I am a new rider. I am known as "Mystery Flight Man," because my destination isn't decided until long after takeoff, and because the amount of jet fuel in my legs is determined by purely random processes, totally unrelated to any distance I might actually have to ride, and totally unrelated to my pasta intake. I have never had a bicycle, ever. I am bicycling 40 - 70 kilometers a month on a stationary bike with stone wheels, the kind that Fred Flintstone would use if he rode in the Tour de Bedrock. When I start riding I always hum the pop hit "Incest With the Proper Stranger," which, at the time, is probably the number 1 most revered song among world conflict management specialists, like myself. I was just wonder, how much should I be doing to bicycle that much on the freeway? Is there a ratio between mileage on a stationary bike and mileage on the freeway? And is it acceptable to bum a cigarette from a perfect stranger? And is it offensive is she suddenly looks at me all serious and penitent and fumbles to light it up, filter-backwards? Oh yeah, one other thing, every time I start riding my stationary bike, there's an earthquake or tidal wave or train wreck or killing spree that day, and it's just physically impossible for me to finish my ride. What does this mean? Keep in mind that I take great pride in riding my stationary bike, as well as in the amendment to my constitution that states that, if religion and war and marriage and the plague and therapy were legal, then prostitution and drugs and killing celebrities had to be legal too. Do you have an opinion on this too?