Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
They
lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast
and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet,
so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them
to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as
"the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal
movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists
are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone
who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives
who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are
more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained
in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after
the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for
nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
They
lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast
and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet,
so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them
to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as
"the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal
movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by
the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists
are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone
who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives
who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are
more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained
in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after
the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for
nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
