Spreading Santorum



M

Makeit

Guest
Pronunciation: san-TOR-um
Function: noun
1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of

http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/

Santorum Letters January 29, 2004 Dan:

Thought you'd be interested in this email:

From: "Palmer, Wayne (Santorum)"

[email protected]

U.S. Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), Chairman of the Senate Republican Conference, is seeking a Deputy
Press Secretary. The ideal candidate will have strong ties to the state of Pennsylvania, as well as
education and/or 2-4 years of press/p.r. experience, preferably in government. This position
represents a great opportunity for a young person to work for the third-ranking leader of the Senate
majority, who is also a member of the Senate Finance Committee.

If any of your alumni or current students fit this profile and would like to work on Capitol Hill,
they can call me directly at (202) 224-6324 or fax their resume to me at (202) 228-4808.

Thank you for your consideration.

Wayne Palmer

Policy Director

U.S. Senator Rick Santorum

It's time to send in a spy. Signed,

A Loyal Reader.

Thank you for sending this email on to me, ALR. If there's anyone out there who is 1. a fan of santorum-
producing activities 2. a regular reader of spreadingsantorum.com 3. unemployed and 4. willing to
work for Senator Santorum and spy on Senator Santorum for this website, well, it looks like ol' Rick
has a job for you! Apply today!

Santorum Letters January 27, 2004 I would like to correct some misinformation on the
spreadingsantorum.com page. On January 24th you published the following on your Spreading
Santorum website:

“Hm... Santorum fills an auditorium... the mind fairly boggles! I noticed, however, when I read the
story, that none of the students at Georgetown had the balls to ask Senator Santorum about the
meaning of his new name. What a bunch of cowards!"

Someone did ask the Senator about the new use of his name, Mr. Savage, and that someone was me. The
question was not mentioned in either campus publication, but I do have it on video.

When my friends and I heard that the Senator was coming to speak as part of the annual Cardinal
O'Connor Conference on Life, we planned on going and asking about the definition. We had a plan
where one of us was going to dress like a Midwestern conservative and pretend to be outraged when
doing internet research on the Senator and finding this new use for his name. We ended up having to
use plan B when the Senator took ten minutes to answer each question and the woman we had chosen to
do the asking was still far back in line.

So, when my turn came, I asked him. In response he attempted to take the high ground and not really
address the question. Keep checking your regular mail for a copy of the tape so you can judge for
yourself if we should win the prize for getting him to comment. Many people feel that the question I
asked him was "disrespectful" and "graphic." I certainly didn't think so. And I have heard that as
the organizers of the conference, Georgetown University Right to Life, apologized to him on his way
out he said, "That's what you get for not charging for tickets." As if I wouldn't have paid to ask
Santorum about santorum!

Anyhow, just wanted to let you know that there are some at Georgetown unafraid to ask the tough
questions of our public officials.

Mike

Well, Mike, if you did ask Senator Santorum about the new meaning of santorum, and if you caught
that moment on tape, you will not only win my undying love and affection, but some books and other
nice gifts mentioned in a previous Savage Love columns. I can't recall off the top of my head what
those gifts were, Mike, but I'm pretty sure they were awesome.

So I will look for the video in the mail -- and once it arrives, and once I've verified it, I will
get your prize package to you. I will also make copies of the tape and send them to various media
outlets *and* post the video on this here website.

I'm a student at Georgetown and the News Editor at The Georgetown Voice. To clarify, student Mike
Wilson did in fact ask Senator Santorum a question about the meaning of his name, citing your
definition verbatim. The article's mention of "several pointed questions" was an arguably oblique
reference to this incident, which has been widely discussed by the student body here.

Shanthi Manian

News Editor

The Georgetown Voice

As oblique references go, Ms. Manian, "several pointed questions" is so oblique as to be arguably
useless. How is anyone to infer from "several pointed questions" that a guy named Mike Wilson asked
Senator Santorum about that frothy

not, say, the Senator's support for the partial birth abortion ban, his

Frankly, Ms. Manian, your news judgment is lacking. Any serious student of journalism would have
covered this groundbreaking development in depth (and given props to the brave Mr. Wilson!), and not
dismissed it with a so vague an aside!

Let me assure you that someone at Georgetown did indeed have the balls to stand up and ask Senator
Santorum about his namesake. Proof is contained in the following letter written to The Hoya, another
Georgetown University newspaper:

While Georgetown’s Speech and Expression Policy may never be amended to restrict irreverent or
uncouth remarks, it disappoints me when certain members of the Georgetown community abuse the
privilege of listening and learning to such a degree.

Such was the case at Sen. Santorum’s (R-Pa.) keynote address yesterday at the Cardinal O’Connor
Conference on Life. In a desperate attempt for attention and recognition during the Q&A session, one
individual chose to liken the Senator to a vile bodily discharge in order to portray his alleged
reputation within

The Senator responded well to the verbal attack, and this individual’s misguided comments proved
only to be an embarrassment to himself.

From what I am told, both the organizers of the conference and the questioner operated within the
bounds of the Speech and Expression policy. But I’ve come to realize that there’s a huge distance
between what this policy permits and what it ought to require — if only one thing — from the
intelligent and privileged individuals that comprise our community. And it’s called decency.

Kirk C. Syme (MSB ’04)

Director, 2004 Cardinal O’Connor Conference on Life

I was out this weekend in DC, and I was trying to explain to a couple of friends in town from
Chicago, the definition and origins of santorum. They were so intrigued by it all (first of all they
had never even heard of Rick Santorum, much less the newer definition), that we decided that we
would conduct a small, impromptu and unscientific survey at the bar we were going to after dinner,
to see how far santorum has spread. This survey consisted of me going to every table I could and
asking everyone seated if 1) they had heard of Santorum and 2) what they knew of the word.

Here are the results: 45 people total surveyed. 18 people had never heard of Rick Santorum. Out of
the remaining 26, all of whom had heard of Rick Santorum, 10 knew the "'Savage Love' definition," as
many called it.

While I was slightly disappointed, my friends from Chicago were intrigued. The best part, though, is
that in conducting this small survey, at least one person at every table did know the "Savage Love"
definition and everyone at the table who was not in the know immediately demanded to know what the
hell I was talking about. So although when I arrived only 10 people knew, when I left 35 more people
had heard the word, and I guarantee that my newly informed Chicago friends will be spreading the
santorum upon their return home this week.

Just thought you might be interested in this little neck of the 'spreading the santorum' woods.

KC in DC

Apropos of nothing, KC in DC, I was born and raised in Chicago, where I was spreading santorum
myself long before the word was coined.

And while you were disappointed in the results of your survey, KC, I was not. Of the 45 people you
surveyed in DC, ten knew the new "frothy mix" definition of santorum. That's upwards of 20% of all
D.C. drinkers surveyed! That's terrific market penetration—ask anyone in advertising!

Dan: I love the idea of you running bus ads here in DC, but it just sounds too expensive and too
difficult to get past the censors. Have you considered stickers (of the bumper variety and smaller),
at least as a first step? Some of us here would be more than happy to stick them around town.

Josh

Yes, Josh, I have considered stickers—viral marketing I believe the practice is called—but it would
be difficult for me to run a viral marketing campaign from afar. (Alas, I do not live in D.C.) Plus,
most viral marketing is illegal, as viral marketing usually involves defacing public property with
stickers and such like. I would much prefer to buy bus ads—so I'll just hope that George Soros comes
though with some dough. In the meantime, of course, you and your friends in D.C. are free to take
whatever steps you feel are necessary to spread santorum on your own...

I'm a DC resident and last evening (Friday, January 23, 2004), I was at a scummy bar in Georgetown
and happened to be having a few drinks with some friends from my university alumni association.

There was a girl with whom I was talking that was pleasant and nice. She mentioned that she just
finished an internship on the Hill. I have an inquisitive mind (and also, I use party affiliation to
determine if the conversation is going to continue) so I asked this kind person which senator worked
for. Her response: "Senator Santorum."

I despise Senator Santorum. However, the thought of your website and personal crusade against this
man came into my head. I stopped for a moment, expressed my dismay to the young lady, and then
asked her if she knew what santorum now means. She did. Back during her internship, she help
respond to constitute mail. Senator Santorum would receive upwards of thirty emails a day from
individuals across the country on the alternative meaning of his name. The Senator requests that
every day his staff summarize the topics of all email and have that summary brought to him to read.
This young lady confirmed that the alternative definition of his name was listed, constantly, in
these daily updates.

Congratulations, Dan, and warm regards,

Brian

Thanks for taking the time to write, Brian. And in case anyone would like to get something into
Senator Santorum's daily email summary, here's the senator's email address again: webmail@santorum-
iq.senate.gov

Santorum Letters January 23, 2004 Dear Dan,

On Wednesday, 21 January, the Senator Himself spoke in our Inter-Cultural Center on his signature
topic, and The Voice, one of our student newspapers, gave the talk its usual & fairly straight-
forward coverage. However, given the headline on the top of the front page, I can't help but wonder
if someone on the staff knows about the (still) secondary meaning of the term:

The original can be found at: Georgetown Voice

Hm... Santorum fills an auditorium... the mind fairly boggles! I noticed, however, when I read the
story, that none of the students at Georgetown had the balls to ask Senator Santorum about the
meaning of his new name. What a bunch of cowards!

Santorum Letters January 22, 2004 Dear Mr. Savage,

I just wanted to congratulate you on "santorum" making it into the New York Times -- kind of. It
appears in Thursday's edition in an article about "google bombing." Unfortunately, they only
allude to the meaning of the word: "Other recent Google bombs have sought to associate President
Bush, Senator Clinton and Senator Rick Santorum, a Pennsylvania Republican, with various
unprintable phrases."

Engineering Google Results to Make a Point

I suppose we shouldn't expect to find "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal

(at least not since that prankster Jayson Blair left), but then again, no one expected a US senator
to bring up "man on dog."

Anyways, hopefully this is the kind of printed ammo you need for your campaign for OED recognition.
And apparently you have fans at America's premiere newspaper. Could a Sunday Times column be next? I
bet William Safire would love to have you on board. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for an "On
Language" etymology of "santorum."

Also, watching the State of the Union with a room full of Harvard undergrads, the camera shot of
Santorum ellicited howls of laughter from half of us, and after a quick explanation, snickers from
the rest. Aside from Tom Brady's cameo (he's a Patriot, we get it already...) and Nancy Pelosi's mescaline-
induced Democratic response, it was the highlight of the speech.

Best,

Dan Bailey

Oh, one final thought: Perhaps the reason none of my quotes were included in the Tom McNichol’s
piece on Google bombing is that… well, I had to confess to Tom that I never bombed Google at all.
When I expressed a desire to get www.spreadingsantorum.com up to the top of the page when you
searched “Santorum” on Google, I got a lot of advise from readers about how to do just that.
Unfortunately, it involved a great deal of work – work done in front of the computer, no less, work
I was simply too lazy to do. I told Mr. McNichol as much, and told him that
www.spreadingsantorum.com made it to it’s current #4 position on Google on its merits alone, and not
thanks to any attempts on my part to game the system. All I did was put the site up andmention it in
my column (“Savage Love”). My readers – God bless them, every one – did the rest.

So it’s thanks to my readers that www.spreadingsantorum.com, and the new definition of santorum,
pops right up when you search santorum. It’s not in the top spot yet… but I’m content to be where I
am, #4, right after three links to Senator Santorum’s own website. Indeed, it’s only fitting that
I’m bringing up Senator Santorum’s rear.

Finally, I’m considering buying bus ads on Washington DC buses and in the DC subway to promote this
website and help spread santorum all over our nation’s capitol. This is, it goes without saying, a
hugely expensive proposition. If there’s anyone out there reading this (hello, George Soros!) who
might like to contribute… don’t be shy! Write me at [email protected]

Santorum Letters January 22, 2004 Well, well, well.

Not too long ago you were bemoaning the fact that santorum and it's correct definition was not being
picked up by the main stream media. It is getting closer.

Today in the New York Times I read an article titled "Engineering Google Results to Make a
Political Point." I found the following therein: "The Liberty Round Table, a libertarian group,
started a Google bomb that linked the Center for Science in the Public Interest, a nutrition
advocacy group, with the term 'food Nazis.' Other recent Google bombs have sought to associate
President Bush, Senator Clinton and Senator Rick Santorum, a Pennsylvania Republican, with various
unprintable phrases."

"Unprintable phrases." Hmmm, how delicious. Congratulations.

Long Time Reader

I saw the story this morning shortly after the New York Times hit my porch. While it's wonderful to
finally see the new meaning of santorum referenced, however vaguely, in The New York Times, I
somehow don't think congratulations are in order. The author of the story -- Tom McNichol --
actually interviewed me for the piece and then had the nerve not to use any of my quotes! My quotes
contained many printable phrases, LTR, as I give a fairly pithy interview. I'm half tempted to think
of a new meaning for McNichol...

You can check out the story by going to this link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/22/technology/circuits/22goog.html

In one of your recent columns you complained about how none of the big media outlets had so much as
mentioned your Santorum Google-bombing victory. Well, I was reading an article about Google-bombing
in the New York Times today, and though they didn't provide any specifics, they did mention that
Santorum had been a target! It's only a matter of time before other newspapers catch on, and the
next thing you know, whenever they show a picture of Santorum on NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, instead
of writing "R - PA" under his name they'll write "The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that
is sometimes the byproduct of anal

It Must Be A Left-Wing Conspiracy

We can only hope, IMBALWC, we can only hope.

The new meaning of santorum also made The Hotline, "National Journal's Daily Briefing on Politics"
today -- and, like The New York Times, the Hotline chickened out, not only refusing to define the
term, but neglecting to provide the link to this website. Here's the item:

WHAT'S NEWS . . .Thursday . . . 1/22/2004 . . . 4 pm

"Santorum" as a noun, but we ain't linking to it.

Santorum Letters January 21, 2004 I don't know if you caught the State of the Union address, but you
would have been in Santorum Nirvana. Rick was clearly seen nipping at Bush's heels as they entered.
However, the money shot came when that ******** at the podium talked about his commitment to an
amendment ending the reign of those "activist judges"

applause. Every time I saw his face, I thought to myself, "Who the hell is that guy? Oh yeah! That
frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the

******-Off Liberal

I didn't catch much State of the Union Address last night -- or SOTU, as the bloggers like to call
it. I did, however, get home just in time to hear Bush slam those damn activist judges (like the
ones who handed him the White House), and pledge to support a constitutional amendment banning gay
marriage. I, like the four or five other gay Americans who were doubtless watching the speech,
wasn't pleased -- until the camera cut to Senator Santorum. Seeing Santorum's ugly mug inspired me
and the boyfriend to get it on in his honor.

I'm happy to report that we didn't have to endure "a visit from the senator" --

I thought you might be happy to know that last night about eight college students sat in our dorm
watching the State of the Union address, and as the Shrub was banging on the podium about the
Defense of Marriage Act and the camera cut to Santorum's smirking face, all eight of us burst into
hysterical laughter and started yelling, "Santorum! Santorum!" I wonder how many people across the
country had the same reaction. Maybe the number would wipe the smirk off Santorum's face. It's
spreading, Dan, santorum is spreading, and we love you for it.

Arielle Lipshaw

Keep reading this week's letters, Arielle, and you'll learn that Senator Santorum must have some
idea about how far and wide the new meaning of santorum is spreading.

As for the numbers of people who had the same reaction you did, well, mail is pouring in from
readers who had the same reaction you did when Senator Santorum appeared on screen.

Not sure if anyone else saw this, but I watched the State of the Union address on a certain "fair
and balanced" cable news channel. Just as our President was finishing his heart felt discussion of
the institution of marriage (between a man and a woman), the camera pans to The Honorable Senator
from Pennsylvania, "Rick or ****" Santorum. It's nice to see the grips and bestboys (tee hee) read
your column.

Sincerely,

Republican Laughing At Other Republicans

Thanks for sharing, RLAOR!

Hard to believe that I could watch President Bush deliver his address, but I did. As he delivered
his sanctity of marriage spiel, the NBC cameras panned to none other than Senator Santorum, looking
quite serious and self-important. I had to smile to myself (one of the few moments in this speech
that I could), thinking of you and your fellow faithful readers responsible for the creation and
rapidly spreading use of the term santorum.

It was the bright spot of the broadcast, at least for this Savage Love fan. Keep up the good work!

A Big Dan Fan

I will do all I can to spread santorum, ABDF, but it's really the readers of this website who are
doing the hard, hard work of smearing the senator's name. Keep up the good work, gang!

I want to thank you for all of your good work in redefining "santorum." I tuned into the State of
the Union address last night just in time to catch the we-must-protect-ourselves-from-gay-marriage
part, which was ever so depressing. But as soon as Bush had finished reading his paragraph, NBC cut
immediately to Senator Rick, and all I could think of was the alternative meaning of his last name
and how Santorum has gotten his just desserts. It gave me hope. Thank you.

Erin B.

You're welcome, EB!

Just saw Rick Santorum singled out during Demonspawn's State of the Union I wonder how many other
people watching chuckled and thought of a certain substance. Poor guy.

Puking in Chicago

Thousands, PIC, thousands -- and most of them took time to write!

Dan: Where I work, we get this daily online tip sheet called "Hotline," published by the National
Journal. Every day they do a run-down of what presidential candidates are up to. Today, under the
John Edwards part, the headline reads "EDWARDS: Scathed by Santorum." Somebody said out loud to no-
one in particular, "Hey, check out Edwards' bit in the hotline today." Within 30 seconds, a chorus
of "eeeeewww!!" erupted from all over the floor. When we got to the end of the item -- which I've
enclosed below -- about 5 minutes of pants-pissing laughter filled the room. Of course, the
reference in hotline is to Mr. Santorum, rather than to the noun santorum, but reading thru the
passage, the way it's worded, I'm betting that the hotline writers read your column! Sign me,

I Thought You Should Know

Thanks for sharing, ITYSK. The item is hysterical -- and I'm betting that whoever wrote it had to
know the new meaning of the word santorum! Here it is:

EDWARDS: Scathed by Santorum

Manchester Union Leader's Kepple reports Senate GOP Conference Chair Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)
delivered a "blistering" attack on colleague John Edwards during a 1/14 interview with the paper.
Asked his impression of the WH '04 Dems, especiually the three senators, he called Edwards an "empty
suit" with no understanding of how govt. worked.

Santorum: "As far as the three are concerned, all three of those candidates have their strengths and
have their weaknesses. Of the three, candidly, I'm the least impressed with John Edwards. In his
time in the United States Senate, he distinguished himself by arguing for things I would have
thought he would have been an expert on -- things like the Patients' Bill of Rights and medical
liability -- but was as remarkably uninformed as any general member of the United States Senate on
these issues." More Santorum: "The basic perception in the Republican caucus was that this guy is
just an empty suit, that he just simply doesn't understand. My feeling is that he's a nice guy, he
makes a very nice appearance, but I don't think he has the understanding, and the depth of
understanding, of how government works and how these kinds of things affects the everyday person."

Edwards spokesperson Colin Van Ostern said he wasn't surprised Santorum was all over Edwards.

My friends and I just got back from a trip to Washington, D.C. While there, we had some free time
and decided to visit Rick Santorum's office. There is a guest book in the lobby, so two of us (each
on a different day) defined "santorum" in the comments section!

Santorum Spreaders

Good job, SS!

Santorum Letters January 16, 2004 Dear Dan,

As the editor of a newspaper, you ought to know that, if you want the mainstream press to pick up a
story, you have to spell it out for them. Thus, drawing on distant experience in media relations,
I’ve taken the liberty of drafting a Santorum press release (see below). If Santorum activists
forward the release to as many media outlets as possible, the story will eventually find its way to
the mainstream wires. If one big outfit puts it out, everybody else will follow. Sooner or later,
“tidbits” and “oddities” columns all over the Western world will be overflowing with Santorum. If
they post the URL, you’ll win the Google war with ease. Twenty years from now, Senator Rick Santorum
will be remembered exclusively as “the guy who inspired the name for the frothy mixture of lube and

Uma O.

Dear Uma: Your press release is fabulous -- and I'm posting it here in hopes that other santorum
fans will download it and send it off to various media outlets all over the country.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

campaign to introduce a new word, "santorum," into the English language. Mr. Savage defines
"santorum," which is named for U.S. Senator, Rick Santorum as "The frothy mixture of lube and fecal
matter that is sometimes the byproduct of

Mr. Savage's column, "Savage Love" appears in over seventy newspapers in the United States, Canada,
Europe and Asia. His effort to introduce "santorum" into popular parlance comes in response to a
series of bigoted remarks made by

the columnist has launched a website, www.spreadingsantorum.com, which includes a comprehensive
selection of santorum-related letters, songs, merchandise, pictures, fun facts and recipes.

The new word is spreading fast. In addition to entries in the Urban Dictionary and the Glossary of
Perversion, the site boasts numerous testimonials from readers who report hearing it used in
countries as diverse as Cuba, Belgium and China. Google currently ranks www.spreadingsantorum.com as
the third most relevant site corresponding to a search for "santorum."

Ms. Savage says that matching a credible-sounding name with a gap in the English language was the
key to the santorum campaign's success.

"What works so well about santorum is that a smart Savage Love reader linked Senator Santorum's
vaguely clinical-sounding name with something distinctly

really good name. 'Santorum' sounds like it could be what that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter
has always been called, and that's why it's caught on."

The santorum crusade began in April, 2003 when the Pennsylvanian senator told reporters from the
Associated Press that he hoped the United States Supreme

that the episode would never be forgotten."

In response, Mr. Savage solicited readers' suggestions for a worthy "santorum" definition. More than
3000 nominations poured in Nine made it to a shortlist. Readers voted overwhelmingly for "The frothy
mixture of lube and fecal matter

Although Senator Santorum is generally despised by Savage's readership, a few fans have challenged
the fairness of forever linking him (and, by proxy, his family or anyone unlucky enough to share his
name) to the previously anonymous "frothy mixture." But Savage is unapologetic.

"I understand that there are some innocent Santorums out there. But I see it like this: It sure
sucked to be Fred and Ethel ****** of Columbus, Ohio, back in 1943, didn't it? Or Bill Himmler? Or a
Quisling in Norway after the war? Or a no-relation Lewinsky? Or an Oswald in 1963? Or Mary Sue bin
Laden in upstate New York in 2001? My point is, sometimes a perfectly good name is stolen from a
family, sometimes it's ruined in fact, by the actions of one bad, wayward, idiotic, or downright
evil person, and it's the bad, wayward, idiotic, or evil person who shared your name that's to
blame, not the general public."

Senator Santorum has declined to comment on the new homonym for his last name. But he may have
trouble avoiding the matter forever.

In addition to encouraging readers to post links to the Spreading Santorum website and lobby for an
entry in the Oxford English Dictionary, Mr. Savage has offered a gift pack including a case of lube,
a selection of santorum-themed T-shirts and copies of Anal Pleasure & Health and The Big Book of
Masturbation to anyone who can get a quote from Santorum (the senator) on santorum (the lube-and-fecal-
matter mix).

"Let's keep spreading the word," Savage says. "Soon santorum will be on everyone's lips."

Dear Dan: I read your wish to get santorum added to the Oxford English Dictionary. I work for the
publisher, Oxford University Press, and thought I would offer a few hints on how a collective effort
can make this come about.

Firstly, our dictionary is not too sold on the idea of online sources being reliable and permanent
enough to warrant an entry that will last for posterity. Therefore, printed sources are more
successful. If you are able to find a number of different columns or articles that reference
santorum, collect the clippings.

Secondly, as another reader pointed out, these should be submitted directly to the OED via
the webpage:

http://www.oed.com/readers/>http://www.oed.com/readers/.

Thirdly, it should also be noted that articles and columns that just reference santorum in an
attempt to define it are less likely to be successful - if it still needs to be defined in the
column, it means the word has not yet reached the point where it has entered the common lexicon and
therefore does not yet warrant an entry, it is still just a neologism. Context is everything. If the
word is used in an article in a way that assumes that most readers will understand it without it
being defined, we are getting closer. Also, the broader the audience, the better - niche-jargon or
minor subculture slang is less likely to be considered.

All the above points can be illustrated with "bling-bling", recently added to the OED.

Lastly, not to put a damper on things, but a suitable timescale is also preferred when a word is
being considered for entry. If I remember correctly, the traditional rule of thumb for new entries
was that the word needs to appear in at least five different widespread printed media sources over
the course of five years. I think this is less relevant these days with new techno-jargon, but it
can still be a factor.

Hope that helps the campaign achieve some success!

Your Man on the Inside

Thanks for the pointers, YMOTI.

Everyone! Keep your eyes peeled for mentions of santorum in print -- particularly ones that don't
mention me or my campaign -- and send them my way. Santorum has appeared in a play (see the next
letter), and we know from an earlier letter that the santorum might be heard in a re-make of Dawn of
the Dead. So at least two scripts out there use santorum, and neither make any reference to me.
Let's find more examples, kids!

Dan: Just writing to let you know that over the summer, I wrote a play that was performed in the
Minnesota Fringe Festival (the largest independent theater festival in the nation). While audiences
could have been larger, everyone who saw "Semi Autobiographical" (or an advertisement for the play)
was treated to a santorum reference. I hope to go down in history as the first playwright to
integrate the term into his work.

Chris Kelly

P.S. I've enclosed the dialogue that includes the santorum reference:

JAMIE: ...and all of a sudden Travis just gets up

and leaves and says he’s going to visit his hairy

monkey boyfriend.

SARAH: He called him a hairy monkey?

JAMIE: No, I just heard somewhere that he was

really furry. Whatever, he’s gone for half an hour,

forty-five minutes maybe. And he comes back all

you guys sure you want to hear this?

CARL: For the hundredth time, yes! We want proof

that you can tell a truly filthy story.

JAMIE: Fine, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Anyway, we get up and start walking back towards the

dorms, and we realize that there’s this brown stain

slowly spreading across the back of Travis’ pants. I

something.

SARAH: Santorum!

JAMIE: But since he didn’t seem to notice, none

of us said anything. We just pretended like it wasn’t

there.

DAVID: Well, he had to have realized. Maybe it was a badge of honor.

JAMIE: That’s disgusting.

DAVID: No, seriously. How do you not notice anal

leakage? He has to know that lube and cum and god

knows what else are coming out of him.

SARAH: Maybe he was numbed by the recent

monkey-lovin’.

CARL: They could have used that lube that numbs you,

so you’re all loose and ready for action.

JAMIE: And here I was worried this story would be too

gross.

SARAH: I kind of like the badge of honor idea. Like,

kind of advertising to the whole world that he’s just

had this huge **** in him. That’s completely

provocative.

CARL: Technically, we don’t know that the **** in

question was big.

SARAH: To leave him dripping like that?

(DAVID groans.)

JAMIE: To be honest, he was only mildly complimentary

of monkey man’s genitalia.

CARL: See?

DAVID: New topic.

JAMIE: Agreed.

(c) chris kelly 2004

Thanks for sharing, Chris, and I hope to see your new play transformed into a made-for-TV
movie/holiday event/very special episode of Gilmore Girls sometime soon.

Let's move on to a few more literary selections inspired by santorum...

Hello, Mr. Savage.

Here’ s hoping the following humble effort will inspire further references to santorum in song
and verse:

There once was a schmo from New Shoreham

Renowned round the town for decorum

But when no one was near

He’d stuff a thumb up his rear

And say, "Hey! I gots lotsa santorum!

God bless you, Sir, for all the good work you have done!

Limerick Author Reinforcing Santorum

Dear Dan: "Duck butter" is a floating semen clump that sits on the top of hot

discharging the resultant goop) partner. I heard this in high school in Marin County, where bored
rich teenagers, hot tubs, and absentee parenting was the norm. "Dude, where did Jenny and Matt go?"
"They're making duck butter." It was

just a teenage mythos thing, but that's what I heard, so I am submitting it for the annals humping-
related terminology.

Thanks for being so great! You are best!

Love,

Name Withheld

Another reader claimed that duck butter, NW, was the original name for santorum. I felt it was more
disgusting -- if that's even possible! -- than santorum since ducks and butter are both things we
eat, and duck butter sounds like something that comes on toast points in a nice restaurant. I'm glad
to learn that duck

Hey, Dan: I was skimming a story on a news website (this one, actually: http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/tribune-
review/tribsouthwest/news/s_171326.html) when I read that Rick Santorum's spokesman is named
Hershey! Now, I'm sure it's because I never matured past a seventh grade mentality, but I just found
that hilarious.

Crash

You've never matured past a seventh-grade mentality, Crash, while I can only aspire to that level of
maturity. Hershey! Ha! Thanks for sharing!

Santorum Letters January 09, 2004

Scarborough pranked by Dan Savage of "Savage Love" fame

Santorum Letters December 15, 2003 I am truly inspired by your ingenious victory in the campaign to
permanently stain that despicable excuse for a human being. There is no escape for him, because all
roads lead back to santorum.

There is, however, one byproduct of the now-famous definition, which might affect one's enjoyment of
a cappucino or a fresh-squeezed orange juice: Every time I now think of the previously innocent word
"frothy" in other contexts, I find it difficult to forget the "frothy mix".

Is there a way to save that foamy, fluffy purity from the skank factor and the senator? Would you
consider a proposal to remove "frothy" from the mixture, at least in the official definition?

Sweet Loving Underachiever Respects Purity

I'm sorry, SLURP, but "frothy" stays in the definition. The new definition of santorum --
complete with "frothy mix" -- is on too many websites and dictionaries to be revised now. I feel
your pain, however.

Today I called the senator's office to ask about the definition and what sounded like a cute young
lady told me she had no idea what I was talking about. And I just asked her if this was true that
santorum is defined as a byproduct of anal

allowed to comment on that." I am going to have everyone I know call!

Thanks, Dan! You're Amazing!

Randy

You're welcome, Randy! And that number, for others who might want to call the senator and ask him if
he knows what his name stands for...

1-202-224-6324.

I know you've been taking all kinds of **** for spending too much time talking about santorum, but
I've just heard how to make the "Spreading Santorum" web site the top Google result for the term
"santorum." It's the trick that was used to make George W. Bush's bio page the top Google result for
the search term "miserable failure."

Here's what needs to be done: Spread the word to all your readers who have web pages and tell them
to add this link to their personal web pages, blogs, etc.:

<a href="http://www.spreadingsantorum.com">Santorum</a>

The link should appear as the hypertext "Santorum" that links to the "Spreading Santorum" web page.
As more and more web pages add this link, the "Spreading Santorum" will skyrocket to the top Google
search result.

I hope this helps to place santorum in millions of web viewers' hearts, minds, and on the tips of
their tongues. (Uhh, maybe not that last one.)

Peter Smith

Thanks for sharing, Peter, and I hope all the bloggers who are out there reading this page and
linking to it follow your advice. As for the position of spreadingsantorum.com on Google, sometimes
it's #3 on the first page, other times it's way, way down on page eight or nine. I don't understand
why or how it's bouncing around so much...

It seems Rick Santorum is on to your shenanigans.

If your readers try to email Rick Santorum from his Senate Website
(<http://www.senate.gov/~santorum/), the site blocks anyone who uses "spreadingsantorum.com" as part
of the return address. So leave it off, folks, if you want to write the senator!

As the Senator's site also asks for your zip code, correspondents who don't live in Pennsylvania may
want to check the online yellow pages for Pennsylvania. As a frothing-at-the-mouth asshole who's
also an elected politician, Rick Santorum may pay more attention to Pennsylvania zip codes than out-of-
state ones. Zip Codes from Fun-Sounding Pennsylvania Places: Beaver Falls - 15009 Bird-in-Hand 17505
Camp Hill - 17011 Danville - 17821 Intercourse - 17534 Mount Joy - 17552 Paradise - 17562 Peach
Bottom - 17563 Pleasant Gap - 16823 Snow Shoe - 16874

Zip Codes from Boring Locales: Allentown - 18101 Bethlehem - 18015 Lancaster - 17602 Mechanicsburg -
17050 Philadelphia - 19103 Pittsburgh - 15260 Reading - 19602 Wyomissing - 19610

By the way, how do you feel about the link from your site to Glossary of Perversion? It contains a
large number of dictionary definitions promoting violence towards women: beating women's faces in,
punching them in the stomach, rupturing their eardrums, slamming them against walls and tables,
gouging their eyes out and coming in their eye sockets.

I was dismayed.

A Fan And Supporter

Thanks for the helpful tips, AFAS. My readers who would like to contact Senator Santorum
should follow your advice, leave out the name of this website, and use one of the zip codes
you've provided.

As to the Glossary of Perversion, well, I'm torn. I don't approve of violence against women, of
course, but it is a glossary of perversion, and violence against women is definately perverse,
right? Still, it seems like the GoP is reveling in violence against women, so I'm going to remove
the link from my website.

The folks at the San Francisco Chronicle are soliciting nominations for 2003's Word of the Year.
Obviously, no word has better symbolized the ongoing turbulent

"Santorum." The URL below provides instructions on how to vote.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgibin/article.cgi?file=/g/a/2003/12/11/word.DTL

SPREAD THE SANTORUM!

TS, San Francisco, CA

Thanks for sharing, TS! Folks, go to the Chronicle's website and vote for santorum!

This is in response to SSATUOM, who suggested adding sperm to the definition of "santorum." I know
it may be hard for some of your readers to believe, but santorum can be created without a penis
being involved.

Sincerely,

Delights In Kinky Ecstacy

Right you are, DIKE. You don't need a penis to make santorom. Two lesbians can

person. All you really need to make santorum is a butthole, some lube, and something to stir the
pot. Fingers, toys, strap-ons, fists, and forearms have all produced santorum.

Hey, Dan: Q: Who gave the Senator of Pennsylvania fecal matter-and-lube-stained sheets for Xmas?

d: Santorum Claus! Ho ho ho.

Happy Holidays!

Happy holidays to you too, HH!

Just wanted to let you know that santorum is spreading in the Midwest. I was at a bar here in
Minneapolis last night with some friends and we taught the bartender to make the santorum shot
described in your column. He had heard of santorum, the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter, but not
the alcoholic version. He thought it was hilarious, and we drank several of them. You're right, they
are delicious!

Jo in Minneapolis

Thanks for spreading the cheer, Jo!

Santorum Letters December 08, 2003 Dear Mr. Savage: I am writing to suggest a slight change in the
definition of "santorum," which is currently, "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter

semen to the definition. While this may exclude certain types of fecal matter and lube mixtures,
such as the mixture resulting from "pegging," the addition of semen as a requisite to the defining
mixture will add an additional element of squalor to the definition, making it all the more apropos
to describe our cherished Senator. I would also like you to know that the term is catching on at the
University of Miami School of Law. My colleagues and I have attempted to spread the santorum
goodness around. Keep spreading the goodness! Sign me,

Spreading Santorum at the University of Miami

Jesus, SSATUOM, I think the definition is gross enough as-is, don't you? And while semen is
sometimes present in santorum, I don't want to encourage people

that, as currently defined, santorum can be made by two people who barely know each other, made
safely, and made often.

You have a fan in Cuba. My Cuban girlfriend began enjoying Savage Love when she visited me here in
Toronto a while ago. Last week I was visiting her in Cuba, and I brought your column with me to give
her some more interesting (and

your column together and as usual she had a good laugh. When I explained the term santorum to her,
at first she laughed her head off, then looked at me seriously and said, "You know, there are people
in prison for over 20 years in this country for saying less than that about our politicians." She
paused to let that sink in, then said, "Democracy is great."

Dan, don't you and your fellow Americans wonder, if your democracy is so great to give you the
freedom to promote santorum in public, why it's so afraid of allowing its citizens to visit a
struggling little Caribbean country?

Countries Under Bad Authority

The politicians who prevent Americans from visiting Cuba, CUBA, aren't afraid of Castro or Cuban
communism catching on in the USA. They're just afraid of pissing off conservative Cubans in Miami,
those famously easy-to-****-off whackos.

I am not sure if this has been suggested yet, but if you can get enough readers to setup internet
links on their webpages with "Rick Santorum" and point it to your www.spreadingsantorum.com page,
your page should bubble to the top of the Google search engine. This has been successful in the past
(i.e. search for "miserable failure" in Google and Pres. Bush's Whitehouse biography is the first
link listed). More information for "Google-Bombing" can be found at
http://www.wordspy.com/words/Googlebombing.asp.

Stick It To Him

Thanks for the hot tip, SITH.

Dear Mr. Savage,

Just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know that several of my friends—many of whom, sadly,
do not read your column—have been using the term santorum in conversation in a way that has nothing
to do with the politician. Your experiment to forever attach this horrible man's name to a horrible
post-coital mixture is an unequivocal success. As one who is both a faithful reader of your weekly
column, and one who loves and studies the English language, let me congratulate you on your
successful grassroots campaign to forever add the nastiness of santorum to our lexicon.

Word Fetishist

Thank you, WF. Now when will the mainstream press report on this? For an example of the conservative
bias in the mainstream press in action, one need only look to the complete media blackout on the
Santorum/santorum issue. Why won't the mainstream (read: conservative) press report on our
successful campaign to

disgusting as he is? Their conservative bias, of course. Someone alert Eric Alterman!

Hey Mister! There were times when your deviation into political commentary really annoyed me—partly
because I'm one of those Counterpunch reading lefties who was less than fond of Al Gore. Uh… let's
just hate the Bush administration, 'k? Anyway, I couldn't be more grateful for the "santorum" thing.
It's things like your brilliant "santorum" campaign that make life worth living. Thank you thank you
thank you! I really, really needed that.

Loves Everything Funny That Insults Elephants

Thank you for your sweet note, LEFTIE. But you seem to have left something out... AN APOLOGY! You
don't say it in your letter, LEFTIE, but I can read between the lines: You voted for Ralph Nader!
And, as a Nader voter, you helped put George W. Bush in office. So while I'll happily hate the Bush
administration right along with you, LEFTIE, I can't help but point out that you bear some
responsibility for the existence of that administration! First, an apology, then we can commiserate
together, 'k?

Santorum is my representative. I am an artist in Pittsburgh and he embarrasses me. I made a photo
illustration of him with a body that I bet he wishes he had.

I'm offering it for sale. I need to make $2,000 so that I can give the maximum amount that is
currently allowed by federal law to donate to the person who runs against Santroum in 2006.

John R.

You've associated a very foul by product of sodomy to a man's name. No matter how awful this man is,
I wonder how fair it is for his family and anyone who have nothing to do with this politician and
happen to have the same name.

I remember in school a bully picked on a girl who's name was Edith Mae. He made fun of her and
anyone named Edith(this included adults) was a target of this moron. I see "Santorum" as the perfect
example of this. I'm not saying you're a bully but your actions border on contemptible.

Rallying people to make fun of a man is one thing but to sanction his last name to ridicule, which
belong to innocent people not associated with this man, is another.

I did a quick Yahoo search just for the hell of it and found 124 Santorums all over the US. Do these
people deserve to have their names associated with fecal

behind this.

Uncomfortable With This Campaign

I see your point, UWTC, but I have to ask: When Santorum was smearing gays and

an outraged letter? Somehow I doubt it. And, ****, I'm sorry, and I understand that there are some
innocent Santorums out there. But I see it like this: It sure sucked to be Fred and Ethel ****** of
Columbus, Ohio, back in 1943, didn't it? Or Bill Himler? Or a Quisling in Norway after the war? Or
no-relation Lewinsky? Or an Oswald in 1963? Or Mary Sue bin Laden in upstate New York in 2001? My
point is, sometimes a perfectly name is stolen from a family, sometimes it's ruined in fact, by the
actions of one bad, wayward, idiotic, or downright evil—and it's the bad, wayward, idiotic, or evil
person who shared your name that's to blame, UWTC, not the general public.

You're probably sick of santorum stories by now but I thought I'd pass mine along anyway, 'cause
it's a good one...

Over Thanksgiving I was in central Pennsytucky, Santorum's own constituency and a right wing
bastion, and I happened to be in a Walmart parking lot walking past this big 'ol pickup truck with a
gun rack, you get the picture.

Well this guy had some interesting bumper stickers. One said, "I vote pro-life." One said some ****
about being a NRA supporter. And one said, "Sportsmen for Santorum." Oh, if he only knew...

SMM

Thanks for sharing, SMM!

I recently submitted the word "santorum" to the Oxford English Dictionary and included a section of
your column as an example of popular usage. I made an inquiry as to whether this could be considered
a legitimate word, seeing as how it's catching on so quickly. I haven't received a reply back so
far. I would encourage your readers to send in enough examples so that we can see this wonderfully
versatile word included in the next edition.

Longtime Reader in Massachusetts

Thanks for sharing, LRIM, and I want to encourage everyone out there reading this to send an email
to the nice folks at the OED. That link again: www.oed.com/readers/

Glad for the opportunity to contribute to this international craze, a little something for your
Contact Santorum section...

The good senator has a link on his website where you can submit an email with your views regarding a
range of issues. I would like to encourage your readers to make use of this wonderful opportunity to
deluge his office with Santorum related questions or comments. Clever or crass, let's show him how
widespread and inescapable his doom is. For topic, use "Faith Bases Initiatives".

I can just imagine it, every time ol' Rick hears about this... his teeth clench... his smile gets a
little wider, but blood vessels are bursting in the whites of his eyes... each day....closer and
closer... inch by inch....makes me feel warm inside, and this time it's not from heated lube. Pass
the KY and let

http://santorum.senate.gov/emailrjs.html

Send Him Inescapable Torture

Thanks for sharing, ****!

Santorum Letters December 04, 2003 While I endorse the appropriation of Senator Rick Santorum's last
name as a word for that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of

the campaign does have a downside. As a young girl who enjoys anal pleasure, I

Some of them start out squeamish and full of misconceptions, and your focus on

lovers to expect santorum, Dan! I have never produced the stuff! I find that rinsing a few times
with warm water administered with a 35 ml syringe prevents it entirely.

Please inform your readers that individual standards for pre-sodomy cleansing vary widely, and while
a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter is sometimes the

can be avoided entirely.

Squeaky Clean

As I've emphasized again and again, SC, santorum is only sometimes the byproduct

visit from the senator," a handy euphemism that's already in circulation. Anyone

more fiber in his/her diet, as well as spending a little more time in the can,

As I'm of the opinion that nothing's truly entered the lexicon until it's had a basement punk band
named after it, I hope you dig this: a band of teenagers taking part in this summer's
musicstop/canadian conservatory of music "Rock Camp" in Halifax called themselves "the santorums".
I'm sure you can get more info/confirmation by getting in touch with www.musicstop.com . Hell, no
such thing as bad publicity, you'd probably get these kids a record deal just by mentioning them in
your column.

Cosmic Haligonian

I'm sorry, CH, that I can't mention The Santorums in my column -- not now, anyway. If the kids pull
together a CD or a single, let me know and I'll see if I can work 'em in to the column and get 'em a
record deal. In the meantime, I hope a mention on spreadingsantorum.com at least gets The Santorums
some club gigs.

Regarding the speculation in your latest column about whether the new term "santorum" is going to
make it into the vernacular: if it isn't, perhaps it is because that "frothy mix" already HAS a
name. It's called "love gravy." I read a few years ago it in the interview with a **** actor and
haven't been able to get the term out of my head since.

No Clever Acronyms Here

Thanks for making it clear to all the folks out there complaining about the word santorum, NCAH,
that there's a far more disgusting term for that frothy mix. Actually some readers have written in
about yet another term for that frothy mix: duck butter. Santorum, while disgusting, is vaguely
clinical sounding and abstract, whereas "duck butter" and "love gravy," on the other hand, are far
more disgusting by dint of their association with foodstuffs. Duck butter and love gravy sound like
products you spread on toast points and pour over mashed potatoes, respectively, before putting them
in your mouth to chew and swallow. Santorum, on the other hand, sounds like something you need to
get out your sheets and/or out of the U.S. Senate pronto.

I love your column, and I've enjoyed the santorum-the-noun saga since it began. But do you think you
could do me a favor and lose the phrase "santorum will soon be on everyone's lips"? I know what you
mean, but it still sounds gross. You told a girl recently that she was justified in refusing a blow
job when her boyfriend said his **** looked like it was covered in santorum. I think this falls
roughly into the same category. Who wants to think about santorum on their lips?

Santorum Isn't Culinary, Kids

Consider it done, SICK. In place of the phrase "santorum will soon be on everyone's lips," I promise
to use... hm... let me see. Oh, yes: "Santorum: It's on the tip of your tongue."

Your effort to popularize "santorum" continues to pay off. I was enjoying a post-work drink with
friends recently when a news clip featuring the big man himself appeared on the bar's TV. The
conversation immediately turned to that "frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter", how appropriate
it is that the word was coined in honor of the senator, and laughter at the man himself.

Now that the use of santorum is well on its way, I wonder if the Savage Love lexicon could be
expanded with a new word—"boygina." My boyfriend coined that one. He's one of those straight guys
that enjoys having a ***** in his ass

ejaculations more intense (it does) and that a man's asshole can be just as erogenous as a woman's
vagina (it can).

The only thing I can't decide is whether to spell it "boygina" or "boigina."

I hope you'll consider it for inclusion in the Savage Love dictionary.

Sincerely,

The ***** and Daniel W.

pedophile might say, or a fallen pop star, or a man who's having trouble


My wife and I have had two boys in cloth diapers, and these ****-rags are still gleaming white. If
your readers are having trouble getting santorum out of the sheets, off the pillowcases and out of
the drapes, here's what will work: Keep a covered bucket in the bathroom, filled with water and a
hydrogen-peroxide-based cleaner. Once you find yourself in possession of santorum that you'd like to
be rid of, drown it in the bucket. Run the garments through the washing machine once the bucket is
full, and all will be swell.

Daddy-O

Thanks for the helpful hint, Daddy-O! But anyone who produces santorum so

physically demanding.

Every time I got to the gym this superhot personal trainer wants me to finger

smell for the rest of my workout. No matter how hard I scrub or how much lotion I slather I still
smell like his santorum. Is there a brand of soap or a home remedy you would recommend?

Smelly Fingers

Ask your gym to keep a bucket filled with water and a hydrogen-peroxide-based cleanser in the locker
room for you to soak your lil' fingers in.

I am 52 yo man and had my first anal intercourse a few weeks ago with Hawaiian hooker in San
Francisco. I hated the santorum!

But that's not why I'm writing, this is: I have a theory for your attack on the

and arrogant, he is rather feminine and frail/boyish looking man....

Late Bloomer

banging away at some guy I thought was a jerk, so it's not like the concept of

guys out there I wouldn't mind making santorum with—or wouldn't mind risking it

byproduct—but Santorum ain't one of 'em. Dan Quayle's oldest son, on the hand...
 
Rick Santorum has an issue here, and it involves Google. And also, this has something to do with politics and sex. During 2003, sex-advice author Dan Savage started a website called “Spreading Santorum". The site was intended to be a political statement, and was so well-known that it easily rose to the peak of all search results for the term. Now, Rick Santorum is accusing Google of slander for not transforming the search results for his title. Article source: Rick Santorum accuses Google of politicizing search results.