Top ten ways to look like a better cyclist than you are! :)



Feanor

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Jul 21, 2003
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Ok, on the last club ride I went on (which I rarely do) I had alot of fun because on long flat sections we would talk endlessly about a variety of subjects... one of them that got started was a spinoff of a discussion about wearing pro-team jersey's when you weren't on a pro team...

So, three of us went up and down the line of cyclists asking for there favorite ways to "pose" and here is the top ten list... feel free to add others! It was a hilarious ride and there were ALOT of suggestions for this verbal "thread" but the one's that stuck in my mind are:


10) After drinking from your water bottle, give it a serious toss off to the side of the road. No matter how fast you;re going, you'll seem a lot more of a "serious" cyclist...

9) Insert a small whistle in one of the vents of your helmet, that way, when you pass someone going 7mph and you're going 12mph it will sound like you are going 30...

8) Gel your hair back in a highspeed windswept look, so even slow, you'll look fast...

7) Wear a kneebrace as a reasonable excuse for why you're not pounding out a 30mph pace...

6) Always ride against traffic because head-on you'll always appear to be going much faster than you are

5) Always ride downhill

4) Always use a disk wheel, they look fast even standing still

3) Pull off to the side of the road near another group of resting cyclists and fiddle with your HRM as though you rolled over its 99hr max time recording.

2) Use a double chainring all the time and just avoid all the places where you can't cut it without having a triple...

and the number way to Pose?

1) slap some pro cycling stickers on your Audi station wagon family car, and have your wife pace you as you ride up and down the main road.
 

gdiza

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Jul 28, 2004
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HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! good ones!
i like the whistle one

what i've noticed is, if u cycle and over take someone and shout something along the lines of "come on guys, keep up" or you say something motivational, they'll try stick with you and pop out some questions about "how long you been cycling" "how many argus's have you done" etc etc etc and i guess wearing my "south africa" cycling cloths also kinda helps in making other cyclists think i'm some hectic cyclist (which i want to be... eventually)
 

cydewaze

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Jun 17, 2004
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I have a good one.

While cycling, wear your cellphone hand-free unit. Make sure the cord and mic are visible. Then, blast past a pack of other cyclists on a full sprint. When you burn out, pull over to the side quickly, and as they pass, put your hand up to your earpiece and say, "Where the hell are you guys? Well come on, I'm not going to wait for you forever".

Repeat as necessary :cool:
 

izzodesh

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Aug 2, 2003
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cydewaze said:
I have a good one.

While cycling, wear your cellphone hand-free unit. Make sure the cord and mic are visible. Then, blast past a pack of other cyclists on a full sprint. When you burn out, pull over to the side quickly, and as they pass, put your hand up to your earpiece and say, "Where the hell are you guys? Well come on, I'm not going to wait for you forever".

Repeat as necessary :cool:
haahah i like that one...
i see ppl o stupid **** in central park all week long...
the most common thing is the slow guys who all haver discs..
 

TheDL

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Jul 1, 2004
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cydewaze said:
I have a good one.

While cycling, wear your cellphone hand-free unit. Make sure the cord and mic are visible. Then, blast past a pack of other cyclists on a full sprint. When you burn out, pull over to the side quickly, and as they pass, put your hand up to your earpiece and say, "Where the hell are you guys? Well come on, I'm not going to wait for you forever".

Repeat as necessary :cool:

LOL, YES! *note to self
 

birdman23

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Aug 11, 2003
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Plastic surgery. Body builders have been getting calf implants for years. :eek:

That was only a joke.
 

Telegram Sam

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Jul 14, 2004
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You left out a Sonoma County wine-country favorite. The guys here that think they are "the s#*t" first wear all pro gear (team gear for the maker of the bikes)...they all ride sevens or the like, they spend a great deal of time standing by the bike at outdoor cafe's...and they never,never wave to other people on bikes
Makes it fun when you smoke them.

That was some funny stuff (especially the bottle toss)- thanks for the laugh
 

birdman23

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Aug 11, 2003
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Telegram Sam said:
You left out a Sonoma County wine-country favorite. The guys here that think they are "the s#*t" first wear all pro gear (team gear for the maker of the bikes)...they all ride sevens or the like, they spend a great deal of time standing by the bike at outdoor cafe's...and they never,never wave to other people on bikes
Makes it fun when you smoke them.

That was some funny stuff (especially the bottle toss)- thanks for the laugh
I agree. There are these guys in my town who all wear full on Postal kits, the "Leader" dons a yellow jersey, they all ride Trek 5500's. One day I was leisurly riding with my sister on a local bike path and these guys come "screamin" by at about 18 mph and yelling at people to get out of the way. I almost fell over laughing. My sister and I got off the bike path and onto the main road. We ramped it up to about 25 mph on the flat and cruised to the top of a hill where the bike path ends. We got there and just sat and waited for the Blue Train to arrive. They came out of the path and saw us waiting there. Their faces looked like this :eek: The Maillot Jaune just ignored us when he went by. The domestiques both asked us how we got there because they didn't see us pass them on the trail. It was pretty funny. POSERS. I am sure every town has a Postal team in it!

I thought the bottle throwing should have been number 1. Can you imaging driving down the road and seeing a lone cyclist launching his only water bottle into a field! Ha ha ha
 

TrekDedicated

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Jun 17, 2004
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birdman23 said:
I agree. There are these guys in my town who all wear full on Postal kits, the "Leader" dons a yellow jersey, they all ride Trek 5500's. One day I was leisurly riding with my sister on a local bike path and these guys come "screamin" by at about 18 mph and yelling at people to get out of the way. I almost fell over laughing. My sister and I got off the bike path and onto the main road. We ramped it up to about 25 mph on the flat and cruised to the top of a hill where the bike path ends. We got there and just sat and waited for the Blue Train to arrive. They came out of the path and saw us waiting there. Their faces looked like this :eek: The Maillot Jaune just ignored us when he went by. The domestiques both asked us how we got there because they didn't see us pass them on the trail. It was pretty funny. POSERS. I am sure every town has a Postal team in it!

I thought the bottle throwing should have been number 1. Can you imaging driving down the road and seeing a lone cyclist launching his only water bottle into a field! Ha ha ha


Wow..... wow ..... hilarious...

I wear a USPS kit (it's in the rotation of the 3 jerseys I have), but that is a little extreme. I certainly don't think I am the 'blue train', I wave to people, etc....

That is a great story... I love this post topic!!!
 

cydewaze

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Jun 17, 2004
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birdman23 said:
Can you imaging driving down the road and seeing a lone cyclist launching his only water bottle into a field! Ha ha ha

Even funnier if he got nabbed for littering. :p
 

birdman23

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Aug 11, 2003
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TrekDedicated said:
Wow..... wow ..... hilarious...

I wear a USPS kit (it's in the rotation of the 3 jerseys I have), but that is a little extreme. I certainly don't think I am the 'blue train', I wave to people, etc....

That is a great story... I love this post topic!!!
I have a Postal jersey amongst my other jerseys too and I ride a Trek, but I mean these guys have the socks, the shorts, the jersey, gloves, helmets, etc. The whole nine yards. It really is pretty funny maybe it wouldn't be if they could ride. I still wave to them when I see them but I think they are going too fast to notice. :)
 

Telegram Sam

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Jul 14, 2004
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Yeah- I love it when those guys vibe us. We charge it on our Hybrids harder then they ever do on their 5K bikes and they are going to give us attitude... They'd look cool wearing that Trek Madone as a necklace for sure.
We have our patented response for those who think they are cool charging the local bike path in their US Postal kits. We stand off to the side and as they pass we raise our middle fingers and yell Allez!
...and then throw our water bottles at them ha ha ha
 

birdman23

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Aug 11, 2003
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Hire neighborhood kids to line up along your favorite route. Supply them with cowbells, magaphones, obnoxious costumes, and country flags. Teach them how to say "Allez insert your name here", or "Venga insert name here"

Also supply them with lots of paint and tell them it is ok to grafitti the streets! Except don't show them how to paint large phalluse. Ha ha.
 

birdman23

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Aug 11, 2003
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birdman23 said:
Hire neighborhood kids to line up along your favorite route. Supply them with cowbells, magaphones, obnoxious costumes, and country flags. Teach them how to say "Allez insert your name here", or "Venga insert name here"

Also supply them with lots of paint and tell them it is ok to grafitti the streets! Except don't show them how to paint large phalluse. Ha ha.
What happened to the EDIT feature??

Corrections:
Megaphones
Phalluses
 

Feanor

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Jul 21, 2003
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birdman23 said:
How about going into a full aero tuck as you roll out of your driveway.

LOL!!!!! This is one time where I really am laughing out loud!!!!!
 

Geoff2010

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Apr 17, 2004
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birdman23 said:
How about going into a full aero tuck as you roll out of your driveway.

Oh man... I have been sitting here laughing out loud for about 10 minutes now... you made my day :)