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Bill Hole wrote:

> In France, the trains reach speeds of over 250 miles per hour. In England, they reach speeds of
> almost 5 miles per hour. We're working on it..."

Reminds me of Mark Thomas' impression of a bird perched on the overhead wires on the rail line to
the English end of the Channel Tunnel.

Looks at feet...lifts left foot...puts left foot back down...repeat for right foot. All done very
sl-o-o-o-wly.

He's doing weapons inspecting tonight - should be a laugh. After Gulf War Part 1, he dressed up as
an Arab and toured various military installations in and around London demanding access as an Iraqi
weapons inspector...

Dave Larrington - http://legslarry.crosswinds.net/
===========================================================
Editor - British Human Power Club Newsletter
http://www.bhpc.org.uk/
===========================================================
 
In article <[email protected]>, "Dave Larrington"
<[email protected]> wrote:

> Tom Sherman wrote:
>
> The high-speed rail link between London and the Channel Tunnel will not open until 2007 - thirteen
> years after the tunnel, while Eurostar trains have been running from Calais to Lille and Paris at
> 300 km/h since Day 1.
>
Last fall I spent 10 days in London on vacation (I'm a 'murican). One day we took a bus tour of
London. As we passed Waterloo Station, where the Eurostar trains start out, the recorded tour
guide commented on the Chunnel and the Eurostar. It concluded with, "In France, the trains reach
speeds of over 250 miles per hour. In England, they reach speeds of almost 5 miles per hour. We're
working on it..."

Have to throw in some 'bent content: saw lots of cyclists in London, but only saw one 'bent bike, an
SWB in Hyde Park, plus a couple of recumbent pedicabs. One was a delta and one was a tadpole. I
didn't get a good look at the tadpole - it seems like it would be a bit unstable unless you have two
passengers of equal weight in the back.

Bill Hole Rotator Pursuit BikeE E2

--
Bill Hole [email protected]
 
Chris Walker wrote:
>
> Alas, Tom, you are sadly misinformed about British trains....

Actually, I was making a sarcastic comment about one of the tenants of the US State Religion -
"Services provided by government employees are always inferior, but all will be cured by turning
over the duties to the private sector."

Tom Sherman - Quad Cities USA (Illinois side)

"[The country] cannot stand four more years of [President] Jimmy Carter.
. . . We've got to balance the budget. Jimmy Carter won't do it, but Ronald Reagan will do it." -
Strom Thurmond, Nov. 3, 1980.
 
(Oh... Arriva just cancelled 27 trains today. Wheeeee!)

---
Scene: a stage representation of a traditional(?) English sitting room. An old man lies dead on the
floor. A man and a woman enter.

Woman: ...Anyways John, you can catch the 11:30 from Hornchurch and be at Leicester by 1:00, oh and
there's a buffet car, and--(notices dead man) Oh! Daddy!

John: (looking equally shocked) My hats, Sir Horace!

Woman: Has he....been?

John: Yes, after breakfast. But that doesn't matter now, he's dead!

Woman: (distressed) Oh!, poor daddy....

John: Looks like I shan't be catching the 11:30 now....

Woman: Oh, no, John! (insistant) You musn't miss your train!

John: (sympathetically) How can I think of catching a train when I should be here helping you?

Woman: Oh, John, thank you. (cheerfully) Anyways you could always catch the
9:30 tommorrow; it goes by Caton and Chipsdale.

John: (Enthusiastically) Oh the 9:45 is even better!

Woman: Oh but you'd have to change at Lands Green.

John: Yes, but there's only a seven-minute wait.

Woman: Oh yes, of course! I'd forgotten it was Friday. (returning to
distressed tone of voice) Oh... who could have done this?

(Enter Lady Patridge)

Lady Partridge: (flustered) Oh do hurry Sir Horace, your train leaves in 28 minutes and if you don't
catch the 10:15, you won't catch the
10:45 which leaves at..(sees his body lying on the floor) Oh!

John: (solemnly) I'm afraid Sir Horace won't be catching the 10:15, Lady Partridge.

LP: Has he been..??

Woman: (cheerily) Yes, after breaksfast!

John: Lady Partridge, I'm afraid you can cancel his seat reservation.

LQ: (sits down in nearby chair despondantly) Oh, and it was back to the engine 4th coach along so
that he could see the graveyard signs outside Swanborough.

John: Not anymore, Lady Patridge, the line's been closed....

LR: Closed?!--Not Swanborough!?

John: I'm afraid so.

(Enter Inspector Davis through the same door as everybody else)

Davis: Roight, nobody move, I'm Inspector Davis of Scotland Yard.

John: My word, you were here quickly, Inspector!

Davis: Yeah, I caught the 8:55 Pullman express from 'round Hornchurch.

All: Oh, that's a very good train, yes, excellent, it's a wonderful line....

(Enter Tony through a garden window)

Tony: Hello everyone!

All: Tony!

Tony: Where's Daddy? (notices stiff) Oh! Has he been...?

All: Yes, after breakfast!

Tony: Then he....won't be needing his seat reservation on the 10:15?

John: Exactly!

Tony: As, I suppose, as his eldest son, it must go to me...(bends over towards body)

Davis: Just a minute, Tony. (Tony backs off from body) There's a small matter of... murder!

Tony: Oh but surely he just shot himself and then hid the gun!

L.S.: (incredulously) How could anyone shoot himself and then hide the gun without first cancelling
his reservation?

Tony: Well, I must dash, or I'll be late for the 10:15!

Davis: (blocking him) I suggest you murdered your father for his seat reservation!

Tony: I may have had the motive, Inspector, but I could not have done it. For I have just arrived
from Gillingham on the 8:13, and here is my restaurant car ticket to prove it!

Woman: But the 8:13 doesn't *have* a restaurant car!

John: It's a standing buffet only!

Tony: Did I say the 8:13?--I meant the 7:58 Stopping Train.

L.T.: But the 7:58 arrived at Swindon at 8:19 owing to annual points maintainance
at...Winsborough Junction!

John: (interrogating) So how did you make the connection with the 8:13 which left 6 minutes earlier?

Tony: Simple, I caught the 7:16 Forworth Special, arriving at Swindon at 8:09.

Woman: But the 7:16 only stops at Swindon on alternate Thursdays!

L.U. SURELY you mean the Holiday-Maker Special!

Tony: Oh yes!, how daft of me!, of course, I came on the Holiday-Maker Special, calling at Bedforth,
Comer, Bendetton, Sutton, Wallingham and Gillingham.

Davis: (accusing) *That's* Sundays Only!

(pause)

Tony: DAMN!--Alright!, I confess. I did it, I killed him for his reservation! But you won't take me
alive!!!! I'm going to throw myself on the 10:12 from Reading!

John: Don't be a fool, Tony! Don't do it!...the 10:12 has the new narrow- traction bogeys!, you
wouldn't stand a chance!

Tony: Exactly!(runs out door)

(Dramatic Musical Swell)

(Curtains)

Gavin Millarrrrrrrrrr [John Cleese] writes: Neville Shunt's latest West End Success, "It all
Happened on the 11.20 from Hainault to Redhill via Horsham and Reigate, calling at Carshalton
Beeches, Malmesbury, Tooting Bec and Croydon West," is currently appearing at the Limp Theatre,
Piccadilly. What Shunt is doing in this, as in his earlier nine plays, is to express the human
condition in terms of British Rail.

Some people have made the mistake of seeing Shunt's work as a load of rubbish about railway
timetables, but clever people like me who talk loudly in restaurants see this as a deliberate
ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanised mansion. The points are frozen, the beast is
dead. What is the difference? What indeed is the point? The point is frozen, the beast is late out
of Paddington. The point is taken. If La Fontaine's elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our
head, the dining car our aesophagus, the guards van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the
first class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric
elk called Simon. The clarity is devastating. But where is the ambiguity? Over there in a box. Shunt
is saying the 8.15 from Gillingham when in reality he means the 8.13 from Gillingham. The train is
the same, only the time is altered. Ecce ****, ergo elk. La Fontaine knew its sister and knew her
bloody well. The point is taken, the beast is moulting, the fluff gets up your nose. The illusion is
complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion and the ambiguity is the only truth. But is the
truth, as Hitchcock observes, in the box? No, there isn't room, the ambiguity has put on weight. The
point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at Swindon, Chabrol stops at nothing, I'm having
treatment and La Fontaine can get knotted.
 
"John D." <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> I concur with equal or faster average speed for city commuting on a MTB or other DF. I still ride
> my DF's quite regularly and they have much faster acceleration from lights and other stops. I also
> tend to relax and enjoy the ride a little more on the bent than I do on my DF's which I get into
> sprint mode.

Its not because of sprint-mode. Its because you desperately, cannot wait to get your ass off that
SEAT! <vbg
 
"dave is here" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
> Robert: Sure all bikes have purpose, you know that or you wouldn't have a mtn bike in your garage.
>
> Today on my commute I don't think you would want anything else but a knobby tired upright. The
> road was snow and ice covered accross the entire road for 6 miles and had 9 miles of dryish road.
> The return half of the trip was entirely in the dark, thank goodness for a 20 watt halogen homeade
> headlight system.

This is when I ride indoors (spinning class).

Although, I am moving closer to work, which would make a year round commute much more appealing.
 
I recently put a Kenda bmx knooby on the front of my Tour Easy & a Nokian studded tire on the
back. So far I've been favorably impressed with their performance on snow & ice. I haven't ridden
through a heavy snow yet but on roads with a light covering of slush & icy sidewalks the TE seems
to be about as sure footed as my mtb outfitted with Nokian tires. The one thing I did notice is an
occasional tendancy of the front tire to wash out when trying to make a corner or when it gets in
a deep rut. To compensate for this I ride pretty conservatively. On the plus side the Tour Easy
more than makes up for this by being much better at absorbing bumps and being much closer to the
ground should I take a tumble. Besides it's way easier on my back, shoulders, wrists, butt & neck.
If we ever do get a heavy snow I intend to go to a nearby cemetary and see how it does. dave is
here wrote:
> Robert: Sure all bikes have purpose, you know that or you wouldn't have a mtn bike in your garage.
>
> Today on my commute I don't think you would want anything else but a knobby tired upright. The
> road was snow and ice covered accross the entire road for 6 miles and had 9 miles of dryish road.
> The return half of the trip was entirely in the dark, thank goodness for a 20 watt halogen homeade
> headlight system.
 
Sorry, we Brits don't do irony.

Chris

Tom Sherman <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]>...
> Chris Walker wrote:
> >
> > Alas, Tom, you are sadly misinformed about British trains....
>
> Actually, I was making a sarcastic comment about one of the tenants of the US State Religion -
> "Services provided by government employees are always inferior, but all will be cured by turning
> over the duties to the private sector."
>
> Tom Sherman - Quad Cities USA (Illinois side)
>
> "[The country] cannot stand four more years of [President] Jimmy Carter.
> . . . We've got to balance the budget. Jimmy Carter won't do it, but Ronald Reagan will do it." -
> Strom Thurmond, Nov. 3, 1980.
 
A railway that can't cope with two inches of snow is pretty pathetic, but when most of the railway
in question runs underground, that's incompetence on a truly epic scale.

Chris

"Dave Larrington" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<[email protected]>...

> ... getting from London Bridge to Kings Cross yesterday evening, a little over three miles, took
> forty minutes because snow had stullered up the outer reaches of the Northern Line.
 
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