Why Cycling shorts should always be black
- Thread starter birdman23
- Start date
Some years ago there was a one-hit wonder song called "Detachable Penis" 
by King Missle if memory serves. Let's explore the ramifications if medical science created Detachable Penises for us guys. I mean, heck, I have detachable Oakley sunglass lenses for my M-frame. So why not different "penile packages" depending on the social situation or activity. (Terry, are you listening?! )
Whatever you were born with would be the "Standard Model" - the default attachment. We're all used to its ups and downs, how to handle it, what makes it work, etc. etc. etc. Then, for cycling you'd want to wear the "Unobtrusive" model. It would feature minimal performance characteristics and mininal space requirements - you get the idea . The deluxe version, (popular for racers who pee on the go) has an extendible shaft so that no wind splash-backs occur.
The "Blue Ball Free" model eliminates that nasty pain that renders you non-functional when you're running the bases and get thrown out sliding into home. The pain of a drug-free child birth is probably greater , but a case of blue balls after an unconsummated make-out or petting session is pretty bad. No more - you have a Detachable Penis! Oh! Joy to the world!
And what about the "Disposable Detachable Penis (DDP)" version? No more condoms! No more disease risk! And ladies, no more contraceptives! The DDP shoots blanks (no baby-makers in the batter) and turns an un-natural color if it's been somewhere it should not have been. But no worries mate , you don't need to see a doctor for The Cure, simply detach and dispose of the DDP and use a new one when the time is right - like Viagra, eh?
So, what do you think? Are we on to something here?
by King Missle if memory serves. Let's explore the ramifications if medical science created Detachable Penises for us guys. I mean, heck, I have detachable Oakley sunglass lenses for my M-frame. So why not different "penile packages" depending on the social situation or activity. (Terry, are you listening?! ) Whatever you were born with would be the "Standard Model" - the default attachment. We're all used to its ups and downs, how to handle it, what makes it work, etc. etc. etc. Then, for cycling you'd want to wear the "Unobtrusive" model. It would feature minimal performance characteristics and mininal space requirements - you get the idea
. The deluxe version, (popular for racers who pee on the go) has an extendible shaft so that no wind splash-backs occur. The "Blue Ball Free" model eliminates that nasty pain
that renders you non-functional when you're running the bases and get thrown out sliding into home. The pain of a drug-free child birth is probably greater , but a case of blue balls after an unconsummated make-out or petting session is pretty bad. No more - you have a Detachable Penis! Oh! Joy to the world!And what about the "Disposable Detachable Penis (DDP)" version? No more condoms! No more disease risk! And ladies, no more contraceptives!
The DDP shoots blanks (no baby-makers in the batter) and turns an un-natural color if it's been somewhere it should not have been. But no worries mate , you don't need to see a doctor for The Cure, simply detach and dispose of the DDP and use a new one when the time is right - like Viagra, eh? So, what do you think? Are we on to something here?
Haha! Being female, I suppose I can't vote but I'm not really sure whether or not I mind the idea of guys wearing coloured shorts...
Hey, girls wear tight breast-hugging tops so it's about time men showed a little more something!
(Still considering whether or not coloured shorts is a good sight...)
Hey, girls wear tight breast-hugging tops so it's about time men showed a little more something!
(Still considering whether or not coloured shorts is a good sight...)
OK everyone, you need to go back and read the posting on page 5 Long Rider left about detachable male appendiges (spelling?). Sorry if it's a bit long, but I cannot believe no one but Wilmer13 (a cool guy in South America) replied to it. Let's get some feedback here! Such creativity deserves some attention and I thank you in advance for checking it out and commenting. Ride well!
[
posting on page 5 Long Rider left about detachable male appendiges (spelling?). Sorry if it's a bit long, but I cannot believe no one but Wilmer13 (a cool guy in South America) replied to it. Let's get some feedback here! Such creativity deserves some attention and I thank you in advance for checking it out and commenting. Ride well![/QUOTE]
Yep, us girlies are always fooling the men with our push-up, bigger and better, water filled over the shoulder boulder holders .. isn't it kinda hard what your gonna get fellas? I heard they have glutimus maximus glued into jeans nowadays - aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh what an 'orrible thought - I mean you could sway one way and the jeans would go the other -
posting on page 5 Long Rider left about detachable male appendiges (spelling?). Sorry if it's a bit long, but I cannot believe no one but Wilmer13 (a cool guy in South America) replied to it. Let's get some feedback here! Such creativity deserves some attention and I thank you in advance for checking it out and commenting. Ride well![/QUOTE]
Yep, us girlies are always fooling the men with our push-up, bigger and better, water filled over the shoulder boulder holders .. isn't it kinda hard what your gonna get fellas? I heard they have glutimus maximus glued into jeans nowadays - aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh what an 'orrible thought - I mean you could sway one way and the jeans would go the other -
L: You go girl! If some guy doesn't like you for who you are, show that shallow, worthless, good-for-nothing creep the door. How can men be that way, huh? I mean, didn't their mothers teach them better? Why do they turn out like that? It's despicable. Certainly YOU would date an unattractive guy as long as you like him for who he is, right? Question: are not an individual's physical characteristics a part, but certainly just a part, of who they are?
There is science behind a man's desire for certain physical attributes to be present in a mate, I saw it on The Science Channel or Discovery Channel or was it a Cooking Show? Anyway, it has to do with seeking a female that can bear healthy children. It's a manifestation of the forces of evolution over eons of time before humans became "civilized" that is still part of us. Evidently we men want to pass our genes on to future generations. Women do it too. For example, are you seriously attracted to this man: he emits body oder, doesn't look like he's showered in days, mooches off of other people, doesn't have a job and lacks motivation to get one, is fat, weak, and plays video games for exercise, but has a great sense of humour (humor for us Americans.) You want a piece of that? If you say yes, honey would I ever be an upgrade for you!
I have a theory that may be verified by scientific research some day. The desire for a certain physique in a mate is not a man's fault at all - he's simply an unwitting victim of evolution and hormones. Of course, women know all too well the effects of their hormones. Well, men are also subject to hormones - we just haven't admitted it or used it as an explanation for our conduct. So, boys, if you've done something your spouse/significant other/girlfriend is displeased with, here's what you say: "It's not my fault - my hormones are out of balance." Long live equality!
There is science behind a man's desire for certain physical attributes to be present in a mate, I saw it on The Science Channel or Discovery Channel or was it a Cooking Show? Anyway, it has to do with seeking a female that can bear healthy children. It's a manifestation of the forces of evolution over eons of time before humans became "civilized" that is still part of us. Evidently we men want to pass our genes on to future generations. Women do it too. For example, are you seriously attracted to this man: he emits body oder, doesn't look like he's showered in days, mooches off of other people, doesn't have a job and lacks motivation to get one, is fat, weak, and plays video games for exercise, but has a great sense of humour (humor for us Americans.) You want a piece of that? If you say yes, honey would I ever be an upgrade for you!
I have a theory that may be verified by scientific research some day. The desire for a certain physique in a mate is not a man's fault at all - he's simply an unwitting victim of evolution and hormones. Of course, women know all too well the effects of their hormones. Well, men are also subject to hormones - we just haven't admitted it or used it as an explanation for our conduct. So, boys, if you've done something your spouse/significant other/girlfriend is displeased with, here's what you say: "It's not my fault - my hormones are out of balance." Long live equality!
Apparently so! My first boyfriend was "ugly" according to my highschool friends!
Yes, it is and I'm not denying that - I'm stressing that! Not sure if you read the rest of my post but what I was opposed to was the idea of women wearing push-up bras to pretend they had bigger/perkier/whatever breasts that they didn't have. Q: If you went out with a large-chested woman and later found out it was all fake (or better still if she was really a guy dressed as a really attractive woman), wouldn't feel deceived?
Don't mind it if it's a result of exercise or another form of physical activity.
...means he's lazy and careless and therefore I wouldn't be attracted to him because I'm not the lazy type and can't stand people who are lazy.
Umm... that's not a physical characteristic. I'm not attracted to selfish people.
Depends on why he's not working. My exboyfriend wasn't working when we started dating. He quit his job to help The Wilderness Society and other organisations in campaigns and stuff for the federal election.
Again, that's not a physical characteristic...
Depends why he's overweight. I've been attracted to chubby men before. His name was Joe and he was doing Taekwondo with me.
Another one of my exboyfriends was weak because he was vegan.
My first boyfriend was ranked 3rd in NSW for Tekken Tag Tournament (Playstation game) and I was damn proud of him! If he wasn't doing any exercise at the same time it would be a problem because I'm an active girl and if he wasn't the same then we wouldn't have much in common.
Depends on what type of humour. I'd really have to spend time with the guy to make a judgement on that.
Right on, Phuong L - we're actually on the same page and I like your reply. Reality is far more sexy than fakery. Personally, I try to see one beautiful thing about any woman I meet and think what one does means more than what one says. (I was particularly impressed how a boyfriend of yours did that work on the election. That speaks volumes.)
NSW refers to a region of Australia, right? Do you live there? I've been through Sydney going to Adelaide on business 4 years ago and wish I could have spent time there. We're both fairly new to this site and it's fun to communicate with folks from everywhere, don't you think? I live 90 miles (145Km) up the road from another good one - Susan Repp - she's a live one and never fails to crack me up. Speaking of being funny, did you see my post #62(?) above? I thought it was quite good, but it's not getting much response. Perhaps my twisted, demented sense of humor is misplaced.
Ride well!
NSW refers to a region of Australia, right? Do you live there? I've been through Sydney going to Adelaide on business 4 years ago and wish I could have spent time there. We're both fairly new to this site and it's fun to communicate with folks from everywhere, don't you think? I live 90 miles (145Km) up the road from another good one - Susan Repp - she's a live one and never fails to crack me up. Speaking of being funny, did you see my post #62(?) above? I thought it was quite good, but it's not getting much response. Perhaps my twisted, demented sense of humor is misplaced.
Ride well!
Phuong L said:Apparently so! My first boyfriend was "ugly" according to my highschool friends!
Yes, it is and I'm not denying that - I'm stressing that! Not sure if you read the rest of my post but what I was opposed to was the idea of women wearing push-up bras to pretend they had bigger/perkier/whatever breasts that they didn't have. Q: If you went out with a large-chested woman and later found out it was all fake (or better still if she was really a guy dressed as a really attractive woman), wouldn't feel deceived?
Don't mind it if it's a result of exercise or another form of physical activity.
...means he's lazy and careless and therefore I wouldn't be attracted to him because I'm not the lazy type and can't stand people who are lazy.
Umm... that's not a physical characteristic. I'm not attracted to selfish people.
Depends on why he's not working. My exboyfriend wasn't working when we started dating. He quit his job to help The Wilderness Society and other organisations in campaigns and stuff for the federal election.
Again, that's not a physical characteristic...
Depends why he's overweight. I've been attracted to chubby men before. His name was Joe and he was doing Taekwondo with me.
Another one of my exboyfriends was weak because he was vegan.
My first boyfriend was ranked 3rd in NSW for Tekken Tag Tournament (Playstation game) and I was damn proud of him! If he wasn't doing any exercise at the same time it would be a problem because I'm an active girl and if he wasn't the same then we wouldn't have much in common.
Depends on what type of humour. I'd really have to spend time with the guy to make a judgement on that.
And you can tell all this by the way he waers his dong? Up, down, to the left or right. I better make sure mine isn't showing. I would hate to classified as lazy if I'm pointing slightly down.
All I can say is I doubt I will wear anything but the black shorts as suggested by the thread cos there are just some things you don't want showing through ya undies and I don't like being someones entertainment for the 5 seconds it takes to scan our areas and move onto the next chicki - I think there are probably, and I know so, all sorts of things you can press-on, fit over, pump-up but hell ya gotta take ya kegs off at some point and there it all is right!??!? I prefer a man who likes my mind and trying to keep an eye on a fella with red, white or yellow peekaboo shorts could send me tottering into the bushes and I do hate getting a flat ..
cos there are just some things you don't want showing through ya undies and I don't like being someones entertainment for the 5 seconds it takes to scan our areas and move onto the next chicki - I think there are probably, and I know so, all sorts of things you can press-on, fit over, pump-up but hell ya gotta take ya kegs off at some point and there it all is right!??!? I prefer a man who likes my mind and trying to keep an eye on a fella with red, white or yellow peekaboo shorts could send me tottering into the bushes and I do hate getting a flat ..
Susan Repp said:All I can say is I doubt I will wear anything but the black shorts as suggested by the thread
SR
This is amazing, I go into hospital and the discussion is about blokes shorts, come out with less than half my gut, and its switched to bra's.
When I was young, the real women burnt there bra's and you know not one of them has wrinkles on their faces or double chins to this day either.
Movin' parts, win hearts!
Kind regards,
Bluto
While I am a traditionalist usually I recently had the luck to aquire some pro team kit through a friend of a friend, which included red shorts. After reading this thread i went into the bathroom and looked at myself from every angle and even made my wife go in the backyard to look in the sunlight and the problem was not that bad. Perhaps it's the brand of shorts or the material, I don't know.
Bluto
Well you know mate, we just keep moving around from one boy part to the other. Clothing can hide a multitude of sins can it not? Padded bras, black shorts but NOT, it seems, red shorts not - you had whaaaaaaaaaaaaat removed ? Does not sound too exciting!>!> Hope you are recovering ..
Well you know mate, we just keep moving around from one boy part to the other. Clothing can hide a multitude of sins can it not? Padded bras, black shorts but NOT, it seems, red shorts not - you had whaaaaaaaaaaaaat removed
? Does not sound too exciting!>!> Hope you are recovering ..
Susan Repp said:Bluto
Well you know mate, we just keep moving around from one boy part to the other. Clothing can hide a multitude of sins can it not? Padded bras, black shorts but NOT, it seems, red shorts not - you had whaaaaaaaaaaaaat removed
SR,
When your as poorly endowed as I am, there is not a lot to hide. What I heed is one of those lucky cucumbers to put down my shorts. Funny, I never felt the need to wear a padded bra.
I am recovering OK; I am a bit slower, but there is a bonus. It takes me longer to catch up on the lady cyclists and I have come to appreciate the aesthetics.
Kind regards,
