Facts I know to be true. After 25 years of commuting with cars, public transit and bicycle, I have observed certain universal and unchanging facts that are undeniable, at least in my experience. These are just a few of them:
Turn signals are expensive after-market options for expensive BMW and Mercedes-Benz models that most wealthy owners cannot seem to afford.
Young men who have spent the time and money to add performance-enhancing mufflers to Chevy Cavaliers are no doubt owners of their third penis-enlarger and will swear that, after six years of use, they are beginning to see results.
The correct and accepted manner of inching forward in bumper-to-bumper traffic is to lurch forward with an aggressive tire-spin and slam on the brakes with a squeal three feet later.
Smart Cars fit entirely within bike lanes and owners will soon start to petition to use bike lanes simply because they can.
The greatest risk to fathering future children is short, stocky Chinese, Italian and Portuguese women with eight to ten bulging plastic shopping bags determined to get on the bus first even though they are at the back of the pack.
The solid white line separating bike lanes from motor-vehicle lanes that is supposed to deny cars the option of using actually becomes a dotted line when there is someone in front of them making a left turn.
Right-hand mirrors are the most useless and least used feature on a car.
Motorists cannot understand why cyclists are not fined and forced to pay for the repair when the cyclist had the temerity to collide with their suddenly opened door and startle them.
Concientious and mature cyclists (of all ages) are even more perturbed than motorists and pedestrians when they see other cyclists barreling down sidewalks, flying through red lights and stop signs, zipping down roads at night while wearing dark clothing and neglecting lights and reflectors.
The most compelling mystery is what happened to all those people who abandoned their bikes at lock-rings.
Almost every motorist is, in fact, practicing for the next Indy-car or Champ-car race, just on the off-chance they are asked to fill in for one of the regular drivers. And that's why they were driving so fast down the 25mph road, officer.
Turn signals are expensive after-market options for expensive BMW and Mercedes-Benz models that most wealthy owners cannot seem to afford.
Young men who have spent the time and money to add performance-enhancing mufflers to Chevy Cavaliers are no doubt owners of their third penis-enlarger and will swear that, after six years of use, they are beginning to see results.
The correct and accepted manner of inching forward in bumper-to-bumper traffic is to lurch forward with an aggressive tire-spin and slam on the brakes with a squeal three feet later.
Smart Cars fit entirely within bike lanes and owners will soon start to petition to use bike lanes simply because they can.
The greatest risk to fathering future children is short, stocky Chinese, Italian and Portuguese women with eight to ten bulging plastic shopping bags determined to get on the bus first even though they are at the back of the pack.
The solid white line separating bike lanes from motor-vehicle lanes that is supposed to deny cars the option of using actually becomes a dotted line when there is someone in front of them making a left turn.
Right-hand mirrors are the most useless and least used feature on a car.
Motorists cannot understand why cyclists are not fined and forced to pay for the repair when the cyclist had the temerity to collide with their suddenly opened door and startle them.
Concientious and mature cyclists (of all ages) are even more perturbed than motorists and pedestrians when they see other cyclists barreling down sidewalks, flying through red lights and stop signs, zipping down roads at night while wearing dark clothing and neglecting lights and reflectors.
The most compelling mystery is what happened to all those people who abandoned their bikes at lock-rings.
Almost every motorist is, in fact, practicing for the next Indy-car or Champ-car race, just on the off-chance they are asked to fill in for one of the regular drivers. And that's why they were driving so fast down the 25mph road, officer.
