too good to be true!

Discussion in 'The Bike Cafe' started by less'go, Sep 16, 2004.

  1. James Bruce Gil

    James Bruce Gil New Member

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    Interesting corollary of Murphy's Law that one. Insect limbs are not always such an advantage. Consider the derelect infested with body lice. He or she would have limbs to literally to burn. Some how I don't think it would be advantageous though.

    Kind regards,
     


  2. EoinC

    EoinC New Member

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    It appears to me that a case (carton / block / slab - depending upon ones local nomenclature) could be made for beer drinkers appearing as providing a Darwinian moment in division of the species. Back in the 80's I was working on an Island off the Northwest Coast of Australia. We were all good beer drinkers, to a man / woman, but there were, amongst us, a group of humanoids who had taken it to another level. In order to become a member of this select band of brothers, one had to be able to rest a full middie (285ml glass of beer), hands-free, on the top of ones beer gut, whilst remaining seated on a bar stool.
    I have an idea that the physical attribute of the beer gut is actually the evolving body making way for the installation of a future second brain. Those of us who don't possess such an attribute (or possess one of little development), may chortle and guffaw at such a sight. Friends - Be reminded, however, that our knuckle-draggin' forefathers probably laughed at the first of our ancestors who made the move to walking upright.
    Do not be surprised, therefore, if a future snapshot of mankind sees bipeds with small heads and with large brain cavities at stomach level, laughing merrily at images of our current version of homo erectus.
    Why the need to place the brain in the gut region? Fast-tracking of brain food. Currently, when we drink, the beer goes down the intestinal tract and then has to be pumped back up to the brain in order to continue with culling the bad brain cells. A lot of wasted effort and, presumably, dilution of the active ingredients. I foresee a brain which decants directly from the stomache, introducing a new level of efficiency.
    In an effort to aid research in this theory, I now drink lying down and, whilst it often involves a degree of spillage, it can be quite comfortable and effective. This may, in fact, be why we tend to fall down when drunk - our body is telling us that we have reached the limit of what we can imbibe using an archaic pumping digestive / cardio-vascular system and we need to help overcome the battle with gravity in getting the alcohol delivered to the right address.
    I must point out that all I have written here has been scribed whilst sober - so it is not necessarily correct.
     
  3. EoinC

    EoinC New Member

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    Yes, I have always found burning of limbs (including scalding my feet on hot wort) to be a rather ineffectual way of going about the daily grind.
     
  4. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    Il mio Italiano e debole.Prende la vosta bicicletta molto?
    Mi dispasio! I am still learning and I hear a lot better than I can spell.
    Preferisco hillbilly!

    Eionc seems to relate to our new order,if only we could find our patron saint Sara to deliver a resounding message of hope.
    I must retire now, for it has been a long day of riding and boating and other things. I will have more cognitive thoughts in the morning,I hope.
    Cin Cin ciao!
     
  5. EoinC

    EoinC New Member

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    In case there is a problem with the use of Aussie terms for drinking apparatus, this may help http://www.doaustralia.com/AtoZ/drink.htm (please note, however, that West Australians generally use the term 'Middie' for a 285ml glass, not 'Glass' as stated). I hope this confusing state of affairs isn't scaring any of you...
     
  6. James Bruce Gil

    James Bruce Gil New Member

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    Huskey,

    Your Italian language may still not be strong, but it is coming on nicely. What you need now is an Italian mistress to chat to in between times. There is nothing like a fluent native speaker to help bring these things along. Does Sara speak Italian?

    EoinC,

    We don't find the drinking apparatus at all difficult. If the glass falls through your hand, ask for the next size up. If your can't fit your hand around it, ask for the next size down! :D

    The confusion comes when your away from your home state. A "schooner" in NSW is about 375 ml or 13.3 fluid ounces. In South Australia, a "schooner" is 280 ml or 10 fluid ounces. Along the Murray River, would you believe, if you ask for a beer you get a paltry 140ml or 5 ounce glass. A bit like the thimble that grandma used to sew with, but clear. Drinking them is a bit like swallowing asprins. That is problematic because the bar maids are run off their feet.

    Kind regards,
     
  7. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    I have seriously sought someone that can school me but to no good end.
    I believe Sara is fluent in French but either way she is absent.
    Gil ,I am however an expert on barmaids and can shed light upon the subject.
    Maybe I can import an Italian barmaid.
     
  8. James Bruce Gil

    James Bruce Gil New Member

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    Huskey,

    That is the way to go. Find a lass who can cater to all needs.....Language, lust & lushery the entire gammit! :D

    KInd regards,
     
  9. James Bruce Gil

    James Bruce Gil New Member

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    Good citizens of St Sara de Beer's,

    In order to save the kids of the cycling world from being shocked, I vote that we invite the warring parties to move to St Sara's where they can resolve the catastrophic issues in front of understanding cyclists.

    Kind regards,
     
  10. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    Don't know about the waring part but the party sounds good. I am hosting one Saturday. 7:00 pm
    All the regulars here are invited. Last man or woman standing ...wins.

    Gil: I am of the philosophical conclusion that it will be up to future generations to decide who won the conflicts of today including debates here on this forum.
    I suspect that we will be looked at as childlike creatures with delusions of importance.
    So lets us reflect on the important issues and waste no more time. SEX,BEER,CYCLING.
    Which is more important? Man may never know.
    Cin Cin
     
  11. James Bruce Gil

    James Bruce Gil New Member

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    Huskey,

    I suppose we should one again turn our intellects to the more serious matters.

    I suppose one needs first of all to rank these in order of importance. The strange thing is that at differing times they can change the rank in import.

    Consider the situation as happened to me a couple of years back when I wandered innocently into a bar with the view to having a quiet beer or two. Obviously, prior to walking in to the bar, beer was ranking very highly with sex and cycling at the back of my mind. The bar was called Toucan's but should have been called "half a can" because thats about all I had that night.

    Scarcely, having time to get my first beer and take a sip, a woman whom had obviously been there for a while latched on to me. Almost instantly, beer was relegated to second place. After establishing that there was nobody else at her house, I did the noble thing and escorted her home and helped her at her time of need.

    While we were laying about after the deed all relaxed she said her husband would be home soon as he finished his shift at 10:00 PM. The time was almost 20 minutes past. My priority immediately switched to cycling, problem was that all of my bikes were locked up in the shed at home.

    All those years that I had wondered about priorities, I finally concluded that you must grasp the nettle when the opportunity is there. :D

    Within the space of 4 hours I had completely re-ranked all three of them, I suppose I'm just fickle.

    Kind regards,
     
  12. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    This is the conundrum of which I speak. You can "reframe' any given situatoin according to the needs or wants of a given moment.
    The longer you live the more you realize these perplexities of life.
    I suppose we will die as those before us in a fog of mystery, but I hope that will be quite some time.
    I am off to the state capital next week to help solve some of the world problems.
    So you can sleep well and in assurance that the world will be a better place when I get through with our law makers.
    But before that I must consume some fruit of the grain this weekend. It should be good party ,about 40 or so to attend .
    I wish you could be here.
     
  13. James Bruce Gil

    James Bruce Gil New Member

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    Huskey,

    I would love to be there, but alas I cannot. Its Father's day in Oz this weekend and we are off to the weekender to get things all ship shape ready for the warmer weather.

    Enjoy your party, I shall be thinking of you all & I may even have a glass or two myself with my sons.

    Don't do anything that I wouldn't do, but if you do remember that its often better to tell a logical lie than to try and explain an embarrasing situation with an illogical truth.

    Kind regards,
     
  14. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    Words of experience,no doubt.
     
  15. James Bruce Gil

    James Bruce Gil New Member

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    Huskey,

    My wife is a very suspicious woman. I once tried to explain to her how I got separated from the rest of the group , got locked in a fire escape stairway and was helping a woman to pull up her panties at the time we were discovered.

    She wouldn't believe that the woman needed help and I was only trying to assist her.

    Kind regards,
     
  16. EoinC

    EoinC New Member

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    Whichever one (or more) that you're not indulging in at the time. Have a good party, Huskey.
     
  17. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    It is unclear why female have such a suspicious disposition. I can see the logic that you were acting in a reasonable manner and living up to the highest standard of gentlemanly behavoir.
    If she had been completely naked I am sure you would have thrown yourself on her to cover her.
    I mean would you stop to inquire why see was naked to start with...of course not.
    The female perspective,it completely escapes my undestanding.
     
  18. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    Thanks, I wish some of you guy could be here, but I will post some photos if I deem them interesting.
     
  19. James Bruce Gil

    James Bruce Gil New Member

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    Huskey,

    I agree. However, it is quite difficult to hurriedly pull up a lady's knickers and panty hose in concert. They all get rolled up like the open end of a condom when they are taken off.

    As to nobly throwing my self on top to protect the poor lady's modesty, in the right circumstance I probably would have even done that. However, I had to move up frontally very close on the stairway to achieve the same effect in the verticle circumstance.

    Do you know that I was accused of having a knee trembler even though I wasn't even standing on the same step of the stairway!!

    Problem was I was only one step below when we were found, and even if I had the presence of mind to reverse up I'd still have been in the gun. :D

    Kind regards,
     
  20. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    Hard to imagine a dignified way to exit that situation. Perhaps next time you could claim the lady was snake bitten and you were sucking out the poison.
    A brave a nobel jesture.

    By the way the sky is falling here,gas to hit $4.00 a gallon or better next week. Talk of shortages and panic. I can actually feel the tension.
    It reminds me some of the feel after Sept 11 2001.
    The bright side is that when people with cheap cars fill up, their cars will be twice as much.
    The bad part is that truck carry beer and trucks use petrol products .
    SCARY!
     
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