S
Steve
Guest
Excerpts from King Kaufman's column in Salon -
I think the Tour de France leaves Americans cold because it is almost perfectly antithetical to the
American character.
It's all very sporting and civilized and everything, and while I find that sort of cooperation
heartwarming and admirable, it's also as foreign to me as a Martian soil sample.
If I'm Ullrich, and I'm 67 seconds behind with four days to make up that time, I'm not giving up two
of those days. I don't know anyone who would. Especially since Armstrong has never lost that final
Saturday time trial since he started winning this thing.
It sounds nice, riding together, agreeing not to bust out of the pack to try to gain an advantage,
but dude, if I can make up even 10 seconds today and 10 tomorrow, I'm only 47 seconds down going
into that all-important time trial. I'll take my chances. Maybe without a truce Armstrong would blow
me away, but at least I'd go down fighting.
And when my closest rival hits the deck and has to spend a minute getting untangled from that
spectator who got in his way, well, sorry pal, but I'm turning on the jets.
I don't think I'm a bad guy. I think I'm in the absolute dead-center mainstream of American thought
here. This is the national character speaking. I think that down in our bones, most of us can't
fathom this business of gentlemanliness and sportsmanship. For better or worse, here's the American
way to compete: Try to knock the other guy down, and if you succeed, put your boot on his neck and
keep it there until he cries uncle.
And if you see his wallet while he's down there, take it.
Sportsmanship means helping him up after you've cleaned his clock. Before then, it can be summed up
in these three words: Don't cheat blatantly.
Americans care about Lance Armstrong because he's a celebrity. He's a great story, a cancer survivor
who's a magnificent champion. But we don't care about him as an athlete. When his run ends, the Tour
de France will lose most of what little interest it holds in this country until or unless another
American rises up to dominate it. I think that's neither a good or bad thing, but just the way
things are.
It just doesn't speak to us.
I think the Tour de France leaves Americans cold because it is almost perfectly antithetical to the
American character.
It's all very sporting and civilized and everything, and while I find that sort of cooperation
heartwarming and admirable, it's also as foreign to me as a Martian soil sample.
If I'm Ullrich, and I'm 67 seconds behind with four days to make up that time, I'm not giving up two
of those days. I don't know anyone who would. Especially since Armstrong has never lost that final
Saturday time trial since he started winning this thing.
It sounds nice, riding together, agreeing not to bust out of the pack to try to gain an advantage,
but dude, if I can make up even 10 seconds today and 10 tomorrow, I'm only 47 seconds down going
into that all-important time trial. I'll take my chances. Maybe without a truce Armstrong would blow
me away, but at least I'd go down fighting.
And when my closest rival hits the deck and has to spend a minute getting untangled from that
spectator who got in his way, well, sorry pal, but I'm turning on the jets.
I don't think I'm a bad guy. I think I'm in the absolute dead-center mainstream of American thought
here. This is the national character speaking. I think that down in our bones, most of us can't
fathom this business of gentlemanliness and sportsmanship. For better or worse, here's the American
way to compete: Try to knock the other guy down, and if you succeed, put your boot on his neck and
keep it there until he cries uncle.
And if you see his wallet while he's down there, take it.
Sportsmanship means helping him up after you've cleaned his clock. Before then, it can be summed up
in these three words: Don't cheat blatantly.
Americans care about Lance Armstrong because he's a celebrity. He's a great story, a cancer survivor
who's a magnificent champion. But we don't care about him as an athlete. When his run ends, the Tour
de France will lose most of what little interest it holds in this country until or unless another
American rises up to dominate it. I think that's neither a good or bad thing, but just the way
things are.
It just doesn't speak to us.
