Today's hearty laugh...excerpt of The Curse of Lono

Discussion in 'Road Cycling' started by Badger South, Feb 7, 2004.

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  1. Badger South

    Badger South Guest

    Thought the group might get a chuckle out of this, from the first chapter

    Hunter S. Thompson
    c/o General Delivery Woody Creek, CO

    Dear Hunter: To keep a potential screed down to a few lines, we would like you to cover the Honolulu
    Marathon. We will pay all expenses and an excellent fee. Please contact us. Think about it. This is
    a good chance for a vacation. Sincerely,

    Executive Editor, Running Magazine

    October 25, 1980 Owl Farm Dear Ralph (Ralph Steadman, noted gonzo illustrator/cartoonist), I think
    we have a live one this time, old sport. Some dingbat named Perry up in Oregon wants to give us a
    month in Hawaii for Christmas and all we have to do is cover the Honolulu Marathon for his magazine,
    a thing called Running. . . Yeah, I know what you're thinking, Ralph. You're pacing around over
    there in the war room at the Old Loose Court and thinking, "Why me? And why now? Just when I'm
    getting respectable?" Well. . . let's face it, Ralph; anybody can be respectable, especially in
    England. But not everybody can get paid to run like a bastard for 26 miles in some maniac hype race
    called the Honolulu Marathon. We are both entered in this event, Ralph, and I feel pretty confident
    about winning. We will need a bit of training, but not much. The main thing will be to run as an
    entry and set a killer pace for the first three miles. These body-nazis have been training all year
    for the supreme effort in this Super Bowl of marathons. The promoters expect 10,000 entrants, and
    the course is 26 miles; which means they will all start slow.
    . . because 26 miles is a hell of a long way to run, for any reason at all, and all the pros in this
    field will start slow and pace themselves very carefully for the first 20 miles. But not us,
    Ralph. We will come out of the blocks like human torpedoes and alter the whole nature of the race
    by sprinting the first three miles shoulder-to-shoulder in under 10 minutes. A pace like that will
    crack their nuts, Ralph. These people are into running, not racing -- so our strategy will be to
    race like whorehounds for the first three miles. I figure we can crank ourselves up to a level of
    frenzy that will clock about 9:55 at the three-mile checkpoint. . . which will put us so far ahead
    of the field that they won't even be able to see us. We will be over the hill and all alone when
    we hit the stretch along Ala Moana Boulevard still running shoulder-to-shoulder at a pace so fast
    and crazy that not even the judges will feel sane about it.
    . . and the rest of the field will be left so far behind that many will be overcome with blind rage
    and confusion.

  2. Badger South <[email protected]> wrote:
    : Thought the group might get a chuckle out of this, from the first chapter

    that was great. thanks,
    david reuteler [email protected]
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