I think I just had the moment. The one moment when you just know that you have come to the end and there is only one choice left: starting a new WOL and WOE. Last night was New years. I had planned a quiet night with my fantastic boyfriend and we had the greatest time and he took a LOT of pictures with his digital camera. And they made me cringe. When I looked at the photos it reminded me of how I felt when I was even more overweight. I found myself avoiding the camera and feeling embaressed and selfloathing by what I saw. And I suddenly saw myself through his eyes and everyone elses. This tiny, was no more. The tires around my stomach, the extra chin, the round fase, the big flabby arms had returned and I realized that I had betrayed myself. I did not keep my promise to myself. Still, today I finished off the remaining bags of chips and candy, drank chocolate milk and didn't move myself physically and inch all day - knowing that tomorrow was the big day one. But I felt a bit lost. I didn't know where to start. Couldn't really feel the motivation. Just like I felt almost 4 years ago the weeks prior to starting WW. I wanted to, but couldn't make it. Had nothing to grasp onto. Then I found my old WW materials. Read them again. Realizing that I had done this before. And I had lost 50 lbs. And I chose my mantra - my anchor: I have done it before, I can do it again. I visualized what it was like for me then, tried to revive my winning spirits. But still - it seemed so distant. I felt that I really did not believe I could do it again. Even though we're only talking 10-12 lbs. And then I found my membership book. The book where my weight had been recorded for 14 weeks. From 146.1 to 122.5. Down 23.6 lbs. And I looked at every single entry and realized that I HAD DONE IT! I just kept on doing it week by week and I lost the weight - down 1.2, down. 3.2, down 2.1, down. .8 etc... week by week..down down down...and I started to cry. This was not someone elses booklet. Someone elses success story. It was MINE. And I rememered with every fiber of my body the feeling of success I felt with every new entry in that booklet. I remembered my success and I felt it again!! I want to do it again! I can do it again! And I am starting to count my 18-25 points tomorrow. It is the old 1-2-3 program and the booklet doesn't have regular Danish food (I am in Denmark), but I still have the slider and when it worked then, it will work now! I want this! The big motivation lies 6 weeks ahead. In 6 weeks around Valentines Day I can celebrate 6 months anniversery with my boyfriend who has truly changed my life. And I want to be a bombshell that he cannot take his eyes or hands off. ;o) I think I just had the "moment". This is now. I will not let myself down.