The worst cycling tips in the world!

[doctorSpoc]

after the third monster stage of a 4 stage RR they were handing out Red Bull at the finish line???... my team mate hands a couple and say, hey, drink this it's a recovery drink... so i down them.. little do i know it's an energy drink and not a recovery drink... has 4 time the caffine of a coke.. and in general the dieretic affect of caffine is really strong on me anyway and flushes all water out of my system and on top of that i want to go back the the hotel to sleep and i'm just wired and can't get to sleep for hours...

or for a really tecnical, 8 corner, crit... pump you tire up really hard it will give you way better road feel and handling and make you go way faster

 

[Sillyoldtwit]

I don't know if this has appeared before, but I haven't got a week to read through this thread.

When I was around 50, a 50 plus TT guy told me I should train no more than every other day to give the body time to recover. I've lived by this ever since until 1 month ago at the age of 63 I found this forum - RDO and Palewin.
I now do hard 2x 20s 3 days running. Thank God for this forum!

 

[edd]

I don't know if this has appeared before, but I haven't got a week to read through this thread.

When I was around 50, a 50 plus TT guy told me I should train no more than every other day to give the body time to recover. I've lived by this ever since until 1 month ago at the age of 63 I found this forum - RDO and Palewin.
I now do hard 2x 20s 3 days running. Thank God for this forum!

come on … recovery is for the sick and the injured, is it ?

 

[sidewind]

Don't know wether this really was advice, but sounded like this:
"We have to slow down because this aluminium frame is too hard to ride on this road..."

 

[Sillyoldtwit]

This was a tip for runners with fat upper thighs that rub together when they run, but could equally apply to cyclists with fat upper thighs.

I used to run with a friend who swore by rubbing butter on the thighs to stop chafing. The thing is, he used to dip his fingers in the butter dish as we were going out at 6am every morning. His wife never understood why I politely refused toast in their house after our runs, when she knew I ate toast at home.

 

[frenchyge]

I used to run with a friend who swore by rubbing butter on the thighs to stop chafing.

Peanut butter works good to add resistance for those low-cadence, big-gear, strength building rides. Substitute with chunky-style to make you 'mentally tough' as well.

 

[edd]

Peanut butter works good to add resistance for those low-cadence, big-gear, strength building rides. Substitute with chunky-style to make you 'mentally tough' as well.

If you wear black tights you are much beter off with vegemite, as it is black and won't stain your clothes.

 

[Sillyoldtwit]

What about rubbing some engine oil (used OK) on the thighs to give you those smooth extra revs. Unless you are one of the elite, there's no need to go for high grade oil, any cheap oil will do. But remember to change the oil occasionally, especially when it becomes clogged up with hairs.

 

[edd]

What about rubbing some engine oil (used OK) on the thighs to give you those smooth extra revs. Unless you are one of the elite, there's no need to go for high grade oil, any cheap oil will do. But remember to change the oil occasionally, especially when it becomes clogged up with hairs.

HEY ! this sounds like I'm missing out on good tips. How do I get these really big thighs anyway

 

[edd]

Don't know wether this really was advice, but sounded like this:
"We have to slow down because this aluminium frame is too hard to ride on this road..."

I had a rider in a small group I ride with complain that there was something wrong with her bike, her pedals were to hard to turn. I checked out the bike ( nothing appeared to be wrong ) so I gave her the best advise I could think of at the time, You should take it back to the shop and ask them to fit some easier turning pedals !

 

[Doctor Morbius]

What about rubbing some engine oil (used OK) on the thighs to give you those smooth extra revs. Unless you are one of the elite, there's no need to go for high grade oil, any cheap oil will do. But remember to change the oil occasionally, especially when it becomes clogged up with hairs.

You guys are killing me. I'm one of those chaps with larger thighs and when I used to jog/run I had to lube the insides of my legs with baby oil. Too many squats and leg presses in college I suppose.

 

[lyotard]

there was a company called "porkka pig" that made lead weights to add to your bike, in this very same interest...don't think there 'round anymore.

for my best tip, a pre race meal, before a crit, less than 1 hr before, go to a japanese restaurant that has pork katsu (also called tongkatsu), heavily battered and fried, with the dark red plum sauce. the preferred dish will have more lipid content and gristle than any greasy pork chop, reminiscent of spam.

got third and a prime on this, hardly tried to regurgitate at all!

eddy had whiskey and sausage the night before the hour record...

Heavy bike...makes you stronger.

 

[Sillyoldtwit]

Edd wrote:

I had a rider in a small group I ride with complain that there was something wrong with her bike, her pedals were to hard to turn. I checked out the bike ( nothing appeared to be wrong ) so I gave her the best advise I could think of at the time, You should take it back to the shop and ask them to fit some easier turning pedals !

Funny you should mention the pedals Edd. As I said in another thread, I recently splashed out on a Cannondale R700 thinking it would improve my cycling. Now, on the flat and downhill the pedals go round a treat, but I've found when I come to a mountain, the pedals are hard to turn. I was thinking of checking with the shop to see if they have perhaps fitted the wrong pedals.

Or maybe I'll just buy a jar of chunky peanut butter instead.

The fat thighed Doc wrote:

You guys are killing me. I'm one of those chaps with larger thighs and when I used to jog/run I had to lube the insides of my legs with baby oil.

Well at least you don't stick your fingers (which have just been to the toilet with you) in the bloody butter. Have you tried whale blubber by the way Doc? You'll lose all your friends, but your thighs will slide over each other a treat.
End of advice. TYSON

 

[Doctor Morbius]

Have you tried whale blubber by the way Doc? You'll lose all your friends, but your thighs will slide over each other a treat.

I've dated some pretty large women in my day, yes.

 

[edd]

Edd wrote:


Funny you should mention the pedals Edd. As I said in another thread, I recently splashed out on a Cannondale R700 thinking it would improve my cycling. Now, on the flat and downhill the pedals go round a treat, but I've found when I come to a mountain, the pedals are hard to turn. I was thinking of checking with the shop to see if they have perhaps fitted the wrong pedals.

Or maybe I'll just buy a jar of chunky peanut butter instead.

The fat thighed Doc wrote:


Well at least you don't stick your fingers (which have just been to the toilet with you) in the bloody butter. Have you tried whale blubber by the way Doc? You'll lose all your friends, but your thighs will slide over each other a treat.
End of advice. TYSON

On some thread in here somewhere there were a couple of engineer types debating the effect of the weight of the cycling shoe they wore. So new idea helium filled pedals and shoes … what da ya think ?

 

[Bigbananabike]

On some thread in here somewhere there were a couple of engineer types debating the effect of the weight of the cycling shoe they wore. So new idea helium filled pedals and shoes … what da ya think ?

Helium shoes - easy up - but hard coming down. It's a no winner!!

 

[edd]

Helium shoes - easy up - but hard coming down. It's a no winner!!

bummer ! maybe if we put lead in the toes ? no that won't work either greater mass to spin … I got it … embedding cleats directly into the riders feet !

 

[Sillyoldtwit]

Come on guys. use your brains. You use the helium filled shoes for going up, then the lead filled shoes which you've had slung around your neck for coming down. Of course you sling the helium filled shoes around your neck ready for the next climb. Easy, peasy, Japaneasy. Tut!

PS The pedals are another problem, I'll leave that to the Einsteins among you.

 

[edd]

Come on guys. use your brains. You use the helium filled shoes for going up, then the lead filled shoes which you've had slung around your neck for coming down. Of course you sling the helium filled shoes around your neck ready for the next climb. Easy, peasy, Japaneasy. Tut!

PS The pedals are another problem, I'll leave that to the Einsteins among you.

Think we are really on to something here … Teckno-sports piercing. forget the prince alberts and al that bull … spindle tube straight through the feet. No pedals required. Slide the feet straight onto a pedal axle !

 

[K50]

yeah drink lot's of red bull. Anything that says is an energy drink IS! (for those who don't know, that was 100% sarcasm. Red Bull and all that other **** is bad for you. Liquid heart attack)


Never take days off. It will only make you slower.

Those are my worst tips