The Newsgroup Personality (recognize anyone?)

[Carol Cohen]

The following is from the classical music group. It's to the tune of "I am the very model of a
modern major general" from Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance," in case you want to
sing along.

Somebody named Paul O'Neill wrote the following (with apologies to W.S. Gilbert) and posted it at
rec.music.opera. -david gable

"I am the very model of a Newsgroup Personality I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and ghosted to, On all the countless newsgroups that my
drivel is cross-posted to.

Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling, And you're the one who pays the
bill downloading all my drivelling. My enemies are numerous, and no one would be blaming you For
thinking me a ******** after I've been rudely flaming you.

I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it). I wouldn't know a valid point if I was
introduced to it. My learning is extensive but consists of mindless trivia, Designed to fan my ego,
which is larger than Bolivia.

The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and drollery, Are really just an exercise in
unremitting trollery. I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity, The
gibberings of one who's at the limit of his sanity.

If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to; If only mum could find a circus freak-show
she could sell me to; If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery; If I lose all my fingers
in a mishap with machinery;

If I survive to forty, which is somewhat problematical; If what I post was more mature, or slightly
more grammatical; If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate; Would I still be the
loathsome and objectionable prat you hate?

But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face, It's simply isn't safe for
normal people here in cyberspace. To stick me in Old Sparky and turn on the electricity Would be a
fitting punishment for my egocentricity.

I always have the last word; so, with utmost finality, That's all from me, the model of a Newsgroup
Personality".

 

[The Shinefelds]

Thank you Carol. Very timely and appropriate. Happy holidays!

Jon Shinefeld Philadelphia, PA

"Carol Cohen" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> The following is from the classical music group. It's to the tune of "I am the very model of a
> modern major general" from Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance," in case you want to
> sing along.
>
> Somebody named Paul O'Neill wrote the following (with apologies to W.S. Gilbert) and posted it at
> rec.music.opera. -david gable
>
> "I am the very model of a Newsgroup Personality I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
> Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and ghosted to, On all the countless newsgroups that my
> drivel is cross-posted to.
>
> Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling, And you're the one who pays the
> bill downloading all my drivelling. My enemies are numerous, and no one would be blaming you For
> thinking me a ******** after I've been rudely flaming you.
>
> I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it). I wouldn't know a valid point if I was
> introduced to it. My learning is extensive but consists of mindless trivia, Designed to fan my
> ego, which is larger than Bolivia.
>
> The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and drollery, Are really just an exercise in
> unremitting trollery. I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity, The
> gibberings of one who's at the limit of his sanity.
>
> If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to; If only mum could find a circus freak-show
> she could sell me to; If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery; If I lose all my fingers
> in a mishap with machinery;
>
> If I survive to forty, which is somewhat problematical; If what I post was more mature, or
> slightly more grammatical; If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate; Would I
> still be the loathsome and objectionable prat you hate?
>
> But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face, It's simply isn't safe for
> normal people here in cyberspace. To stick me in Old Sparky and turn on the electricity Would be a
> fitting punishment for my egocentricity.
>
> I always have the last word; so, with utmost finality, That's all from me, the model of a
> Newsgroup Personality".

 

[Gene Domenici]

...excellent, Carol. May this year be better for us all!

Gene Tampa, FL

 

[Bryan Ball]

Best OT post of this year.

--
Bryan J. Ball Publisher/Editor 'BentRider Online Magazine www.bentrideronline.com "In this world,
hate never yet dispelled hate. Only love dispels hate." - The Buddha

 

[Lewis Campbell]

TOO funny, Carol, I love it.

--
Lewis.

.........................

*******************************

"Carol Cohen" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> The following is from the classical music group. It's to the tune of "I am the very model of a
> modern major general" from Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance," in case you want to
> sing along.
>
> Somebody named Paul O'Neill wrote the following (with apologies to W.S. Gilbert) and posted it at
> rec.music.opera. -david gable
>
> "I am the very model of a Newsgroup Personality I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
> Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and ghosted to, On all the countless newsgroups that my
> drivel is cross-posted to.
>
> Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling, And you're the one who pays the
> bill downloading all my drivelling. My enemies are numerous, and no one would be blaming you For
> thinking me a ******** after I've been rudely flaming you.
>
> I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it). I wouldn't know a valid point if I was
> introduced to it. My learning is extensive but consists of mindless trivia, Designed to fan my
> ego, which is larger than Bolivia.
>
> The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and drollery, Are really just an exercise in
> unremitting trollery. I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity, The
> gibberings of one who's at the limit of his sanity.
>
> If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to; If only mum could find a circus freak-show
> she could sell me to; If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery; If I lose all my fingers
> in a mishap with machinery;
>
> If I survive to forty, which is somewhat problematical; If what I post was more mature, or
> slightly more grammatical; If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate; Would I
> still be the loathsome and objectionable prat you hate?
>
> But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face, It's simply isn't safe for
> normal people here in cyberspace. To stick me in Old Sparky and turn on the electricity Would be a
> fitting punishment for my egocentricity.
>
> I always have the last word; so, with utmost finality, That's all from me, the model of a
> Newsgroup Personality".

 

[Pjclarkesq]

That couldn't possibly be directed at me!!!! Could it?

 

[Edward Dolan]

"pjclarkesq" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<SctJb.37435$I07.123589@attbi_s53>...

> That couldn't possibly be directed at me!!!! Could it?

No, I think it is more directed at me than anyone else here on ARBR. Nonetheless, it is good to know
that other newsgroups are no better and no worse than those of us here on ARBR (I may have to check
out that classical music group as it sounds like my kind of folks). But no matter where we go, we
are not ever going to escape our own human natures. So let us all just sit back, relax and enjoy the
human comedy as long as we are still above ground.

Ed Dolan - Minnesota

 

[Doug Huffman]

U R N @ $ $

"Edward Dolan" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> "pjclarkesq" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<SctJb.37435$I07.123589@attbi_s53>...
>
> > That couldn't possibly be directed at me!!!! Could it?
>
> No, I think it is more directed at me than anyone else here on ARBR. Nonetheless, it is good to
> know that other newsgroups are no better and no worse than those of us here on ARBR (I may have to
> check out that classical music group as it sounds like my kind of folks). But no matter where we
> go, we are not ever going to escape our own human natures. So let us all just sit back, relax and
> enjoy the human comedy as long as we are still above ground.
>
> Ed Dolan - Minnesota

 

[Tom Sherman]

Doug Huffman wrote:
> U R N @ $ $

I see the +4 SD IQ has not done much for Mr. Huffman's writing ability.

Tom Sherman – Close to 41½ N, 90½ W

 

[Giolla Decair]

previously Carol Cohen may have written article
<[email protected]> saying:
> The following is from the classical music group. It's to the tune of "I am the very model of a
> modern major general" from Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance," in case you want to
> sing along.

Perhaps more on topic: http://www.lightjunkie.org/parody/motorcyclist.html

> Somebody named Paul O'Neill wrote the following (with apologies to W.S. Gilbert) and posted it at
> rec.music.opera. -david gable

No they didn't it was Tom Holt, this O'Neill person must have forgotten to put the correct
attributation when posting it. From the archive: http://www.lightjunkie.org/parody/newsgroup.html
Origionally posted to rec.muisc.fil on 2nd July 1998, the post can be seen here:
http://tinyurl.com/2kfqh /* link to google archive */

If you'd care to correct the lack of attribution on rec.nusic.opera it'd be nice, as nicking other
peoples work is never nice, if Mr O'Neill didn't now who wrote it he should have said.

--
Giolla Decair "Missed it the moment to join in the laugh" - George Marsh

 

[Carol Cohen]

Giolla Decair <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...

> No they didn't it was Tom Holt, this O'Neill person must have forgotten to put the correct
> attributation when posting it. From the archive: http://www.lightjunkie.org/parody/newsgroup.html
> Origionally posted to rec.muisc.fil on 2nd July 1998, the post can be seen here:
> http://tinyurl.com/2kfqh /* link to google archive */
>
> If you'd care to correct the lack of attribution on rec.nusic.opera it'd be nice, as nicking other
> peoples work is never nice, if Mr O'Neill didn't now who wrote it he should have said.

I should have checked it, Giolla, but I picked it up from the Rhode Island newsgroup where someone
who follows opera and found it on the opera newsgroup, posted it. Sorry. I'll try to contact the
opera people, if I can just practice a bit first (clears throat )--

C.C., who should have known better

 

[Jon Shinefeld]

No, Mr. Dolan, I was not thinking of you in particular when I replied offering kudos to Ms. Cohen
for her funny and appropriate post. Many on the newsgroup - including me - take ARBR entirely too
seriously from time to time. All things considered, we live in a wonderful land where we can engage
in various on and off topic debates and minor character assasination from time to time. Bents v
wedgies. Slander (or is it libel?) Zach Kaplan and Brian Ball from time to time who by the way are 2
of the more tenured and knowledgeable recumbists among our small group. Right thinking liberals v
neo-fascist arch conservatives disguised as Libertarians. The joys of ARBR may never end. And the
best part is that if someone does not like the thoughts being offered, they can move on to other
threads or other newsgroups. This is all good stuff. Peace - Jon Shinefeld Philadelphia, PA

"Edward Dolan" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> "pjclarkesq" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<SctJb.37435$I07.123589@attbi_s53>...
>
> > That couldn't possibly be directed at me!!!! Could it?
>
> No, I think it is more directed at me than anyone else here on ARBR. Nonetheless, it is good to
> know that other newsgroups are no better and no worse than those of us here on ARBR (I may have to
> check out that classical music group as it sounds like my kind of folks). But no matter where we
> go, we are not ever going to escape our own human natures. So let us all just sit back, relax and
> enjoy the human comedy as long as we are still above ground.
>
> Ed Dolan - Minnesota

 

[Edward Dolan]

Tom Sherman <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...

> Doug Huffman wrote:
> > U R N @ $ $
>
> I see the +4 SD IQ has not done much for Mr. Huffman's writing ability.
>
> Tom Sherman ? Close to 41½ N, 90½ W

There is nothing like a totally nonsensical posting to end a thread. Dean Arthur is also an expert
at this sort of thing.

Ed Dolan - Minnesota

 

[Tom Sherman]

Edward Dolan wrote:

> Tom Sherman <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]
> berlin.de>...
>
>
>>Doug Huffman wrote:
>>
>>>U R N @ $ $
>>
>>I see the +4 SD IQ has not done much for Mr. Huffman's writing ability.
>>
>>Tom Sherman ? Close to 41½ N, 90½ W
>
>
> There is nothing like a totally nonsensical posting to end a thread. Dean Arthur is also an expert
> at this sort of thing.

"Mother's Trike for the inheritance-challenged amongst us...

The Mother Earth News March-April '83 Issue #81 has 2F1R trike building article at

http://www.motherearthnews.com/menarch/archive/goto.asp?article=081/081-162-01&ID=2613&Num=4

details building a 65.00 [1983 dollars] 2F1R trike with an absolute minimum of hand tools and a
parts list with the then price of each individual part." - Dean Arthur

Tom Sherman – Quad Cities

 

[Edward Dolan]

"Jon Shinefeld" <ajshine at comcast.net> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...

> No, Mr. Dolan, I was not thinking of you in particular when I replied offering kudos to Ms. Cohen
> for her funny and appropriate post. Many on the newsgroup - including me - take ARBR entirely too
> seriously from time to time. All things considered, we live in a wonderful land where we can
> engage in various on and off topic debates and minor character assasination from time to time.
> Bents v wedgies. Slander (or is it libel?) Zach Kaplan and Brian Ball from time to time who by the
> way are 2 of the more tenured and knowledgeable recumbists among our small group. Right thinking
> liberals v neo-fascist arch conservatives disguised as Libertarians. The joys of ARBR may never
> end. And the best part is that if someone does not like the thoughts being offered, they can move
> on to other threads or other newsgroups. This is all good stuff. Peace - Jon Shinefeld
> Philadelphia, PA

Yea - Amen to all of that you say above! At last, a kindred spirit who understands and knows what we
are all doing here. Most of the time I am having a very good laugh at what transpires on this
newsgroup. It is especially funny when someone gets really mad about something. We are all of us a
cast of characters that not even Hollywood could invent. It is by far more entertaining than
anything on the **** tube. My day would not be complete if I could not see what my fellow actors are
up to. And it is all for free too!

Ed Dolan - Minnesota

 

[Semi Fwankenten]

http://www.bushin30seconds.org/

 

[Edward Dolan]

Semi Fwankentender <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...

> http://www.bushin30seconds.org/

Oh, those liberal Dems - always good for a laugh! I am going to save that bit of malarkey for one of
those moments when I have absolutely nothing better to do. But isn't this by the same people
(moveon.org) who likened Bush to ****** - and we all know what to do with those kind of allusions. I
believe there is even a newsgroup law that covers that particular situation.

What we see happening is the liberal Dems self destructing right in front of our eyes. According to
Bill O'Reilly, Dean will be able to carry at most only eight (8) states in the general election -
not enough to become President.

Ed Dolan - Minnesota

 

[Spartakus]

[email protected] (Edward Dolan) wrote...
> Semi Fwankentender <[email protected]> wrote...

> > http://www.bushin30seconds.org/

> Oh, those liberal Dems - always good for a laugh! I am going to save that bit of malarkey for one
> of those moments when I have absolutely nothing better to do. But isn't this by the same people
> (moveon.org) who likened Bush to ****** - and we all know what to do with those kind of allusions.
> I believe there is even a newsgroup law that covers that particular situation.

I see that you are swallowing Ed Gillespie's misrepresentations whole, without even chewing. The
truth of the matter is that MoveOn.org sponsored an ad contest challenging people to come up
with 30-second

known as the "Bush Administration".

More than a 1000 entries were submitted. After an on-line poll, the field was narrowed to 15
finalists. Two entries made over-the-top comparisions between ****** and Bush - needless to say,
they didn't make the finals.

Like I said these commercials were submitted by private individuals; they were not produced by
MoveOn.org. And yet Ed Gillespie and the RNC are dishonestly characterizing them as "MoveOn's ads"
or "the MoveOn ads".

> What we see happening is the liberal Dems self destructing right in front of our eyes. According
> to Bill O'Reilly, Dean will be able to carry at most only eight (8) states in the general election
> - not enough to become President.

And you believe anything Bill O'Reilly says, huh?

ObRecumbentBike reference: it took some lobbying to force the Republican-controlled Congress to
restore funding for the Transportation Enhancements program, didn't it?

 

[Edward Dolan]

[email protected] (Spartakus) wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...

> [email protected] (Edward Dolan) wrote...
> > Semi Fwankentender <[email protected]> wrote...
>
> > > http://www.bushin30seconds.org/
>
> > Oh, those liberal Dems - always good for a laugh! I am going to save that bit of malarkey for
> > one of those moments when I have absolutely nothing better to do. But isn't this by the same
> > people (moveon.org) who likened Bush to ****** - and we all know what to do with those kind of
> > allusions. I believe there is even a newsgroup law that covers that particular situation.
>
> I see that you are swallowing Ed Gillespie's misrepresentations whole, without even chewing. The
> truth of the matter is that MoveOn.org sponsored an ad contest challenging people to come up with
> 30-second

> known as the "Bush Administration".

have the common horse sense to know how to defend this country. However, we don't need to worry
about that eventuality because the American people have enough horse sense to deny that moron any
chance of ever getting into the White House.

> More than a 1000 entries were submitted. After an on-line poll, the field was narrowed to 15
> finalists. Two entries made over-the-top comparisions between ****** and Bush - needless to say,
> they didn't make the finals.
>
> Like I said these commercials were submitted by private individuals; they were not produced by
> MoveOn.org. And yet Ed Gillespie and the RNC are dishonestly characterizing them as "MoveOn's ads"
> or "the MoveOn ads".

Nonsense! We know where the hearts of the liberal extremists lay. They are into just one thing and
that is hatred of Bush. It is irrational and marks them for the nuts and screwballs that they are.
They are foaming at the mouth and are rabid. Moveon.org is nothing but a liberal screed for Dean.

> > What we see happening is the liberal Dems self destructing right in front of our eyes. According
> > to Bill O'Reilly, Dean will be able to carry at most only eight (8) states in the general
> > election - not enough to become President.
>
> And you believe anything Bill O'Reilly says, huh?

Mr. O'Reilly is more often right than wrong, which is more than you can say for any of those g.d.
liberal commentators who infest the major media like a pox.

> ObRecumbentBike reference: it took some lobbying to force the Republican-controlled Congress to
> restore funding for the Transportation Enhancements program, didn't it?

That's right! Focus on trivia while the country is engaged in a major war on terror. That is why you
are going to be defeated big time in the next general election. You have no sense of what is
important and what is trivial. In fact, you have no sense at all!

Ed Dolan - Minnesota

 

[Spartakus]

[email protected] (Edward Dolan) wrote...
> [email protected] (Spartakus) wrote...
> > [email protected] (Edward Dolan) wrote...
> > > Semi Fwankentender <[email protected]> wrote...

> > > > http://www.bushin30seconds.org/

> > > Oh, those liberal Dems - always good for a laugh! I am going to save that bit of malarkey for
> > > one of those moments when I have absolutely nothing better to do. But isn't this by the same
> > > people (moveon.org) who likened Bush to ****** - and we all know what to do with those kind of
> > > allusions. I believe there is even a newsgroup law that covers that particular situation.

> > I see that you are swallowing Ed Gillespie's misrepresentations whole, without even chewing. The
> > truth of the matter is that MoveOn.org sponsored an ad contest challenging people to come up
> > with 30-second

> > known as the "Bush Administration".

> have the common horse sense to know how to defend this country.

I think you are describing the current administration; the one that has blown off and alienated our
allies; the one that launched a pre-emptive military attack on a country that posed no threat to the
U.S.; the one that has driven deficit spending to record highs; the one being yanked this way and
that by fruitcakes who write stupid, scary **** like this:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1400061946/102-5245116-4639334?v=glance

> However, we don't need to worry about that eventuality because the American people have enough
> horse sense to deny that moron any chance of ever getting into the White House.

Only if the American people are more horse's asses instead of Houyhnhnm.

> > More than a 1000 entries were submitted. After an on-line poll, the field was narrowed to 15
> > finalists. Two entries made over-the-top comparisions between ****** and Bush - needless to say,
> > they didn't make the finals.
> >
> > Like I said these commercials were submitted by private individuals; they were not produced by
> > MoveOn.org. And yet Ed Gillespie and the RNC are dishonestly characterizing them as "MoveOn's
> > ads" or "the MoveOn ads".

> Nonsense! We know where the hearts of the liberal extremists lay. They are into just one thing and
> that is hatred of Bush.

OK, we can do this two ways:

1. I can cite a few conservative quotations like these -

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

"When contemplating college liberals, you really regret once again that John Walker is not
getting the death penalty. We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically
intimidate liberals, by making them realize that they can be killed too. Otherwise they will
turn out to be outright traitors."

And say with equal conviction that these quotations define the heart and soul of the conservative
wing in this country; or,

2. Acknowledge that the idiots who produced the ******/Bush spots are completely tone-deaf in a
political sense, and don't speak for all liberals any more than Ann Coulter speaks for all
conservatives.

What works for you?

> It is irrational and marks them for the nuts and screwballs that they are. They are foaming at the
> mouth and are rabid.

Projection: "A defense mechanism in which the individual attributes to other people impulses and
traits that he himself has but cannot accept. It is especially likely to occur when the person lacks
insight into his own impulses and traits."

> Moveon.org is nothing but a liberal screed for Dean.

Word-clear "screed" and get back to us. I like MoveOn; they are doing a fantastic job of mobilizing
opposition to Bush's crazy and out-of-control agendas and policies.

> > > What we see happening is the liberal Dems self destructing right in front of our eyes.
> > > According to Bill O'Reilly, Dean will be able to carry at most only eight (8) states in the
> > > general election - not enough to become President.

> > And you believe anything Bill O'Reilly says, huh?
>
> Mr. O'Reilly is more often right than wrong, which is more than you can say for any of those g.d.
> liberal commentators who infest the major media like a pox.

Bill O'Reilly promised to apologize to the public and never trust the Bush Administration again if
no weapons of mass destruction were found in Iraq. Has he followed through on that promise? Answer:
no, because he is dishonest buffoon (and a bully).

> > ObRecumbentBike reference: it took some lobbying to force the Republican-controlled Congress to
> > restore funding for the Transportation Enhancements program, didn't it?

> That's right! Focus on trivia while the country is engaged in a major war on terror. That is why
> you are going to be defeated big time in the next general election. You have no sense of what is
> important and what is trivial. In fact, you have no sense at all!

Ed, see what's in the newsgroup line? We are way off topic here, pal.