The most ridiculous thing you've ever heard from a customer

[FSwenson]

I have a number of stories to share, and I hope that others will be inclined to add more stories from their own lines of work.

First let me give you a little background:

I work in a college registrars office for a school called Eisenhower University - see http://www.eisenhoweruniversity.com. My division deals with prior learning assessment (PLA) and evaluation for people with work experience and/or previous college credits that they could turn into an Eisenhower degree. Every day our office gets calls and emails from all around the country, and I have the pleasure of speaking to a number of upstanding individuals who think they could get a Master's Degree in Engineering because they once "built a do-it-yourself radio kit." While we mail out degrees in many trades for work experience, we're not going to give you an Accounting Degree because your aunt was an accountant five years ago and you once "balanced your own checkbook." If you expect a university to grant you a degree based on work experience you should have actually, you know, worked in the field for a number of years.

What makes things worse is that the hippies at my university recently artifically lowered the PLA fees to ridiculous levels due to of some kind of "education should be free or almost free" mentality. That means my office gets bombarded with inquiries 24/7 from idiots with no any qualifications or work references at all, who want to trick us into giving them a degree.

- Story 1 -

Earlier today I had a call from a redneck wanting to apply with us. During the conversation this is what transpired:

Me: May I have your zip code please?

Him: Zip code? You mean 804?

Me: Oh, I'm sorry I meant your 5 digit zip code

Him: Hold on, HONEY!! WHATS THE ZIP CODE!!

Me: *pause*

Him: We don't know, I just want to sign up for the PLA program

Me: Absolutely. I will be happy to help you further; what state do you live in?

Him: STATE? the UNITED STATES!

- Story 2 -

Often we'll get clueless people who are so out of touch with technology that its laughable. Here's a snippet from a conversation with a 40 year old guy about applying for our work experience degree program online.

Me: What version of Windows are you running?

Them: Hold on, let me check.

Me: OK.

Them: They're thermal.

Me: I...I beg your pardon?

Them: The windows are thermal.

Me: ...

- Story 3 -

Last week a lady called in who was having trouble accessing her student account on our website. I don't know why she called our office, since tech support is a different division entirely. But after a little trial and error we were able to get her account fixed and everything squared away. The tail end of our conversation went like this:

Me: Well, seems like everything is working, is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: Yeah, don't use anti-perspirant! Wanna know why?

Me: Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me.

Her: Because it causes cancer! Look at the first ingredient, it's aluminum! It gives you the cancer!

Me: Well, that's good to know ma'am, have a good day!

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!

The call lasted about 40 minutes after I fixed her problem, and since I can't hang up on students I had to sit there and listen to these awesome stories. She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days. Of course nothing did. God I love my job.

 

[moviekindoflife]

at least it gives you something to laugh about

 

[jhuskey]

I have plenty of short stories.

Story #1,Time- Just after dark

Customer, " Has the Sun gone down"?

Me, "Excuse me"?

Customer, "We wanted to see the Sunset,but I guess the Sun has gone down".

Me, "Uh... yes mam the Sun always goes down here before dark".

Story #2

Lady, "You sure have some crazy drivers here .I almost hit someone going through that tunnel coming from Pigeon Forge to Gatlinburg.

Employee, " Mam there is no tunnel coming from Pigeon Forge to Gatlinburg. It is on the one way side from here to Pigeon Forge".

Story # 3

Manager, " How did you get so skinned up"?

Employee, " I got out of my car on River Road".

Manager, " You got that injured just getting out of your car"." How"?

Employee, " It was still moving". "I forgot to park it".
This particular employee had a tendency to drink quite a bit.

 

[RickF]

When I worked in a drug store, I had many interesting conversations. One of my favorates went something like this:

Patient: Are you supposed to remove the foil from the supposotory before you insert it?

Me: Yes.

Patient: What should I do if I didn't?

And another one:

Patient: I cannot swallow this.

Me: What do the directions say?

Patient: one r-e-c-t-a-l-l-y every four hours.

Me: That is right. You do not swallow it, you insert it rectally.

Patient: What?

Me: You are supposed to insert it into your rectum.

Patient: Oh, I thought that was the name of the pill.

 

[FSwenson]

Here's another antecdote:

As a teenager I worked in a Domino's pizza. One day some guy came into my work and asked if he could buy cupcakes and have us bake them into his pizza.

He was very fat and very serious.

And one more:

A few years ago I was working in the tech shop of a CompUSA. I had a customer give me grief for shaking a CD-R. He eyed me angrily and snapped, "Don't do that! You'll make all the data fall off!"

 

[Dieseldan]

I work at a vaction resort in South Carolina. On morning, a lady came to me and asked, "How far to LA?"

I was kind of taken aback, and asked back, "LA?"

"Yes, Los Angeles, you know that big city around here"

"No ma'am, your mistaken somehow. Los Angeles is on the other side of the country."

"Didn't the 'SC' on the address mean 'Southern California'?"

"No ma'am. You're in South Carolina."

The scary part, she drove here from Michagan.

 

[cucamelsmd15]

When I worked in a drug store, I had many interesting conversations. One of my favorates went something like this:

Patient: Are you supposed to remove the foil from the supposotory before you insert it?

Me: Yes.

Patient: What should I do if I didn't?

And another one:

Patient: I cannot swallow this.

Me: What do the directions say?

Patient: one r-e-c-t-a-l-l-y every four hours.

Me: That is right. You do not swallow it, you insert it rectally.

Patient: What?

Me: You are supposed to insert it into your rectum.

Patient: Oh, I thought that was the name of the pill.

Yep, Ive heard all of those. One of my favorites was

Girl: I need a refill on my birth control

Me: *opens compact*, We just filled this 5 days ago

Girl: Yes, I know

Me: This is empty, youre supposed to take a pill per day

Girl: Oh, I thought it was one before every time

 

[MountainPro]

funny..

we repair a lot of electronics equipment for customers.

when they come to pick up theyre dvd player or what ever, they always ask what was wrong with it..

i tell them:
'the modulator IC was blown' - ehh?
'the flyback transfomer in the SMPS was leaking current' - ehhh?
'the syncronysing field deflector was misaligned' - ehhhh?

so now i say, 'errrr....it was a loose wire'

atleast that way you get a smile and a thankyou..

Yep, Ive heard all of those. One of my favorites was

Girl: I need a refill on my birth control

Me: *opens compact*, We just filled this 5 days ago

Girl: Yes, I know

Me: This is empty, youre supposed to take a pill per day

Girl: Oh, I thought it was one before every time

 

[StartTday]

HAHAHA I just wanted to say that all these stories are great, thanks for sharing.

I worked at a bicycle shop in DC for awhile and have heard some of the most ridiculous things ever.

I was selling a baby trailer to this woman and showed her how it was attached to the back of a bike. Once I took the safety strap and attached it, she asked, "Whats that for?"

Me: "Its a safety strap."

Customer: "Oh I dont like that at all. That means its unsafe."

Me: "Are you serious? They said the same thing about the seat belt in cars."

Customer: "I dont trust things with safety harnesses."

I've got quite a few more but this will do, haha...

 

[TWOPBikeGuy]

I had a guy ask me if we carried chains for unicycles (I know some do, but a chain is a chain, unless for an engine of some sort)

another one asked me to switch the drivetrain from the right side to the left side of his Road bike, not a BMX.

 

[cucamelsmd15]

Yep, Ive heard all of those. One of my favorites was

Girl: I need a refill on my birth control

Me: *opens compact*, We just filled this 5 days ago

Girl: Yes, I know

Me: This is empty, youre supposed to take a pill per day

Girl: Oh, I thought it was one before every time

Another pharmacy one. Guy brings in a bottle for a refill:

Me: Sir, this is out of refills, we will call the doctor for a refill

Sir: No, I dont need a refill on the pills

Me: Um, ok, what do you need a refill on?

Sir: The little things in the bottle!

Me: *looks inquisitively into bottle, and notices silica canisters, labeled "Do Not Eat"

Me: Sir, these are silica, youre not supposed to eat them!

Sir: well, they worked wonders for my arthritis! *snatches bottle out of my hand*

 

[kaikane]

i work in a library and somebody once asked me if we had any books that proved unicorns were agents of Satan. seems she had a friend who collected unicorn figurines and she wanted to point out the danger to her collecting friend.

i could write a book. i got a million of 'em!