Top ten ways to look like a better cyclist than you are! :)

[Shreklookalike]

Ummm, I have actually done this with my people. Yellow Jersey for best overall, Poka Dot for most improvement, Green for third place, White for 2nd. I wasn't sure about the order, but it works. We had podium ceremonies and everything.

What kind of business? Where do I apply?

 

[Olasnah]

What kind of business? Where do I apply?

Training class for a call center. I have to come up with ways to motivate people to sell stuff during training. The Polka-dot Jersey (interestingly enough) was the most sought after. Unfortunately I had to use t-shirts,,,jerseys were too hard to come by.

 

[TrekDedicated]

Here's some more:

WITH THE FAMILY & FRIENDS:

Whenever you're invited to a pot-luck, bring a huge bowl of pasta and eat it all yourself.

When you go camping, have the wife and kids sleep in the camper, while you sleep outside in your altitude tent.

Give your dogs and cats names like Merxx, Hinault, Lemond & Indurain.

Get an aquarium with a bunch of slow schooling fish and one fast swimming yellow fish.

Get some deer, bison, and ram heads from a taxidermist and replace the antlers with various styles of handlebars before hanging them on your wall.

Tell your buddies you'll bring a couple of six-packs for poker night, and show up with two six-packs of Dasani.

Shave your entire body and get a full body tatoo of your favorite cycling team's kit.

AT WORK:

Wear your cycling gloves while using your computer keyboard at work. If your nose starts running, just wipe it on the back of your glove, or shoot a snot-rocket into your wastebasket.

Mount a bottle cage under your office chair, and from time to time take one hand off your keyboard to grab a drink while you continue to type full speed with the other hand.

Always make sure there's some granola bar wrappers on your office floor and a banana peel hanging haphazardly on the rim of your wastebasket.

Refer to your typing speed as "keyboard cadence".

Wear your camel back to office meetings, when others reach for their coffee or other drinks take a sip from your tube.

When someone enters your office while you've got your phone in your hand, hold up your finger to pause them and say "catch ya later Lance, give Sheryl my love and tell her last night's concert was spectacular", then hang up.

Frame some high price components in a shadow box and hang them on your office wall with tags referring to a pro cyclist's name, a date, and a tour name.

For "Secret Santa" gifts use things like chain lubricant, hex wrenches, tube repair kits, etc.

FOR BUSINESS OWNERS OR SUPERVISORS:

At quarterly meetings, award colored jerseys for top performers. Yellow for best overall, polka dot for acheiving a mountain load of work, etc.

If you're a supervisor, tell employees they can forget about taking time off during the TDF because that's "your special time". If your the owner, close the business during the TDF.

Use a lot of cycling jargon in business meetings -- things like "I want us to make the competition look like their spinning around in their granny gears".

Mandatory "cycling retreats" for all employees.

Well, I've been gone for over a week and have missed alot. THIS post made me miss the forum!

I actually started to get into an aero position while going down in my car. It was a brief second, but the fact I did scares me...

 

[Chester1]

Shave your legs (blokes only?), lose weight, wave to other riders, and avoid riding up hills around people you don't know. It's all bluff isn't it?

 

[oznation]

this is a really good post topic but when i ride i dont give a **** what other people think of me but im friendly to everyone i just wear my baggy shorts and t-shirt and have at it. but where i ride i have a group of 3 guys who get in their line and act like its a race and go right past people being real dicks nobody around here likes them and they arent good they are just people who think they are cuz they look like they are lol its something u just haev to laugh at. its like they are serious racers on a bike path racing nobody except their egos

 

[DHinrichs]

I've loved all of these. Birdman you are very funny. Can't decide if my fav so far is the aero tuck from your driveway, leading a group of 12 year olds to a hill then blowing them away (especially like that one as a Jr. High teacher) or sewing pockets on the backs of all your other shirts to keep your important stuff in. Anyway, I've been reading most of them to my wife as I come across them and she has a suggestion:

You could make little flame pieces out of paper and color them with crayons and tape them to your helmet and shoes so that everyone things you are really moving fast.

That's our contribution. Hope it's appreciated.

 

[oznation]

I've loved all of these. Birdman you are very funny. Can't decide if my fav so far is the aero tuck from your driveway, leading a group of 12 year olds to a hill then blowing them away (especially like that one as a Jr. High teacher) or sewing pockets on the backs of all your other shirts to keep your important stuff in. Anyway, I've been reading most of them to my wife as I come across them and she has a suggestion:

You could make little flame pieces out of paper and color them with crayons and tape them to your helmet and shoes so that everyone things you are really moving fast.

That's our contribution. Hope it's appreciated.

hey good idea but make sure tis the lined paper like you use in school

 

[DHinrichs]

Oh! I just remembered one I thought of a long time ago. You have to find a shopping area with a road in front of it that is at a bit lower grade. What you do is put your bike on your roof rack, take the chain off the front rings and have someone else drive the car (at a fast rate) while you spin the pedals and look focused on the bike. Because of the lowered road way, all the people in the stores will see is you on the bike blasting away at unbelievable speeds!

 

[birdman23]

Hello all. I have been away for a few weeks and I am glad to be back. There have been some great posts to this thread in the last few weeks. It seems as if the thread is slowing down a bit. Let's all see if we can't get it rolling again. I will put my thinking cap on and post some more ideas.

 

[Blue Thunder]

Pee while riding!

This is especially effective while riding with the family.

 

[jhuskey]

Hello all. I have been away for a few weeks and I am glad to be back. There have been some great posts to this thread in the last few weeks. It seems as if the thread is slowing down a bit. Let's all see if we can't get it rolling again. I will put my thinking cap on and post some more ideas.

You want more, ok. Have a child run along behind you with a Gold Medal in his hand saying"Mister you dropped this". You reply. Keep it kid I got plenty more!

 

[meehs]

You want more, ok. Have a child run along behind you with a Gold Medal in his hand saying"Mister you dropped this". You reply. Keep it kid I got plenty more!

Hahaha! I like that one!

 

[birdman23]

You want more, ok. Have a child run along behind you with a Gold Medal in his hand saying"Mister you dropped this". You reply. Keep it kid I got plenty more!

HA HA HA HA HA. That is awesome JHuskey.

How about this one.

Install a mini-speed parachute underneath your seat, you know like they use on drag racers. When people ask you what it is tell them you put it on there because you got tired of melting your brake pads and having to replace them after every sprint or downhill.

 

[jhuskey]

HA HA HA HA HA. That is awesome JHuskey.

How about this one.

Install a mini-speed parachute underneath your seat, you know like they use on drag racers. When people ask you what it is tell them you put it on there because you got tired of melting your brake pads and having to replace them after every sprint or downhill.

Or you could tell them it really disturbs you that you have killed twelve senior citizens in cross walks this year.

 

[Feanor]

Just came back from a neighbors house across the street. Turns out that their 6 year old son is going to be a little devil for Halloween this year! (I saw the costume his wife was just starting on)

I think I will pay him 5 dollars to run next to me jumping and shrieking like a madman in his devil costume... Come to think of it, he's a little young... maybe I'll have to tow him behind in one of those kid bike trailers, just as long as I'm out of range of his plastic pitchfork...

 

[TrekDedicated]

just as long as I'm out of range of his plastic pitchfork...

hahaha, love it

 

[Torgo]

Your children are named Sora, Tiagra and Ultegra.

Your Spin Bike has aero bars and stationed infront of your home entertainment system with a constant loop of the latest tour playing, for that i'm there feel.
(When Friends come around line them up al la a group ride and realy get the 5.1 cranking and throw bottles across the lounge)

Everything in the house is either chamios, lycra or spandex

 

[maxo]

Your children are named Sora, Tiagra and Ultegra.

Your Spin Bike has aero bars and stationed infront of your home entertainment system with a constant loop of the latest tour playing, for that i'm there feel.
(When Friends come around line them up al la a group ride and realy get the 5.1 cranking and throw bottles across the lounge)

Everything in the house is either chamios, lycra or spandex

don't forget your son 105

 

[::dom::]

don't forget your son 105

....and the twins Dura an Ace.

 

[Torgo]

Ok just went for a ride down beach road, couldnt help laughing and thinking about this thread.
Is it legal to throw your water bottle at the blue train crew, or will they cry cos they have water on their outfit and it might get dirty....

Thought of another one,,,

Beside your toilet are the collecttion of assorted bike mags and brochers oh yeah the striped down frame ......