A man appears before the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St Peter asks. "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once I came upon a gang of high testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him: "Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me." St Peter was impressed and asked: "When did this happen?" The man replied: "Just a few minutes ago."