Terrible and hilarious jokes

1. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
2. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? Yeah, he pasta way.
3. If you think nobody cares you are alive, try missing a couple of payments.
4. What do you call a piece of cheese that isn't yours? A: Nacho cheese.
5. What did the farmer get when he crossed a centipede with a Turkey? 100 Drumsticks.

 

Hahaha! These obviously made my day.

 

I told this joke during dinner and my wife spat out her juice. Lol!

 

I tried to change my password to Beefstew1.

But they said it wasn't stroganoff.

 

This doesn't relate to cycling but ok, this made me laugh.

 

Cycling Joke

What does Cycling and Sex have in common?

Answer:

"You have to keep pumping, to gel all your juices flowing."

 

3 Reasons why Cycling is better than Sex.

Test rides are encouraged.

Bikes don't insult you if you're a bad rider.

You don't have to buy a bike a drink to ride it.

 

Crazy but True

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

 

I've got a funny meme about Steve Jobs and SpongeBob

 

More suggestions

 

Freezing Computer

 

This may not be related to cycling and may not be from my own creation but I just wanna share this one because I like how it'll make you 'woah'.

How To Make Someone Feel Guilty - Psychology

A guy asked a girl in a library,

"Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl answered with a loud voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes...

The girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him, "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, - I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice, "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!" And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears,

"I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty."

****

Hahahaha! What do you think?
Source: http://mesmerizingwords.com/2017/11/make-someone-feel-guilty-psychology-2/

 

A Napoleon Dynamite was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, Pedro, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The Napoleon was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

Pedro replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

Napoleon nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

 

Warning - this joke is really terrible (but I love dark humor, so..):

A boy walks in on his father masturbating. the boy, curious asks him, "Dad, what are you doing?"
The father replies, "This is called masturbating, and pretty soon you will be doing it also."
The kid, puzzled, asks, "How do you know that?"
The father goes, "Because my arm is getting tired."

 

Great topic, a nice way to start the week!

 

Soon after, the child happily ran to his father and said: Dad, I don't have to masturbate like you. I have a masturbation toy, that masturbation cup is really fun.

When my father listened, he fell into deep thought. . .


Hahahaha, is it better to end this way?