TOS REPORT (Help needed)



Help beyond the mental help our resident psycho needs. AOL's crappy
newsreader is down, so I need someone to temporarily post the "TOS
REPORT" for a day or so. I only got one psycho-babble message
yesterday, and I'm sure there were more than that.
Newsgroups: rec.running
From: [email protected] (Twittering One) - Find messages by this author

Date: 02 Jan 2005 02:24:41 GMT
Local: Sat, Jan 1 2005 6:24 pm
Subject: ~ Ether Patrol, Blewing Through ~
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“Hi Twitty and Double-A.
Twitty my age would make you even more sad.”
~ Bert

No, Bert, that would not make sad.
I value wisdom, kindness, wit, honesty,
and generosity above almost all else.

Besides, I know your age!
~ 76, yes?

Don’t underestimate your value to me
(or anyone).

Thanks for being here, Bert.


Stay with good science (will ya?).”
~ Bert


“Hey, you!
Put that Tom Cat down.”

Catapult, eh?
Not a bad idea...a medieval catapult,
As Leonardo (that OTHER one)

....somersault in air...
elegant trapeze...

“I bet it’d be easy to build
a landing bag to make this plausible.”

....just swim into the pool of knowledge ~
Make a splish splash!...

“(fission energy)”
~ Bert

Seen that pretty Bichonne Frisse, Ms.

“But does it have a soft nougat accretion disk?
And a chocolately Oort cloud?”
~ BV

…dunno, that’s a lot of sugar.
How about we table that?

I’ll have a Reeses
Instead. Thank you very much.
I love you to pieces, Mums,
You know?

~ Snippity,
Slip ~

Apocalypse Commentary,
....or apothecary?

O you,
Over there!

runners sighted…

Halt your crime!
See my Silver Shield?!
I fly the Ether Patrol ~
Enforcing Mum’s universal rules.
Don’t make her mad;
Her temper’s hot.
Instinctive claws,
You’ll soon find
Sunk deep
In you.
Anger hath no wrath...
Well, you know the rest.
Over & out.

A theft, or just running
For apothecary?
Halt your crime!
See my Silver Shield?!
I fly the Ether Patrol ~
Enforcing Mum’s universal rules

Rug runners run free ~
Raising prices for you and me.
Worry not.
My loyal dog’s snout
Smelled out those band of thieves.
Basset hound, nose to ground,
Take a bow wow now.
Great work, dogaroo
Here’s a commendation medal for you.
All in a day’s work,
Says modest pup.
He's all nose, don’t you know,
He's in the know.
What’s more, this grrls’ come into her own,
She's learned to use the skyline phone ~
Dot dash dot dash dot dash.
That polka-dot pathway rings true.
O, gotta go, they’re calling me.



I’m right,
You’re my left.

Rules rule.
I’m a moral grrl,
My mother’s God.
Just ask her. Case closed.
On that, issue, at least.
But work matters,
And here I am,
Flying with the Ether Patrol ~
Doing my duty,
Serving time.
O, did I mention?
I have a magic tree, now, too.
Hey Mum! Miss you!

~ waving ~

Love ya...Waiting for you! Remember,
O, too, I’m hanging near the river’s
Gate. Don’t be late. From here, I sight
The dogs run, where dogs happy,

~ Dewly overheard
Elsewhere ~

“It was a very sad moment
Gor the literati to witness.”

C’est moi!

“Dictionaries get their words from people,
Not a divine power.”

Not true!

“Definitions change.”

But those letters speak high-powered
Pictographs, don’t you know?
Me, I have a batch of building blocks.


An ancient code, primeval building blocks ~
Builds leggo castles interlocked,
A dove’s tale in flight,
Above, below, the primal stream
Watering earth, raining sky, washing clean ~
Virgin forest, enchanted land.
Hark! Here, I hear a bark,
I see a lark ~
Divine spark ignites
Passion’s Fire. Yes, I aspire.
Please inspire
My breath...
My raison d’etre.
Speak. Say.

“Where Utopizen?”

Sure, since I’m Zen,
I’ll try to top it.
Since, clearly, I cannot stop it.

“Maybe I’m jumping in here.
But hey – that’s what I do.”

Do, you do?

“This entire argument
On the changing definition of words
Is bollocks, given your insistence
On using the OED
And only the OED as reference.”

Ah, ‘tis not the words!
Their placement, their line of signification.
All this, what you’ve overheard,
Well, all real. But true, alas,
Where things point, well, all this, initiation.

“If you want to run with the big dogs,
You cant **** like a puppy.”

Au contraire!
Said you that, about my pup Leon?
Rather, the problem this: If you care,
Allow puppy to be puppy for eons
More – time’s infinite vista, seen from this stair ~

“All else you
Have to say
Is purely mental masturbation.”

You mean, I’ve been had? Or
Do you mean to say ~
The facts, no matter. Just be

“Beginning of the dark age
And the rise of the soccer mum,
This could be the start of a flood.”

O yes, you must mean the esteemed Ms.
Mothwrangler? Yes, she
Caught me, lassoed me back,
Brilliant legal mind ~
I do fly too
Close to the sun,
Melted mind…

~where’s those can-of-9s?~

O never mind!
Just sing your number
Or pantomime,
Forget rhyme & reason~
For this moment ~
Wax seal,
Seal my
When all's told,
This doggone tail
Well, O
You know.
Faith, that’s what these dogs
Howl about.
Got that?
Time to pursue the truth, the facts.
I Go, just call me super Ether Patrol

~ Zippity
Snap ~

“He’s committed the one usenet pitfall
I don’t believe you mention
In your FAQs,
Although it’s a biggie in ASAD: He’s
Getting boring.”

Ah, the seconde-worst rule to break!
[The first, to lie, with a suitable gold-leaf ~
Gilded frame!] But for goodness sake,
Celebrate le difference ~ enjoy the rake!
Progress, indeed, she makes.

~ Somewhere
Else ~

“And I’m not helped by my even worse keyboarding.
(Heh, I first typed ‘keybroading.’
Creative typing!)
Thank goodness for spell checkers.
Teh spel cheker iz my frend.”

~ Somewhere
Else ~

O Wow! A Magic Keyboard,
Mum’s gift to me? Tres
Kewl! How perfect, so aptly
Chosen. Middle, late, or
Early English?
Scones, or muffin,
Or Dunkin donut munchkin?
Me, a piece of cake,
A long, drawn out account
Sums askew, of my progress, a rake
Am I. Garden tool? No,
Just Mum's special helping hand:
Tending the Garden, her land.
‘Twas only a Garden Party Invention ~
The secret to my success, my intention.

“To speak, you must only consult
Your OED!”

How arrogant!
How crass.
Such a morass!
O, I’m late for Goldfish calls ~
Gotta Go…

~ Sailing
Somewhere else ~

“Why hurt others when you can help them?
All becomes clear.”

“Call off the hounds.”

“’Don’t mess with an English
With an OED’ isn’t *really* an arrogant

“What it really means is…
I’m here to help you. can all go home
Now. It’s all over.”

O no! Those hounds!
Over? Au contraire!
Not begun! Besides,
Where do we go?
Morning Wood! That’s where!

“Why hurt others when you can help them?”

Becomes clear.
Call off the hounds!

Don’t mess with an English!”

Setter? Say what?!
Yes, okay, them hounds deserve
Their sleep time. Done their personal best
Today, passed their test, as well as
They did yesterday. But alas,
Tomorrow comes ~
So, indeed, yes, another tail to tell,
“Hey you, cute doggie! Wag well,
Wag you!”

O look,
A Red-tailed Swallow!

“Are you tailing about the bumper stickers
I have seen that say something about
‘....nice people swallow’?”


Yes, tailing the bumpers again,
Sniffing them up and down,
Give it a rest, like, okay, dear hound!?
Or I’ll call that Dog-Shrink Quack again.
So just be sweet and count your
Lucky Milk Bones ~

“Is it my imagination
Or has it gone very quiet around here ?”


“He swallows. He may

Spit that out!
Tastes like butterbeans to me!


Yes, tailing the bumpers again,
Sniffing them up and down,
Give it a rest, like, okay, dear hound?!

Hey bird dog,
Leave that nice duck alone!
Speaking of which,
Once I had in my shower
A very sweet duck.
Poor baby duckie passed away
On Christmas day,
All alone.
I want my duckie back!
I do, I really do.
Pretty please?!
Bring my duckie back

“I have noticed the same...
Perhaps school/work has, um, swallowed up
Too much time for many?”

Oh didn’t you know, Goldfish School,
Suspended for the holidays. But, O
Pray tell? Where’s all this time gone?
Time, yes, ALL swallowed up,
Or down, hard to say, but certainly
Round the other way,
Or clearly Another
Way back.
And way back!

Turning now
Another page,
P. 2005…


Blog, or dog? Who knows. But if you see my lost pup, please ping me!