Take that! You smelly Fifi la Phew!



E

Elaine Parrish

Guest
On Mon, 19 Dec 2005, jmcquown wrote:

> elaine wrote:
> > " <[email protected]> wrote in message
> > news:[email protected]
> >
> > No - why should they have to move. Explain (with vigor) the problem
> > with the smelly woman. And suggest ever so strongly that she (they)
> > should be reseated.
> >
> > If that is not a possibility perhaps get a rain check (free meal?) for
> > another time.
> >
> > That would be my request.
> >
> > Elaine

>
> You make a good point. However, the perfume-doused woman might well be a
> regular customer whereas the OP made it sound like this was a first-time
> visit. Which one would the restauranteur rather not offend?
>
> Jill
>


I agree, Jill. That can be a difficult call, too.

As well, restaurants have a hard time trying to balance the "wants" of
everybody. Many times the "wants" of customers are unreasonable.

In a perfect world, each person's "rights" would begin and end at his/her
own table and no one would ever breach them. But it doesn't work that way.
Restaurants must draw lines. Some are easy - drunk; *excessively*
obnoxious, loud, difficult; grabby; improperly dressed; etc. Some are not.

Customers don't seem to realize that they have responsibilities and not
just the kinds outlined above. People who go out to dinner *in a public
place* are not renting the whole place. They know in advance that there
will be others there (or they wouldn't want to eat there, either) and
"others" come in a very wide variety. All a restaurant can 'reasonably' do
is to try to set standards that minimize the fact that there is more than
one table in the place.

My party and I were in a fairly nice restuarant one night. At the next
table was a couple with a man that had the nervous habit of jiggling his
leg up and down. The problem was that everytime his heal came down, it
"clicked" against the chair leg. It wasn't like a bass drum or anything,
but about the 200th time it happened, I wanted to scream. It was like
someone clicking a pencil against the desk. As irritated as I was, I knew
that this was not across the line of "throw the jerk out because he is
giving me a headache". It was the price of eating "in public" and catching
a "bad draw." The restaurant was not "responsible" and should not have
taken any action against that customer.

I agree that the OP had the right to ask to be moved. I don't think the OP
had the right to demand the stinky lady be moved or to ask for a "rain
check" or expect a free meal (any customer that had made anyone of those
demands would have been the customer I would have chosen to "lose". In
the long run, that kind of a customer costs more than they are worth.)
Restaurant customers are some strange ducks.

If one goes to a
store (of any price range) and, when (not if, when) they encounter people
talking too loudly, or poking along so you can't get around in some isles,
or they have a screaming baby or they are dancing in the aisles with shoes
or tank tops spread all over the area, *nobody* rushes off in a huff to
find the manager and demand that all these people be thrown out "because I
am a serious customer!"

When one gets to the check out counter that is 6
or 8 deep and one waits patiently while every little blue hair watches
every item pass before she *even* begins to rummage through her purse to
find her wallet, which is, of coures, in the very bottom and then all she
sha is dollar bills - maybe 100 of them - that she counts out carefully
one at a time to the cashier and then counts them again before she
gathers up her stuff and shuffles out. Do you chew the cashier out? Well,
do you??? *NO* Do you tell her she is slow as molassas and that this long
wait you have endured is her fault because she was waiting for the items
to sprout legs and jump into the bags. She could have moved along faster.
So, you feel you are entitled to a discout for the long wait. You would do
it in a restaurant where your butt was in a (kinda) comfy chair with some
thing cold to drink.

So now, one gets home with all of one's packages and finds that one has
gotten a faulty item - a blow dryer that won't work, or a a toaster that
won't toast, or a vacuum that sucks because it won't suck. So, back to the
store you go. Have you ever said, "This doesn't work and I want one that
that does work and I expect you to give it to me for free because I
expected something better or different, I've wasted all this time and now
my whole day is ruined. This shopping trip was supposed to be orgasmic
and now it is ruined...all ruined!"

Of course you wouldn't (well, most of you wouldn't), but it happens in
restaurants all the time.

(If you are out there wishing for a restaurant of your own: Be careful
what you wish for. You just might it!)

Elaine, too
 
M

Melba's Jammin'

Guest
In article <[email protected]>,
"Sheldon" <[email protected]> wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' wrote:
> > In article <[email protected]>,
> > The Ranger <[email protected]> wrote:
> >
> > > Imagine, if you will, going out to a top-shelf restaurant for an
> > > evening of pleasant dining, quiet socializing, and orgasmic
> > > tasting of foods you might not prepare at home even on special
> > > occasions.
> > >
> > > You're reservations are confirmed. You are set to experience The
> > > Perfect Evening.
> > >
> > > You arrive and check in at the maitre d's station. "Yes, party of
> > > two, seven o'clock. Right this way." You are seated at the prime
> > > table; a window view of a scenic vista that capture the very
> > > essence of what you were expecting. Linen and crystal, china and
> > > silver are laid out with scientific precision. Menus are set in
> > > front of you and cocktails are ordered.
> > >
> > > You are awed and inspired by the chef's cunning and imagination.
> > > Each plate, from the appetizers to the main course, is described
> > > with such passion and detail that you are tasting them
> > > metaphysically. Decisions are made.
> > >
> > > You look about the restaurant and notice that there are several
> > > previously occupied tables about, each discreetly distant. The
> > > closest table is another prime location, behind your dining guest;
> > > a duce, which is unoccupied.
> > >
> > > Your server stops by with your cocktails and you place your order.
> > > He comments about the excellent choices and suggests a style of
> > > wine and vineyard. Sold.
> > >
> > > You turn to your dining companion and are enjoying the view, the
> > > music, the conversation. The appetizer is brought and set down.
> > > The medley of aromas create a symphony of senses that Bach
> > > couldn't compete against. The sweet smell of caramelized leek. The
> > > subtleness of nutmeg. The tantalizing spice of cinnamon. You are
> > > about to bite into the scallop and see if the taste and texture
> > > match your scent-imagined taste buds when another, more cloying
> > > stench washes over your table.
> > >
> > > You pull back and look at the food on your fork. Your sinus
> > > passage goes numb. You notice your companion holding her napkin
> > > discretely over her nose and looking at the duce that is now
> > > occupied.
> > >
> > > Another couple has been seated. They are older and established,
> > > given their dress. The matron, unfortunately, has bathed in
> > > something that announces her presence long before she arrives,
> > > though. She is completely oblivious to how she appears or what it
> > > is doing to those around her.
> > >
> > > What do you do in this situation?
> > >
> > > The Ranger

> >
> > Depends on your manners and willingness to **** someone off, I think.
> >
> > In a perfect world, you might step away and have a private conversation
> > with the maitre'd and explain that Fifi's phew is about to make you
> > puke and you were counting on this night out to finally get you laid
> > later in the evening and could he please move them so you don't pass out
> > and ruin all possibility and hope of the pleasures of the flesh.
> > Whereon the maitre'd would tap finger to lip a few times and say
> > brightly, "I have it, Sir." Please be seated. Then the m'd would
> > approach the Gentleman accompanying our Fifi and speak in hushed tones
> > that you and your companion were celebrating a very special occasion and
> > they'd hope for a more intimate (PRIVATE) setting and you would
> > understand, wouldn't you, if I moved you right over there, in front of
> > the kitchen where you would be able to more enjoy the tantalizing tastes
> > emanating from the Kitchen of Prestigious Chef Jacque PeePee and, by the
> > by, I'd like to provide you with a lovely libation as a small thanks for
> > your consideration of the idiot---I mean Other Gentleman. And
> > Gentleman Companion would whisper to Fifi, while giving you a sly
> > knowing wink, that they need to give this couple some privacy and he
> > and Feef would sashay on out of your olfactory appreciation range. You
> > and your companion would enjoy your time together and your charm, swave
> > demeanor, and clever repartee would be rewarded with sexual favors later
> > in the evening. And you'd pop for a glass of champagne for the geezer
> > couple -- maybe he'll get laid when he gets home, too. In a perfect
> > world.
> >
> > In a slightly less perfect world, you would ask the m'd if you could be
> > moved to another spot with an equally lovely view, you'd enjoy your
> > evening, and you'd still get laid when you get home.
> >
> > Or you could stay put and start making loud and smarmy remarks about the
> > stench of a cheap whorehouse that has suddenly invaded your nasal
> > passages, take your chances on a poke in the nose, choke down your
> > dinner, and discover that when you get home things just don't work the
> > way you'd hoped. <wink, wink>
> >
> > Or you could just shut up and try to make the best of it and put on a
> > happy face so as not to spoil things for your companion,
> >
> > Your choice.

>
> Barb, let's split the house special Liver n' Limburger Pizza
>
> And for sides a large hatful of garlick pickles.. grrrpppse!
>
> Sheldon Mennen


LOL! Ah, Mennen. Rob's dad wore Old Spice. I loved greeting him. He
smelled good. :)
Ever have a sauerkraut pizza? Peoplel have cringed at the thought but
the flavors aren't so far off those in holubky. Tomato goes well with
kapusta.
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com, updated 12-18-05 - Church review (I think
I'll become a critic - Rob's been calling me one for years!)
and a toffee recipe.
 
N

Nancy Young

Guest
"Michael "Dog3" Lonergan" <[email protected]> wrote

> I agree. I think Fifi should be cut some slack here. I know my MIL wears
> some scent that Elizabeth Taylor puts out, that would choke a moose at 50
> paces. She can't even smell it but we can. The dogs run from her when
> she
> comes over and the cats are not to be found. The stink in the house
> lingers for hours. She hasn't a clue it is so strong. She is 70 so I
> give
> her a break, say nothing and open the windows after she leaves. The
> ceiling fans help.


Oh geez. I don't have a very good sense of smell at all, so I err
way on the side of caution. I gave up wearing scent because it
wasn't worth worrying I was annoying people around me. Having
said that, I've come across plenty of men who could knock you
out at 20 paces with their cologne. Eyes water just thinking about
it.

nancy
 
M

Michael \Dog3\ Lonergan

Guest
"Dee Randall" <[email protected]> looking for trouble wrote in
news:[email protected]:

>
> "Michael "Dog3" Lonergan" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> news:[email protected]
>> pennyaline <[email protected]> looking for trouble
>> wrote
>> in news:[email protected]:
>>
>>> The Ranger wrote:
>>>> Imagine, if you will, going out to a top-shelf restaurant for an
>>>> evening of pleasant dining, quiet socializing, and orgasmic
>>>> tasting of foods you might not prepare at home even on special
>>>> occasions.
>>>
>>> <savory deliciousness snipped>
>>>
>>>
>>>> Another couple has been seated. They are older and established,
>>>> given their dress. The matron, unfortunately, has bathed in
>>>> something that announces her presence long before she arrives,
>>>> though. She is completely oblivious to how she appears or what it
>>>> is doing to those around her.
>>>>
>>>> What do you do in this situation?
>>>
>>> I'm not sure what you mean exactly by "older and established"... how
>>> old would you say?
>>>
>>> You see, what I would do depends heavily on how old they are,
>>> knowing as I do that as we age our own senses begin to betray us.
>>> Fifi may not be at all aware of how much perfume she is wearing. She
>>> may know only that she has applied what *she* was capable of
>>> perceiving.
>>>
>>> So it may not be a matter of an unfeeling and insensitive couple
>>> being overbearing for the sake of same. She may only have been
>>> wearing what she could detect, and to her mind it probably didn't
>>> seem like much.
>>>

>>
>> I agree. I think Fifi should be cut some slack here. I know my MIL
>> wears some scent that Elizabeth Taylor puts out, that would choke a
>> moose at 50 paces. She can't even smell it but we can. The dogs run
>> from her when she
>> comes over and the cats are not to be found. The stink in the house
>> lingers for hours. She hasn't a clue it is so strong. She is 70 so
>> I give
>> her a break, say nothing and open the windows after she leaves. The
>> ceiling fans help.
>>
>> Michael

>
> Hey, Michael, I wish you were my s-i-l. I'm 70 and NO ONE gives me a
> break. Perhaps I'm still too ornery.
> I thought I'd heard on the news that California had passed some laws
> about wearing perfume at certain places -- the workplace?
>
> When I lived in Marin County and drove into SF, before the Larkspur
> Ferry went into operation, one week I decided to take a bus into town
> that week. I almost fainted about 1 minute into the ride from the
> perfume. In fact, I'm making myself sick just thinking about it.
> Back to the freeway I went, in bumper to bumper traffic which was one
> heckuva lot better than the perfume. It was the year that one
> particular perfume was so popular and it smelled to me EXACTLY like
> bug spray; everyone was wearing it. To this day, I really think it
> was. Dee Dee


Dee, today 70 is young. My neighbor Brooks is 80+. I love him. Out of
boredom he comes over and putzes around our gardens. He lost his dog last
year, Lance reached the 20 year mark and was quietly put to sleep. He loves
to play with Missy and Shelly. I remember when his wife died. We had just
moved in.

Anyway, the man can cook. He can do some serious BBQ. He just adores Missy
salivating over his smoker ;0

Michael

--
....Bacteria: The rear entrance to a cafeteria.

All gramatical errors and misspellings due to Ramsey the cyber kitten. He
now owns all keyboards and computing devices in the household and has the
final say on what is, or is not, posted.
Send email to dog30 at charter dot net
 
M

Michael \Dog3\ Lonergan

Guest
Melba's Jammin' <[email protected]> looking for trouble
wrote in news:[email protected]:

> In article <[email protected]>,
> "Michael \"Dog3\" Lonergan" <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>> Melba's Jammin' <[email protected]> looking for
>> trouble wrote in
>> news:[email protected]:
>>
>> >
>> > I'd ask for a different table for myself and companion.

>>
>> BINGO! a class act.

>
> Thanks. I don't mind making a fool of myself in public if I'm having
> fun,(would YOU wear a Pickle Hat in the Louvre, in front of the Mona
> Lisa? -- don't answer that) but I don't like big UNpleasant scenes.
> They are usually unnecessary and embarrassing.
>
>> Michael


Actually I would wear a Pickle Hat in front of Mona Lisa. I do not like
unpleasant scenes either. Let us not talk about unpleasant confrontations.


Michael

--
....Bacteria: The rear entrance to a cafeteria.

All gramatical errors and misspellings due to Ramsey the cyber kitten. He
now owns all keyboards and computing devices in the household and has the
final say on what is, or is not, posted.
Send email to dog30 at charter dot net
 
M

Michael \Dog3\ Lonergan

Guest
"Nancy Young" <[email protected]> looking for trouble wrote in
news:[email protected]:

>
> "Michael "Dog3" Lonergan" <[email protected]> wrote
>
>> I agree. I think Fifi should be cut some slack here. I know my MIL
>> wears some scent that Elizabeth Taylor puts out, that would choke a
>> moose at 50 paces. She can't even smell it but we can. The dogs run
>> from her when she
>> comes over and the cats are not to be found. The stink in the house
>> lingers for hours. She hasn't a clue it is so strong. She is 70 so
>> I give
>> her a break, say nothing and open the windows after she leaves. The
>> ceiling fans help.

>
> Oh geez. I don't have a very good sense of smell at all, so I err
> way on the side of caution. I gave up wearing scent because it
> wasn't worth worrying I was annoying people around me. Having
> said that, I've come across plenty of men who could knock you
> out at 20 paces with their cologne. Eyes water just thinking about
> it.
>
> nancy


Lagrfeld is my cologne/aftershave of choice. I wear it sparingly. If you
get close enough, you get a whiff :)

Michael

--
....Bacteria: The rear entrance to a cafeteria.

All gramatical errors and misspellings due to Ramsey the cyber kitten. He
now owns all keyboards and computing devices in the household and has the
final say on what is, or is not, posted.
Send email to dog30 at charter dot net
 
T

The Ranger

Guest
On Mon, 19 Dec 2005 08:39:38 -0800, The Ranger
<[email protected]> replied:
>Imagine, if you will, going out to a top-shelf restaurant for an
>evening of pleasant dining, quiet socializing, and orgasmic
>tasting of foods you might not prepare at home even on special
>occasions.
>
>You're reservations are confirmed. You are set to experience The
>Perfect Evening.
>
>You arrive and check in at the maitre d's station. "Yes, party of
>two, seven o'clock. Right this way." You are seated at the prime
>table; a window view of a scenic vista that capture the very
>essence of what you were expecting. Linen and crystal, china and
>silver are laid out with scientific precision. Menus are set in
>front of you and cocktails are ordered.
>
>You are awed and inspired by the chef's cunning and imagination.
>Each plate, from the appetizers to the main course, is described
>with such passion and detail that you are tasting them
>metaphysically. Decisions are made.
>
>You look about the restaurant and notice that there are several
>previously occupied tables about, each discreetly distant. The
>closest table is another prime location, behind your dining guest;
>a duce, which is unoccupied.
>
>Your server stops by with your cocktails and you place your order.
>He comments about the excellent choices and suggests a style of
>wine and vineyard. Sold.
>
>You turn to your dining companion and are enjoying the view, the
>music, the conversation. The appetizer is brought and set down.
>The medley of aromas create a symphony of senses that Bach
>couldn't compete against. The sweet smell of caramelized leek. The
>subtleness of nutmeg. The tantalizing spice of cinnamon. You are
>about to bite into the scallop and see if the taste and texture
>match your scent-imagined taste buds when another, more cloying
>stench washes over your table.
>
>You pull back and look at the food on your fork. Your sinus
>passage goes numb. You notice your companion holding her napkin
>discretely over her nose and looking at the duce that is now
>occupied.
>
>Another couple has been seated. They are older and established,
>given their dress. The matron, unfortunately, has bathed in
>something that announces her presence long before she arrives,
>though. She is completely oblivious to how she appears or what it
>is doing to those around her.
>
>What do you do in this situation?


What to do? What to do?

There was nothing to do but set my fork down and signal our waiter
over. He was there before I'd put my hand back down in my lap.

"I know this will be terribly inconvenient but I am highly
allergic to perfumes..."

His eyes immediately shifted to the source of my pain. "I
understand sir. Let me see what we can do."

SWMBO'd long since stopped eating and was consciously taking small
breaths in a valiant effort to escape the ollifactory assault and
battery we were both receiving.

"Sir. We've secured another table for you. If it's not too much
trouble, would you mind following me."

I didn't say anything. I looked out from the Perfect View one last
time and turned away. I extended my hand to SWMBO and we followed
the waiter to another area, devoid of Fifi and her essence.

Distance, unlike the cliché would have you believe, did not make
my heart grow fonder.

"Please accept my apologies for this inconvenience... There will
be new appetizers brought out and I will see if our chef might be
able to provide something refreshing to help cleanse your palates
of that unpleasant memory."

I looked over at SWMBO. She was seated... And very unhappy.
Nothing would ever get her back in this restaurant. Might as well
chow down and get dinner over. This evening was tanked.

As I sat there grousing and grumbling about what I wanted to do to
Madame Fifi, SWMBO volunteered, "Are you feeling better?"

"Can I breave, you mean." I sniffed lamely. "No. Shut down tighter
than if I sniffed a bagful of dust. You?"

"My headache's going away."

"I know you loved the table..."

"Not near *that*! That Charlie reprobate! It was simply too much.
And if they'd moved her, she'd've still been there. I'm glad we're
no longer in the area. Besides, I didn't agree to eat here simply
for the view."

"Then we'll go back to enjoying the evening. At least I'll have
something to post about."

"Are you _still_ writing those posts?"

"Uhm. Maybe..." I hedged.

"Keep it about the food..."

"Of course. They're always about food."

The Ranger

PS: I'm told the food was delicious. We'll be going back.
PPS: Fer Melba: Gentleman don't tell secrets.
 
R

Rhonda Anderson

Guest
"Nancy Young" <[email protected]> wrote in
news:[email protected]:


>
> Oh geez. I don't have a very good sense of smell at all, so I err
> way on the side of caution. I gave up wearing scent because it
> wasn't worth worrying I was annoying people around me. Having
> said that, I've come across plenty of men who could knock you
> out at 20 paces with their cologne. Eyes water just thinking about
> it.


I try to err on the side of caution, also - I'm always worried that I've
overdone it, though I certainly don't apply lots of perfume. There are
only a few scents that I wear, and none are super strong. The only
complaint I've ever had about my perfume has been at work, and that was a
joking complaint that I smelt like lollies, and this person was on a diet
- the perfume was a vanilla oil from the Body Shop which is probably the
perfume I wear most often. I have had people tell me I was making them
hungry when I've worn it,but only people who have been standing right
next to me - it doesn't pervade the whole room, and again they weren't
serious complaints (thankfully).

Rhonda Anderson
Cranebrook, NSW, Australia
 
D

Damsel in dis Dress

Guest
On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 06:22:53 -0600, Melba's Jammin'
<[email protected]> wrote:

> Ever have a sauerkraut pizza? Peoplel have cringed at the thought but
> the flavors aren't so far off those in holubky. Tomato goes well with
> kapusta.


Sauerkraut, sausage and bacon bits. With extra kraut. Mmmm!

Carol
 
D

Dee Randall

Guest
"Nancy Young" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]
>
> "Michael "Dog3" Lonergan" <[email protected]> wrote
>
>> I agree. I think Fifi should be cut some slack here. I know my MIL
>> wears
>> some scent that Elizabeth Taylor puts out, that would choke a moose at 50
>> paces. She can't even smell it but we can. The dogs run from her when
>> she
>> comes over and the cats are not to be found. The stink in the house
>> lingers for hours. She hasn't a clue it is so strong. She is 70 so I
>> give
>> her a break, say nothing and open the windows after she leaves. The
>> ceiling fans help.

>
> Oh geez. I don't have a very good sense of smell at all, so I err
> way on the side of caution. I gave up wearing scent because it
> wasn't worth worrying I was annoying people around me. Having
> said that, I've come across plenty of men who could knock you
> out at 20 paces with their cologne. Eyes water just thinking about
> it.
>
> nancy


Yikes, I remember signing up for private music lessons from a highly
recommended man. I walked in the room filled with aire de cologne - I
explained politely in 1 minute and said I couldn't take any lessons, and to
send me a bill for this one session. He showed his colors then; and of
course I was glad I hadn't taken lessons from him. (I'm getting hives
thinking about it -- tee hee!)
Dee Dee
 
D

Dee Randall

Guest
My neighbor Brooks is 80+. I love him. Out of
> boredom he comes over and putzes around our gardens. He lost his dog last
> year, Lance reached the 20 year mark and was quietly put to sleep. He
> loves
> to play with Missy and Shelly. I remember when his wife died. We had
> just
> moved in.
>
> Anyway, the man can cook. He can do some serious BBQ. He just adores
> Missy
> salivating over his smoker ;0
>

He must be quite a guy. Attitude can keep people young and healthy if they
are not predisposed to certain illnesses. He might appreciate you as a
neighbor more than you realize. My in-laws who aren't that extraverted, had
a neighbor with lots of kids, dogs and fanfare, and my in-laws fell in love
with them. It was really good for them.
Dee Dee
 
D

Dee Randall

Guest
"Michael "Dog3" Lonergan" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]
> "Nancy Young" <[email protected]> looking for trouble wrote in
> news:[email protected]:
>
>>
>> "Michael "Dog3" Lonergan" <[email protected]> wrote
>>
>>> I agree. I think Fifi should be cut some slack here. I know my MIL
>>> wears some scent that Elizabeth Taylor puts out, that would choke a
>>> moose at 50 paces. She can't even smell it but we can. The dogs run
>>> from her when she
>>> comes over and the cats are not to be found. The stink in the house
>>> lingers for hours. She hasn't a clue it is so strong. She is 70 so
>>> I give
>>> her a break, say nothing and open the windows after she leaves. The
>>> ceiling fans help.

>>
>> Oh geez. I don't have a very good sense of smell at all, so I err
>> way on the side of caution. I gave up wearing scent because it
>> wasn't worth worrying I was annoying people around me. Having
>> said that, I've come across plenty of men who could knock you
>> out at 20 paces with their cologne. Eyes water just thinking about
>> it.
>>
>> nancy

>
> Lagrfeld is my cologne/aftershave of choice. I wear it sparingly. If you
> get close enough, you get a whiff :)
>
> Michael


That reminds me of an exception I made once in my life. I had a 'very good
friend' that wore a subtle cologne. He was from Germany. I wonder if it
was some 'concoction' from Germany -- tee hee! But it was very effective.
Dee Dee
 
S

sarah bennett

Guest
The Ranger wrote:
> On Mon, 19 Dec 2005 08:39:38 -0800, The Ranger
> <[email protected]> replied:
>
>>Imagine, if you will, going out to a top-shelf restaurant for an
>>evening of pleasant dining, quiet socializing, and orgasmic
>>tasting of foods you might not prepare at home even on special
>>occasions.
>>
>>You're reservations are confirmed. You are set to experience The
>>Perfect Evening.
>>
>>You arrive and check in at the maitre d's station. "Yes, party of
>>two, seven o'clock. Right this way." You are seated at the prime
>>table; a window view of a scenic vista that capture the very
>>essence of what you were expecting. Linen and crystal, china and
>>silver are laid out with scientific precision. Menus are set in
>>front of you and cocktails are ordered.
>>
>>You are awed and inspired by the chef's cunning and imagination.
>>Each plate, from the appetizers to the main course, is described
>>with such passion and detail that you are tasting them
>>metaphysically. Decisions are made.
>>
>>You look about the restaurant and notice that there are several
>>previously occupied tables about, each discreetly distant. The
>>closest table is another prime location, behind your dining guest;
>>a duce, which is unoccupied.
>>
>>Your server stops by with your cocktails and you place your order.
>>He comments about the excellent choices and suggests a style of
>>wine and vineyard. Sold.
>>
>>You turn to your dining companion and are enjoying the view, the
>>music, the conversation. The appetizer is brought and set down.
>>The medley of aromas create a symphony of senses that Bach
>>couldn't compete against. The sweet smell of caramelized leek. The
>>subtleness of nutmeg. The tantalizing spice of cinnamon. You are
>>about to bite into the scallop and see if the taste and texture
>>match your scent-imagined taste buds when another, more cloying
>>stench washes over your table.
>>
>>You pull back and look at the food on your fork. Your sinus
>>passage goes numb. You notice your companion holding her napkin
>>discretely over her nose and looking at the duce that is now
>>occupied.
>>
>>Another couple has been seated. They are older and established,
>>given their dress. The matron, unfortunately, has bathed in
>>something that announces her presence long before she arrives,
>>though. She is completely oblivious to how she appears or what it
>>is doing to those around her.
>>
>>What do you do in this situation?

>
>
> What to do? What to do?
>
> There was nothing to do but set my fork down and signal our waiter
> over. He was there before I'd put my hand back down in my lap.
>
> "I know this will be terribly inconvenient but I am highly
> allergic to perfumes..."
>
> His eyes immediately shifted to the source of my pain. "I
> understand sir. Let me see what we can do."
>
> SWMBO'd long since stopped eating and was consciously taking small
> breaths in a valiant effort to escape the ollifactory assault and
> battery we were both receiving.
>
> "Sir. We've secured another table for you. If it's not too much
> trouble, would you mind following me."
>
> I didn't say anything. I looked out from the Perfect View one last
> time and turned away. I extended my hand to SWMBO and we followed
> the waiter to another area, devoid of Fifi and her essence.
>
> Distance, unlike the cliché would have you believe, did not make
> my heart grow fonder.
>
> "Please accept my apologies for this inconvenience... There will
> be new appetizers brought out and I will see if our chef might be
> able to provide something refreshing to help cleanse your palates
> of that unpleasant memory."
>
> I looked over at SWMBO. She was seated... And very unhappy.
> Nothing would ever get her back in this restaurant. Might as well
> chow down and get dinner over. This evening was tanked.
>


Are you serious?

> As I sat there grousing and grumbling about what I wanted to do to
> Madame Fifi, SWMBO volunteered, "Are you feeling better?"
>
> "Can I breave, you mean." I sniffed lamely. "No. Shut down tighter
> than if I sniffed a bagful of dust. You?"
>
> "My headache's going away."
>
> "I know you loved the table..."
>
> "Not near *that*! That Charlie reprobate! It was simply too much.
> And if they'd moved her, she'd've still been there. I'm glad we're
> no longer in the area. Besides, I didn't agree to eat here simply
> for the view."
>
> "Then we'll go back to enjoying the evening. At least I'll have
> something to post about."
>
> "Are you _still_ writing those posts?"
>
> "Uhm. Maybe..." I hedged.
>
> "Keep it about the food..."
>
> "Of course. They're always about food."
>
> The Ranger
>
> PS: I'm told the food was delicious. We'll be going back.
> PPS: Fer Melba: Gentleman don't tell secrets.



--

saerah

"Peace is not an absence of war, it is a virtue, a state of mind, a
disposition for benevolence, confidence, justice."
-Baruch Spinoza

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There
is another theory which states that this has already happened."
-Douglas Adams
 
O

OmManiPadmeOmelet

Guest
In article <[email protected]>,
"Dee Randall" <[email protected]> wrote:

> When I lived in Marin County and drove into SF, before the Larkspur Ferry
> went into operation, one week I decided to take a bus into town that week.
> I almost fainted about 1 minute into the ride from the perfume. In fact,
> I'm making myself sick just thinking about it. Back to the freeway I went,
> in bumper to bumper traffic which was one heckuva lot better than the
> perfume. It was the year that one particular perfume was so popular and it
> smelled to me EXACTLY like bug spray; everyone was wearing it. To this day,
> I really think it was.
> Dee Dee


I think it was called "Poison".

And it did indeed smell just like Raid..... ;-)

And the knock-off versions were even worse!

I think it was made by Georgios?
--
Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****." -Jack Nicholson
 
M

Melba's Jammin'

Guest
In article <[email protected]>,
The Ranger <[email protected]> wrote:

> "Then we'll go back to enjoying the evening. At least I'll have
> something to post about."
>
> "Are you _still_ writing those posts?"
>
> "Uhm. Maybe..." I hedged.
>
> "Keep it about the food..."
>
> "Of course. They're always about food."
>
> The Ranger
>
> PS: I'm told the food was delicious. We'll be going back.
> PPS: Fer Melba: Gentleman don't tell secrets.


Sure, but what about you?
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com, updated 12-18-05 - Church review (I think
I'll become a critic - Rob's been calling me one for years!)
and a toffee recipe.
 
T

The Ranger

Guest
On Tue, 20 Dec 2005 10:16:02 -0600, Melba's Jammin'
<[email protected]> replied:
>In article <[email protected]>, The Ranger <[email protected]> wrote:

[snip]
> > PPS: Fer Melba: Gentleman don't tell secrets.
> >

> Sure, but what about you?


I said I'd only post about food. (And as tasty as SWMBO is, she's
not on the public menu.)

The Ranger
 
D

Doug Kanter

Guest
"OmManiPadmeOmelet" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]
> In article <[email protected]>,
> "Dee Randall" <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>> When I lived in Marin County and drove into SF, before the Larkspur Ferry
>> went into operation, one week I decided to take a bus into town that
>> week.
>> I almost fainted about 1 minute into the ride from the perfume. In fact,
>> I'm making myself sick just thinking about it. Back to the freeway I
>> went,
>> in bumper to bumper traffic which was one heckuva lot better than the
>> perfume. It was the year that one particular perfume was so popular and
>> it
>> smelled to me EXACTLY like bug spray; everyone was wearing it. To this
>> day,
>> I really think it was.
>> Dee Dee

>
> I think it was called "Poison".
>
> And it did indeed smell just like Raid..... ;-)
>
> And the knock-off versions were even worse!
>
> I think it was made by Georgios?


Or, DuPont, maybe? :) I can only think of one scent that's worse: FDS.
It's basically a loud advertisement that says "Something nasty is happening
to my downtown, or I don't own a bath tub".
 
N

Nancy Young

Guest
"Dee Randall" <[email protected]> wrote

> When I lived in Marin County and drove into SF, before the Larkspur Ferry
> went into operation, one week I decided to take a bus into town that week.
> I almost fainted about 1 minute into the ride from the perfume. In fact,
> I'm making myself sick just thinking about it. Back to the freeway I
> went, in bumper to bumper traffic which was one heckuva lot better than
> the perfume. It was the year that one particular perfume was so popular
> and it smelled to me EXACTLY like bug spray; everyone was wearing it. To
> this day, I really think it was.


For some reason you just reminded me of those horrid magazine
inserts, it got to a point where I had to purge just about every one
I got or I'd sneeze and cry through the entire time I read the thing.
Eyes get itchy just remembering them. They all smelled alike and
just like bug spray. Hardly imagine who'd be enduced to buy the
stuff after a whiff of that.

nancy
 
D

Dee Randall

Guest
"Nancy Young" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]
>
> "Dee Randall" <[email protected]> wrote
>
>> When I lived in Marin County and drove into SF, before the Larkspur Ferry
>> went into operation, one week I decided to take a bus into town that
>> week. I almost fainted about 1 minute into the ride from the perfume. In
>> fact, I'm making myself sick just thinking about it. Back to the freeway
>> I went, in bumper to bumper traffic which was one heckuva lot better than
>> the perfume. It was the year that one particular perfume was so popular
>> and it smelled to me EXACTLY like bug spray; everyone was wearing it. To
>> this day, I really think it was.

>
> For some reason you just reminded me of those horrid magazine
> inserts, it got to a point where I had to purge just about every one
> I got or I'd sneeze and cry through the entire time I read the thing.
> Eyes get itchy just remembering them. They all smelled alike and
> just like bug spray. Hardly imagine who'd be enduced to buy the
> stuff after a whiff of that.
>
> nancy


That was it!
Dee Dee