laughter at my utter stupidity and
    > weakness. You are most certainly allowed to have a laugh at my expense over the zit thing. In
    > fact, I command it. In fact-in fact, _I'm_ going to have a laugh at my expense right now.
    > Hahahahaheheheheheheh ahem.
    >
    > Enjoy your climbing Darsh - may you elevate excellently.
    >
    > Shaun aRe - *(actually on the flesh that runs between the anal sphincter and the ol' love juice
    > sack, but you didn't wanna know that).

    I was walking into a restaurant yesterday when, right out front, a woman was poppling a zit on her
    boyfriend's big puffy moon-face. He didn't seem to mind, like he was getting a pat on the head.
    Jaysus! I don't know if I felt sorriest for him, for her, or myself. Is there no such thing as class
    anymore? /s
     
  8. Shaun Rimmer

    Shaun Rimmer Guest

    supabonbon <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]...
    > "Shaun Rimmer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:<[email protected]>...
    > > Darsh <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > > news:[email protected]...
    > > > I have been away from my computer.
    > > >
    > > > I must thank everyone for thinking about me, and posting replies to my posts
    > >
    > > And you are who again?!?!?!?
    > >
    > > ',;~P
    > >
    > > > Thanks everyone,

    > > >
    > > > darsh
    > >
    > > I would do, but I gotz this huge-big-huge zit-thing-beast on my (not
    quite)

    > > because I am completely unable to 'straddle a saddle'. Not only is it
    (the
    > > zit-it) painful in and of itself, but it is right on top of a nerve
    bundle,
    > > as I found out on the 7 1/2 mile ride home from Ribchester yesterday afternoon, which saw me
    > > perched precariously and ridiculously with only
    one
    > > butt cheek on the saddle. The roadies I passed/that passed me heaped
    scorn
    > > upon me as if I was a scorn storage heap clearly marked 'heap scorn
    here'. I
    > > felt I should have been violent, but it isn't my way.
    > >
    > >
    > > I was ridiculously upset, being the weak and small human that I am, that
    I
    > > was unable to ride the 5 1/2 miles over the tops to work, in the howling wind and driving rain,
    > > this morning. I thought of you, and my anger
    first
    > > calmed, then turned to mirthful laughter at my utter stupidity and
    weakness.
    > > You are most certainly allowed to have a laugh at my expense over the
    zit
    > > thing. In fact, I command it. In fact-in fact, _I'm_ going to have a
    laugh
    > > at my expense right now. Hahahahaheheheheheheh ahem.
    > >
    > > Enjoy your climbing Darsh - may you elevate excellently.
    > >
    > > Shaun aRe - *(actually on the flesh that runs between the anal sphincter
    and
    > > the ol' love juice sack, but you didn't wanna know that).
    >
    > I was walking into a restaurant yesterday when, right out front, a woman was poppling a zit on her
    > boyfriend's big puffy moon-face. He didn't seem to mind, like he was getting a pat on the head.

    This makes me want to have someone pop mine in the street this very evening.

    > Jaysus! I don't know if I felt sorriest for him, for her, or myself. Is there no such thing as
    > class anymore? /s

    Yes - class it what they serve me beer in at the pub.

    Shaun aRe - Why is it nearly all poor people are socialists, and nearly all rich people
    conservatives? Just wondering like..........
     
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