Top ten ways to look like a better cyclist than you are! :)

Discussion in 'The Bike Cafe' started by Feanor, Jul 27, 2004.

  1. El Loto

    El Loto New Member

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    Find and identify a route ridden by slow or leisure cyclists. Purchase a full world champions kit (or get somebody to sew the rainbow stripes onto your socks). Get the Fi'zi:k arione rainbow stripes saddle, repaint your bike. Just make sure everything is white with the rainbow stripes and then find the slow groupand tank it past them. Make sure you have somebody riding in the "Team" car, which says "World Champion" on the bonnet and the bumpers. Have somebody on a motorcycle with a friend riding pillion and taking photographs. For the whole hog, hire a helicopter to fly overhead.
     


  2. El Loto

    El Loto New Member

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    Hey Birdman! We need to get this thread running like it did in the Summer. I only found it last week but it is by far the most entertaining on the site.
     
  3. Cyclist14

    Cyclist14 New Member

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    Let's start this thread again.


    Here is one way:

    SHow up at a ride, pull out your phone and pretend that your are calling Lance, then pretend you are talking to him and say " Sorry Lance, but I am about to go on a ride so I can't go to the team meeting".
     
  4. DHinrichs

    DHinrichs New Member

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    Save up all of your nearly dead tires over the course of a few years. Show up at several consecutive group rides with a different set of tires on the bike that is nearly gone. As the tires start to shred you can gleefully make comments like, "You know, these used to last for A LOT more than a 1000 miles a week!" or "Naw, it wasn't the milage this time. It was the SPEED!" or maybe, "Did you know taking a 6 mile long hill at 30mph can WRECK your tire!?"
     
  5. Cyclist14

    Cyclist14 New Member

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    good one!!!
     
  6. Cyclist14

    Cyclist14 New Member

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    Spray-On Tan!!!
     
  7. Lonnie Utah

    Lonnie Utah Banned

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    Sprint up to the L.B.S. on a crowded Saturday (make sure lots of people are in the store). Run in with a flat front. Ask them how fast they can change it. Tell them you're on a solo break away and you need it done before the chase group catches you. After they fix it, run back outside and ride off as fast as you can....
     
  8. Hypnospin

    Hypnospin New Member

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    1. clean your bike completely, then ride through a puddle to get some serious roadie spatter.

    2. wear the team issue kit from an invite only amateur team, you can pick one up used on ebay. if you do not already have one.

    3.be reasonably trim, if not quite, do wear xl jersey, the flapping conceals...

    4. have scuffed up shoes.

    5. this years shades.

    6. you can have people you encounter make excuses regarding your pace for you if you add how far you are out. this can be embellished.

    7. do never resort to a camelbk.

    8. have sponsor stickers on the fork blades.

    9. if you can hang ok, still do remark, i am cooked, mind if i tag along?

    10. take a pull on the downhill, only to keep it slow.



     
  9. Lonnie Utah

    Lonnie Utah Banned

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    Ride up to the drivers side window of an unknow car and ask for a cold biddon and some food....

    L
     
  10. House

    House Banned

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    Greatest thread ever!

    I actually used to do this in races as well as group rides:

    When the hill gets hard and everybody is huffing and puffing and straining, grab a bottle, sit up hands off the bars and ride past people while having a leisurly drink.

    I pissed a lot of people off! But man I could climb back then!
     
  11. big Pete

    big Pete New Member

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    I clean that up, I race and volunteer in triathalons. I am glad that you enjoyed it.

    Pete
     
  12. Cambo

    Cambo New Member

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    This thread is great. I still love the first waterbottle-toss that was posted. I'm still laughing now. I've been tempted to do that a few times when riding past some ladies, just to look like I'm the real deal lol.
     
  13. mitosis

    mitosis New Member

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    This is the best thread on the whole forum.

    I haven't read all of it yet, I'll need a couple of hours.

    As with Cambo, the water bottle toss is the best.

    Thanks for the laughs. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
     
  14. House

    House Banned

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    Someone mentioned tanning in your bike kit...I had a friend who bragged and bragged about his spring break training trip, especially after the weather in Florida (where all of our friends were going for spring break) was predicted to be rainy. He went on and on about how great his tan would be and how great the weather would be, etc. Well the weather was crappy, so he went to a tanning place and tanned in his kit! He had a great bike tan...but hadn't earned it.
     
  15. John Knees

    John Knees New Member

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    My sweetest moment was about 17 years ago - I was 55 at the time.

    I'd been over to Mike Perry's "Wielersport" lightweight shop at Bognor (Sussex, U.K.) for a coffee, a training doughnut and a new saddle, and was going back to Worthing - about 16 miles.

    As I was going East out of Bognor, two Hell's Cherubs on "trail bikes" (look like scrambling machines, nobbly tyres, big clearances, make a lot of noise but totally gutless) barged out of a side turning in front of me.

    I easily chipped onto the back wheel of the second one, and once out of the urban area, they opened it up to about 38 m.p.h., flat out, sitting well forward with their nuts rattling on the fuel tank.

    For the next 5 miles or so, I had a comfortable and effortless ride on 52 x 13 and neither lad knew I was there - they didn't look behind once!

    Eventually, where the road rises slightly to bridge the river Arun, they slowed, and my pacemaker started to turn to look behind him.

    This was my cue. I moved out of the tow and swept past, beaming at him and calling out out "this wind makes it a bit hard, doesn't it?"

    His face was a picture. Imagine, you and your mate have been hammering along on your Noddy bikes, grabbing another big handful of throttle every 100 yards or so, then some old fart comes swishing past on a push bike.

    Only happens once in a lifetime, sadly.
    :eek:
    John
     
  16. jcjordan

    jcjordan New Member

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    Oh man I can hardly breath I am laughing so hard. I am just imagining the bug eyed look and the dropped jaw. :eek:

    I am going to be giggling about this for days! :D
     
  17. Orange Fish

    Orange Fish New Member

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    Hahahahaha! Classic. [​IMG] My girlfriend always makes fun of me because I forget to take my clear lens Tifosi glasses off! They just sit there at 9pm at night on top of my head!
     
  18. 886014

    886014 New Member

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    Show up to your spin class in a skin suit, aero helmet and shoe covers.
     
  19. jhuskey

    jhuskey Moderator

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    Send threatening letters to the president that way secret service will follow you around and everyone will think you have federal bodyguards while you ride and that you are someone of importance.

    Yes I know some of you already do send letters, but sign them this time.
     
  20. domaindomain

    domaindomain New Member

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    Get some coloured tyres! Yellow or Red are always good!

    The uninitiated think they are something very special, even if they are only rubino pros....
     
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